CHAPTER 6

A week passed since Yongsun and Moonbyul last talked. They weren't exactly mad at each other. It was just plain...awkward; like they still have a lot to say after all that's been said, but both of them think its best to leave it be.

Was it their closure? Yongsun didn't know, to her, it didn't feel like it was; because aren't closures supposed to make you feel light? Aren't they supposed to set you free from the burden of the past so you'll be able to move forward?

But right now Yongsun felt more stuck more than ever.

In her mind, it was like an endless marathon of the memories that Moonbyul and her once shared.

She remembers all their dates, their arguments, their anniversaries. The grand surprises and even the little things, especially the little things.

She remembers how Byul scrunches her nose when Yongsun did something to make her smile, how Byul would throw her head back when Yong said something to make her laugh, how Byul always reaches for her hand whenever its possible, how Byul buries her head onto Yongsun's neck while she wraps her arms around her when she's embarrassed.

She remembers and boy did she miss it.

She misses how Byul would bring an extra umbrella during rainy season for Yongsun, and how sometimes Byul purposefully 'forgets' to bring an extra so they could share an umbrella, saying that its more romantic that way.

And sometimes the little things she remembers leads to the memories that she treasures dearly, memories she holds on to.

Yongsun was snapped out of her reverie when she heard her phone rang. It was Hyejin at the other line, telling her that Seulgi was in the hospital. "What? Why? What happened?"

Hyejin told her that she'll tell her the details when she gets to the hospital, and so she immediately grabbed her phone to book a taxi.

When Yongsun arrived, Seulgi was pinned down on her hospital bed by two paramedics along with Minhyuk, Joy and Wendy, begging her to calm down.

"I give up!" Seulgi shouts, as she struggles to break free from the people holding her. "Let go of me!"

"Seulgi, that's enough." Wendy states, her voice was full of understanding, but can't stand it anymore seeing her friend like this.

"Don't ruin your life because of her." Minhyuk adds.

She walks over to Hyejin and Loco who were at the couch beside the bed. "What happened?"

"Irene broke up with her." Hyejin whispers to their leader.

"She tried to end her pain by drinking shampoo." Loco shakes his head, showing his disapproval with what Seulgi did, but his eyes were soft as he looked at Seulgi with sympathy.

"Damn that shampoo! I should be dead by now!" Seulgi shouts, making everyone flinch a little.

"It's not the end of the world!" Wendy exclaims back at her, she sympathizes her friend but seeing her and hearing her give up on life makes Wendy's nerves on edge. Sure, Irene left her, but it didn't mean that she's not loved anymore, a lot of people still love her, Wendy loves her, the rest of the red velvet members love her, her friends, her family. They all love her. Its just a pity how its so easy for her to give up her life.

"You're just saying that because you're not in my position." Seulgi retorts.

"Seulgi, we're here. We understand you." Solar tries to help her calm down.

"No!" Seulgi disagreed violently.

The commotion died down when the medic was finally able to inject the sedative on their friend, seeing that its gradually taking effect, the two paramedics head to the door.

"No you don't." She snickers. How could Yongsun possibly understand her? Irene and her...they're the same. When things get rough they walk away. Leaders who would enter a relationship with one of their members, and breaking up with them, telling them that its for the group's best interest. To hell with that, Seulgi thinks.

"Only Moonbyul will understand." Seulgi states calmer, the sedative taking its effect. "Where is she?" she asks, turning her head sideways looking for her friend's face.

And as if on cue, the door opens to reveal Moonbyul with Wheein.

Yongsun's eyes darts on Byul and Wheein's intertwined hands.

"Byul." as soon as Seulgi sees her friend, she breaks down, tears start to fall from her eyes.

"Seulgi." Moonbyul calls out, as she walks over to her crying friend, with Wheein beside her.

"I don't know..." Seulgi sobs. "I don't know what to do anymore." she looks up at Moonbyul, "I give up." she tries to fight back her sobs. "I didn't know it could hurt this much." She remembers cheering Moonbyul up, she remembers telling her that its going to be okay, reassuring her that she'll get through it. But Seulgi laughs bitterly at how naive she was, how her words doesn't mean a thing now, now that she's in Byul's past position. "I don't want to live anymo-"

Moonbyul shushes her. "Hey." Byul's tone was stern but there was a certain softness in the way she said it. "If I got through it, then you can too." Byul tells her. Byul's words were different from hers, Seulgi thinks, because Moonbyul is comforting her with things that already happened, things that she's been through, not just some wishful thinking that everything gets better in the end.

"Remember when it was me in that hellhole?" Moonbyul smiles softly, seeing how Seulgi is willing to listen at her. Moonbyul lets go of Wheein's hand and lowers her body to level on Seulgi's; making them face to face.

"Weren't you the one who told me that maybe the reason why people we love leaves us..." Moonbyul's own eyes tear up, making Yong look at Moonbyul while Wheein gazes at Yongsun. "...is because..." Byul smiles despite her tears, "...maybe someone better will come along."

Moonbyul hides her face with her hand, wiping her own tears.

Seeing Seulgi in this state forced her to think about the times that she felt so broken. She remembers the pain, the hopelessness, the loneliness. The feeling of being abandoned, the feeling of knowing that no one could possibly understand the pain of loving someone too much only to be left in the end, without so much of a fight.

"Someone who will love us better." Moonbyul continues. "Someone who won't hurt or leave us." She smiles as Seulgi looks at Wheein. "That one person who will make, everything wrong in our lives, right..." She reaches for Seulgi's hands as she emphasizes her words. "everything that's wrong in your life."

Wheein should be happy; her girlfriend is beside her, talking indirectly about how she's...better. In Moonbyul's words, she suggested that maybe the reason why Yongsun left her is so she could see Wheein, so they could have the chance of their own.

But Wheein didn't really feel as happy as she should be. Maybe its because of how Moonbyul cried while saying it. She couldn't really be happy for something that pained Moonbyul so much.

Or maybe that's just it. Moonbyul is still crying as if it happened yesterday, meaning to say that Wheein wasn't really able to take away her pain; she was just able to distract Byul from it.

It shouldn't matter. What should matter right now is that Moonbyul is happy with her...except...it did matter to Wheein: greatly.

When she stuck by Byul's side, all she wanted was to save her from the pain. And when Byul said that she loved her; Wheein assumed she succeeded, so she was really happy.

Looking at Byul now, hearing her say those words with a smile on her face while Wheein could still see a trace of pain, Wheein is back to the conclusion that its Yongsun; its only her Yongsun-unnie who could take that pain away. Whether its closure or another chance at love, Wheein didn't know; but she's willing to help Byul have it either way just so she could free her from the pain...and that's what scared the hell out of her.

It's the first time Yongsun hears Byul's side of the story. It's the first time Yongsun sees Byul this vulnerable after the break up, because ever since they part ways, Byul has always been so guarded towards her.

Of course, she's aware that she had hurt Byul, but hearing it first hand, seeing how much Byul relates to Seulgi right now, she realizes just how bad of a damage she inflicted on Byul.

Yongsun finds herself crying; even though she really shouldn't be crying right now. This isn't really about her...except it is.

She's the one who caused Moonbyul unbearable pain. She's the one who caused Byul to know so much about such kind of pain. And Yongsun can bet that she's the one making Byul cry right now too. Yongsun bets Moonbyul is having flashbacks in her mind of how much she had hurt her.

It's either that, or she's reminded of how lucky she is to have found Wheein in her life.

Either of those reasons, Yongsun couldn't stand seeing Byul cry anymore.

It dawned on her how selfish she had been to expect Byul to still love her after everything she put her through. She's been too selfish and she's ashamed of herself. The pain in her chest was too much and the room feels like its closing in on her.

So she walks out of the door.

Not because it's what she's good at; not because she wants to walk away from her problems instead of dealing with them. She walked away because she felt like she didn't have the right to cry in that room; she was not a victim but the villain in their story. She walked away because she didn't have the right to cry when both Seulgi and Moonbyul were crying because of something that she did.

"Did I do something wrong?" it was the first words that Moonbyul said to Wheein when they came home from the hospital.

Wheein shakes her head. "No."

This has recently been a frequent scenario for them that its making Moonbyul worry; it feels like Wheein is shutting her off again.

"You've been quiet since we came from the hospital. What's wrong?" Moonbyul asks again, hoping Wheein would be honest to her. She couldn't think of something she did wrong earlier, but her girlfriend's actions tell her otherwise.

"I'm just tired." Wheein answers nonchalantly, an honest answer would've lead to more questions and the girl didn't want to talk about her thoughts yet. She wasn't ready; she just wanted to get some sleep.

"Tired of what?" The worry and insecurity in Moonbyul's voice was very evident that Wheein stopped her tracks, when she turned around to see Moonbyul's face, all the walls around her instantly crumbled.

Hyejin who walked in with them, went straight to her room to give her friends some privacy.

Moonbyul knows this situation all too well. She heard Yongsun say it to her many times before, only realizing what Yong really meant by it when they ended breaking up. She didn't know if she could handle that happening to her again.

"Babe..." Wheein coos, walking towards her girlfriend, reaching for Moonbyul's cheek on one hand, and her hand on the other. "I'm just physically tired right now. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?" she says reassuringly, giving Moonbyul a gentle kiss on her lips, pulling away before Moonbyul could reciprocate.

Wheein was about to walk to their room but Moonbyul didn't let her go, she tightened her grip on Wheein's hand instead. "I love you." Moonbyul utters, she couldn't think of any reason why Wheein would suddenly be upset, but she felt the need to remind her girlfriend of her feelings for her.

"I love you more." Wheein smiled softly, tapping her girlfriends cheek gently before heading to their room.

Moonbyul knows Wheein didn't mean anything by it. But still, it didn't sit well with her. Maybe its the way Wheein said it, how she sounded so sure. Maybe it bothered her because she know its because its the truth.

Moonbyul loves Wheein, she genuinely do, but she feels like every time she takes a step forward to reciprocate what Wheein is giving her, Wheein does as well and Moonbyul sometimes feel like she couldn't catch up.

Moonbyul really didn't want to feel like Wheein is too good for her.

But she is.

Wheein is everything that's good in Moonbyul's messed up life, and she's afraid that Wheein might wake up one day and realize that she deserve better; that Moonbyul isn't enough.

Moonbyul was about to follow Wheein onto their room when the door bell rang.

"Yongsun." It feels weird how strange it is to see Yongsun in front of their apartment when they used to share it for a long time.

Yongsun was just as shocked as Moonbyul is; Hyejin told her she went home first, so Yongsun assumed Byul wouldn't be home yet. "Byul. I thought you were still at the hospital."

"Irene came." Moonbyul stated. "They wanted to talk alone so we decided to go home. Wendy and Joy stayed though." she explained.

The flash drive on Yongsun's hand along with an envelope caught Moonbyul's attention. "What's that for?" Moonbyul asks, assuming that it has something to do with work, otherwise, she couldn't imagine any reason why Solar would be in front of her now.

"Is Hyejin there?" Yongsun asked, avoiding Moonbyul's question. She wasn't really prepared to talk to Byul after what she witnessed in the hospital earlier.

"Yeah, she's inside. Do you want to come in?" Moonbyul offers.

"No." Yongsun shakes her head, "It's fine. I won't take long anyway." She thinks twice if she should just hand Moonbyul the drive and the letter but then Byul would've asked what its for and she wouldn't have known what to answer. "I'll just wait for Hyejin here."

Moonbyul was hesitant to leave Yongsun standing by the door to call Hyejin, but she complied.

"Byul." Yongsun called out just before Byul could completely turn away.

Moonbyul looked at Solar expectantly.

"This is actually for you." Yongsun confessed, reaching out the flash drive to her ex-girlfriend.

"What's this?" Moonbyul asks, but her eyes were lingering on the envelope that Yongsun was still holding.

"Its...I recorded myself for the choreo of our song. If you want to change something you don't have to consult me. You're better at those kind of things anyways, so..." she let the rest of her words hang in the air.

Moonbyul concluded that Solar is trying to avoid her, it doesn't take a genius to know that. She guessed it was because of what she said at the hospital. She didn't mean to hurt Yongsun, but she obviously did, and she felt bad, but at the same time, a little relieved that she got it out of her chest.

Yongsun bids her a smile as a sign of goodbye before walking away.

Moonbyul had the urge to ask Yongsun about the envelope on her hand, the way Yongsun clutched onto it told her that it has something to do with them. But she didn't ask, instead she quietly watched Yongsun walk away from her.

She didn't know why she wanted to stop Yongsun, she didn't know why she wanted to call out for her name; maybe its because this time, she knows she could actually stop her. It felt as if, if she calls out for her, Yong would actually come back.

But she knows one good reason why she shouldn't, and that reason is waiting for her in their room, and so she didn't.

"Byul." she heard Yongsun say, before she could enter her apartment. When she turns back at Yongsun, the girl was in the verge of crying. "I'm sorry." Yongsun says. "I'm really really sorry." she continues to apologize as tears fall from her eyes.

Moonbyul thought she had forgiven Yongsun a long time ago, that she had moved on, but the way her heart felt lighter for the first time proved her wrong. It actually felt like she didn't need band-aids for her wound anymore. Its almost silly how Yongsun's simple sorry could have such a big impact on her, as if its what she's been longing to hear all this time.

She imagined this scenario so differently before. She imagined how Yongsun would take her back, how she would easily give in and they would kiss and make up, but that was before she lost all hope. Things are different now. And its a little too late for them to have that kind of ending.

Moonbyul wanted to get mad at her, she didn't like how Yongsun still had that much power over her, how the girl could easily break and mend her heart so simply.

But she can't do anything about it. Seeing Yongsun cry never failed to break down her walls. She was fighting the urge to wrap her arms around the girl in front of her, and to kiss her pain away, but before she knows it; she's already wiping Yongsun's tears.

Yongsun couldn't help but lean in to Byul's touch, the feeling resembling to a traveler coming home from a long journey. She's aware it would end so soon, that's why she treasured very second of it.

"I'm sorry for hurting you. I didn't mean to." Yongsun continues to apologize, she wanted to meet Moonbyul's eyes but the guilt in her chest prevent her from holding Byul's gaze, so she eventually looks down.

Yongsun was taken aback when Byul's strong arms were wrapped around her, the contact sends a tingling sensation to her whole body, she didn't dare imagine that Moonbyul would ever willingly hug her again so tightly.

She hurt her and yet Moonbyul's arms are wrapped around her; as if trying to put back all the broken pieces of herself.

Moonbyul's self control seemed to leave her minutes ago, because the urge to close the gap between her and Solar  was becoming too strong, the thought of Wheein just being on the other side of the door slipping her mind.

Solar closes her eyes and tightens her hold on Moonbyul, trying to make sure that she won't wake up from a beautiful dream.

The rapper places a gentle kiss on Yongsun's forehead, the tip of Moonbyul's nose sliding down against Solar's forehead as Moonbyul lowers her head to kiss Yongsun's shut eyes, then proceeding to place a kiss on Solar's cheek.

Their faces were too close that Yongsun could feel Moonbyul's eyelashes traveling down against her skin and stopping when her lips were an inch against Byul's lips.

Yongsun's mouth quivering when she felt Byul breath out heavily against her lips.

Yongsun wants nothing more but to pull Moonbyul by the waist and close the gap between them, as if she was magnetized by the girl in front of her.

"Byul." Yongsun whispers instead, clinging on the small inch of moral reasoning left of her.

Moonbyul opened her eyes she didn't even realized were shut close, "Wheein." she hears Solar croak out, startling her to pull away, the anticipation of her lips touching Yongsun's leaving her body, and was quickly replaced with guilt.

Moonbyul checked the still closed door, releasing a subtle relieved sigh. For a second she thought Wheein saw them.

She was relieved for a moment, but the guilt in her chest remained: just because they weren't caught - just because she didn't went through with it, doesn't mean Moonbyul didn't plan on doing it.

She wanted to slap herself for being  such an idiot. Wheein didn't deserve what she was about to do, she wanted to scold herself for needing Yongsun to remind her of it. "I'm sorry." She says to Yongsun.

Yongsun shakes her head, thinking that it wasn't Moonbyul's fault. She shouldn't have come in the first place. She should've called Hyejin first to make sure she wouldn't bump into Byul but Yongsun felt happy to see her regardless.

"We'll talk tomorrow, okay?" Moonbyul asks hopefully, seeing the hesitation on Yongsun's eyes, she grabbed the girl's hand, spreading it open and placing the flash drive on her palm. "We're a team. Don't walk away from this. Let's talk tomorrow." Byul said with finality.

Not giving Solar any chance to protest, she turns around to enter her apartment.

Leaving Solar standing outside, left with her own devices, thinking of what just happened.

Don't walk away from this.

She was supposed to leave them be. She was supposed to let Moonbyul go. That's the right thing to do, considering that Byul already has a girlfriend and knowing that she hurt her so much.

But her heart doesn't seem to listen to any logical reasoning, like a stubborn child wanting what it wants.