Sehun sniffles and wipes his nose with the back of his hand, then knocks on the door. When it opens he can’t look up at Baekhyun; he knows his face is likely blotchy red, and he’s embarrassed.

“Oh my god, what happened?” Baekhyun asks, voice filled with worry. He steps back so Sehun can enter and he watches him silently cross the room and sit. Baekhyun stands still, closes the door; he isn’t sure what to do or say. “Um…Sehun,” he says softly. “Sehun, what happened?”

Sehun thinks about it, remembers every word Jongin said to him. The lump in his throat returns and he swallows hard, trying to keep himself from crying again. He lifts his head to look at Baekhyun, still standing, and his eyes fill with tears.

“Jongin doesn’t like me,” he says matter-of-factly, trying his best to give Baekhyun a silly grin. “And, he never will.” He takes in a few shaky breaths, clenches his fists in his lap.

“What did he say?”

“I told him. Well, I didn’t…he already knew. He’s been lying to me since middle school, Baek.”

Baekhyun takes a few cautious steps closer. “What do you mean?” He holds his breath, decides, it, and sits down beside Sehun. He scoots closer to him, until their legs are touching, and puts his hand on his arm.

“He…” Sehun places his hand over Baekhyun’s and sighs. “He’s known about how I feel. The whole time. And, the girl he was ing earlier was actually a guy. He’s only been pretending to be straight so I would get over him.” Sehun shakes his head, still finding it hard to believe all this. “He also said he thought if I made other friends I’d stop being obsessed with him.”

Baekhyun scoffs; he can’t believe Jongin would say something so hurtful. He laces his and Sehun’s fingers and squeezes. “He’s an . I’m so sorry.”

“I’m so ing stupid.”

Baekhyun pushes at Sehun’s chin, making him look up at him. “No, he is.”

Sehun’s chin trembles pathetically as he holds in a sob; Baekhyun’s eyes look so sincere, so caring. He closes his eyes and leans forward; he wants to kiss him. He’s going to kiss Baekhyun. But, his lips are met with fingers. He opens his eyes, confused, Baekhyun’s fingertips pressed to his lips.

“I want that,” Baekhyun smiles, “I really, really do.” He pulls his hand away and runs it through Sehun’s hair. “But, not like this.” His fingers trace along Sehun’s hairline, down past his ear; he holds Sehun’s face in his hand, thumb pressing gently into Sehun’s chin. “Not just because you’re upset. I won’t let you do that.”

Sehun nods as Baekhyun stands. He lets himself be pulled up from the couch, pushed down the hall. He’s walked into Baekhyun’s room where he’s sat on the bed and, honestly, Sehun is grateful for a friend like Baekhyun. Anyone else would have accepted his advance, taken advantage of his vulnerable state. But, not Baekhyun. He’s good, much too good for him.

“What are you doing?” Sehun asks, being snapped out of his thoughts when he feels his jacket being tugged on.

“You’re gonna take a nap,” Baekhyun smiles. “I’m gonna make some food. And then, when you wake up, we’re gonna eat dinner together. We can talk too, if you’d like.” Sehun nods. “Now lay down.” Baekhyun walks to the door and shuts the light off. “I’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything.”

Waking up from his second self-pity nap returns the same results as the first. He doesn’t feel any better, maybe a little worse if he’s being honest, but he appreciates the sentiment behind Baekhyun’s efforts.

Sitting up, his limbs are heavy. His head hurts and he’s thirsty. He can hear Baekhyun moving around, doing something in some other part of the apartment. Whatever food he’d cooked smells great and has Sehun’s stomach rumbling.

Baekhyun is sitting at the small table in the kitchen; he has one of his school books open, taking notes in a notebook off to the side. He has Chanyeol’s round glasses on the tip of his nose again and he pushes them up with the end of his pen.

“You’re up!” Baekhyun says with a big smile, dropping his pen into his book and closing it. “Feel any better?”

“I don’t know,” Sehun shrugs. “I feel like I cried myself to sleep and haven’t eaten in three days.”

Without a word Baekhyun stands and begins scooping food from a pan on the stove into a bowl. He sets it on the table and motions for Sehun to sit.

“Fried rice,” Baekhyun says proudly, “the ultimate comfort food, and the only thing my mom ever taught me how to make.”

“What about you?” Sehun asks, noticing Baekhyun’s lack of a bowl.

“I ate while you were sleeping,” he shrugs, gives Sehun another small smile as he sits across from him.

The rice is good, really good, similar to what he remembers his mother making when he was young. He finishes his bowl quickly and goes to the stove to refill it. As he eats, Baekhyun continues studying; Sehun watches him scribble notes, highlight sentences in his book. The glasses slip down the bridge of his nose and he pushes them back up.

“Why do you always wear Chanyeol’s glasses?”

Baekhyun looks up, mouth forming a surprised little ‘o’. “I look cute in them,” he says after a short pause. He smiles, only momentarily, then takes the glasses off. He folds them and places them on the table beside his book. “I guess I should probably give them back to him.”

“Probably,” Sehun agrees.

They’re quiet for a while, just the sound of Baekhyun writing and Sehun’s spoon scraping the bowl.

“He’ll be fine,” Baekhyun says suddenly; he’s looking at Sehun. “Chanyeol, I mean. He’s gonna be okay. He’ll get over me and find someone right for him.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

Baekhyun shakes his head, “I think I’m just trying to make myself believe it.” He makes a face, somewhere between regret and pain, “I hate that I had to hurt him like that. He’s my best friend.”

“What did Chanyeol say?” Sehun thinks back to Chanyeol’s sad smile in the kitchen earlier today and understands now; Chanyeol knew then that he had no chance with Baekhyun. “I mean, when you guys talked. What did he say to you?”

“He just asked why. Why wasn’t he good enough for me. I told him that it wasn’t that he’s not good enough, it’s because there’s someone else.” He looks at Sehun, gives him the tiniest smile, and Sehun understands that he’s the someone else. “What I said earlier about liking you, I—"

“Baek—”

“I know. Okay? I know you’re in love with Jongin and I know I have no chance with you. I know we’re only friends. I know all of that, but I can’t help the way I feel.” He looks up now, at Sehun, desperation in his eyes. “Seeing the way you were with Jongin, how you cared for him, how much he meant to you. I want that.” He closes his eyes and sighs. “I want you to see me the way you see him.”

Sehun is silent. He doesn’t know how to respond to Baekhyun’s confession. It hurts, hearing it, hearing Baekhyun pour his heart out like that. Minutes pass by in silence, neither one looking at the other. Sehun replays his argument with Jongin in his head over and over, and finally, he realizes something.

“Baek?” He waits for Baekhyun to look up at him, and then holds eye contact for a few seconds, just thinking. He frowns, “You’re wrong, I don’t think I’m in love with him.”

It’s a weird, rough night for Sehun. Most of his time is spent sitting curled up on the couch, with Baekhyun at the other end silently watching one movie after the other. Sehun keeps his legs pulled up to his chest and his arms locked tightly around them, resting his chin uncomfortably on his knees. He’s staring at the television screen, but he has no idea what he’s seeing; his mind is too preoccupied with thoughts of where he is in life.

Until a few hours ago he was in love with someone, his best friend. He was head-over-heels for the boy that showed absolutely no interest in him, other than the friendship they’d shared for years. It creates a stabbing pain in his gut, but not for the reason he’d always expected. He’s hurt, sure. Jongin tore his heart out and stomped all over it, but not by refusing to return Sehun’s feelings. With a slow, heavy sigh, Sehun turns his head and asks Baekhyun for a hug.

He’s always been a touchy person; always craved physical touch. It’s comfort and reassurance, and right now, he needs both more than anything. Baekhyun does hug him, reaches across the space between them and pulls Sehun close, tucks Sehun’s head tight under his chin.

“I think it was real, a long time ago. I think I really did love him,” Sehun says softly, speaking with lips pressed directly against the skin of Baekhyun’s neck. “He wasn’t wrong what he said earlier, I was obsessed with him.”

“Sehun—” Baekhyun wants to argue with him, tell him that what Jongin said was rude and unnecessary, but Sehun stops him.

“No, he was right. I haven’t had any other friends but him for so long. I think— I think I just loved him out of habit.” He looks up to Baekhyun now, searching his eyes for answers. He wishes Baekhyun had answers. “Because I had no one else around but him.”

“I mean…maybe?”

Sehun smiles and sits upright, returns to hugging his legs to his chest. “Thank you for being such a good friend. I’m not like…good at emotions, obviously, but just…thank you.” And, Baekhyun smiles, but it looks so terribly sad that Sehun’s heart aches and his eyes well up with tears.

“Baekhyun?” He doesn’t answer, doesn’t even look away from the screen he’d returned to watching, but he hums to let Sehun know he’d heard him. “I-I don’t…want to…lose you as a friend.” He rolls his eyes at himself for how hard he struggled to get one simple sentence out.

He watches Baekhyun’s eyes move away from the TV, to a spot probably somewhere on the carpeting and then, Baekhyun’s looking right at him. “Look, I’m a little sad,” he says with a shrug, “but, I’m also an adult. I’ll…get over it. We— I’ll be fine.” The smile he gives Sehun does reach his eyes this time and Sehun knows that Baekhyun is right, they’ll be fine.

He knows, but he still feels the need to explain himself. Give Baekhyun a better apology, maybe.

“I just…I don’t want things to be weird between us now. You know?” He’s got this pleading look in his eyes, he can feel it. He hopes Baekhyun knows, hopes he understands how important he is to Sehun without being told. “You—” Sehun cuts himself off, looks down at his lap. He thinks about Jongin for a moment, about the lack of remorse he’d shown him earlier; he thinks about how things will never be the same between them again. “You’re my best friend,” he finishes, chin trembling as he meets Baekhyun’s gaze.

“Come here,” is all Baekhyun says. He opens his arms and Sehun doesn’t think twice about falling into them, burying his face in Baekhyun’s neck, and he begins sobbing, finally letting out many years worth of built up emotions. And, Baekhyun doesn’t stop him, he only wraps his arms around Sehun’s to hold him in place, occasionally running fingers through his hair. He can feel the tears on his skin, and when Sehun blinks, he can feel the wet tips of eyelashes graze his neck. Sehun’s ragged breath tickles and warms his skin.

“I’m sorry, Sehun,” Baekhyun doesn’t know why he has a lump in his throat, or why his face is twisted in pain, “I’m so sorry, I wish he felt the same.”

Sehun sniffles and pulls back enough to look up, confused, at Baekhyun. “Why?” he asks, confused.

Baekhyun grabs Sehun’s face, a palm on each cheek, and gives Sehun a shaky smile. “You think I want to watch you cry?” His thumbs catch Sehun’s tears, one hand moves down to wipe saliva from the corner of his mouth. “I’d rather lose you to him than see you hurt like this.”

Sehun chews at his bottom lip. Baekhyun is so genuine, tears line his eyes, but still, he has a smile on his face. “I’m sorry,” he says softly, placing his hand over Baekhyun’s. “I—”

“Don’t,” Baekhyun says, covering Sehun’s mouth with his hand. “You don’t need to apologize for not having feelings for me. It’s okay. Really.” He pulls his hand away and moves to sit more comfortably; Sehun remains close, rests his head on Baekhyun’s lap.

He plays with Sehun’s hair through an entire movie, while Sehun stares at him from below. The silence is nice, refreshing. It allows them to feel like this entire night wasn’t just a whole ed up mess. It’s what they both need right now. Sehun eventually falls asleep still resting on Baekhyun’s lap, and he doesn’t wake when Baekhyun carefully slips out from under him and sneaks off to the kitchen.

For a while, Baekhyun paces. His mind is running a million miles an hour, but no thoughts are passing through. It’s strange, he thinks, having so many feelings but nowhere to place them. He hurts because Sehun doesn’t want him in the same way. He hurts also for Sehun. He looks into the living room, Sehun’s still fast asleep on the couch, curled up onto his side now. He smiles. Baekhyun hates having to see Sehun like this; he wishes there was something he could do to fix it.

When his legs tire of standing he fixes himself a cup of coffee and sits at the table. His fingertips trace scratch lines along the surface. He fought hard to keep this table when Chanyeol moved out. They’d bought it together in freshmen year when they were shopping to furnish their apartment. He didn’t know, until two years later, why Chanyeol had moved out so suddenly.

Baekhyun takes a long drink from his mug, sighing into the cup as he swallows. Chanyeol had liked him for so long. He tried so hard to show Baekhyun in every way possible, tried to make Baekhyun his through kindness and affection. But, Baekhyun was too stubborn to see it. Chanyeol had always been just his best friend. When Chanyeol left, the apartment felt much bigger, emptier, colder. Moving day was hard, they had been arguing the entire week leading up to it. Looking back now, Baekhyun is sure that Chanyeol just wanted him to ask him to stay. But, Baekhyun never did. And so, Chanyeol boxed everything up and left, and they didn’t speak to each other for weeks.

He wonders if that’s what will happen to Sehun and Jongin, if they’ll lose contact, if Jongin will move out of their shared dorm leaving Sehun alone. A part of Baekhyun hopes that will happen, hopes Jongin will move far away and leave Sehun to get over him. But, the more rational side of his brain hopes that, for Sehun’s sake, he and Jongin will remain friends. Even if it is awkward for a while.

He’s refilling his fifth cup of coffee when Sehun wanders into the kitchen rubbing at his eye with a balled fist. Baekhyun can’t help but smile at how cute he looks with disheveled hair, sleepy eyes, and cheeks still a little red from crying earlier. Sehun looks younger like this; one of his pantlegs is rolled up slightly higher than the other and his shirt is wrinkled.

“Did you ever go to sleep?” Sehun asks, voice raspy.

Baekhyun looks at the clock, it’s just passed 5am. “No,” he says, “I’ve just been sitting here drinking coffee.”

“Smells good,” Sehun mumbles with his eyes closed as he takes a seat at the table. “Pour me a cup?”

And, Baekhyun does it without a second thought, putting just the right amount of sugar and milk in; Sehun’s coffee order memorized somewhere in his brain. He sits across from Sehun and slides the mug across the table and watches Sehun drink for a moment.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Sehun says suddenly, playing at the rim of the mug with a fingertip. “How am I supposed to go back to my dorm and face him?”

Baekhyun just shakes his head. “I don’t know,” he answers honestly. He sees Sehun deflate and his heart hurts. “When Chanyeol moved out we didn’t talk to each other for a while. It , and I missed him a lot. I don’t think that really helps you, but that’s the only experience I have with anything close to your situation.”

“So, you’re saying I should move out?”

“I mean, no. That’s not what I’m saying. But, if you think it would help you sort through things, then yeah, maybe.” He shrugs, “I don’t know.”

Sehun doesn’t speak right away; Baekhyun watches him seemingly struggling to find the words he wants to say. “I could…I mean, maybe I could stay here?” Sehun says shyly, looking down at the table to avoid Baekhyun’s eyes. “No, never mind,” he says quickly, shaking his head. “No, that’s a stupid idea, never mind.”

“I mean yeah, it’s a stupid idea,” Baekhyun says, thinking about what it would be like to willingly put himself in that living arrangement. “But,” he continues, “it’s not a bad idea.”

Sehun shrugs, “Won’t it like, I don’t know…be hard for you?”

The question knocks the wind out of Baekhyun, but he doesn’t let it show. The small reminder that Sehun, in fact, does not have feelings for him hurts, but he keeps the gentle smile on his lips. “Sehun really, I-I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. If moving in here will help you, well, then that’s all I care about.”

Sehun nods at Baekhyun’s sincere smile. “Okay,” he says.

“Okay,” Baekhyun agrees, giving Sehun a wide smile to hide the fear swirling dangerously within him. The grin Sehun gives him in return has his heart rejoicing, while what’s left of his brain screams desperately for him to do anything but put himself in this situation. “I have some empty boxes,” he says, handing all control over to his hopeful heart.