Momo loves Mina so much.

Loving Mina is like taking a risk. And Momo would always take that risk even if she knew her chances were slim. She accepted the fact from the moment her heart beats for the younger girl that this will feel like heaven and hell. She knew, but she’s never prepared. Maybe someone always love more in a relationship.

Mina is a fragile person, and Momo, if possible, would want to spend all of her time with her. But that isn’t the case. The older girl has more important things to do, to be admitted to JYP University isn’t for her, it was for Mina.

“I promise I would be accepted, Dad, just trust me” Momo convinced her father who’s not really supportive with her decision.

“Okay, but you promised as well that if you fail to join JYP you would study in Tokyo University and help me with business. That’s your last chance Momo, I already let you study there in your primary to tertiary education” Hirai-san sternly said like a final warning to her daughter.

Momo really liked Korea, and she has more reasons to stay now because of Mina. Joining JYP is like a passport to her father’s approval to stay to the place longer and she couldn’t afford to fail the examination. Never. Not in her current situation.

“I understand” she answered as her father hanged up the call.

Momo heaved a heavy sigh. Her head hurts, even if she has already forgiven Mina, the heartbreaking scene is still vivid in her mind. She’s at the cram school’s library catching up with her lessons. Why is this so hard? She didn’t even know if she’s referring to her lessons or to her life.

Her phone buzzed, a message from Mina.

MN: Are you busy? Can I come to your apartment?

Momo didn’t think twice in sending her reply.

MM: No, I’m good. I’ll wait for you in my apartment.

Mina has this power over her. Absolute obedience. She felt that if she doesn’t stay close to her, Mina will stray away. As far as she knows, it’s the best way to love Mina. But does Mina know the best way to love her? Momo doesn’t even bother to think about that.

She packed her things quickly and left the library. She will just work harder on her studies tomorrow.

++

“How’s cram school?” Mina asked as she slumped her body against the soft couch where Momo is seated. She bought some snacks that Momo loves and the older girl appreciates the gesture.

“You don’t have to do this, but thank you” she said and showed her toothy smile to Mina.

“Am I disturbing you?” she dejectedly asked. Momo didn’t fail to notice the pout in Mina’s face and she let the urge to take over her to kiss the younger. As she leaned forward, their lips met. It was calming, kissing Mina is like heaven, like nothing else matters, but then an unwanted scene started to seep into her mind again and it lingers, suddenly it felt like hell. She always tries hard to win these mental battles, she couldn’t let it ruin her. Momo buried these thoughts at the depths of her soul. Locking them up sealed with her resolve to love Mina unconditionally.

I’ll always choose you, Mina.

++

Mina wants to make things right this time. She did the best she could to avoid Chaeyoung. After classes, she would go home straight and would patiently wait for Momo’s message. Sometimes she would visit the older girl in her apartment and she would bring her a homemade meal. Mina would sometimes spend the night at the older’s apartment, she would just quietly wait for Momo to finish studying and they would cuddle right after. It was perfect. She also noticed that Momo is giving her more attention now and she wouldn’t complain.

It was midnight and Momo just finished studying. She closed her book and turns her head to look at Mina who’s dozing in her bed. It’s been like this these past few days.

“You should have slept if you’re sleepy, you don’t have to wait for me” Momo said as she walked towards the younger girl who is sitting in her bed, head unstable against the headboard. Mina was suddenly woken up from her nap.

“Are you done?” she asked as she released a small yawn. Momo finds it adorable and she wiped the tear in Mina’s eyes due to her sleepiness.

“Yes, let’s sleep, I’m sorry for making you wait Mitang” the older pulled the blanket and both of them laid side by side, facing each other. “It’s okay, I want to wait for you” Mina said as she snuggles against Momo’s shoulder, getting a faint smell of Momo’s shampoo. Being this close to Momo, Mina felt the safest, like this is where she belongs.

++

Mina wants to surprise Momo this coming weekend, Saturday, since it will mark their 100^th days being together. She makes a call to the older girl.

“Hello Momo, do you have plans on Saturday after your cram school?” she sounded excited and Momo was more than happy to hear Mina’s voice.

“No I don’t, why?” Momo inquired, feeling curious on what Mina has in mind.

“Nothing… uh, just be sure to go home early that day.” She abruptly said not wanting to reveal her surprise to her girlfriend.

“Ah, sure Mitang” she promised, and Mina hanged up. Momo was left thinking about the call but the pile of topics to be studied trailed her off her thoughts.

++

The preliminary mock exams were finished and today, Friday, Momo was called on by her professor after their class.

“Momo, I know you’re a hardworking student, but I’m worried with the result of your mock exam. I don’t think it’s the result you want as well, you must take extra classes or else, forget your dream to be accepted at JYP” she felt her world crumble at her professor’s statement. She knew she’s been distracted lately.

“I will take the extra classes, Professor, please help me pass the exam” she begged, and the professor shook her head in disappointment, she knew Momo is the most hardworking student in the class and she doesn’t know how to really help her if she’s mentally distracted.

“Okay, starting tomorrow, I’ll give you special classes after the regular class, but there’s one thing I couldn’t help you with, I can see you’re very distracted, help yourself to clear your mind and focus, please” the older sternly said like compelling her to know her priorities. Momo knew what she needs to do, but can she fight the urge to not think about Mina and not to stick with her.

“I understand, thank you Mrs. Song” and she left the room heavy hearted.

She didn’t go home straight after that, she went to an almost empty park and sat at one of the benches, staring into nothingness. She must clear her mind from any distractions, she must do this, she doesn’t want to go to Japan and leave Mina. Passing the exam is the only thing she should focus now, and the only thing that matters.

++

Mina woke up feeling all excited to surprise her girlfriend later in the afternoon. She went to the supermarket and bought ingredients for Momo’s favorite dishes. She’s been studying how to cook recently so she could cook for Momo who’s a big eater. Just thinking about it makes her heart flutter.

She asked her mother to let her use the kitchen and her mother gladly let her as she daughter.

“Is that for Momo?” Mrs. Myoui asked and Mina felt her face flushed at the question, it was her first time cooking something for Momo, she remembered that the last time Momo was able to taste her cooking was when they were still friends and she failed on giving the packed lunch to Jeongyeon and the older girl just accepted the food. The memory is still clear to her as she giggled reminiscing the moment.

Mina just nods in response and her mother chuckled as she leaves.

She’s been trying hard to perfect the dish and finally, it tasted better to her liking. She quickly put them in the container, she added cute raccoon shaped onigiri. She’s smiling from ear to ear while placing them neatly.

“Done!” she said triumphantly. She glanced at the clock and saw that she still has time to fix herself, she wanted to at least look presentable.

++

She stood in front of Momo’s apartment. Three knocks, but no answer. Maybe she’s on her way. She sat in front of Momo’s apartment door, knees tucked as she felt tired from standing too long. It’s been an hour since she arrived and still, no traces of Momo. She took her phone to see if Momo left her a message that she’ll be arriving late, but nothing. She doesn’t want to bother her so she waited.

Two hours passed, and it’s bothering Mina that there’s still no traces of Momo. Did she forget that I’ll be going here? But she promised… It’s making her uncomfortable that Momo broke her promise, most especially today, that they should be celebrating together. It’s not like any ordinary day. And she’s been all excited all day for nothing. Her mind is uncooperative and has been feeding her all these negative thoughts. She took her phone again and this time, she dialed Momo’s number. The call has been redirected to voice message which fueled her frustrations more.

She tried to reach her, calling her many times but to no avail, still no answer from her. Then there’s an incoming call, but not from the person she’s expecting.

It was Chaeyoung, she’s been calling her frequently but she always tried to ignore the younger’s calls. But this time, she picked it up.

“Hello Mina” Chaeyoung’s voice echoed from the other line.

“Hmmm” she just hums in response not wanting to burst out her frustrations to the point guard.

“You don’t sound okay. Where are you?” The question is like a trap. She knew, if she answered, it will spark some hope on the younger, but it’s too tempting to have someone beside her in times like these. She doesn’t know what to do with Momo ghosting her on their special day. She feels abandoned and it poisoned her resolve to avoid Chaeyoung. She needs someone or she might go insane. Even if her mind tells her to stop, the demon took over.

“Come here, quick” Mina said as if commanding the younger girl to pick her up from miserable state.

++

Loud noise, dim lights, dancing crowd. Mina found herself in the middle of strangers, a bit drunk from the few shots of cocktail. She asked Chaeyoung to bring her here and the younger granted her wish. She’s excusing herself in the middle of the crowd, paving her way towards the restroom. She feels sick in her stomach, she couldn’t even handle liquor, she doesn’t know what on earth has entered her mind to indulge herself to such evil drink.

She’s throwing up at the public bathroom’s sink, gripping at the stainless faucet as if her life depended on it. It’s disgusting, everything, the drink, her mood, everything doesn’t feel right. , I’m not even in your priority. She cursed at the thought of Momo forgetting about her.

A girl went outside from the cubicle and Mina didn’t fail to notice the pretty features the girl has. Concerned, the girl approached her as she took a handful of tissues to wipe her face.

“Are you okay, miss?” the words were kind but the voice triggered the awful feelings she thought she already forgotten. As she turned her head again towards the unsuspecting girl, she swallowed the lump in , she feels a chain is constricting her heart and lungs and it became harder to breath all of a sudden.

No way. This isn’t funny.

“Are you… perhaps, Wendy?” there was a pause. And the girl was caught off guard with the question. Maybe that’s why they both felt familiar with each other. Wendy dropped her hand which is holding the pile of tissues. Her lips lifted upward at the funny coincidence.

“Yes and I guess, you’re Mina, Momo’s obsessed girlfriend?” she doesn’t have to put it that way, but she felt she has to say them to the girl. She doesn’t deserve Momo.

The words pulled the last string that’s keeping her messed up mind in place. Wendy’s words are provoking, and Mina wouldn’t want to give in to her rage. She suppressed all her pent up emotions by balling her fist, like controlling everything in her grasp. But looking at the mocking face of Wendy made her insides turn unpleasantly. Her hands were shaking, wanting to slap them hard to the other girl’s face.

“Mina, what took you so long?” a voice stopped her from her attempt to release her rage. Chaeyoung was quick to go in between them, she bowed to the other girl, acknowledging her presence.

“Let’s go, you’re drunk” the younger girl assisted her outside the restroom and Mina glared at Wendy as she went with Chaeng.

Wendy looked intently at the two. And she felt something was up.

++

Mina and Chaeyoung went back to their table and the older girl is still gulping down cocktails.

“Hey, what’s the problem?” the younger asked Mina while stopping her from drinking the glass of cocktail in her hand. “that won’t solve your problem, you know?” as she removed the glass from Mina’s hand. Mina felt irritated by the gesture, she wanted to get wasted, she wanted to forget the feelings she tried to bury deep inside her being. She felt unloved, insecure, and seeing Wendy now makes her feel more miserable about herself. Momo doesn’t really care about me.

Mina felt the liquor kicked in and it hits her system leaving her vision hazy and her consciousness floating. She didn’t know what’s happening around her but she knew she’s with Chaeyoung the entire time. The last time she remembered is that they went out of the club and she passed out in the middle of the street.

++

She opened her eyes, vision still blurred, and she noticed she’s inside a room that’s dimly lit. It doesn’t look like her room nor any other room she’s familiar with. She noticed also the clock, it was just past eleven in the evening, she hasn’t slept that long. The other side of the bed dipped and she felt another person’s presence is beside her. She turned her head to her side and saw Chaeyoung sat at the edge of the bed. The younger gave her a hot canned coffee to soothe her headache and hang over. She accepted the offer and sipped through the coffee and she felt a bit relieved.

Suddenly, she felt a hand touched her cheek, Chaeyoung is wiping her tears that she didn’t noticed had escaped her eyes. The mix of emotions she felt earlier is again seeping into her mind and she couldn’t control the pent up despair she felt. In a moment, she felt a pair of lips land on hers. Her mind went blank at the contact. She indulged herself at the comfort the other is giving, she knew she shouldn’t do this but it’s too convenient, too easy. Again, for the second time, she kissed back, because she can. As the kiss went deeper, the younger girl wanted more. Her hands trailed from her neck down to her collar bone, ing her shirt. Mina wanted to resist, but all she did was clutch her hand at the blanket.

++

“Bye Mrs. Song, thank you for today” Momo bid goodbye to her professor who stayed late in class to give her extra lessons. It’s been an exhausting day as this is the start of her extended classes. As she took her bag from under her table, she quickly grabbed her phone which is on a silent mode the entire class, she doesn’t want to be disturbed in the middle of her lessons.

Momo was surprised by the number of missed calls from Mina and a few messages. She didn’t have to read them all as she suddenly remembers her promise that she’ll go home early today, she runs towards her apartment as fast as she could but she was greeted by a paper bag sitting in front of her door.  They were her favorite meals. Momo felt her heart sank at the thought that Mina went there and prepared these foods for her. She was about to call Mina to apologize when an incoming call appeared on her phone’s screen. Wendy?

She didn’t answer. She promised Mina to avoid the girl. After a few rings, Wendy sent a multimedia message and Momo couldn’t believe what she saw. It was a picture of Mina and Chaeyoung going inside a hotel. This isn’t true. She tried to convince herself. She doesn’t want to believe the picture. Wendy sent another message containing the room number saying she should go there to see things herself.

++

Momo went to the hotel right after she received the message, she wanted to prove Wendy wrong, that Mina isn’t there with Chaeyoung, that Mina wouldn’t do such things. Her heart is pounding hard against her ribcage, catching her breath from running. She’s now in front of the hotel room’s door, the exact number Wendy mentioned.

Why does my hand suddenly feel cold? It’s so unsettling and Momo wanted to run away. She wanted to turn her back and things will be alright. But she has to face the reality now which is the other side of this door. She turned the knob, it isn’t locked. And she slowly pushed the door, she’s been welcomed by a dimly lit short hallway. Momo walked inside, every step feels heavy and when she reached the end of the hallway, she was frozen stiff in her position. It was very clear, Mina almost and Chaeyoung on top of her, the two is engaging in an intimate act, kissing deeply and they didn’t notice that Momo is staring at them.    

Momo felt her hands shaking and her mind went blank at the sight. She couldn’t control the high of her emotions as anger took over her. She ran towards the two, and she threw a heavy punch on Chaeyoung’s face.

Mina was shocked. She immediately covered herself with a blanket and she tried to grasp what’s happening. Then it sinks in, Momo caught her red-handed. Chaeyoung quickly grabbed her things and went outside the room leaving her and Momo alone. Momo was standing in front of her, panting heavily. She wanted to explain, or rather make an excuse. Tears fell down her cheeks as she tried to open to speak

“Momo… it’s not wha –“

“I knew from the start Mina… I saw you before in the clinic yet I forgave you” Momo’s voice cracked as her tears flow uncontrollably. “I chose you, but you chose to break my heart…What we have is over, maybe, we’re really not meant for each other” Momo removed her ring necklace and throws them on the floor, she turned her back and walks away. She walked away from the hotel room and from Mina’s life.

The words echoed in Mina’s head and every ripple strikes a dagger straight to her heart. It so painful and it’s causing her grief. Her heart breaks into small pieces seeing Momo disappear from her sight, and from her life. She buried her face onto her arms that was against her tucked knees, she cries so hard. So hard that she wished Momo could hear and she will come back to her and hug her. She messed up big time and she felt ashamed of herself. She picked up Momo’s necklace from the floor lifelessly. Staring at it made her heart aches more.

I’m sorry for hurting you…. I know I did terrible things, I won't ever forgive myself for breaking your heart. I’m so sorry.

++

A/N: Thank you for patiently waiting for an update. I'm sorry for the mess, but that's how my mind really works. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, till next update!