November 28, 2014

Irene hadn't kept in contact with Seungwan for the last 4 days and it was killing her. She wanted to be near her and listen to her soft voice calling her name. She was longing for Seungwan and it had only been four days. Seungwan tried calling her but Irene didn't pick up, she was too scared to answer. It was suffocating her.

Irene had joined in a new entertainment company which was a very good news, yet she felt numb. She wanted to run to Seungwan and tell her about it. She wanted to see Seungwan’s genuine smile which visualized her small dimples.

Irene groaned as she threw the book she was reading and sat aloof. She needed to get out in the fresh air and rethink her choices, she needed to socialize. So, she called the perfect person to hang out with, her lovely dongsaeng, Yerim.

“How are you, unnie?” Yeri said as she settled down in front of Irene. Irene invited the girl to a small café that she admired and hung out a lot.

“Hey, Yeri. You came by fast.” Irene said as she was genuinely shocked to see the latter on time for the first time. Yeri scoffed while glaring at Irene for making her look like she was unpunctual(which she is).

“What are you saying? Stop talking rubbish. I've always been on time.” 

Irene chuckled, “Whatever floats your mind, Yerim” 

“So, what's with the sudden hang out?” Yeri said as she looked through the small and cute handwritten menu.

Irene sighed, “Just wanted to hang out and socialize.”

“And you called me, I'm flattered.” 

Irene smiled, “You're always my first choice.”

Yeri raised her eyebrows and looked Irene with a sly grin, “Oh? I thought it was Seungwan unnie by the amount of time you've been spending with her.”

Irene's breath hitched by the mention of Seungwan’s name. She kept her silence which confused Yeri.

“Did you guys get into a fight?” Yeri then asked after ordering a cheesecake and red velvet  cake.

Irene shook her head quickly, “No, no, we’re alright.”

“I can't believe you're an actress, you're so bad at lying, unnie.” Yeri teased while tapping her finger on the wooden table.

“Is it that obvious?” Irene tiredly said and Yeri nodded in agreement. She pointed to Irene’s eyes as she muttered, “It is written on your eyes, unnie. It isn't sparkling like it used to and I guess it's related to Seungwan unnie.”

Irene was caught. She wonder how Yeri was quick to catch stuffs like that. Yeri really surprises her sometimes. 

“Well…Seungwan…Seungwan likes girls.” Irene had said it and she awaited for Yeri’s mixed reaction but nothing came by. 

She looked Yeri, who had a stern face and a little disbelief written on her lips. Yeri hissed quickly,

“Don't tell me you fought with her because if that reason?”

Irene quickly denied hoping that Yeri wouldn't misunderstand, “No! I would never judge anyone based on their gender or preference.”

“So, what's the problem, unnie?” Yeri asked again.

“W-What do you think about it?” Irene carefully asked because she needed to hear Yeri’s opinions.

“I mean…It's her life and I kind of knew because Seungwan unnie had told me before. I was quite surprised but I don't hate it. That's who she is and she's owning it. Our society is hard on those things but I wish nothing but best for her.”

Irene relieved a sigh and she was baffled due to Yeri’s high opinion. She was happy that Yeri, despite her age, she was mature and thoughtful.

“What is the real deal here though?” Yeri asked with curiosity because it was really out of topic for someone like Irene. 

The waiter came by and handed the desserts they ordered. Irene waited till the waiter was out of earshot and she leaned in, whispering,

“I kissed…Seungwan.”

Yeri almost choked on her cheesecake. She quickly drank the water beside her and asked again

“You did what?”

Irene bit her lips and slowly said,

“I kissed Seungwan…in the lips.”

Yeri processed the whole thing and just nodded, having no words to reply by.

“A-And I haven't talked with her after that and I feel so alone. I miss her. I don't know how to cope with these uncertain feelings. I'm scared.”

“Unnie,” Yeri softly said as she caressed Irene’s hand.

Irene looked up to Yeri, who smiled gently at her, “It's okay to have those uncertain feelings. Don't be scared for what you feel, unnie. If you like Seungwan then it's okay. I'm okay with you falling for a girl, I don't mind if that's who you are, unnie. So, don't let others judgement stop you from feeling what you are feeling.”

Irene was speechless, she registered what Yeri just said and it immensely pained her heart because Seungwan came into her mind. Seungwan’s stupid smile captured her mind and Irene felt it, the butterflies and a heavy ache on her heart. Irene knew that moment what she was feeling.

She liked Seungwan.

“I have to go.” Irene stood up and ran out the café, leaving Yeri alone but she didn't think about that because she needed to get to Seungwan. She needed to embrace Seungwan. She wanted Seungwan. 

After a 20 minutes ride on the cab, Irene finally made it to Seungwan’s apartment. She hurriedly dashed towards Seungwan’s floor number and she alas didn't care about the look everyone was throwing at her.

Irene stood in front of Seungwan’s apartment door, getting a little nervous. She wondered if the girl is inside or not. She slapped herself for not calling the girl beforehand. She had to do this. She wanted to make it right.

She rang the door bell and waited for the door to open but it didn't for a while. Irene breathed out as she came into the conclusion that Seungwan wasn't home.

“Maybe she went out.” Irene mumbled to herself, feeling kind of relieved but also sad.

Irene was about to leave when the door creaking open startled the daylights out of her. Suddenly, she wanted to run and hide away but Seungwan’s fair face made everything stop. She was face to face with the person she felt so much for.

Seungwan stared her back like how Irene stared. They just stood their staring at each other, no one volunteering to break the silence.

“H-Hi” Irene shuttered.

Seungwan nodded, “What are you doing here?”

Ouch, Irene felt. Maybe she deserved it for leaving Seungwan like that a few days ago.

“I'm h-here to talk to you.” 

“So suddenly? After making me feel several things and just running away?” Seungwan said slowly and Irene was sure that she was mad, but Seungwan didn't let her words show it. Seungwan was gentle with her words which engulfed Irene with warmth.

Irene started to tear up and she didn't know why, she was just so happy to see Seungwan again. She was just so overjoyed. 

Seungwan looked at her worriedly, “Why are you crying?”

Irene chuckled as she pulled Seungwan for a hug. Irene was about to melt because of Seungwan’s body warmth. Irene held tighter, breathing in the sweet fresh cologne of Seungwan’s.