“what is love to you?”

the vast midnight sky stretches from the far ends of the planet we step on. we’re only ants compared to the universe that exists. outside of planet earth, outside our homes, we run and laugh freely; too young and immature to even think of the problems and consequences bound to happen. what if we pass through that phase? what if we grow up, turn mature–will the carefree life that we used to know disappear right before our eyes?

your specific question is nearly the same as the questions that float around my mind as our graduation day becomes nearer. it makes me question what will be and what will not. it makes me question how i will handle things and what does it feel like. so...


what is love?


the concept of the question itself sends me off to space. i rethink as what love could possibly be.

“maybe something exciting.” i stated as that was all i heard from my friends beside you. maybe it is like that.


fireworks, adventure, thrill.


that’s what i feel when i’m with minjoo. i feel… exhilarated. Excited as what would happen next in our steady relationship. 

“really? chaewon-unnie said it feels like…”


but, the question is–


“home.”


am i already in love with minjoo?


“home.” i mutter under my breath as i contemplate about your answer. you continued to explain your point as i look up at the dark sky, feeling lost.


“home. like a warm campfire on a snowy day. a warm chocolate drink on a christmas night. cozy blankets and rosy cheeks. warm cuddles and the smell of your loved one’s perfume. it makes you feel warm inside when you smell the scent of their hoodie. she said you’d feel warm and light and cozy.”


i look at you as i think of things that i shouldn’t. home reminds me of stolen sweaters and hoodies. sweaters and hoodies that is too big for your tall figure. sweater paws as you smile cutely with your scarf nearly hiding half of your face, crescent moon eyes that warms my chest. the hot morning coffee that you give me before my first period starts. cozy blankets and fluffy pillows as it engulfs you, burying you a bit in your bed. lazy saturday hangouts and stargazing at nights like this.


“It feels warm and cozy.”


home reminds me of your warm smile on a moody afternoon. home reminds me of the scent of flowers invading my senses as you pass by. home reminds me of your warm hands fitting in perfectly with mine.


“it feels like you’re home.”


so... am i in love with min– oh. oh. 


home reminds me of you.

you are home. 


i realized this like a truck hitting my whole body, a strike in a bowling match, a bullseye in an archery game. it felt like hitting the ball in a baseball game and achieving a home run. but, the ball is my heart and it feels like a bat just swung right at it. dread fills my body as i realized something. 


i’m in love with my best friend.


...but, why do i feel like someone stole my favorite baseball cap? like someone broke in my house and robbed my adidas running shoes. I feel sad. shouldn’t i be happy that i finally came to my senses? 


i frowned as i am reminded of minjoo’s face. her big smile and indian dimples. i don’t feel sad. i feel… guilty. 


i’m not in love with minjoo?


“hey, are you ok?” a cute frown, a worried tone.


“yeah– i mean, yeah.” 


it would’ve been easier if it wasn’t like this, you know.


“i just realized something.” 


warmth, cozy, light and home.


“and that is?”


i’m in love with kim chaewon’s step-sister.


“you’re my home.”


i’m in love with jang wonyoung.


“you are home.”