Mina cried to sleep that night after she went home in a wretched state. She didn’t know how will she be able to go on with her life, with Momo’s final words, she knew she had lost her. The morning came and she wished that all that had happened was just a bad dream, but when she woke up all she can see in the mirror is the reflection of a despicable girl who nonchalantly hurt the most important person in her life. She wanted to run to her, ask for her forgiveness that she didn’t deserve, but she’s too shamefaced of herself that she couldn’t even show herself to Momo.

She didn’t go to school for days, the Myoui’s are too worried about their daughter but Mina doesn’t feel like sharing her problems with her parents but they had a hint that it’s about Momo. Her mother, concerned with her daughter’s welfare, initiated a conversation one night in her room.

“Mina, you know we are always here for you, you can tell me anything, I won’t judge” her mother’s words are comforting and Mina couldn’t control the stream of tears that she didn’t know she was holding. She hugged her mother tight and weep. Mrs. Myoui pats her head while saying, “cry all you want” and Mina did so. She cried so hard. She doesn’t even deserve to be comforted she thought, but the pain is so unbearable that she wished to feel numb.

“I-I hurt… the person… I love the most” she finds it difficult to say and every word feels like a stab on her chest. Mrs. Myoui didn’t say anything, she knew Mina already repented for all she did and it’s evident on her daughter’s red puffy eyes like she’s been crying for days.

“Maybe, you should try to talk to her” her mother suggested but Mina is reluctant to see Momo, too scared to hear the words again. But she knew she has to face her, to show the girl that she’s sorry and regretful. She doesn’t want to completely lose her.

“I will” she responded and her mother gave her a reassuring smile like everything will be okay.

++

Mina went to school today, trying her best to appear all right. She hasn’t seen Momo in her class and she noticed that everyone’s busy especially the seniors. She instantly felt uneasy so she asked Jeongyeon who is inside the class next to Momo’s.

“Jeong, what’s happening?” Mina asked, Jeongyeon noticed that Mina doesn’t look well so she decided to talk to her in a quiet place.

They were at the rooftop, Jeongyeon initiated the conversation with a heavy sigh.

“I know this isn’t my business but you should have talked to Momo, and apologize” Jeongyeon felt sorry for her friend, she knew Mina didn’t intend to hurt Momo but she has to admit, the younger girl is at fault here.

Mina tightened her grip onto her skirt upon the mention of Momo’s name, she never knew that Jeongyeon already knows about them breaking up. She couldn’t respond.

“Did you know that we’ll be graduating soon? That’s why the seniors are busy lately. But I don’t think you knew that Momo will be leaving soon, she’s flying to Japan, and she already asked the school to let her take the final exam early” Jeongyeon didn’t hesitate to tell Mina, she felt that the younger girl should at least know what Momo is up to.

Mina was shocked with what the older has revealed. It doesn’t make sense to her.

“Momo is leaving?! When? Why?” the questions are desperately coming out of Mina’s mouth.

Again, Jeongyeon released a faint sigh as she felt that Momo really didn’t tell Mina anything. Maybe it’s the latter’s way of protecting herself from hurting further.

“Momo told me that it was her father’s wish but she insisted to stay here, for you, in the condition of passing to JYP. Maybe, she doesn’t see any reason now to stay here” Jeongyeon dejectedly say, and the hurt was apparent in Mina’s face.

Mina broke down in tears, consuming each and every truth Jeongyeon has said. It hits her, really hard. All these time that she felt neglected, she felt unimportant, Momo was doing all she can to be with her while she chose to give in to temptations and sin. It’s more agonizing that she’s realizing all of these now.

She quickly wiped her tears away and stood up, wanting to go to Momo’s apartment as soon as possible. “Thank you for telling me Jeongyeon, I need to go to her” she said as she was about to leave, Jeongyeon stopped her from walking.

“She’s no longer in her apartment, Mina. And she’s leaving later, I hope you could make it on time at the airport” Jeongyeon feels empathetic towards her friend, she doesn’t want to give her a false hope yet she really wished that Momo would change her mind and give Mina a chance.

“Thank you” and Mina runs away with the intention of seeing Momo.

++

Mina went straight to the airport, checking the huge screen with list of flight details. She runs toward the direction to where the Narita flight’s waiting area was. Panting hard, she scanned all the people inside but she couldn’t see any trace of Momo. She looked attentively to every person and she’s almost given up when she saw a familiar figure about to enter the departure area. She couldn’t be mistaken, she knows Momo so well that even if she only saw her back, she’s hundred percent sure that it was her.

“MOMO!” she shouted desperately not minding the people that paid attention to her, she only wants Momo to look back at her and stop her from going anywhere.

The figure stood still, not turning back. Momo is certain that it was Mina’s voice. She’s torn between looking back or moving forward. Don’t look back. Don’t you ever turn your back. She’s made up her mind.

Mina couldn’t control her tears when she saw Momo take a step towards the departure area.

“I-IM SORRY! PLEASE DON’T GO! I-I BEG YOU DON’T LEAVE ME” she’s frantic and Momo didn’t even flinch after she spilled those words. The older girl continued walking away and as the figure disappears from her sight, her vision became blurred as her tears were flowing uncontrollably from her eyes. “I-Im so sorry… Please…” she mumbled. This is really over and Mina still cannot accept the fact that Momo really left. She couldn’t see her anymore and she doesn’t know if they ever will. The younger girl clutched on her chest, slowly dying in pain of losing her beloved. It’s all my fault. I’m sorry, I love you.

++

The pain is too much for Mina, if only she knew that the consequence of her actions is literally losing Momo, she wouldn’t dare even think about seeing Chaeyoung, she wouldn’t dare feeling neglected, she should have understood the older girl more and not dwell in negative thoughts. She’s too ashamed of herself. Momo doesn’t deserve me. Tears refused to fall this time, but the pain lingers. She couldn’t see Momo in the school anymore, she couldn’t see her in her apartment, no more messages from her. Everyday feels like hell. Every place reminds her of Momo.

She kept the ring necklace that Momo threw that night. She wore both rings in her necklace, to remind herself of her biggest mistake and also to remind her that what happened between them is real.

++

Seniors’ graduation came and the Juniors are also present to bid the seniors goodbye. Jeongyeon and Nayeon were there, they looked happy and Mina missed Momo so much especially now that she couldn’t even see her friends after graduation. When the ceremonies have ended, Nayeon talked to Mina at the back of the hall where the graduation was held where there were no disruptions.

“I can see you’re still not okay” the older girl started to speak as she glanced at the lifeless eyes of Mina. Mina was taken aback at the statement but it’s true. She’s never okay.

“I was right before when I said we’re the same. I have this feeling that we both don’t want to be alone; we want something or someone to always fill the emptiness we feel…” there was a momentary silence and Mina digested every word that the older girl is saying.

“When I saw you with Momo, I knew this is going to happen. But I thought that maybe, you would change like I did when I took a chance with Jeongyeon. But I think you don’t love her enough. I feel sorry for her though, she’s the nicest person I’ve known.” Nayeon continued.

“I-I love her so much…” the words were faint but she wanted Nayeon to hear them.

Nayeon saw regret in Mina’s eyes. She pulled her for a comforting hug and Mina burst into tears again that she thought has dried up.

“Sometimes you have to learn your lessons the hard way…” the older girl caressed her back that was still shaking from her outburst of emotions.

“I-I missed her… so much….” Mina’s voice is trembling and she’s crying so hard.

“I know… but you have to fix yourself too Mina, change for the better” the words were straightforward and Mina took the advice wholeheartedly.

++

Mina quits from the basketball club and focused on studying in her senior year. She also attended the cram school where Momo used to go so she could study in JYP. Fortunately, she passed the most difficult entrance exam. Now she knew how hard it was for Momo as well. She took the business management course without thinking too much.

Being a college student is hard and demanding. She dedicated all her time in studying, but sometimes, her mind leisurely wander to Momo’s whereabouts, what is she doing right now? Did she think of me like I do? What if she already found someone? The last thought brought an unbearable pain in her heart. After years of not hearing anything from Momo, the memories were still fresh in head.

++

People are at the hype of holidays season, it’s December after all. And in two months, Mina would be graduating from college. The silent alarm of her phone signaled that she has to leave the library and to continue studying at home. It’s getting dark and the snow is piling up outside. She wrapped a red scarf around her neck as she stood and went outside. The ambience is beaming with hope, happy faces from people and the streets are full of colorful lights.

There was a tug in her heart upon hearing her phone beeped suddenly. All these time, she still hoped that one day, Momo would contact her. She took her phone from her coat’s pocket and saw the sender. You’re hopeless, Mina. She chuckled at herself weakly upon seeing that it was from Jeongyeon.

She opened the message and her heart suddenly began to beats fast.

JY: Basketball and Cheering club will have a reunion this December 24^th at Marriott Hotel, 9 PM.

She doesn’t even know if Momo would be there since they haven’t heard about her for years. Yet, her optimistic self still wished that she would meet her there. She stared for the message in a while when she replied “I’ll be there”

++

Maybe Mina took it earnestly about attending the reunion. She made sure she will look presentable in her own standard, which means high and above the normal people’s standard. She has to be ready all the time, what if Momo was there and she looked like a run-down from college, she doesn’t want to embarrass herself.

She fixed her hair on a low half-ponytail, letting her long wavy curls rest freely against her shoulders. Under her black wool coat is a white turtleneck sweater and a pair of black skinny jeans. It was a normal winter clothes but Mina looked expensive wearing them.

 Going to the venue took at least an hour of bus ride. Taking a step inside the expanse of the extravagant hotel, she catches her breath and clutches her bag tight trying to calm her nerves that hasn’t been cooperating till now. Why do I feel so nervous?

She can hear from outside the door the loud noise coming from the penthouse where the party is held. Indeed, a combined party of basketball and cheering team will create this kind of noise. She knocked once and the door was opened immediately by Jeongyeon.

“I’m glad you came, come here, let’s meet everyone” Jeongyeon said being responsible of everyone being the previous captain of the basketball team. The music is loud and it’s banging against her eardrums, she couldn’t even hear what Jeongyeon was saying but her eyes are scanning the entire place looking for the face she longed to see.

People are drinking, talking, dancing, eating, they are having fun. She saw old faces and some people changed and some are still the same. She felt warm reminiscing the old times but her chest tightens in disappointment when she realized that Momo isn’t there.

“Oh God, Mina, you’ve become prettier” their point guard, Eun Soo, approached her still amazed at her glow up. She bowed at the person and gave a weak smile. The point guard gave her a drink and sat beside her.

“Are you still single? Are you seeing someone now?” Eun Soo persistently asked and Mina knew that the point guard is hitting on her. Before she opened , the crowd gathered towards the entrance. She suddenly gets chills and the hair at the back of her neck stand ups. She can hear people saying “We’re glad you made it here” and “You’ve changed a lot”. When the people began to disperse she almost spilled her drink when she saw how stunning the person in line of her sight is. Momo changed a lot, with her high ponytail and long dark hair, she really looked like she just came out of the magazine cover. She can feel the mess inside her heart when the older girl turned to her direction and bows softly acknowledging her presence. As if her heart jumped out of her ribcage with just a simple gesture but she’s still feeling hot all over when their eyes met.

Jeongyeon and Nayeon welcomed Momo with a warm group hug. Momo reciprocated the warmth.

“How’s running your own company now, Momo? Wow, you really amaze me every time, you’re not just good at winning games, now you’re winning investors” the captain overwhelmingly said that earned a chuckle from Momo.

“It’s nothing big, really, I’m still learning things” she humbly said

“So are you staying here in Korea for good?” Nayeon interjects and she made sure that Mina could hear everything since the younger girl was frozen in her seat.

“Yes, we had a branch here in Seoul and I was assigned to be in charge here. So I guess, we can see each other more often now.” Momo smilingly said. Nayeon glanced at Mina and noticed the relieved face of the younger girl.

Mina heard everything, more like she intently listened to what they are talking about. She couldn’t bring herself to approach Momo even though she’s dying to know everything. She’s just staying still in the couch where she initially seated and Eun Soo is still beside her trying to initiate a conversation with her. She could only look from afar, watching every move and every gesture. No words could express how much she missed Momo. An ache, the pain lingers and she knew she deserved feeling this miserable.

“Don’t tell me, you’re still into Momo?” Eun Soo tried to pry. Mina finds it irritating, she doesn’t want to involve Momo into the malicious mouth of the point guard. She stood up not wanting to answer the question. “Hey!” Eun Soo grabbed Mina’s hand to stop her from leaving and Mina turned her back to release her hand that was still held by the point guard. She’s persistent, really annoying.

Mina was about to talk back when a familiar voice echoed among the loud noise of the party music.

“Can I talk to Mina for a second?” Momo appeared right behind her and Eun Soo removed her hand that was gripping Mina’s arm. “Okay” she dejectedly said.

Mina felt her heart came out from her ribcage upon hearing that voice. Did she just wanted to talk to me? Am I hearing things?

She turned her head to confirm that it was really Momo. And she’s not wrong. Momo gave her a warm smile and she melts.

“Let’s go somewhere quiet” Momo suggested as she turned around and Mina followed her back. Looking at Momo’s back feels like it’s calling her to feel the warmth. She wanted to touch her, to feel her, to kiss her, to not ever let go. But she couldn’t, she already lost the right to be with her after that one fateful moment. Her heart sank at the memory while watching the older girl’s back.

They settled into the balcony where the loud noise couldn’t reach them. Momo took the wine and pour some into the glass, one for her and gave the other one to Mina. She quickly accepted the offer and consume them.

There was a momentary silence and she glanced at Momo’s side profile. Is it possible to fall in love again with the same person? Mina thought and she felt her whole body burning. Being this close to Momo is like a dream came true, she dreamt of her in many occasions. She waited for this moment to come, that she would be able to see her again and what? She doesn’t even know what to say.

“How have you been?” Momo broke the silence and her low voice makes Mina’s mind stops functioning. It was just a simple question, but if she would answer them honestly she would have said that she was miserable, that she’s been a mess without Momo, that she was regretful and that she tried to fix herself, she tried to be okay for this day.

“Pretty good” is all she could mutter and Momo responded with a hum. Mina felt embarrassed as she couldn’t keep the conversation going. Again, the air felt heavy around them. Momo just sat there still sipping the wine quietly while staring into nothingness. Mina wanted to ask so many things, but she’s scared to know the truth.

“I heard you’re graduating in a few months, in JYP right?” Momo reconfirmed what Nayeon had told her earlier.

“Yes, I’m almost done with the final exams and preparations” Mina continued and she doesn’t know why she suddenly felt shy around Momo. They used to laugh a lot before, they were friends before they became lovers and became strangers again. It’s been five years without any news from the older and now they are here in this small space catching up about these years they haven’t talked.

“That’s great, I knew you would do well, you’re smart after all” Momo gave a thin smile at her and Mina couldn’t get that smile out of her head.

“N-not really… H-how about you? I heard you’re staying here in Korea for good?” she couldn’t help but stutter, the older girl’s presence is just too much to take in. She felt a shortage of air as she speaks and it’s suffocating.

“Yes, I’m planning to stay here. Ah by the way, here, please take this business card, our Korea branch is still new so we’re still looking to fill those job vacancies, I would be more than happy if you could work with me” Momo offered and Mina took the white card from Momo’s hand and looked at it intently as she read Momo’s details.

“Don’t worry, the company is taking good care of its employees” Momo continued as she saw Mina’s face is painted with worry and confusion.

“N-no it’s not what you think… I just – “ Mina answered back, it’s not like she’s worried that Momo’s company isn’t good enough, she’s just confused of everything, she’s trying to understand what’s happening and what’s in store for her.

“Please think about it, Mina” and Momo pats her shoulder as she stood up. Momo suddenly was dazed when she saw the silver necklace hanging around Mina’s neck. She clearly saw two rings and she couldn’t be wrong that it was their ring. The younger girl felt that Momo’s gaze were piercing through her collarbone, she knew that Momo have seen the necklace and she was quick to hide them inside her collar.

“I see, you’re still wearing them” Momo said under her breath and the younger girl felt her cheeks burning with the statement. Yes, I never removed them. I never will.

Mina nods in response. Momo swallowed hard and took another sip of the wine.

“It’s getting late, I’ll give you a ride home, it’s dangerous to commute” Momo suggested and Mina would want to object since it will be bothersome for Momo but the older girl insisted and she now finds herself at the passenger seat of Momo’s black Porsche 911.  

Mina couldn’t keep herself calm knowing that Momo is beside her and she really looked cool driving this luxurious vehicle. She felt that there are so many things that she doesn’t know about Momo anymore. Are you the same person you were five years ago?

They arrived at Mina’s house, Momo knows the way to her house by heart and this kind of things didn’t leave unnoticed by Mina. She bowed at the older girl as she went outside the car. “Please drive safely” Mina said and Momo smiled at the gesture. “I will, Mina… and please think about my offer” and Momo started the engine and drove away.

Mina went to her room shortly; she clutches at her chest when she felt her heart beating uncontrollably with her encounter with Momo. She took the business card and stared at it while flopping her back against the bed. She knew her answer from the moment Momo asked her to join her company. But it just felt unreal. She rolled over her bed feeling all excited to see Momo again. She wanted to be close to her again.

Am I allowed to be this happy?

++

A/N: Happy Holidays everyone! Hope you enjoy this chapter and the next chapter might be the last or second to the last. Thank you for staying with me. I love you all. Some of the scenes were inspired by TBTIED. :))