Staring at Wheein sleeping face, it's so serene... It's put Byul heart at ease. Lazily trace the pattern on Wheein face, those brows, her long lashes, tiny nose and the softness of Wheein lips. Byul making sure she memorize every single curved of it. Wheein got a cute mole right below her left eyes.

It's a blessed to see Wheein morning face. She woke up earlier just to look at that innocent face.

Wish she could stop the time. Is it possible for her to be love? From Wheein?

Heart clenched in fear. Knowing this beautiful woman going to leave her if she found out about Byul dark past.

Muscles all sore. Slowly open her sleepy eyes only to find Byul face right in front of her. Staring at her with a warm smile ‘Morning love.’ Byul whispered as she lean forward kissing Wheein forehead.

Byul pull away, her eyes gleamed.

Wheein face turned scarlet, the last night memories flashed through her mind. She quickly buries her face on Byul neck. Hiding. ‘Don’t look at me like that.’ She whine and playful pinch Byul abdomen.

Byul chuckled at Wheein reaction, she tighten her hold on Wheein body. ‘Why? You are sooo beautiful and I don’t want to missed it.’ she cupped Wheein chin to lock eyes with her. The small puppy is still shy, so Byul give a simple peck on her lips.

‘I want to know more about you Byul.’ Wheein rub her thumb on Byul knuckles.

Out of nowhere.

There a pang in Byul heart. Then you going to leave me Wheein.

Wheein notice Byul facial changes, she quickly cupped Byul face, she quickly apologise. Wheein studying Byul face. She just make a mistake, she forget that Seulgi already warns her to give Byul time.

Byul shook her head ‘You have the right to know, we having a marriage soon.’

‘It's doesn’t have to be right now. Just promise to stay honest with me…’

‘I slept around a lot before.’ Byul finally say it out loud. That’s only one of her dark past. There is other part of her that she hates it and that one, she sure enough Wheein would leave her if she know.

Wheein cupped Byul face ‘It's all in the past right?’ Wheein try to lock eyes with Byul but the woman avoid it. She don’t really care about it, it's Byul past and they don’t really know each other at that time.

‘Byul looked at me.’ Wheein pressed her voice a bit this time and finally their eyes met, Byul eyes were glossy. ‘I am here and I won't go anywhere.’ Wheein pick up her pillar necklace on her neck that Byul gave at her. ‘I thought you trusted me when you gave me this.’ Wheein use reverse psychology that she learned and it seem to works on Byul as the woman eyes changes so fast.

Pulling Wheein into her arms, don’t leave me Wheein. Her heart whispered.

 

Face buries deep in Byul neck, she could smell Byul morning flavours, sweet. Then she remember it, last night. ‘Byul, ermm do you think they heard me last night?’ Wheein face all red asking those question.

Laughing hard at puppy being embarrassing, she find it cute. ‘Nope! All of them drunk and probably sleeping right after that.’

Byul lean to captured Wheein lips for nth time but stop in the middle when their heard Hye Jin voice. ‘Love birds wake up!!!! WE!!!!! HAVE!!! an HOUR left! Just pack everything and get out! Now!!!’

Byul shrugged at that voice it full of rage, she admit it Hye Jin kind of scare her sometimes. Actually Hye Jin been knocking their tent door since 8 a.m. and now 11 a.m. but Wheein still in her deep slumber so Byul ignore it. Completely ignore it so the puppy won't wake up. Last night must be exhausting for this adorable puppy.

….

It’s April 2018 and Byul looking dead. Again. She can’t meet Wheein since their last winter camp because of her schedule and Wheein didn’t match at all. She missed her like hell, those memories of Wheein in her arms and her nightmare keep invade her mind, swapping alternately.

It driven her mad, it's never happen before.

‘Unnie, you still listen to me are you?’ Seulgi tapping her office desk with pen trying to get Byul attention, the older woman look like a lost child, her eyes full of worries and sometimes it's empty.

Byul having a therapy session with Seulgi at Moon hospital, she hates coming to this place but she have too. Especially right now, since her nightmare came back.

‘It came back.’ Byul decide to tell the truth, she been hiding it from Seulgi four months already hoping it would go away just like before but it's not.

Seulgi eyes widened at Byul. She sat up straight, ‘When?’ Seulgi eyes peered at Byul.

A heavy sighed escaped from Byul pink lips. Rubbing her face with her hands hoping it would help to clear her mind.

Seulgi rest her back against chair, after hearing all Byul story. Her mind working faster now, thinking a solution a way for Byul to face the nightmare or if it possible to delete it permanently. Rubbing her chin with her right hand, a smile formed on Seulgi lips.

‘You love her unnie…’ Seulgi look straight into Byul eyes and the older woman shrugged, eyes asking for a better explanation.

‘That’s why it came back, your mind warns you. How misery your life become after losing the one you loves before. You don’t want it to happen again. It's a warning, you warns yourself’

Impressed, Seulgi never disappoint Byul every time they having a session. Seulgi can guess all of that right after she told her.

She is indeed in love with Wheein, didn’t realize it but she keep checking up her phone waiting for Wheein text or a short call every night.   

Don’t know when but she is in love with her fiancée. Maybe right after she met Wheein, maybe during their first date. She just to scare to admit it, to scare to embrace her own feeling for the young woman. Because she cannot love.

She doesn’t want to hurt the girl, she can’t even imagine it. That’s the reason why she wanted to come clean to Wheein and the girl willing to wait. So she rather die than hurt the small puppy.

She is scared now, scare of losing what she have right now.

Seulgi lean forward placing her smooth hand on top Byul’s hand. ‘Unnie, be brave this time. Face it.’

Shrugged, Byul look away.

Seulgi let out a small grunted. Frustrated with Byul. The older woman keep staring helplessly. Pulling her hands back, placing her palm on the desk. ‘Move in with her then.’

Then Seulgi saw it, how fast Byul eyes change from gloomy to full of spark, she smirked. Byul falling into her trapped. ‘Wheein, she is the key here. She can help you unnie.’

Byul frowned, don’t really understand it. ‘What do you mean she’s the key?’

‘Unnie, it came back when both of you doing it and … err, you fight your fear because you wants her. She makes you fight against your fear for the first time. It's never happen before unnie!’ Seulgi pressed her last sentences to make it clear for Byul.

Byul cheeks turned pink hearing those from Seulgi, she doesn’t have any other choice because Seulgi is her psychiatrist and she need to tell her the details. So Seulgi knew that she and Wheein ... Byul get up massaging her temple, ‘I think I need to find new psychiatrist here.’ Making her way toward Seulgi office door but Seulgi quickly runs after Byul grabbing her hand.

‘Unnie! This is why it's never leave. You need to face it, trust her, trust Wheein!’ Seulgi said it, half screaming forcing Byul to take a seat.

‘It’s like I’m using her just to break free.’

‘No! It is not, this marriage can’t be cancel and you know that! When that happen what will you do unnie? U can’t keep hiding and push her away once both you take the vow, face it!’ Seulgi eyes bored into Byul.

…

Wheein take off her mask as soon as she get out from operating theatre/room (OT), it's her third surgery of the day. She opened her locker and changes her clothes. Glancing at the wall clock. Midnight already. Well this one is coming from emergency so she has to take it.

A 54 year male have cardiac arrest after having a drink. Thinking about drink remind her about Byul, that older woman love to drink. She missed her so much, they on phone this evening. Byul said she got something to tell her and the woman sound serious, it make her worry a bit.

She dragged her feet back to her office and then she saw it. Byul standing there wearing her grey suit talking to Doctor Park. Head of surgeon at her department.

‘How can you arrange their schedule like this? What if one of them get tired and accident happen on OT table?’ Byul glaring at Doctor Park who eyes fixed on the floor.

Byul holding a paper of cardiac surgeon OT schedule and most of them unbalance, some got no free time at all,. The director didn’t report this matter to her at all. She need to pay more attention to the hospital than her company after this. She thought surgeon handle their own schedule, guess some of them been force to take more patient than they could handle.

‘Byul?’ Wheein carefully call her and bow slightly to Doctor Park.

 

Wheein sitting anxiously on her office chair eyes focus on Byul and Doctor Park through glass wall who having small meeting inside Doctor Park office. Byul maintain her formality with Wheein so she can’t really be in there.

After 15 minutes Byul get out with a stiff face and Wheein jump from her chair ‘Byu  ... Miss Moon?’ she stuttering.

Chuckled lightly ‘Seriously miss Moon now?’ she tease the girl and her face blushed. ‘Come on, let’s go home.’ She extend her hand.

Wheein shoot a dead glared but the older woman just smile at her, she accept Byul hand and walks out hand in hand.

….

Pulled over at Hangang Park, it's a date they been doing lately for the rest of these 4 month whenever they got time. Just staying inside car, talking before she send Wheein back to Jung mansion.

‘Hmm... .’ Byul turned facing Wheein, hesitate a bit to open this time. She took in a deep breath and ‘Move in with me.’

The small puppy face lift up, still can’t believe about what she just hear so she ask Byul again to make sure her hearing working fine.

‘Yup! But I need to ask your family first.’ Byul lower her head ‘Your dad might kill me if I didn’t ask him first.’

Shaking her head, Wheein chuckled ‘There no need, I can move in right away. Right now’

Furiously shaking her head ‘No, I will talk to your dad first. We still need to discuss more detail about the wedding, the date, venue, guest and more.’

‘Okay, but please don’t let my mom decide on everything Byul. I want to choose the venue.’ Wheein said glumly, playing with Byul’s fingers.

Patting Wheein head gently ‘Sure, I’ll try my best to convince your mom…’ Byul lean forward, her face now an inch away from Wheein, she could smell Wheein sweet breath. ‘But give me a kiss first, I need some energy.’

Wheein blushed, lightly punch the older woman who have a wide grin on her face before she give a simple peck on Byul lips but the older woman pull away so fast, their lips touch not even a millisecond.

Heavy frowned on Wheein face, Byul quickly lower her head.

‘Byul? What is it?’ Wheein voice full of concerned, there’s a time where Byul suddenly physically distance herself from Wheein and its make the young woman head filled with tons of unanswered question and worries.

That voice comes and goes inside Byul head, ‘Sorry, err…’ knowing she can’t find any excuse this time, Byul lean forward to capture Wheein lips. Shoving away her nightmare and try to pull herself together by reminding her fiancée right in front of her right now, that voice still playing inside her head. It's like she hear it right beside her ears. It's so vivid.

When will it stop?

….

Family meeting for the second time at the awkwardness remain the same. The only thing that change is how close Wheein and Byul right now. That’s all. Wheein wish she could run away. Lightly kicking Byul feet under table to entertain herself while her mother excitedly telling Byul that she already think about what kind of theme and where should the wedding will be.

Byul open to tell Mrs. Jung that she will handle everything about the wedding but, her breath stuck at , Byul having a trouble to concentrate when Wheein hand suddenly land on her right thigh. Slowly, moving to her inner thigh then moving close to her groin.

Gripping tightly on knife and fork she been holding, having a mental breakdown on her own.

Maintaining her poker face chatting with her mother. Wheein enjoying the respond of Byul thigh muscle when she dugs her fingers in, those muscle harden and Byul moving her leg trying to avoid her hot touch. Making her want to tease the older woman more.

Byul clear hoping Wheein would stop, she can’t really do anything because she still haven’t finish her food yet. Both of her hand still on table.

‘Something wrong with the food?’ Mr. Jung asked.

‘No, just hmm, about the wedding…’ she pause giving Wheein a meaningful looks, that small puppy been drawing something on her thigh and its driving Byul crazy, the tingling sensation she felt with Wheein touch making her stomach clenched with wants.

Ignoring Byul meaningful stare, Wheein continue to look straight ahead with her left hand on Byul’s thigh and the other hand resting on table. Playing innocent.

Open and close for a couple of time before Byul finally able to organize some sentences. ‘Aaa, Wheein here, she want to choose the venue and the date, maybe spring next year?’

Mrs. Jung brows drew closer, eyes shift from Byul to her daughter. ‘You want to choose the venue sweetheart and next year?’

Tapping her fingers both on table and Byul thigh. ‘Yup, lets us handle the wedding mom, I might not good at it but Byul will be there.’

Mr. Jung nodded his head, agree. ‘Let them be, miss Moon know how to handle event better than us.’

Mrs. Jung shrugged, ‘Alright then.’ She doesn’t have other choice, no one on her side here.

A wide smile spread on Wheein lips, while Byul the opposite site, a stiff smile. Gripping tightly the knife and fork.

‘Oh, I move in with Byul tomorrow!’

Wheein sudden announcement making both, Byul and Mr. Jung choke on their food.

This small puppy seriously been doing things on her own now!

Quickly taking a sipped of water while Wheein softly tapping Byul’s back.

‘About that, it's not tomorrow but I want to move in..’

‘I want to stay with her, we’re going to get married anyway and it's close to hospital too.’ Wheein cut Byul off, sending a quick glare at Byul when the older woman said it's not tomorrow.

‘I don’t have a problem with both of you living together. But about the date, I think the wedding should be early, next month or June?’ Mr. Jung suggest it firmly, so he did agree for Wheein to choose the venue but not the date.

Byul froze for a second, she can’t have a wedding next month, she still hasn’t settle down her own issue yet. Not to mention her fiancée still don’t have a single clue about her dark past. She turned her head facing Wheein who stop drawing on Byul’s thigh. The small puppy didn’t take the news well either.

‘What do you think?’ Byul asked Wheein opinion since she can’t reject Mr. Jung suggestion right away here.

‘The wedding, I want it to be during spring next year…’ she pouted slightly.

Mr and Mrs. Jung face stiffened, both stop moving. And Byul froze, doesn’t sure what to do, she can’t take on both side.

The room went silent for almost two minute and it's suffocating. It felt like those two pairs of eyes in front them every oxygen inside the room.

‘We talking about business marriage here honey, the biggest project between our companies will launch in June. So the wedding must be hold before that.’ Said Mrs. Jung sharply, breaking the thick air inside the room or increasing the thickness of the air to Byul.

Staring contest happen between Mrs. Jung and Byul, she hates it when Mrs Jung added business in their marriage. This woman didn’t think about her daughter feeling at all?

Knowing Wheein hates when business talking happen, Byul quickly bring her hand down grabbing Wheein’s hand. Wheein hand trembling a bit. Byul can see Wheein try hard to maintain her facial expression not to show how hates she is to be here at the moment.

‘I’m sure the project will be fine without this marriage. I want to have a private wedding if I could.’ Byul lower her eyes, to be more polite. They’re going to be a family soon, right. Family.

This time Mr. Jung shook his head, ‘I think we need discuss about the date later? When Madam Moon came back to South Korea perhaps?’

Byul swallowed hard the reality, she won't stand chance then if her grandma present in their next family meeting.

….

Byul reviewing files of company project. She massaging her temple as her headache getting worse.  She glance at her phone, checking the time because Wheein move in today. She been waiting for the girl to call her for hours already. Probably having some emergency patient at hospital.

Wheein already send her stuff this morning and with the help of her maid and her grandma butler, Byul unpacked it and arrange ALL Wheein clothes at her closet. She already made some space for Wheein last night.

An hour passed, her eyes start to blurred. Her chest felt so tight that she hardly breathe. She can’t take it anymore, she get up and dragged her feet toward the bed and throw her body into the soft mattress. She closed her eyes…

 

A black hair woman lying on top of her. Byul gently woman’s hairs, she can feel the softness of the woman lips brushes against her neck mumbling something. ‘You’re … different tonight?’ she whispered.

Didn’t answer but Byul kiss on top of woman head. Tighten her hold on those perfectly shaped body.

‘I won't leave you Byul.’ The woman whispered.

A flashed and a scene change.

Now both of them yelling and screaming or to be exact throwing things at Byul. Screaming historically at Byul. Punching and slapping. Ended up with Byul kissing the woman hard, pinning those skinny body on soft mattress, the kiss fill with frustration. Both could taste their own tears.

Another flashed.

Kneeling, weak. Byul felt like she’s just lost her life that day. Hearing it from the woman she loves the most. Feeling like her soul been ripped apart again and again. Continuously. Screaming yet no voice came out anymore. She been begging for hours already hoping the woman would change her mind for Byul. For them. For future that they both promised.

Cold sweat running down at her back. Both of her palm lying flat on the floor. Her head bowed deep down. Eyes all red from crying, there no tears more to cry from Byul’s eyes. It's all dry up.

Trembling as she whispered ‘Please … don’t leave me. I can’t live without you…’ she begged, her voice crack as she spoke. Lifting up her head hoping for the loves of her life to say something but the woman continue to pack her stuff.

Shoving all her belongings with a force into her luggage. Not even a single glance land on Byul. The woman zipped up her luggage and finally facing Byul.

Their eyes met, and Byul saw it, those eyes no longer have her reflect on it. It full of hates. Empty.

.

.

.

‘You cannot love Byul.’

‘You not even a human to me.’

 

Eyes shot open, body sweating. She sat up on her bed bringing her knees close to her torso. Her body trembling. Pulling the thick comforter to cover herself shutting down the outside world.

It's just a dream Byul. It's the past. It's your past. It's all in the past.

Continuously repeat those words inside her head over and over.

Hands tremors heavily,

‘You not even human Byul. You cannot love.’

‘You not even human Byul. You cannot love.’

‘You not even human Byul. You cannot love.’

‘You cannot love.’

‘You cannot love.’

‘You cannot love.’

Those words pinning down Byul, locked her inside her own cage. A cage that she created the moment that woman walk out from her life. She still stuck at that time with those empty promises between her and that woman. Trapped. She can’t move forward or she don’t want to…

 

A warm sensation wrapping her right hand, with difficulty Byul opened her eyes. Her vision blurred for a few second then she saw it. Wheein holding her right hand tightly with her forehead against back of her hand. Byul lift up her left hand and she winced, she been given IV drips.

Did I passed out?

She still in her bedroom and her eyes soften when it fall on woman sleeping beside her. ‘Wheein’ she call out the girl softly as she try to get up.

Wheein raise her head, her eyes puffy. She been crying.

‘You scared the out of me…’

‘Come here.’ Byul opened her arms and Wheein willingly went into those arms. She buries her face into Byul chest. ‘I’m sorry….’ Byul patted Wheein back with her right hand soothe Wheein, hiding her inner conflict. Again.

The image of her dreams playing vividly inside her head right now and its make Byul feel like she’s the worst person here.

Wheein tighten her gripped on Byul knitted jumper. ‘Don’t do that again.’ She whined. Her heart stopped when she walk in and found Byul didn’t respond at all. She thought she lost her.

After remove her IV drips, Wheein bring her late lunch to bed but Byul insist they eat at dining room.

Sitting face to face Byul quietly eating the lunch that Wheein brought, well it's kind of dinner already. Feeling guilty about what just happened, she can feel the heat coming from Wheein eyes right now. The small puppy been glaring at her this whole time.

She know she need to do some explanation here. It's happened a lot in the past, it's her condition. She live with it this whole time.

Byul sighed ‘I’m just too tired that’s all. New project coming remember?’ A lie, that’s all she could do right now. She locked gaze with Wheein and a tears fall from Wheein eyes. Panic! Byul quickly get up to soothe Wheein. She cupped Wheein face ‘I am really sorry. Don’t cry… please.’ She wipe away Wheein tears.

Guilty spread to every corner of Byul’s heart. Seeing Wheein sincerely care for her while she just avoiding telling the truth. A coward, that who Byul is in front her fiancée. She able to stand giving speech to thousands of her employees but didn’t brave enough to tell her fiancée the truth.

She already place her faith in you Byul, you need to tell her!

Wheein punch Byul shoulder pushing the older woman away but Byul stiffened her body, she sobbing. Byul wrapped her arms around Wheein pulling the young woman into her arms.

It's took Wheein an hours to calm down. Byul left shoulder all wet because of Wheein tears.

 

Now both lying on bed, playing with Wheein hairs. She can smell the girl shampoo and her sweet perfume. Wheein heartbeat in sync with her.

She kiss the top on Wheein head making the young woman snuggling into her neck. After a while both fall asleep. Deeply in each other arms.

…

The alarm went off, Byul open her eyes lazily with her hand reach out to shut off the alarm. She turn around to look at Wheein but it's empty.

Then her bedroom door swung opened and Byul froze.

‘Take a shower, I already order the breakfast.’ Wheein pointed her finger toward bathroom door when Byul just keep staring at her.

Wheein wearing Byul white shirt, leaving two button undone showing off her collar bone and slightly her black lace bra, Byul’s shirt seem a little bit bigger on Wheein body so the shirt kind of cover to Wheein mid-thigh and not to mention her white short.

Seeing Wheein white skin, it's bring back the memories of Wheein in her arms. But she can’t touch the girl right now. It only worsen her condition or worse, Wheein might see her during the symptom attack. Byul don’t want that, she don’t want Wheein to saw her in that poor condition.

‘Byul?’ Wheein walk toward the older woman with full of concerned when Byul just froze there. Well she passed out yesterday so Wheein kind of panic a bit.

Byul shook her head to clear her mind ‘Sorry, still half awake.’ She get up from bed and fastening her step toward bathroom. Avoiding Wheein touch.

….

Jessica sitting on her office chair, her eyes bored into her younger sister who sit across her, those stern eyes fixed on her phone, reading something important. Probably.

‘Wow . . . you really in front of me right now?’ Jessica tapping her fingers on her office desk, hoping her younger sister would say something, she been staying there staring at her phone for two hours already and its start to bother Jessica. This young woman didn’t return to South Korea almost a decade already, so why with this sudden visit?

Resting her hand on her older sister desk, ‘Unnie, you did some collaboration with MoonStar company before right?’

Her younger sister question doesn’t help her to resolve why this woman came back but more question keep appear on her head. MoonStar is a game company and her younger sister, Krystal never into a game before. ‘Yup, why? You hates game.’

Rubbing her chin, debating about her next question toward her older sister but she decide to ask it anyway, ‘Miss Moon, Do you have her personal contact info?’

Alright, caught in the act. This is why she came back, can’t really blame the young woman, she once fall for Miss Moon, Jessica smirk at her younger sister. ‘You know her?’

‘My junior at Harvard, we kind of lost contact after I grad and move to LA.’ Briskly explain how she know Byul, well only the superficial. She can’t go deep with her older sister.

Jessica leans back, one brow raise, ‘Really Krys? That why you came back? Because of this … junior of yours?’ she smirk at Krystal who start to look slightly uncomfortable. Those pupils shaking a bit.

 ‘Alright, I ... well … we kind of date before.’ She gave up, knowing that her sister would find out about it later.

Tsk tsk, shaking her head ‘too late sis, she engaged. This is why you should read news.’

She read those news! That’s why she here trying to find the truth behind those engagement. ‘No, there is no way Moon Byul Yi engaged.’ Trying to deny the reality, she shook her head. Hoping what she just heard just a joke or something as long as it's not the truth.

Looking at her younger sister, pity. ‘It is honey. With Jung’s family daughter. Just google it. Their PDA on another level. Even have their own fan club now.’

Loss of words, she froze. No way, that woman just can’t! It's just can’t! Byul can only love her, no one else. She knows that Byul can only love her.

‘I read it, and I am sure it's for media play, I mean for their company stock or something.’ Krystal look at Jessica, hoping her sister would agree with her but the older sister have frown on her face.

‘Sis, leave it. There’s nothing you can do.’ She place her hand on Krystal’s hand. Her younger sister attitude here kind of scared her a bit.

‘No, there is something that I can do for my Byulie and she will thanks me later.’ she smile sweetly at Jessica with one of her brow up.

---

SSsup guys, hope you enjoy this chapter, i think i will open up more or expose everyting about byul past next week. thanks for subscribe and the comments. its meant a lot to me. love and peach out! ^^

ps : sorry if there any grammar mistakes and typos