Hello everyone, it has been a while since I gave an update. I am sorry but I have been trying to get emotions on check for a while. I am so sorry for blabbering about my personal problems here rather than updating but I have practically no other way let it out.

It has been a while since I have used blades for obvious reasons,  and the bright side is that now I don't find a reason to use them. I feel better these days but, my inferiority complex won't leave me. The thing is I don't even know wether I will be able to do my Under Graduation in any subject. As in wether I am capable of doing it or not. I don't even know what I should do. Wether I should do honours in Microbiology or wether I should do Medical. I have been trying my best to think positive and have been trying to not think anything about dying but....my complex won't leave me. I cannot bring myself to love myself. I just hate the me right now so much. I cannot even look at myself in the mirror without thinking how ugly I look, how fat I am, how stupid I look even in my best dress. The moment I look into the mirror I try to adjust everything about me to make myself look better by fixing my hair, my smile, my expression. But I never look good, atleast in my eyes. My mother says I am pretty but I know how fat and ugly I am. I cannot help but compare myself to each and every person who passes by my side, in the market, trains, roads,  just every damned place. I am getting so self-conscious that I am unable