It’s awkward. So terribly awkward. He’s wedged against the arm of the couch, Chanyeol sitting between him and Baekhyun, oblivious to the tension between them. Sehun tries to just give the movie all of his attention, but he can feel Baekhyun staring at him every so often. And then there’s Chanyeol, hopelessly crushing on Baekhyun, while Baekhyun likes Sehun. What kind of ed up love triangle is he living right now.

It’s a long hour before the movie finally ends. Sehun is relieved, he just wants to finally talk to Baekhyun, to get it over with, to lose his only friend. So, when Chanyeol doesn’t leave, Sehun has to close his eyes and calm himself.

Since it seems Chanyeol is going to be staying for a while, Sehun decides to use this opportunity to watch the way Chanyeol acts around Baekhyun. So, he pays close attention to Chanyeol. He watches his every move in relation to Baekhyun, watches the way Chanyeol’s eyes always flicker over to Baekhyun, how he searches Baekhyun’s expressions for any sign that he just may feel the same for him.

Sehun thinks it’s embarrassing, and it ing hurts. Is that what he looks like when he’s with Jongin? Does he look that hopelessly pathetic? How does Jongin not notice, if he looks at him the same way Chanyeol looks at Baekhyun? Like his smile is the sun his heart revolves around.

He gulps, suddenly dying of thirst. “I’m gonna go get something to drink.”

Sehun gives Chanyeol a look when he turns his back to Baekhyun, hoping he understands he’s asking him to follow. He stands and begins walking, letting out a silent relieved sigh when he hears Chanyeol mumble something about getting a drink as well.

“It’s him, isn’t it?” Sehun questions, backing Chanyeol against the counter. He already knows the answer, of course, but he wants to hear the admission straight from Chanyeol’s mouth. “Baekhyun is the friend you were telling me and Jongin about.”

Chanyeol’s face falls. “It’s that obvious?” He covers his face with one hand, “Yeah…yeah it’s him.” He looks up, eyes narrowed, “How did you guys meet?”

“He—” Sehun stops himself, deciding to lie to spare Chanyeol’s feelings. “We met in the library a few months ago.” Okay, so not a total lie, just omitting some facts, like how Baekhyun was hitting on him.

“He was hitting on you, wasn’t he?”

Sehun doesn’t move, or speak. What the hell does he even say to that?

“God, I’m so stupid,” Chanyeol whispers. “Did— You guys aren’t…”

It takes Sehun a second, but when he realizes what Chanyeol is hinting at, his eyes widen. “No!” He waves his hands between them, “No. We’re friends. Just friends.” He scratches the back of his head, “He’s not really my type.”

Chanyeol looks over Sehun’s shoulder at Baekhyun on the couch, staring down at his phone. “Really?” he asks, awed at the fact that someone doesn’t think Baekhyun is the best person in the world. “What is your type then?”

Sehun smiles, thinks about Jongin. Then he thinks about what he’d just witnessed back home, and he groans. “I…don’t know, honestly.”

“I know you like Jongin, it’s really obvious to everyone. Except for him, apparently.”

“Yeah, I know I’m obvious as about it, okay?” Sehun walks to the fridge to finally find something to drink. “There is literally only apple juice in here.” He makes a face and closes the fridge, decides to get some water from the tap.

“Baekhyun likes you,” Chanyeol says, and Sehun chokes on his drink of water, coughs it back into his glass.

“What?” Sehun asks, trying his best to play dumb. “No, I told you, we’re friends.”

Chanyeol’s smile is sad, “To you maybe, but I know Baekhyun. He likes you a lot.”

Sehun sighs, “I’m sorry, Chanyeol.”

He shrugs, “You don’t have to be sorry, he can like whoever he wants. It , but he can.” He bites his lip and shakes his head. “I just don’t understand why it’s never me.”

“I know the feeling.”

They make eye contact, understanding each other’s pain. They’re both in the same boat, both pining over someone who doesn’t want them.

“I came over here because I accidentally walked in on Jongin ing some girl.” He sighs and places his glass in the sink. “Also because I needed to apologize to Baekhyun; I said some dumb to him this morning and I’ve felt awful ever since.”

Chanyeol nods; he hates that Baekhyun likes Sehun, but he knows there’s nothing he can do about it. “You’re a good guy, I see why he likes you.” He forces a smile, “I’ll get going then, so you guys can talk.”

Sehun sits on the couch, stares straight ahead without a word. He’s breathing slowly, trying to figure out what he wants to say. He keeps peeking over at Baekhyun, still busy typing away on his phone. He wonders what he’s doing, if he’s playing that stupid word game that always pisses him off because he’s bad at it.

“Where’d Chanyeol go?” Baekhyun asks minutes later when he finally looks up. “Did you yell at him too?”

Sehun gulps, uncomfortable, rubs his palms nervously over his knees.

“I’m sorry,” Baekhyun says and Sehun’s head whips up.

“For what?” he asks, genuinely confused.

“What you said earlier…this morning, you were right. I do act like we’re more than we are sometimes. So, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry for that.”

“No, I do,” Baekhyun insists, shaking his head, “because…I do it on purpose.”

Sehun squints; he wishes Baekhyun would lift his head so he could see his eyes. He knows why Baekhyun does it; he’s stupid, but not that stupid. Still, he wants to hear Baekhyun’s reasoning. “Why?”

Baekhyun has his bottom lip in; he’s chewing at it nervously. “You’re so in love with Jongin you don’t even realize how much I like you.”

It’s like a punch to the gut. He knew already, has known for a long time, but actually hearing Baekhyun say it is different. He just looks at Baekhyun, trying his best to think of something, anything to say to him. But, his mind is blank.

“I told Chanyeol earlier that I like you.” Baekhyun is speaking so low it’s nearly a whisper, but now he’s at least looking at Sehun. “I told him I know he has feelings for me, too.” He tries to smile but he just looks in pain instead. “It was…awkward, but I’m glad we talked about it.”

“That’s good,” Sehun manages to say. And, what comes out next is unplanned, unexpected; it all falls from Sehun’s mouth in a hurried jumble. “I’m so sorry for yelling at you earlier I’ve felt like since this morning and I took a nap to feel better but I woke up and walked in on Jongin ing some girl in our dorm and now I feel worse and…” He chokes in a sudden breath; he knows he’s about to start crying. “…And, I’m just really sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have yelled at you this morning. I wish you didn’t like me, you deserve someone so much better than me.”

He closes his eyes and the tears fall. Baekhyun’s mouth is open; he looks shocked, or concerned. Both. He immediately reaches out for Sehun without a second thought. For a few minutes they sit together, until Sehun finally calms himself.

“Are you gonna be okay?” Baekhyun says softly, pushing some of Sehun’s bangs out of his eyes.

Sehun shrugs, then nods. “I think— I think I’m gonna go talk to him.” He sighs, “I need to get this over with already, it’s been long enough.”

Sehun gets his shoes on and stands at the door, mentally prepping himself for the worst case scenario. Baekhyun gives him a thumbs up and a weak smile, and then Sehun is gone.

Sehun paces in front of his door for a few minutes, breathing, panicking, trying to gather his thoughts. He doesn’t even know where to begin with this; he doesn’t know how to tell Jongin he’s in love with him and has been for years. He fears Jongin’s reaction, fears rejection. He’s scared he’ll lose Jongin completely. But, he knows he has to do this.

He bounces up and down a few times, mentally psyching himself up, and then opens the door.

Jongin is on the couch, but he’s not alone. There’s a boy Sehun has never seen before sitting beside Jongin, no space left between them. His bravery deflates at the sight of this stranger, and he waves, not moving from the doorway.

Jongin and the boy look at each other and share a quick smile. The boy stands, they exchange goodbyes, and then it’s just Sehun and Jongin.

Sehun sits. “Who was that?”

Jongin clears his throat, “Kyungsoo, he’s in my Astronomy lab with me.”

Sehun has a suspicion, he’s scared, but he has to know. “What happened to the girl that was here?” Jongin’s confused look gives Sehun his answer, and now he has to hold himself together, and lie to Jongin. “I just…thought I heard you in your room with someone before I left earlier.”

Jongin looks guilty when he smiles. “About that.”

Sehun closes his eyes; he doesn’t want to look at Jongin when he says what Sehun knows he’s about to say.

“It wasn’t a girl. I was with Kyungsoo earlier…in my room.” He rubs the back of his neck, looks anywhere but at his best friend.

Calmly, almost so calm it’s scary, Sehun stands and begins walking to the door.

“,” Jongin whispers, jumping to his feet. He scrambles to catch Sehun before he makes it to the door, grabbing his arm just before he can reach the doorknob. “Sehun—”

“You-you’re not straight,” he cries, chin trembling. The tears spill over and slide down his cheeks. “It’s just me. You just—” he in a quick breath, hiccups on a sob, “You just don’t like me.”

Sehun’s eyes slowly slide up until they meet Jongin’s; he blinks, more tears fall. He doesn’t know what to say, or what he even wants to say. Nothing could convey how hurt he feels right now.

“Why him?” is what finally comes out of his mouth. He doesn’t mean to ask that question. He doesn’t want to know the answer.

Jongin doesn’t answer. Instead, he places his palm flat on Sehun’s damp cheek and wipes at still-falling tears with his thumb.

For a moment, Sehun embraces the touch, leans into it. He enjoys the warmth of Jongin’s hand, the loving way he wipes his tears for him. But then he remembers how he’s been lied to. Remembers all the years of adoration, of pining, of being stupidly in love with his straightbest friend. And, he leans away. He fixes a glare onto his face and pushes at Jongin’s chest with both hands.

“Don’t touch me.” He’s trying so hard to keep his voice steady, but he’s shaking and his heart is pounding. “Don’t act like you care about my feelings now that I’m crying.” Jongin reaches out for him but he pushes his hand away.

Jongin looks at Sehun. For what feels like minutes, he just stares at his best friend. Eyes glassy, pouting lips trembling, Sehun’s absolutely broken and it’s all his fault.

“Sehun…” Jongin starts carefully, voice soft, gentle. He takes a deep breath and lets it out as a frustrated sigh. “I’ve known for a long time how you feel about me.” He’s staring at his feet now, terrified to see the expression on Sehun’s face.

“What?” Sehun asks quietly, almost a whisper.

“I realized it in middle school.” He drags his hands down his face, leaving his palms over his eyes. “I should’ve said something then.”

Sehun’s face crumbles as he steps back; his eyes line with tears again; he can feel his cheeks heating up, his chin quivering. “You knew,” he says, it’s not quite a question. His voice shakes, so he swallows around the lump in his throat. “And-and you just…let me—” He takes another step back, putting more distance between himself and Jongin. “You could have told me. You could have just said you didn’t like me.” Another step back. “You didn’t have to lie to me.”

And then Jongin snaps. “I was thirteen years old!” Jongin shouts. “I just realized I liked guys and I was scared.” He wraps his arms around himself, body shaking. He knows his yelling isn’t making anything better, but he’s just so mad at himself. “I didn’t know how to handle my own ing uality let alone the way you treated me…like you were in love with me or something.” He takes a deep breath and runs a hand down his face. “You scared the out of me, okay? So I hid the fact I liked guys from you. After a certain point I realized you weren’t gonna stop having feelings for me, so I just never told you the truth so we could still be friends.”

Sehun’s jaw drops in disbelief and he shakes his head slowly. “That’s not an excuse,” Sehun murmurs. “You’ve had years to tell me.” He wipes at his face with his sleeve. “Was the idea of me liking you really that bad?”

Jongin watches Sehun crumble at his own words. He hates himself right now. He realizes now, too late, how ty of a friend he really is. Lying, sneaking around, trying to push Sehun to Baekhyun. Worst of all, he’s let Sehun spend years hoping, waiting for Jongin to love him back.

Sehun stands still, waiting for an apology but, Instead, he gets a final shattering blow to his fragile heart.

“I thought you would just get over it if you thought I was straight,” Jongin says, finally meeting Sehun’s eyes. “I never thought we’d be here now, years later, and you’d still be obsessed with me. Why do you think I told you to make other friends?”

It comes out harsher than Jongin realizes, harsher than he’d meant it to. In that moment Sehun recedes; he’s done with all of this. Absolutely destroyed by his best friend’s words. “Well, okay then,” he says, voice strained in his throat. He nods again; he’s an unwanted burden in Jongin’s life, and he understands that now. “I’m gonna go.”

Jongin groans and looks up, hands balled into fists at his sides. “. Sehun, you know I didn’t mean it like that. It-it just came out wrong.”

Sehun’s smile is pained, sad, hurt; his teeth chatter as it widens. “We both know that’s not true,” he says quietly, looking directly into Jongin’s eyes. “I’m gonna go,” he repeats, and then he’s gone, leaving Jongin standing alone in the living room, hating himself.