CHAPTER 7

Moonbyul was relieved when the living room was empty when she entered their apartment. She became aware of everything around her after she talked to Yongsun. She realized someone could've walked in on them.

And yet...she couldn't care less, not while it was happening at least.

It was like a scene in one of those sappy romantic movies she always watch with her members, except the one she shared with Yongsun; that moment was real. And she couldn't think of anything else at the moment. Or even anyone, anyone but...Wheein.

As soon as the girl crossed her mind, the feeling of Yongsun's skin that lingered on her lips, was laced with all kinds of guilt.

She almost kissed Yongsun the way she shouldn't have. She got lost in the moment and it actually felt like the right thing to do in that moment. But reality has a way of slapping you hard right in the face, and it didn't feel so right anymore because there's this girl in Moonbyul's mind and she's blonde and has this perfect smile, which she promised to love unconditionally, and she's waiting for her in their shared room.

A girl that deserves better. A girl that deserves to know what just happened; even if it will inevitably break her heart.

And thinking about it, Moonbyul thinks she's the worst person to ever walk on the planet.

When Moonbyul entered their room she sat beside Wheein who's occupied writing on her notepad.

"Wheein." Moonbyul started, it didn't help to ease her conscience when Wheein smiled at her innocently. She could already feel a black hole at the center of her stomach, knowing that she's going to take a way an angel's smile soon. "Can we talk?"

Wheein closed her notepad, placing it at the bedside table along with her pen. She already knew it wasn't going to be a pleasant one judging by her girlfriend's tone. She now regrets not sleeping early, thinking that she could've avoided having this conversation with Moonbyul right now. "About what?"

"Yongsun came." Moonbyul states, she didn't need to say more for Wheein to know the direction of the conversation they're having.

Wheein just nodded, encouraging Byul to continue. "She apologized to me."

Wheein genuinely smiled at her, "That's good to know." she manages to say, even though something in the pit of her stomach tells her that nothing about the situation will be good for her. But she is glad that Moonbyul finally got the apology she deserves. Maybe it will help her girlfriend ease some of the pain. "So you finally settled things between the two of you then?" she asked carefully- hopefully even. "You didn't end up in another fight, did you?" Wheein really hoped they ended their conversation in good terms, because it could mean that Byul could finally really start to heal, and maybe, just maybe, Wheein could finally feel secure in their relationship.

Moonbyul dreadfully shakes her head. Maybe she would have preferred that to be the case. She thinks its better to fight with Yongsun than to tell Wheein what really happened.

"Then why do you look like you ate guilt for dinner?" Wheein asks gently, taking Byul's hands in her, encouraging her girlfriend to tell her what she has too.

Moonbyul finds Wheein's voice to be too soft for Byul to tell her a hard truth. "I-" there was hesitation in her voice. At this rate, she didn't know if she should tell Wheein or just kiss her goodnight.

"Babe. Did you..." Wheein started, she knows Moonbyul too well. She knows her girlfriend too well to know that whatever she has to say, Wheein isn't going to like it, causing Wheein to think of the worst possible scenario she could think of.

"I almost kissed Yongsun." she finally manages to say, trying to stop Wheein from thinking a far worse scenario that what it really is.

Moonbyul felt suddenly cold when the warmth of Wheein's hand left hers.

Wheein didn't know what to say. Should she be thankful that Moonbyul didn't actually do it? She actually is thankful either way, but she is far from relieved. Because the thought was there; Moonbyul almost kissed Yongsun because she wanted to.

Moonbyul grabbed her hand. "I'm so sorry." Moonbyul states, and Wheein could hear the guilt and regret that she could've seen in Moonbyul's eyes if Wheein weren't too perplexed to to look at her girlfriend's face. "I know you don't deserve this. And I'm really really sorry."

"I have no excuse of what I was thinking." Moonbyul declares with a shaky voice, she was on the verge of crying, thinking about how closed off Wheein looked. She didn't know if she could survive if she ever loses Wheein, it scared the hell out of her in ways she didn't know how to even explain. "But it won't happen again, I promise you."

Wheein smiled sadly, managing to finally look at her girlfriend. Wheein could feel the sincerity in her girlfriend's voice, that even though she knows they have no way of knowing that, Moonbyul makes her want to believe its true.

"It was a stupid mistake." Moonbyul utters. "I just--" she was trying so hard to think of a way to explain to Wheein why she lost control. But how could she? When she herself didn't understand the reason. "She was crying, and I could see her hurting so much that I wanted to take away her pain." Moonbyul tells her girlfriend honestly. "I hugged her out of habit, and I kissed her forehead and..." she felt that it was necessary for her to honestly retell what happened. "I wasn't thinking, I realize now that doing that might hurt your feelings; and it was never my intention to hurt you in exchange of Yongsun's comfort."

Before Moonbyul could say anything else Wheein gently grabbed her by the chin, turning her head to face her. "I appreciate you telling me." Wheein states as she meets Moonbyul's eyes and smiles. "I can't say I'm happy with what you did, but I'm glad you told me."

Moonbyul telling her the truth meant something, and Wheein isn't going to look past that. Moonbyul, the girl she had loved for so long in secret, is now her girlfriend, and is trying her damn best for their relationship to work.

It might not be simple, and Wheein acknowledges that its possible that one of them might make some mistakes worse than this, and there will always be this possibility that they might not make it in the end, but Wheein sure as hell wouldn't give up that easily without giving her all.

"I didn't want to keep any secrets from you." Moonbyul declares. If there's one thing she learned with her break up with Yongsun, its that its better to get hurt knowing the truth than be happy with a lie.

The younger girl then leans in for a sensual kiss, holding the back of Moonbyul's neck with her other hand, deepening the kiss and sending electric tingles down Moonbyul's spine, soothing the feeling of guilt along her body.

Moonbyul didn't know if she should rejoice, because she didn't deserve Wheein's forgiveness that easily; but she's not going to complain, because Wheein is kissing her passionately, and when they broke the kiss off for a few seconds all she could think of was Wheein's eyes that were full of love and full of understanding. All her worries seemed to be washed away as Wheein smiles at her.

"You know, just because Wendy and I got back together, doesn't mean you're forbidden to talk to me." Eric says in a playful manner. She invited Yongsun for a morning coffee to bear her the good news, but the girl has been lost in her thoughts for a few good minutes.

Yongsun couldn't help but replay every single thing that happened the day before. How it felt like Moonbyul finally looked back at her for the first time. Last night was different for her, because they were able to talk about their past without them ending in another argument. But Yongsun wasn't sure that its a good thing, because now her heart is more confused than ever.

She was just about to give up, take a step to actually try and make an effort to give them some space but Moonbyul basically told her not to...at least not yet. And they're supposedly going to talk later, and Yongsun didn't know what to expect, or how to act.

And as if that wasn't enough to keep her gears turning, she's not sure if Moonbyul already told Wheein about what happened, and if so, how did she react to it?

"Yongsun." He managed to snap Yongsun out of her reverie, but the girl only smiled at him in return.

Eric didn't have to ask what his friend were thinking of, or who for that matter. He just sighs knowingly.

"How I wish I could turn back time so I can fix all my mistakes..." Yongsun stated, more to herself than to anyone else, really. She knows its just wishful thinking. All she can do now is try her best to fix the damages that she's done.

"Yongsun, don't ever think it was a mistake that you chose to find yourself." Eric wisely replies. "Don't think it was a mistake to love yourself a little bit more." he continues.

"But in exchange, I broke the heart of the very person I love." Yongsun points out, the look on Moonbyul's face when Yongsun broke up with her was still etched on Solar's mind, as if its a regular resident in her thoughts.

"I know that Moonbyul got hurt, but you said sorry for that already, right?" Eric really wasn't in the position to comment about Moonbyul's feelings, or their relationship, but the way Eric sees it, Yongsun suffered just as much, "Besides, the break up did both of you good."

Yongsun didn't say anything, but she did acknowledge that their break up caused both her and Byul some great changes, she just didn't know if it really was worth it. It's really hard for Yongsun to be positive about it when all she ever wants right now is for Byul to take her back, even while knowing that its a little too late for that.

"You know what? Sometimes it's better for two people to break up for them to grow up." Eric states, Yongsun has never been very subtle about her emotions, he could still clearly see the regret and worry that Yongsun's expression conveys. "It takes two grown-ups to make relationships work."

"You think I'm a grown-up?" Yongsun asks, finally breaking her silence.

Eric smiles when he sees Yongsun's lips slightly curve upward while holding her pout. "I'm sure you can face anything that will come your way."

And Yongsun smiles, she might not be sure about what might happen in the future, but having someone who has faith in her sure does makes her feel a little bit better to face whatever comes next.

Yongsun admits that Eric and her should've been more careful. The day hasn't even passed yet and there were already articles about them that they were allegedly dating. It's silly, if Yongsun would think about it, but she knows how it looked like in the eye of outsiders. Anyone who would see the picture of them hugging in a secluded coffee shop might spark an idea, especially on those who wanted something to gossip about, that they're indeed hiding something; like a relationship.

But the funny thing is that Yongsun can't seem to care anymore.

A few days back, maybe she would already have a panic attack by now, because even though some people love her and Eric together because of the show they did, the news of them dating will always, always have a negative effect on both of them. She has seen a lot of idols' careers being ruined simply because they chose to act on their feelings. She never like the way some people think 'idols' aren't supposed to have feelings, that their sole purpose was to entertain their fans and that's it, but that's the way things are. That's the reality that they live in.

But Yongsun now realizes, that it doesn't matter.

She realizes now that however the general public might take it, her personal life shouldn't compromise for it. She shouldn't let her fear get the best of her. Otherwise, she would be losing herself in the process, and even the ones she truly care about. She learned that the hard way.

So it doesn't faze her now, and its not like Eric and her are really dating anyway. But she thinks about what Moonbyul would think about it, and she laughs at herself because how dare she assume that Moonbyul even cares? They aren't together anymore, and it how many times she have to remind herself that every single day.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard her phone go off. She looks at the caller ID and to find out that its her mom. She sighs, knowing that this would be about the article that their manager just showed her.

"Mom." she greets timidly.

"Is it true?" her mother asks, the excitement in her mother's voice almost breaks Yongsun's heart knowing that she would have to disappoint them yet again with her answer.

"Eric and I are just friends, Mom." Yongsun states begrudgingly, her manager who was in the room with her knew better, and left the room to give her some privacy. She thankfully smiles at the woman.

"But you seem close in the picture, are you finally coming to your senses?" Her mother asks, and Yongsun knows it isn't  just about her and Eric anymore. This is about her and men in general.

"I'm not interested in him in that way, Mom." Yongsun really didn't want to talk about it over the phone, but she has the courage now, and she's afraid that if she let another moment pass she'd never have the courage to say it to her mother again. "And I don't think I'd ever be interested in any man in that way." she admits ever so quietly.

But she knows her mother heard her, judging by the silence from the other line.

Her heart is beating so fast, dreading the possibility of hearing her mother disown her after the long silence. She wanted to end the call and just shut off the rest of the world but she wanted to be respectful. She wanted to hear what her mother has to say about her confession.

"You're just confused." Her mother finally says, and Yongsun almost wishes her mother would've just disowned her or cursed at her; at least it meant that she's finally accepting the reality of Yongsun's identity. But her mother's answer only proved that she'd rather lie to herself and deny the reality of it all. "You've been with that girl for a long time, so its only natural for you to say that now. But you'll eventually find a man who will change your mind."

Yongsun wanted to scream at her mother out of frustration, but she decided to stay calm. "That girl has a name, Mom; it's Moonbyul." she said in gritted teeth. She hates how her mother can't even say Byul's name now, as if they did not repeatedly told her how lucky she is to have a friend like Moonbyul. She remembers how her family loved Byul so much, and it hurts her how a simple confession changed that. "And believe me, no one's ever going to convince me that I'd ever love anyone more than I love her; not even you."

"Yongsun, this isn't you." She hears her mother say, so desperately. If only it was that easy to take back her words, if only it were easy to choose who to love, maybe she would've done it for her mother, for her family. She loved them too much not to try.

But wishful thinking never brought her anywhere. She loves Byul, and that's the reality of it. People, including herself, would just have to deal with that. "Mom. This is me. This is exactly who I am. I have always been this way." her tears are freely falling from her eyes now. This conversation has been long overdue; when she told her parents about her relationship with Byul, she did it for her girlfriend.

But this time, this time she's standing up to her mother for herself; and she didn't expect how it actually felt scary and gratifying at the same time.

"You've almost grown to be a wonderful woman, Yongsun. I don't know where we went wrong, but you'll come around eventually. At least you have the decency to break up with her." her mother states, that sent chills to Yongsun's spines in all the wrong ways. "You did the right thing." She can't believe her words fell on deaf ears. She can't believe her mother would overlook her efforts of finally being honest to her mother and to herself, just so she could impose to Yongsun her belief on the matter.

Yongsun shakes her head. "There is nothing wrong about what I feel for Moonbyul, Mom. But yes, I was wrong. I was wrong when I let the people around me dictate what was right to feel, because it's you, mom. You're way of thinking is what's wrong and it is such a shame that I've let your words get to me."

And with that the call ended, Yongsun wasn't sure who hit the end button first, but its not like it mattered anymore.

If looks could kill, Moonbyul might as well be dead right now.

Hyejin has been sending dagger-like looks in her direction for the past couple of minutes now.

They were waiting for Wheein to finish her recording. They were supposed to have a group practice but their manager said that Yongsun had an urgent affair she needed to go to, and so they got the whole day free after they finish recording some of their parts for their new song.

"Do you have something to say?" Moonbyul starts, she guess it has something to do with what she told Wheein yesterday, her girlfriend probably told Hyejin already.

"I'm mad at you, do you know that?" Hyejin asks rhetorically, and if Moonbyul doesn't feel guilty she would've laughed at how obvious the answer to her question is.

"Is this about last night?" Moonbyul asks knowingly.

Moonbyul took her silence as a yes.

"Remember when I told you that Wheein is my best friend?" Hyejin asks, crossing her arms.

"Yes." Moonbyul answers timidly.

"I told you that protecting her is my first priority, do you remember that?" Hyejin shots another question.

Moonbyul nodded, like a child being reprimanded by her mother, knowing all too well that she's in trouble.

"Well this is me doing just that." Hyejin starts. "I know she's acting like it's okay with her, but I hope you're not oblivious enough to actually believe her."

Moonbyul knows well enough to realize that what she did was not okay in any way. The brief comfort that she felt last night was good, but when the morning came the impact of her actions fell flat on her face. "Of course, I know that I've hurt her."

"No. No, unnie. She's hurting; present tense." Hyejin corrects her, it didn't help that Hyejin says it without judgement, yet her eyes shows pain. What did Moonbyul ever did to deserve such good people in her life? The guilt of inflicting pain to someone who was nothing but good to you is never a good feeling.

"I'm trying my best." is the only answer the Moonbyul could offer.

"Trying your best to what?" Hyejin asks, not quite satisfied with Byul's vague answer.

"To be good to her. To not hurt her. To be a better person. To deserve her." Moonbyul enumerates.

"But that's the thing." Hyejin frowns, "Love isn't about who deserves who. It's not a point system, Byul. Love isn't a competition." Hyejin shakes her head, and then laughs without humor. "You could be the worst person in the world and she's still going to love you." Hyejin states matter-of-factly. "The problem isn't what or who you are, the problem is what you feel. I need you to be sure- Wheein needs you to be honest of what you feel."

What was Moonbyul supposed to say? She didn't know. How can she explain to Hyejin something that she can't even explain to herself?

"Byul-ah, you know that I love you, right?" Hyejin asks softly, she needed to be sure that her unnie knows that whatever she's saying- and whatever she's about to say is coming from a place of love.

Moonbyul nods. Of course, Moonbyul would have to be a piece of brick to not feel Hyejin's love and concern.

Hyejin really didn't want to intervene, but she knows how Wheein is. One could argue that its the easiest thing to fall in love with Wheein, but she can also be a hard person to love; because she's combative, defensive and insecure all at once.

Another thing that Hyejin knows for a fact though, is that Wheein is also very loyal. And so Hyejin doesn't think Wheein would put herself first in this situation, because her best friend is apparently some kind of martyr.

"But like I said, Wheein's happiness is my priority. And I'm not going to tell you what you should do, because I'm in no position to do that; but I'm not going to stand in the sidelines while my best friend is hurting. I won't let you with her feelings just because you're unsure about yours."

Hyejin finally said it, and Moonbyul heard her loud and clear, and its almost pathetic how Byul  badly she wanted Hyejin to just tell her what to do.

She was taken aback at how Hyejin's words hit her in all the right places, and it hit her hard. "Hyejin-ah." She wanted to say something...anything...just so she could reassure her friend that she doesn't have to worry about Wheein because she could take care of her, but her mind was unable to form any words; even were dried up.

"You don't have to say anything to me, Byul-unnie." Hyejin smiles at her understandingly.

And so Moonbyul doesn't.

A/N:

The crossroad would happen next chapter. From here on out, the story would have a different scenario than what happened on Always Been You.

So I hope you would look out for that. ;)