Chapter Text

“No, no don’t leave me”, “Please” was the last thing Mark mumbled before waking up from his nightmare. He sat up, trembling while tears streamed down his face.

“No no no” he choked out trying to force the memories back, back into the safe where he locked them.

But it didn’t work, his nightmare had already opened the safe and let the memories out once again.

He tried desperately to control his body but his attempts were useless, his body started to shake heavily.

It was getting harder for him to breath as he was forced to watch his memories like they were some kind of movie.

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He remembers his girlfriend telling him she was pregnant, and yes everything wasn’t great.

His parents were mad, of course, they were but they were also supportive, and so were her parents.

The nine months flew by before both of them knew it. They had bought all of the things the baby would need, being hyped over baby clothes.

Mark was happy he really was, he knew it wasn’t going to be easy but it was okay, he had his family and his girlfriend and they would get through it.

He remembers being in the hospital when his girlfriend got into labor and being by her side for every minute of it. Feeling terrible on the inside because the one he loved was in pain.

Then after a couple of hours, Ashton was born, Mark had cried of course and so had his girlfriend.

Everything had seemed fine until Mark went to the toilet and took a moment to call his parents so that they could come to see their grandson.

He didn’t even know how many times he had thought about what would have happened if he hadn’t left the room.

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Ash looked at his dad in fear. He had no idea what was happening, but it has happened before that he knew.

He had heard some weird sounds coming from his dad’s room so he went to take a look, but he had no idea what his dad was doing.

He seemed to be crying and the young boy knew that crying wasn’t good, so he tried to hug his dad but it didn’t work.

In total confusion, he ran to the living room, grabbed the phone and dialed the number of his grandparents.

“Grandma it’s happening again”

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When Mark came back to the room his girlfriend, her mom and his newborn son were supposed to be, he only found his son.

To say Mark had been confused was an understatement. HIs girlfriend was gone and so were all of her belongings.

Upon looking for any trace of the girl the only thing he found was a short note.
“Mark I’m sorry but I just can’t do this. I’m not ready to be a mom. I’ll make sure you get full custody of him. Don’t come looking for me, you won’t find me anyway - Katie”

He remembers thinking it was all a joke, that Katie would come out of the bathroom and laugh at him but she didn’t she never did.

Which was the cause of his parents finding their son a while later, on the floor of the hospital room having a panic attack.

The happiness of the birth of his son long forgotten and replaced by the confusion and heartbreak she left him with.

They had tried to look for her but she was nowhere to be found, vanished off the earth taking Mark’s heart and happiness with her.

He wondered if everything had been a lie, the happy moments they shared, the tears she cried when Ash was born but most importantly: her love for him.

It caused months of crying, screaming and locking himself up before he started to accept that she left him and their son, and she was never coming back.

Until his dad decided to step in and make him man up and move on because he needed to be a good dad for his son.

So that was what Mark did, his son gave him back the smile that had been missing from his face and the courage to move on.

After a year his parents tried to set him up with people, trying to find somebody who would make Mark smile in that special way, because that’s what he deserved to be loved

But as soon as anyone would come near him with even the littlest intention of dating him, he pushed them away, scared they would all end up leaving.

The fear made sure to renew itself by giving Mark nightmares once every now and then, and making him relive the memory once again which always resulted in panic attacks.

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Mark tried to make it stop, but again it wasn’t working. You would think that after four years he knew how to deal with them but truth is, he didn’t.

He suddenly felt a warm body wrapping itself around his, a deep voice softly murmuring “ssshhh” and “it’s okay” in his ear.

The person started to hum the melody of a children's lullaby. Mark remembered singing it to Ash when he couldn’t sleep.

It also worked his magic on Mark and he finally managed to calm down and come back to his senses.

He now realized he didn’t know who was holding him so he looked back to find Yukhei looking at him with a soft smile on his face.

“Are you okay?” the said man asked. Mark hummed as an agreement while tiredly laying his head on Yukhei’s shoulder, feeling safe in the embrace.

They sat like that for a while before Mark asked: “Where are the kids?”. “Asleep in Ash’s bed” Yukhei answered.

That wasn’t his last question “What are you even doing here in the middle of the night?” he said. “Ash called, he sounded quite worried so I came to make sure you were alright”.

“Mmhh” Mark hummed sleepily from the energy his panic attack. “You should sleep Markie”
Yukhei says.

“Mmhh” the younger one hummed out again. “Don’t leave” he said to Yukhei who hadn’t even made an attempt to move. “I won’t” was the response from the older man.

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Mark woke up with Yukhei’s limbs entangled with his own for the second time in his life. He now fully realized what happened last night which caused him to feel guilty and embarrassed.

So he got up and tried his best at cooking breakfast. With the emphasis on TRIED, of course, he had to burn the eggs.

It had already been a wonder he had managed to crack them. He put his head in his hands and let out a groan.

“Need a hand?” Yukhei says, walking into the kitchen. “No no no, you don’t ha…” Mark tried to protest but the tall man had already gotten to work.

‘Do you have them often, panic attacks?” Yukhei asks while cooking. “Well it has gotten better, it’s not as often as it was just after…” and Mark fell silent, realizing Yukhei had absolutely no idea what happened.

Yukhei thought the silence meant it was a touchy subject so he carefully asked: “Do you want to talk about it?”.

And Marks first response wants to say no but upon seeing the soft look in Yukhei’s eyes and taking in the fact that the man had the right to know after he had calmed him down last night, his answer is a solid “Yes”.

He tells the whole story, Yukhei not interrupting him once, and it felt good, it felt good to tell
Yukhei.

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On the other side, Yukhei was panicking a bit on the inside. It had taken him a while but by now he was sure he had feelings for Mark. (grab the confetti)

But the man had just told him a whole story about how he was scared of dating and falling in love, and yeah that discouraged him a bit.

He had originally planned on telling Mark and trying to ask him on a date but he now understood he had to be a bit more careful here.

But Mark was worth being careful for.