Jennie

I was awakened in my room. Then I don't remember anything that how the hell I'm here at my exclusive room. I rub my eyes and started to check my watch. 

It was now 6am now I'm super late. I started to wear my uniform and wear my military boots. 

Then I heard Sgt. Lee tone who is really mad I think? 

I heard my last name then I was super doom like..doomed.

Now I started to go outside and run fast as I can, just to go at the center of the field. 

It was really sunny and I hate it. 

"Cadet Kim! YOUR LATE!!" Sgt. Seung-hyun shouted me.

Yeah this is what I deserved. I wanted to go at the girl's back but I was flinched away when he shouted me. 

"Cadet Jennie Kim! GIVE ME 10 PUSH UPS!" Sergeant Seung-hyun commanded me. 

"YES SIR" I shouted and started to perform push-up.

As I finished push-up now I just stood up and heading to my lane. 

I started to stand straight and pay attention to Sergeant Lee. But I couldn't concentrate because my stomach is rumbling. 

"ATTENTION!" Sgt. Seung-hyun shouted.

We stand straight and put our hands in the back. 

"DO YOUR MORNING EXERCISE CADETS! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" Sgt. Seung-hyun said.

"HOOAH" All of us synced in.

"Now start off! Except for Soldier Manoban and Soldier Kim" Sgt. Seung-hyun said. I was shocked because why me and her? 

"HOOAAH" All of them synced in, except for us. 

Now I was heading to Sergeant Seung-hyun position. While her, she keeps distance at me. She really don't love me anymore? I just release a deep sighed as I was standing straight.

"Cadet Manoban! You need to assist Soldier Kim during in your daily exercise! I know that you are the most fitted in this kind of situation. So teach her, the General ordered" Sergeant Seung-hyun and that makes my brows furrowed. Uhm what? My dad is the one who gave an order or???

"YES SIR! I'LL DO THOSE ORDERS COMING FROM THE GENERAL" Lisa shouted. 

"General said that you need to be hard on her. Don't treat her like a baby!" Sgt. Seung-hyun said to her that makes me embarrassed. Really Dad?

"YES SIR!" she said.

"Now go back to your exercise and Cadet Kim! You should go to the General's office as soon as possible! Understand cadets?" Sgt. Seung-hyun said.

That makes me wondered, why is my Dad wants me to go at his office?

"YES SIR" Both of us synced in. 

Now Lisa run going to the field and started to do her thing while me, I'm going to walk slowly at my Dad's office.

"RUN! CADET JENNIE KIM!" Sgt. Seung-hyun shouted at me. Okay, I should really run.

Now I started to run and heading to the General's office. After I got up to the stairs. I panted really hard. I started to knock the door and he said "Come in".

I just twisted the door knob. 

I saw my dad in the office reading some papers. 

"Good Morning General!" I said as I stand straight. 

My dad looking at me from head to toe.

"Take a seat my daughter" Dad said. 

It's a miracle that he still respect me as her daughter in this camp.

"What is it Dad?" I asked. 

"You were fainted yesterday? I told you that you shouldn't be enlisted in the academy. It's too dangerous!" Dad worriedly said to me.

"It's just only my 1st week of training Dad! I know that I could handle this situation!" I said.

"Good thing that Cadet Manoban carried you going to the clinic" Dad said. 

"She..did..what?" I said. 

"You shouldn't be train as a cadet my dear daughter!" My dad said.

"I wanted to be train as a cadet to be a officer in my country Dad! Please!" I said.

"You didn't even tell me what's the reason why are you enlisting as a cadet?" My dad said to me with a serious tone. 

Should I tell him? 

The reason why I am here in this cadet school? I'm not here because I'll continue my father's legacy but, just for sake that I could communicate and see my Lili that I haven't tell my reasons why I left her. I was so very heartbroken and such a stupid girl that I leave my girl alone. I didn't know what to do that time when my Dad scolded me that I should pack my things going to New Zealand. And there is other reasons too why I'd enlist myself here in this camp.

I didn't have a chance to tell him that I wanted to tell Lisa my 'last goodbye' to her. But I haven't a chance, because my father is really cold-blooded person that time. He is against to same- marriage, same- gender relationship and lgbtq+ but in short he's really a homophobic. I'm just trying my best that I would hide our relationship for the both of us for the past 3 years. But maybe it was a fail I think? I don't know even the reason why he's mad at me the time he wanted me to pack my things going to the New Zealand.

"I don't need the reason why I should tell you Dad" I said.

"Jennie! Just for sake tell me the reason why you wanted to become a officer? Is it because of me, that I influence you?" Dad said. In your dreams Dad! 

"No, I don't wanted to tell you the reason why!" I said as I crossed my arms. Why am I so very denial nowadays?

"JENNIE RUBY JANE! TELL ME THE REASON WHY!" My dad said as he stood up with a mad tone voice.

"BECAUSE LISA IS HERE! SHE'S A RECRUITED CADET IN THIS SCHOOL OF YOURS OKAY? I STILL LOVE HER DAD" I said as I spilled the beans. 

Me and my dad stared each other for a minute. The room is full of silence. Then he sitted at his chair and started to clicking the pen. 

"You mean that Manoban? Who asked me if where are you in the past 3 years ago?" My dad said. 

What she asked my dad after I leave?. Oh my! Did he said something wrong to her? 

"Did she what?" I said as I stood up.

"Sit down Jennie!" My dad said. I just follow his command just for sake he is my father.

"For all the times that I wanted to train you to become a good and a better woman just like your mother and find a better man in the future. And you were just falling in love with the same gender! I am so very disappointed at you Ruby Jane" he said as he face palmed and started to massage his temples.

"Look Dad, I'm so ver-" I wanted to say but he cutted my words.

"You are just like my older sister! Your Aunt Jane, she also falls inlove with a woman. But ended up separated ways to each other" he said. 

"You have a older sibling, Dad?" I asked. 

"Yes, but she was a passed away since she was having a car accident last 28 years ago the month before you where born" he said. 

I didn't say a word but I let my tears falling off. 

"I am so very disappointed at you Ruby Jane! The day I find you at the streets together with that Manoban! Then I started to follow the way you two go. I just saw your two sweet and clingy actions. Now I started to assume that you two are girlfriends. I saw you two, in my eyes that your not just a bestfriend but as girlfriends" he said as he took off his cap.

"Then I was just mad boiling, I started to call your mother that you'll be send in the New Zealand just for sake to separated your 'girlfriend'! I hate those kind of things Jennie! Your mother exactly didn't know the exact reason why I'd send you at the New Zealand" he added.

I just release a deep sighed. 

"I don't know why, but why you still love that girl Jennie? Are you still inlove with her even though I send you far away from her" he asked.

"Yes dad, I still love her. My love for her never fades away. I wanted to make it up here in this camp for what I miss for the past 3 years." I said. 

"Your just dumb Jennie! I am sorry but she wouldn't pay attention that much at you! Your now in this cadet school Jennie, cadet school is not for dating or make up on your love of your life" he said to me that I wanted to punch but he spoke up the truth.

"Why am I dumb Dad? Why should she carried me all the way at the clinic if she wouldn't care at me?" I said. Okay that was lame.

"Because she was at your side when you had your daily morning exercise Ruby Jane! Think smart Jennie! I didn't raised you like that. Don't blind for love Jennie!" he said.

"I'll prove it to you that she still loves me Dad!" I said. 

"I'm not assuming that you'll be that successful my dear daughter!" he said and that makes me triggered.

"Your just a homophobic Dad" I said as my tears falling apart. 

"Ruby Jane I'm still your father! I know what's the best for you" he said to me.

"Since when Dad?" I said as I crossed my arms.

"All of the sacrifices that I made, just for sake that you'll be a better woman. Now, your just questioning about my sacrifices! Since when you are so very strong to say like that Jennie?" he said.

"I know what's the truth Dad. Just tell me the truth Dad, you didn't heard my other reasons why I enlisted myself in this camp? I said as I clenched my fist. 

"Why are you changing the topic Jennie!" he said.

"I am not changing the topic Dad. But I don't want to hear your lame and unreasonable answer that will coming from your mouth!" I said.

"How dare you Jennie!!" he said as he raised his voice. 

"Well that's the truth Dad! You only raised me when you have your break times and a short- vacation thru your busy work in the Military. And how you defined that you really raised me well? When Dad? Halmeoni just raised me back then when I was a baby until I got 13, then she left me all the way on my whole journey, and for the next 16 years, look what am I Dad. I'm here just for my love for Lisa, serve my life to my own beloved country and I wanted to fulfill what my Halmeoni wish to me before she was gone at my side." I said as I let my tears fall down.

"What did my eomma wish at you Jennie?" he asked as he looks anxious.

"Your that interested Dad huh?" I said.

"Just answer the question Ruby Jane!" he said to me.

"Well, she just said to me that I should enlist myself to your military camp just for sake that she wanted to fulfill her dreams to become a soldier. And also, she wanted to see us, that both of us are serving our lives to our country" I said.

"I thought she likes the way that I am now the General in this country? And didn't I just fulfill her dreams? before I got married to your mother" he said.

"She wanted a girl version to fulfill her dreams Dad!" I said.

"Okay, maybe I'm now convince why are you here in the military. But I'm not convince on your love story! Because I do not believe in those!" he said to me.

I'm a little bit disappointed because he doesn't like our love story.

"I hope you keep in mind Dad, that I will always prioritize Halmeoni wishes. I know that you still hate Lisa or even me that we have still our relationship. But I'm afraid if she still loves me or not" I said.

"Then please just for sake that you won't your feelings hurt don't believe that she still loves you Jennie. In the end of the day, your the only one who hurt yourself and not her. All I said, is that make your Halmeoni proud" he said.

"I know Dad, but I have a little faith she still loves me! Maybe it takes time. But thank you!" I said.

"Ruby Jane. I know it's hard for me to accept the way you are right now. But I hope that you still treat me a father when you had someone at your side. I, myself consider as a strict person but my stage of acceptance is pretty slow. So please forgive me Jennie. In the end the day, I still accept you as a daughter and welcoming who will be the person at your side like I mean the one who you love. If Lisa is still the one for you. Maybe I should try to accept her. I gotta admit she has the potential to become a great soldier" he said. 

My tears started to fell down.

"Thank you Dad, for accepting me the way who am I" I said as I wanted to hug my father.  

He stood up and he open his arms at me. Now I started to hug at him. He started to hug me tightly.

We hugged each other for a minute and I started to pulled out our hug. 

"Thank you Dad for everything, even we had some misunderstandings" I said I showed my gummy smile.

"Thank you also my dear daughter!" he said.

"Should I get back to my morning exercise?" I said.

"Yes you may. Good luck to your gummy muscles" he said that makes his lame jokes are showing off again.

"DAD!!" I said.

"Okay..sorry..you may now my dear daughter! Good luck on your training. I know you could do it" Dad said.

"Thank you Dad and I will" I said.

I started to stood up and get out on his room. Now my tummy started to rumbling. Damn, I didn't eat anything something since yesterday. Damn me.

Then I jogged going to Sergeant Lee position.

"I'm back sir" I said.

"I can't hear you?" Sgt. Seung-hyun asked.

"I'M BACK SIR" I shouted at him.

"Good now, you missed the daily morning routine. Start to jog the whole field with 20 rounds and eat your breakfast cadet!" Sgt. Seung-hyun said.

"YES SIR" I said.

"Good, now do your thing" he said to me.

"YES SIR" I said.

Now I started to jogged and I just saw Lisa's group started to staring at me. Why are they like this? Is Lisa telling them that I'm really a bad person? But I didn't see that Lisa isn't around with them. 

I didn't mind it and started to do my thing. 

//

Last round and now finally I got to eat some breakfast. Then I started to see on the far of the canteen. I saw Lisa has having a conversation with the another girl which I couldn't see if it's on her squad or I'm just too paranoid. 

Now I started to heat things up. I jog as fast as I can. I could clearly see now the other girl that Lisa talk too. The side of her arm looks like a medic sign. Which maybe she's a army doctor?

I could see how Lisa take care of her. The way she hold her hands to that girl. I don't know how to explain to my own damn feelings. Why the hell I should jealous? But wait, why am I hurt? 

Now, I started to see that how her smile to that army doctor. Makes my heart broken down to million pieces. I thought I was the only one who could show those brightest smile of hers. Just only me.

But where is it now? Is it gone, or it was someone who replace on my position?  Damn, it really hurts me.

Does she still find attractive at me? maybe not.

Does she still love me? maybe not.

Will she forgive me? maybe not.

Would we go back together again as a real couple the way I feel used to? maybe not.

All of my questions are just only maybe/s. I do not know her, for almost 3 years because we're in separated ways.