She slunk her way through the room, eyes downcast a she tried to avoid attention before reaching the stage at the far end. Passing a high backed chair, dark mahogany and supple leather, she heard her name, “Seungwan,” rise up to meet her ears. Her feet felt glued to the floor. Her stomach twisted as she turned her gaze, a small face with narrow eyes looking up at her.

“Chungha,” Seungwan said in surprise. She felt her cheeks drain of color as her eyes suddenly started darting about, worry resting deep on her features. The woman reached out and gave Seungwan’s arm a friendly, almost too familiar pat. 

“It’s just me here,” the woman said, reading the apprehension on Seungwan’s face. “I saw your name on the advertisement for this place and it had been forever since I saw you play.” Chungha paused, concern filling her voice as she watched a shaken expression overtake Seungwan’s features. “Is that okay?”

“It’s perfectly fine,” Seungwan blurted out, voice bubbly as she forced a happy smile to her lips, a happiness that didn’t touch her eyes. “We’ll have to catch up.” Seungwan knew she didn’t mean it. She had adored Chungha and the friendship they had formed but she was the best friend of the woman who broke her heart. “I have to get on stage, though.”

“Oh, don’t let me hold you up! Go!” Chungha quickly said, making a shooing motion with her hands. With a final smile, Seungwan heel, her eyes locking onto the stage as she forced her feet to move. Everything felt slow, like she was trying to wade through a pool of pudding. “Put it out of your mind,” she whispered to herself as she reached the platform at the end of the room.

Stepping up onto the darkened stage, she could feel eyes from all across the room swing her way, tension and anticipation building in the room. She was used to the sensation, playing in auditoriums and music festivals but tonight she felt bare. Stepping around the piano, she began sorting the sheet music set up on it when she heard another footfall on stage, the sensation of it reverberating under her feet.

“I am so sorry,” Sooyoung said as she appeared from around the piano. Small beads of sweat dotted her pale brow, breath labored as she hunched over. Placing a hand on Seungwan’s shoulder, her voice thin and gasping as she spoke, “Sungjae’s car broke down on the way and I had to run all the way here in this.” A red sequin dress, short and y, hugged to Sooyoung’s body, her toned arms and shapely legs bared for all to see. She had always seen Sooyoung as a friend with no romantic interest but couldn’t deny the raw appeal the woman held.

“He’s getting towed and will be here later,” Sooyoung said before looking around. A wicked glint flashed in her eyes as she took in the large room filled with women, only a few men sprinkled throughout the crowd. She turned her gaze to Seungwan, voice filled with mirth as she said, “Though I think he’s going to feel out of place. I see the place is chock full of your female fans.”

Rolling her eyes, Seungwan settled onto the piano bench, working the seat adjustment screws to get it just the right height. “I’m just happy to have supportive fans, especially ones who understand me.”

“You know, it would be pretty easy for you to find someone to spend time with here,” Sooyoung said, the playfulness in her tone slipping a touch. “Find someone without a number and live in a moment a bit. At least have a little .” Seungwan knew her friend wasn’t teasing. This had become a regular suggestion over the past few months, her way of telling Seungwan it was time to move on.

“Give it a rest, Sooyoung,” she said firmly, eyes narrowed as she gazed at the tall woman. Standing, satisfied with the bench height, she reached up to run her fingers through her short hair, giving it one last primp. “I’m fine,” Seungwan insisted.

“But you’re not.”

“If I’m not right now, then I will be later,” Seungwan shot back as she began to push Sooyoung from the stage, the girl not resisting, letting herself be guided back to the floor. “I’m happy watching others fall in love. I can find solace in my music and be happy for other people.”

“A poor substitute,” Sooyoung said, too soft for Seungwan to hear, before she weaved her way back through the room, eyes scanning for a couch with enough room for her and Sungjae to sit together.

Seungwan took a steadying breath and sat behind the seat, giving a final look across the room. She could see the happy faces in the soft light of the room, waiting patiently for her to begin playing. Her eyes drifted to the bar, Joohyun and her soul mate having drawn closer, standing just a pace away. She wanted to feel thrilled for them, knowing that two hearts would soon be lost in love, but couldn’t summon up that happiness.

Tonight she was melancholy.

Reaching up, she touched her cheek, fingertips lingering over the lingering caresses of Joohyun’s fingers. The sudden need that welled up inside her at that soft touch. The image of the woman’s soft eyes and warm features, soft lips scrunched in concentration. When their eyes had met, she pondered for just a moment what it would be like to throw away caution again and let herself be hurt for just a single kiss.

“She’s not for you,” Seungwan said as she tore her gaze away from the pair, now both sitting at the bar, facing each other. She gave one last glanced about the room, a smile pulling at her lips as she watched Sooyoung settle into a seat beside Seulgi. She had only just met Seulgi but felt a kinship with the girl. “If anything comes of all this,” She thought, “at least I will have made a new friend.”

Rolling her shoulders, she whispered, “Let’s do this,” and her fingers began moving across the black and white keys. The piano reverberating throughout the room as a single beam of light broke through the darkness, illuminating her face and shoulders. The whistles and claps that filled the room made her smile. If should could find love, it was going to be the love of her fans.

“Good evening,” she said huskily into the microphone, her lower register carried through the speakers in the corner of each room. “Welcome to Black Velvet. Tonight we have a special show prepared for you, so please sit back, enjoy and let me carry you on a journey.” She smiled knowing that in the darkness, Sooyoung was rolling her eyes and calling her greasy.

“For your first song, let me bring you a little Cool… Hot… Sweet… Love.”

I’ll join in a song of you,
Imagine what kind of melody it would be,
It’s more beautiful when it’s simple,
But the more you try to edit, it loses its originality.

“Are you going to apologize to Rosie,” Jennie asked as she settled onto the bar seat, facing Joohyun. A handbreadth separated their knees, Joohyun’s eyes falling to gaze at the woman’s supple legs, tanned and firm. She could remember the feel of her fingers grasping at them. “She didn’t know those were your pictures or what they once meant.”

“What they once meant,” Joohyun said slowly as she slid her gaze up, eyes meeting Jennies as she looked for any remnants of feelings within them. All she found was ice, the cool gaze the woman gave to those who didn’t mean anything to her. She knew a soft and loving Jennie, a woman who gave fully of her heart to those who were inside her circle. A circle Joohyun knew she stood well outside of now.

“They’re just pictures now,” Jennie said as she leaned forward, Joohyun instinctively leaning to meet the woman. They both blinked for a moment before drawing away, eyes suddenly unable to meet. “It’s not her fault,” Jennie began, the sharpness in her voice starting to slip, “When Rosie was telling me the theme for that room, I couldn’t think of any better pictures than the ones you had taken. Think of it as you helping an old friend realize her dream, Joohyun.”

She had expected a stab of pain when she heard her name on Jennie’s lips, like a knife digging deep into her heart. She had expected to turn tail and run, get as much distance from the woman who had spent so much time in her head. Instead, in that moment, the vision of a pretty girl with red lips that she wanted to kiss invaded her thoughts. 

“You’re right,” she said before heaving a sigh. “Like always,” she thought. 

Taking a deep breath, she the stool, eyes casting down the length of the bar to settle on Rosie, hands still wringing as the redhead watched them. She could see the turmoil on the girl’s face, the worry that was tugging at her eyes. She held out a hand, her face going soft as she offered her most beatific smile to the girl.

She watched Rosie’s face change, her features take on a new light as happiness overtook her. Rosie hurried to her, reaching out to take Joohyun’s extended hand. “I’m sorry,” Joohyun said with as much emotion as she could summon. “I’m sorry that I abandoned you.”

The redhead burst into tears and leaned across the bar, small arms sliding around Joohyun in a hug so strong it belied the girl’s tiny stature. “You were always stubborn,” Rosie said before placing a friendly kiss on Joohyun’s cheek. From the corner of her eye, Joohyun saw Jennie crack a smile.

Co-Cool Ho-Hot Sweet Love
Cool Cool Hot Hot Sweet Sweet Love
Co-Cool Ho-Hot Sweet Love
Cool Cool Hot Hot Sweet Sweet Love

The song wound down to the soft applause of her audience. Seungwan was glad for the spotlight. It drowned out the crowd and made the dimly lit room impossible to focus on. She was afraid to look about and see those numbers. She didn’t want to see them tonight. “For my next song, it’s time to give you a Little Little.” She felt like a fraud when she sang love songs.

All the feelings that made my heart beat,
I avoid you because I thought you might heart them,
But I can’t hide that I want to see you,
Diary in my head,
Whichever page I open,
That you’re the only one for me,
It’s a secret that only I know.

“Thank you for doing her makeup,” Sooyoung said softly to the girl sitting beside her. The beaming smile she got back made her chuckle and wonder how someone could looks so adorable. Cocking her head at the empty seat beside Seulgi, she asked, “Where is your girlfriend? I thought I would get to meet her tonight.”

“Oh,” Seulgi said with a blush, “she had to work but we’re going out for drinks after here. If you want to meet her, why don’t you come with?” Seulgi grabbed Sooyoung’s hand, the girls face lighting up at the prospect.

“Drag my boyfriend out for drinks with a bunch of girls? I think that would make him uncomfortable.” Her eyes twinkled, voice carrying mischief as she said, “We’d love to.”

Seulgi blinked a moment before covering , a fit of giggles filling . She watched Sooyoung settle back into her seat as though she owned the room, her presence seeming to roll out in waves that demanded attention. Glancing around, she could see the way eyes were drawn to Sooyoung and had to smirk. Between her and Joohyun, Seulgi wondered if she would become invisible.

“Oh, I was wondering,” Seulgi said suddenly, biting her lips in worry as she decided whether or not to ask the question. Finally, with a nudge of self confidence, she asked, “Why does Seungwan cover the mirror in the dressing room?”

“Oh, you saw that,” Sooyoung said slowly. “Figures you did since you helped with her makeup. What did she tell you?”

“Only that she was superstitious. I thought it was some kind of performance thing.” Seulgi scrunched up her nose and bit her lip a moment before continuing, “It’s not unusual for entertainers to have little rituals but this didn’t feel the same.”

“It’s not,” Sooyoung said with a sigh. She looked over at Seulgi, lips pulled into a wan smile. “She refuses to look at her reflection anymore because she’ll look here,” reaching up, Sooyoung pointed to the invisible space over her head. The spot Seungwan had indicated she always saw those numbers.

“So she must be like you and want to let it happen organically,” Seulgi said as she leaned against the high, cushioned arm of the leather couch, eyes watching Seungwan, impressed by the girl.

“If only that were the case,” Sooyoung thought with a touch of sadness. 

Give a little little, more love,
Give a little little, more love,
Whisper very quietly,
So that only you can hear me,
Our distance has grown closer,
I wanna keep being with you,
Every minute and every second,
However short they may be,
I only want to fill them with you,
This feeling is probably love.

“Fraud,” she thought as the last notes of the song drifted away. An image of that girl, young and sweet, flashed through her mind. She remembered watching as those numbers slowly tick away over the girl’s head, waking up every morning to a dwindled countdown. Still, she let herself fall into those willing arms. She had told herself it would be okay to experience love and let it go.

She remembered that day when her lover stepped out the door with only 172 minutes left. She had paced the floor of their shared apartment, telling herself it would okay. She could be happy as long as the person she loved found happiness. Even if it wasn’t with her. That night they broke up, the words, “I found someone else,” ringing in her ears. That was the day she covered the mirrors in her home. The day she looked away from her reflection.

“She’s not for you,” she told herself again, the image of that girl replaced with Joohyun. She had thought, wondered for just a moment again, if it would be worth the pain to feel those lips on her own. The see if the curves of their bodies melded together, like they had both been carved from a single piece of marble.

Tonight she was forlorn.

She couldn’t shake the mood. She had always relied on the energy of the crowds, the love they gave her songs to brighten her spirits but tonight, in this dark and somber room, her spirit was growing heavy. Seeing Chungha had struck her, those old memories coming back fresh and renewed. “You can’t let yourself be hurt like that again,” she thought as the last notes of the song disappeared in her ears. “Time to remind yourself,” she thought bitterly. She reached up and closed the book of sheet music, hands settling on the piano keys.

Drawing in a deep breath, she leaned forward and spoke into the microphone with a heavy voice, “Tonight I have something special for you. An unreleased song and tonight is it’s first performance for a crowd. Sit back and let me take you to Kingdom Come.”

In just one moment, your eyes dig into me,
Without anyone knowing, my hidden heart was stolen,
Feels like I’m walking on a path in a faraway dream,
It’s an emotion that has touch me before

Sooyoung jerked up in her seat, fingers grasping at her knees, nails biting into her skin as she heard those words flowing through her ears, Seungwan’s voice thick with emotion. Pain and longing rolling across the room like a palpable wave. She watched as Seungwan’s eyes grew glassy in the spotlight, face contorting in pain as she sang.

“Oh no,” Sooyoung said as she reached up to cover . “Why is she singing this song?”

With wet words… secretly,
You drench my heart again… softly,
Then you disappear with a smile,
A light that has blinded me,
Feels like I’ve seen a new world,
I took courage and approached you.

Seulgi couldn’t tear her gaze from Seungwan. That pale face twisted in emotion, her voice thick and heavy as she leaned into the microphone. The entire room had grown silent, afraid to break the spell being cast over them. Afraid that the slightest noise would shatter the sorrowful strain. It felt as though Seungwan was ripping away her skin and bone, revealing the contents of her soul beneath.

You only spread before me,
I’m colored with you,
You fill my heart,
Baby I will love you till kingdom come,
I won’t wake from this dream baby,
Forever, I got you, you got me,
Love you till kingdom come.

Silence had fallen between the trio, all three of them having turned their gaze towards the stage. Rosie clung to Joohyun’s side, narrow arms holding her friend tight, afraid that the woman would suddenly float away again. “Is this a love song or one of loss,” Joohyun thought, the heaviness of Seungwan’s song, the raw emotion that poured through that small, pale girl, making her shiver.

“You should know,” Jennie whispered, her voice barely carrying over the sound of the piano, almost lost in Joohyun’s ears, “that I’m with Jisoo now.”

The scent of your gestures made me look back at you,
Ecstatic over the white flowers under my feet,
Shining but still thorny,
But I’ll still hold out my hand,
As if I’m bewitched, approaching you.

“I made a mistake,” Seungwan thought as the sound poured from her soul. She had written this song for her, hoping that she would return that day with a smile. That the girl would still fall into her arms and kiss her, refusing destiny. The original sheet music was locked away at the bottom of her desk, where each penciled not had been marked with love and later, stained with tears. 

Tonight she was mournful.

You only spread before me,
I’m colored with you,
You fill my heart,
Baby I will love you till kingdom come,
I won’t wake from this dream baby,
Forever, I got you, you got me,
Love you till kingdom come.

Sooyoung leaned forward, elbows on knees as she buried her face in hands. She glanced over to Seulgi, the slack mouth, enraptured face locked onto Seungwan. She had heard this song just once and it took months to bring her friend out of the darkness that followed. She wouldn’t make the same mistake this time of letting Seungwan pull into herself and push everyone away. 

“If I have to drag her out by her scrawny little legs, we’re getting drunk tonight,” Sooyoung thought bitterly.

Even if you’re a fantasy that’ll disappear when I open my eyes,
I won’t let you go,
Never ever ever, forever,
Like my heart stopped,
I got you, you got me,
I wanna fall asleep like this,
I got you, you got me.

“I’m not surprised,” Joohyun said finally, struggling to tear her gaze from Seungwan. She glanced sidelong at Jennie, the girl’s face set, ready to fight if needed. Part of her wanted to. She had accepted the breakup cooly, simply saying, “if that’s how you feel.” She should have fought then but it was far too late when she realized that. “Jisoo has always loved you more than life itself,” Joohyun admitted. 

“If I had fought for you,” Joohyun said slowly, their eyes locked with one another, “would things have been different?”

She could see the way Jennie flinched at the question, the girl’s lips twitching before a forced smile overtook the woman’s face, voice tinged with regret as she said, “Maybe, but we’ll never know.”

The more steps I take, the deeper it gets,
I lost myself but I keep getting pulled,
Endlessly falling into you,
Baby, I will love you till kingdom come,
I won’t wake up from this dream baby,
Forever I got you, you got me,
Love you till kingdom come.

She felt the music with her entire body, her fingers dancing across the keys, feet moving against the pedals. Her eyes fell shut, the words and notes coming to her from memory. Her voice grew harsh, a swell of tears building behind her eyes. She wasn’t ready to sing this song but she felt like she needed to. If she could make herself remember the pain, the heartbreak, she could avoid going through it all over again.

I got you, you got me,
I got you, you got me,
I love you till kingdom come.

As the music faded, the room remained hushed, everyone wanting the sensation of the performance to linger. Leaning into the mic, her voice raw, Seungwan said, “We will be taking a five minute break. Thank you.”

As she reached up and flipped the microphone off, the spotlight suddenly snapped off. The heat of those intense beams dissipating from her arms and shoulders, her eyes blinking as they readjusted. Wrapping herself up in her own arms, hands rubbing against exposed shoulders, she shivered. She could see the silhouette of Sooyoung making its way towards her. Her vision turned liquid, the room swimming as tears began to roll down her cheeks.

Authors Notes: This was a hard chapter to write. The movement between different songs and how it would bridge different POV’s took quite a few rewrites until I was happy with it. The pieces of Seungwan’s puzzle is being put together here and I think people could make a decent guess at who her ex-girlfriend is. There is still more to learn, so the next few chapters are going to round out everyone’s backgrounds and set the stage for “what is to come.”

I had the plot outline for this story done but spent some time breaking it down into sections and chapters. We’re looking at a total of 16 chapters and an epilogue to wrap up this story.