He’s known for a while now, he thinks, that he’s had these budding feelings for Baekhyun. There’s no mistaking the way Baekhyun’s smile makes him feel, how it creates giddy, electric bubbles under his skin. He could never ignore how it feels cuddling up with him under blankets on the couch, falling asleep with his head in Baekhyun’s lap. All of it just felt, and feels, so natural. So right.

Maybe he’s been fighting it for some time. Maybe he’s been trying to push the feelings down because, at first, there was Jongin, and then he was just plain terrified to feel anything for anyone. He’s sure now, that he’s had feelings for Baekhyun from the moment he took Baekhyun’s hand in the library. Sehun’s just been too stupid to admit it to himself. He can’t deny it any longer.

No, not when Baekhyun is losing interest, or perhaps, backing off to protect himself. He can’t deny that this concern he feels for Baekhyun’s wellbeing, the reason he’d lectured him, is anything other than jealousy.

Sehun is jealous. Of a boy he doesn’t even know the name of, a boy he doesn’t even know to truly exist. Maybe he’s someone Baekhyun made up to trick Sehun into thinking he doesn’t care for him anymore, or just part of a fake scenario used to get a reaction out of him. Sehun isn’t sure, but he knows he doesn’t like how hearing Baekhyun had kissed someone made him feel. Like he’s less important than he’d thought he was. He wonders if this is how Baekhyun felt when he’d told him about kissing Luhan. Chanyeol was right, he is an absolute .

And worst of all is, Baekhyun had misinterpreted what Sehun told him about the kiss with Luhan. How could he ever find Baekhyun repulsive? How could he ever want to kiss anyone other than Baekhyun?

He’s been sitting here for hours. So long, in fact, he’s watched the sun go down and the moon take its place. When he left the apartment earlier he had no destination in mind, he’d just let his feet carry him as his mind fell into a blank restlessness.

He found himself in the middle of campus, just outside the coffee shop he frequents with Baekhyun. The one with the bench outside that he has now rooted himself to for the past countless hours, moving only to buy coffee after coffee. His hands are shaking, from nerves, or caffeine; he’s unsure at this point but it’s probably an even mixture.

He sighs, both hands still wrapped tight around his to-go coffee cup, and leans his head back against the brick wall behind him. He’s selfish and he knows it. He knows he’s stupid, as well. He frowns; he really isn’t good enough for Baekhyun. He deserves someone much, much more intelligent than Sehun could ever hope to be. He bangs his head against the brick and closes his eyes, head tipped up at the stars.

“What is wrong with me?” He whispers into the night.

He opens his eyes and gasps, jumps so hard his hand crushes his coffee cup, spilling the lukewarm beverage on himself.

“Jesus Christ, Chanyeol! Wear a bell or something.”

“Sorry.” His grin is sheepish. “You told me to meet you here. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You’re buying me a new coffee,” Sehun says with a huff as he gets to his feet, brushing off the few droplets of coffee that haven’t already soaked into his jeans. “Let’s go.”

“So…” They speak at the same time, both pausing for the other to go first.

Finally, Sehun gives in. He sighs. “Look, I know we didn’t really leave off on a good note the last time we talked.” He looks up at Chanyeol, trying to assess his level of annoyance with him at the current moment. It seems low, so he continues. “But, I…I don’t…have anyone else to talk to. You and Baekhyun are my only actual friends.” He has a lump in his throat and it’s hard to meet Chanyeol’s eyes; he’s never felt as small and vulnerable as he does right now.

So, when Chanyeol wraps an arm around his shoulder, Sehun instantly leans into its comforting warmth. They step forward together and place their drink order, then move to the side to wait, all the while Chanyeol keeps his arm heavy on Sehun’s shoulders.

“You’re a really good guy, you know that?” Sehun mumbles, feeling too ashamed to look up. He feels like he has no right to complement Chanyeol’s character after the way he’s acted recently. But, in true Chanyeol fashion, he just hums and shakes Sehun side to side a bit, his way of thanking Sehun without actually saying it.

After receiving their drinks, they sit across from each other in a small booth, and Sehun lets slip every single emotion he’s felt for the past three months, sparing no detail. Once his mouth opens, his feelings pour out and won’t stop. He tells Chanyeol about how he’d really met Baekhyun all those months ago. How he’d thought he was cute back then. How he was constantly telling himself to stop thinking about Baekhyun. He spills everything and it’s relieving, getting all this off his chest. He tells Chanyeol about the many times he’d wanted to kiss Baekhyun, about how he’s been fighting with himself for so long to convince his brain that his heart didn’t want Baekhyun as desperately as it did. And still does.

Sehun tells Chanyeol about how he was jealous, about how hurt Baekhyun looked earlier and how much it hurt Sehun to see him like that. About how much he hated knowing he was the reason Baekhyun was so upset. And finally, he says it. Says there was no big epiphany, no spotlight-worthy inner monologue moment; he just looked at Baekhyun and knew.

“I like him, Chanyeol. So much I don’t know what to do with myself.”

It feels weird to be telling Chanyeol all of these things, things that Chanyeol has felt for Baekhyun at one point or another. But, Chanyeol really is the best best friend, and only wants for Baekhyun what will make him happy, even if it’s not him. Sehun, for a moment, wishes Baekhyun would have just returned Chanyeol’s feelings and saved himself all of this heartache. His selfish side is glad Baekhyun didn’t.

“I’m scared,” Sehun admits. “What if this is just another Jongin situation and I only like him because he’s the only person around to give me attention?”

Chanyeol shakes his head and chuckles. “Man, you really are as stupid as you look.”

Sehun pouts.

“You don’t get to see the way you look at him. Or how you smile when he smiles at you.” He takes a drink from his coffee and grins. “I’ve seen the way you used to look at Jongin, and it doesn’t even compare to the way you look at Baekhyun.”

“Really?”

“You want to know why it was so easy for me to let go of him?” He waits for Sehun to nod before continuing. “It’s because of how happy you make him. Dude, you’re stupid in love with him. I think he realizes it, too, and that’s why he’s so angry at this whole situation. He’s just been stuck waiting around for you to get your head out of your .”

At the word love, Sehun falters. That’s a word he has a rough history with, and he’s more terrified now than he was before.

“You gotta stop overthinking everything,” Chanyeol insists. “Just go back to the apartment and tell Baekhyun how you feel.”

“I can’t.”

“That’s exactly how you ended up letting Jongin hurt you for so long. You gotta learn to deal with and talk about your feelings, you can’t always just bottle everything up, dude.” He gives Sehun’s hand on the table a reassuring pat. “And anyway, you already know how Baek feels about you. So, that’s half the battle won already. You can do it.”

Sehun hums; he knows Chanyeol is right. He hates that Chanyeol is right. “You should be a psych major instead of me.”

Chanyeol stretches his arms behind his head and laughs, “I’ve thought about it. Now go, don’t make me regret getting over him.”

Sehun nods. He stands and thanks Chanyeol. He’s going to do this; he’s going to tell Baekhyun how he feels.

The courage Chanyeol gave him lasts only until he steps off the elevator onto his floor. He knows just a few steps down the hall is his apartment, where Baekhyun is. He takes a moment to himself, tries to reignite his previous courage, tries to psych himself up to do this. In his mind, he replays what Chanyeol told him: Baekhyun obviously likes him, he won’t get rejected and hurt like he did with Jongin. With a final deep breath, he shakes off his nerves and storms toward his door.

Baekhyun is sitting cross-legged on the couch when Sehun walks in. Without his head pushing his feelings down, Sehun now sees for the first time just how beautiful Baekhyun really is. Even in his wrinkled shirt. Even with his messy hair. Even with that sour look on Baekhyun’s face directed at Sehun. He’s perfect.

Sehun doesn’t know what to say. Baekhyun is just staring at him, waiting. Sehun takes a deep breath and sighs. “I’m sorry I’m a huge ing idiot.”

Baekhyun’s eyes widen, eyebrows raise. He uncrosses his legs and leans back a little, but he doesn’t speak.

“I like you, Baekhyun, like a lot. And I’m a moron and big baby and I was scared to tell you, okay? But, I’m telling you now because I don’t want you to kiss people in bathrooms at bars. I want you to kiss me.”

Baekhyun’s expression softens now and he even smiles a little. Still, his shoulders drop because he knows there’s more to it. “But?”

Sehun sighs, “But, I’m scared.” He begins pacing nervously. “I don’t want you to be another Jongin. I-I don’t want to like you just because you’re there. Or lead you on and end up hurting you.” He stops to look at Baekhyun with a pained expression; Baekhyun deserves the truth.

“I’m just scared that I’m not good enough for you.”

Baekhyun nods and his eyes are so warm, expression so gentle. He stands and steps forward, grabs the side of Sehun’s face, and sighs. “Sehun…” There aren’t tears in his eyes, but they’re watery, sparkling almost. His thumb swipes at Sehun’s cheek bone just before he brings his other hand up to Sehun’s other cheek.

“You carry me home when I’m too drunk to want to walk. You cover me with a blanket if I fall asleep on the couch. When I’m stressed over classes you take my mind off things. You nap with me, order my favorite Chinese food when you know I skipped lunch.” Baekhyun’s smile widens as he speaks, head shaking side to side; his hands have slid down to grip Sehun’s shoulders. “You’re…too good for me,” he says, looking assuredly into Sehun’s eyes.

“But, I—”

“Chanyeol told me what you said this morning, that I misunderstood you.” His hands return to Sehun’s cheeks and he leans back to get a better look at his gorgeous face. “It can be me, if you want. It could have always been me.”

Sehun is trembling; he’s never been so scared of anything in his life. He’s never had to make a decision like this either, and he’s not sure if he likes the responsibility. The decision lies in his hands now, whether his and Baekhyun’s relationship changes. He wants it, he knows that now. But, he’s not sure he’s ready for it just yet.

Baekhyun’s eyes close the second Sehun’s fingers touch his skin. He’s got his palm pressed to the side of Baekhyun’s neck, fingertips massaging into the fine hairs at the back of his neck. He can see when Baekhyun gulps and Sehun understands; he’s nervous, too. Baekhyun’s breath stutters when Sehun drags him forward, and he sighs, lips curling into a small smile when Sehun presses his lips to Baekhyun’s forehead.

Sehun pulls away, removes his hand from Baekhyun’s neck, and stares at the floor to hide his red face. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Baekhyun asks.

“For letting me work through things. For not hating me.”

Baekhyun smiles now, “I could never. I mean, yeah you piss me off, but I would never hate you.” He stands and closes the short distance between them with a tight hug around Sehun’s waist.

Sehun wraps his arms around Baekhyun’s shoulders and tucks his head in, sighing into Baekhyun’s neck. “I’m sorry for making you cry.”

“Twice,” Baekhyun reminds.

Sehun winces, “Right. I’m sorry for making you cry twice.” He pulls back to look down at Baekhyun beaming up at him. “I’ll never do it again.”

“I know.” Baekhyun just grins.

After a very, very long late night talk, they come to an agreement while they’re shoveling cold pizza into their mouths. They talk about their feelings, and what they mean, how to go forward from here. Sehun is uncomfortable most of the time; talking about feelings is still hard for him, but he works his way through it and fully expresses just how much Baekhyun means to him.

They end the talk with another hug and go their separate ways, to their own beds, and finally fall asleep around five in the morning and sleep well into the later half of the day.

It isn’t at all awkward like Sehun expected it to be when he wakes up. They fall easily into their usual routine: lunch at the student center, coffee at the café next door, last minute homework in the library, and then a movie on the couch before bed.

This routine continues as days turn into weeks, and they grow closer, their friendship unchanging. Some days Baekhyun is more flirtatious than usual, he’ll cuddle a little closer, hold Sehun’s hand a little longer. But still, he respects Sehun’s wish to take things slowly. They’re closer than ever, but there is a distance they keep. No kissing, nothing ual, and Baekhyun is fine with that; he’s willing to wait for Sehun to be ready. Baekhyun would wait an eternity for him, if that’s how long he needed.

“So, are you two like, together yet?” Chanyeol asks over lunch on a Tuesday in October.

Sehun and Baekhyun share a look and shake their heads in unison. Chanyeol looks floored.

“After all that drama, you two aren’t dating? Please explain.”

“We’re taking things slow, for Sehun’s sake,” Baekhyun says with a sly grin. “If it was up to me, you’d be eating lunch alone and we’d be home ing right now.”

Sehun chokes on his water and kicks Baekhyun’s leg under the table. He smiles to himself, though, there’s the Baekhyun he met in the library.

“Only joking,” Baekhyun laughs, “We haven’t even kissed yet,” he says to Chanyeol. Sehun blushes; Baekhyun thinks it’s adorable.

“Hey! I kissed your forehead that time,” Sehun defends.

“You sure did,” Baekhyun gives Sehun a reassuring smile and then leans his head on his shoulder.

“You guys are going to be so gross after you finally kiss.”

Baekhyun sighs dreamily, “I know. I’m so excited!”

So with one chapter left, I though it was time for a little end note. I hope everyone is enjoying this fic as much as I am, and hopefully this chapter was everything you've all been waiting for. Next chapter will just be a little closure for the two.

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