"Unnie, is something on your mind?"

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here."

That was how it started. That curious caring nature that Chorong loved, moments later, transformed into a dark look. She didn't foresee that happening. She hadn't even considered that could happen until it did, with the misunderstanding that she might end up with someone else, and then she realised she could lose Bomi to someone else in the same way. 

Chorong had been distracted all day. The morning set the group off to a rocky start, and she knew she was at fault. How could she let this happen? Things escalated and slipped from her fingers when she least expected it. The concert was closing in on them, and Bomi fell out of reach. This was not what she wanted. 

If the earlier events had been a way for her to gauge the younger girl's reaction, then it would've been a success because Bomi regretted asking and was now hiding her pain. 

The dancer put her job first and rehearsed on stage with a fiery passion, letting her performance overtake her; dulling her thoughts and feelings; blood flowing through her veins. She was thriving on the endorphins being released. It was her drug to get her through this day.

Bomi needed to forget about it. Just a while longer, then she could shut herself from the world, quietly cry herself to sleep, and try to forget that any of this ever happened.

But Chorong clearly saw through it. 

——

"She likes someone, but you knew that already," Bomi mumbled. 

That little bit of hope she had in the way Chorong looked at her and returned her smiles...

Well, none of it mattered anymore, and Bomi felt pathetic for believing even the tiniest bit that something could happen between them. It was far from reality. When all is lost, hope is the one thing you can still have, but Bomi's heart had been beaten into the dirt. Her day had been ruined from the beginning, and she was burdened with this weight on her chest. 

"Are you mad at me?" Eunji asked carefully, cradling her friend from the side. The main vocal had a vague idea of what misunderstanding transpired, but she went soft the moment her eyes laid on a struggling Bomi. Eunji's protective side came out.

Bomi sighed for a moment to exhale the stress she built up, to clear her judgement. "I'm not," she admitted truthfully. "I'm.. more upset than anything else... at Chorong unnie... at myself..."

Bomi spared a glance at her best friend, who was looking like a real sad puppy. She could've laughed at her face, if it wasn't for the situation. "I'm not mad at you, Eunji-ya. It's me. It's my problem." She leaned back into her seat, thinking it over. Eunji kept mum in understanding.

When she next opened her eyes, Bomi decided to ask the question that she just so dreaded.

"Tell me, what kind of person is he?" 

——

As they went through the setlist carefully with the lighting and sound crew, the members watched each other's solo performances from the audience section with fervour and enthusiasm. They were the most excited for each other, and the concert venue echoed with their whoops and cheers. 

There was some amazing hard work put behind Bomi's stage, and the members honestly had their jaws dropped at what their main dancer was able to pull off. 

God, she's amazing.

Chorong couldn't help her stare during Bomi's rehearsal, and she distinctly wondered whether it was comparable to Bomi's behaviour during her own rehearsal. It was difficult to read what she could be thinking. 

A blush involuntarily made its way to Chorong's cheeks, thankfully shadowed by the cap she wore, when she realised the girl had been watching her intently throughout her performance of "X". 

It wasn't like she hadn't expected it, but since there was some tension between them, it would've been an understandable disappointment if Bomi had chosen in that precise moment of her solo rehearsal to leave. Even so, she caught herself searching for Bomi's reaction in the audience like a magnetic pull, and she almost did a double take. The starstruck look came as a pleasant surprise to Chorong who had her heart beating a little faster because of it. 

Maybe it wasn't hopeless. 

Chorong was nothing but concerned for Bomi. She was hurt by the girl's words, but she knew Bomi enough to know that the girl was lashing out at her from a position of pain. There was no doubt about it. Chorong felt tremendous guilt at the heartbreak she caused unintentionally. 

She wanted to set things right.

Fleeting thoughts circled around at first. Perhaps this was how things should be. Perhaps... she needed to hurt Bomi in order to push her away; to push these feelings away and stop something before it could start.

But with the way they moved around each other, it was fair to say something had already started long ago. 

And it would hurt Chorong even more to do this. It stung to only be a friend, but hurting the one she loved on purpose — knowing Bomi's position and how she must feel about this too — this was so much worse.

If only she could turn back time to how things were before, when she wasn't plagued by the complications involved with her own feelings. When they were just kids with the same dream. When they were just friends.

Couldn't it have stayed like that?

Chorong felt a constricted feeling in her chest that told her all she needed to know. 

It would've been so much easier, but life isn't easy. 

"What did you say to her?"

She ducked her head at Namjoo's question, all of a sudden reminded of the long conversations they've had.

***

Chorong closed her eyes reluctantly, not before the younger girl gave her a look to just go with it. 

"Think. Imagine. It's just you and Bomi unnie. For a moment, you're not Apink's leader... you're not celebrities... people aren't looking at everything you do. It's just you... and Bomi unnie." 

The leader dropped her head in her hands, feeling the weight of it all pushing her down instead of freeing her like what Namjoo wanted in this little experiment. She was constantly reminded of her harsh reality, and it was tough to let it go. The thought that she couldn't simply have what she wanted... It hurt like hell. 

***

Chorong gulped, thinking their progress had just gone ten steps back. "I told her I like someone."

The words took a moment to register and then expressive eyes went wide. "Someone else??" Namjoo whispered furiously. 

"No!" Chorong was quick to interject. "I mean, no, I didn't say who. I just said I was dealing with my feelings. She figured out that I like someone, and she assumed..." Chorong trailed off hesitantly, feeling reminded of her guilt. "I really need to fix this."

——

Bomi opted to stay home when the girls and their dancers proposed to head out for dinner together — a little celebration before they worked up to the big day. 

"I'll pass this time. You can all go on ahead without me," Bomi suggested, though feeling a bit guilty. She wasn't in the mood to eat out and socialise today. 

"Really? You're not coming?"

"Sorry.. I'm feeling stressed and tired today. Maybe next time," she offered with a sense of hope. She didn't want to come across as impolite to the hard-working staff. It's just that Bomi would much rather retreat into a shell right now and hide for a while, maybe for as long as it would take to recharge herself and heal. 

Thankfully the team were in understanding and let her off, and Bomi was ever so grateful. 

They parted their separate ways in the parking lot, with Bomi getting into the girls' van with their manager while the big group started walking to a nearby restaurant. Manager oppa was going to drop Bomi off at home before returning to join them. She felt a bit sorry about that, but she was exhausted. Both physically and emotionally. She wanted to be selfish, just this once. Let her be upset, just this once. 

"Oppa!" a soft voice called from behind them. They had only just reached the van and hadn't opened the doors yet. A flushed Chorong came rushing over, all bundled up in the cold, calling for their manager. 

"Unnie?" Bomi blurted, completely startled by her appearance. Her arms were already folded across her chest to keep herself warm, and her wellbeing guarded. "W-Why are you here?" she asked tentatively, not having a good feeling.

"I'm coming too."

Bomi couldn't choose this moment to complain in front of their manager, but Chorong was one of the last people she expected to be with this evening. She was hoping to avoid her for longer. 

Their manager simply nodded and made his way to the driver's side of the van. Bomi watched on with a defeated sigh. She reached for the passenger door when Chorong lightly intercepted her wrist. Though it was light, the quick movement and soft touch were enough for Bomi to jolt. 

"I let them know. I told them I'm passing on dinner today," Chorong's nonchalant words swayed through the breeze. 

The response that came was flustered. "Uh, okay??" Perhaps it was more at Chorong's forwardness than anything. That gentle touch to her hand, saying simple things. On top of not being ready, Bomi wasn't sure why she needed to know this. She thought that much was obvious.

Chorong retracted her hand from Bomi's, who instantly found herself missing the feeling. It was something she couldn't control. Her eyes were drawn to the leader who took a step back with a small smile. 

"I'm saying I need to talk to you." 

——

The ride up the elevator was awkward and silent, and so was the walk to their dorm. Chorong ended up falling into step behind Bomi, feeling a little nervous for what's to come, while Bomi walked fast. Any faster and she'd be running again from her problems. Maybe if Chorong disappeared from her view the faster she walked, she might also disappear into thin air. 

Bomi began to slow her movements when they reached the front door, as if calculating her options and delaying the confrontation they both knew was going to happen. She punched in the passcode and entered the dorm with Chorong following her. 

It was now or never.

"Bbom-ah..."

Chorong braced for something—anything—hell, another outburst— when Bomi turned around... not in anger like she thought but with regret and remorse on her features. 

That one look at the apologetic brunette stole all words she had prepared to calm the girl down. "Bbom.."

"Look, unnie, I'm sorry for the way I acted today. That wasn't like me," Bomi started honestly. "I know I hurt you.. and I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to hurt you.. I didn't mean what I said. I was just so.. shocked.. I.."

You broke my heart into a million pieces.

Bomi sighed at her emotions, closing her eyes to figure out the right words to express herself. She pushed her hair back in an agitated manner. "I feel hurt... sad.. that you didn't tell me, or come to me. Maybe I'm expecting too much for you to tell me first. I never want you to be uncomfortable with me, unnie. But then... You didn't even tell me. I had to ask you. I'm surprised by it, and honestly, I still don't understand." 

"Am I.. really that undependable?" she muttered dejectedly, in a tone so soft that Chorong almost couldn't hear it. 

The atmosphere between them hung low and heavy at that, until Chorong could find her voice. She was treading over thin ice here.

"You're not.. mad?" she asked slowly, carefully.

Bomi was sincere in her answer. "I'm not mad," she clarified. Just sad.

"I just wish you'd tell me at least, and not hide it. You know it's never been good whenever you repress your feelings unnie."

That statement rung so true to Chorong. She wished someone had told her about that aspect of herself a lot earlier in life. 

But Bbom-ah, don't you know a thing about that?

Her eyes searched Bomi's, and met brown orbs swimming with complex emotions that went far deeper than what she was letting on. In a way, Bomi was speaking to herself too. 

***

"Tell me, what kind of person is he?" 

Eunji turned to her friend seriously, a hand comforting her thigh. "I think you should ask her yourself," she responded with meaning.

Bomi smiled wryly, not feeling up to the task. Her feelings were raw, and beaten. "I don't think I can talk to her right now.."

"Bbom-ah, it's not entirely like that," Eunji attempted to remedy aft