"Did you get the phone alright?” Suho’s worried voice irked Kai. Suho had sent the phone with quick service and called the moment it arrived, he didn’t even have time to sign for it properly. It annoyed him that he had been acting all high and mighty, lecturing him about taking better care of his stuff, when Suho was no better. He had forgotten to give him his phone back last night and left him disconnected from the entire world for the whole night. It had been pure torture. And he didn’t even know if Taemin had been trying to reach him.

"You called it… I’m speaking to you, aren’t I…” Kai retorted, it had a little too much bite to it. Maybe he wasn’t just annoyed at him for being a total hypocrite and not following his own advice. Maybe, just maybe, he was trying to push him away.

"Oh, right… he he… I’m so sorry I forgot to give you your phone back… last night was just so…” he giggled shyly like something had happened between them, like they had actually done something. A kiss on the hand just wasn’t that juicy. He wondered whether Suho was still a . It couldn’t be… could it? He was a grown man, a handsome, rich CEO. There was no way the opportunity had never presented itself. Although, it would explain a lot.

"I don’t know where my head was at… I’m usually very responsible…” he could hear Suho blushing through the phone. That lame-o. Stupidly cute lame-o. It was endlessly annoying how easily Suho was able to melt him with his cringy dorkiness.

"So uhm.. you didn’t look through it? …like at all?” Kai hadn’t slept a wink all night, imagining Suho going through his phone, finding an endless amount of pictures of him being everything but female. He also had some very racy messages from his ex saved, he could never bring himself to delete them.

"Isn't it locked?” Suho just said, like it was ridiculous to even try to open the lock, let alone snoop through the phone. The lock-pattern he used was super simple and Suho had probably seen him do it before, several times. Huh. Of course, he could be lying, but it was unlikely. If he had found out he was really a man, he wouldn't be giggling over having held his hand. Wow. He could really trust this guy. It was a strange feeling, but he liked it. It felt like he was recovering a part of himself he didn't know had been lost.

"Anyway, I have this office party tonight, I'd really like it if you came with me.” he added, shy but hopeful. "I know it's short notice, but if you need help getting ready, I can send over some people.”.

"I'm sick.” Kai heard himself saying. He was healthy as a horse, why was he lying? He knew the reason all too well. He was a coward.

"Ah, so that's the reason why you're so crabby.” Suho noted, like everything made sense now. So he had noticed. It was perhaps a tad bit unfair that he was taking it out on Suho that he didn't have the guts to see him and finally come clean to him.

"I'm sorry, but I caught a nasty bug so I won't be able to make it.” Kai fake coughed and made his voice sound super hoarse. It was the lesser of two evils to lie that he was sick, than keep dating him and letting him think he was a girl. He just couldn't face telling him, the words just wouldn't come out, no matter how hard he tried. He liked who he was when he was with Suho, he liked seeing himself with Suho's eyes and he couldn't watch that person disappear, being replaced by disappointment, anger and sadness. It was better just to fade away. To become a happy memory that popped up in his mind every time he saw a ballerina. Maybe if he was sick for three weeks, a month, maybe he would forget him. It was worth the try. He was out of options.

"Oh no, my poor princess. I'll just cancel and come over and take care of you.” Suho sounded distressed.

"What, no! It's your office party, of course you have to be there. And I don't want you to get sick too, so stay away.” he warned him a little too harshly.

"You're cute, worrying about me and everything, even though you're the one that's sick.” Suho giggled brightly, making him feel even worse about lying to him. This . But he just couldn't let Suho introduce him to his subordinates at work as a girl, it would be too humiliating for him if his secret were to come to light. It would make it impossible for Suho to lead his company with confidence, and it would make it difficult for them to pursue any kind of relationship, in case Suho was willing to date him despite him not being of his preferred gender. It was bad enough that they had met his aunt and uncle at the ballet. No. This had to stop. And since he was too much of a coward to face him and break up with him, or tell him the truth, avoiding him was the only thing left to do. Suho would give up eventually. An arrow of pain shot through his heart at the thought of Suho letting go of him.

"Okay then, drink plenty of fluids and rest. I'll call you tomorrow. Sweet dreams.” Suho said softly and hung up.

Kai held the phone up to his ear for a while after Suho had hung up. The ghost of his voice made him lonely. He the TV.

This had to have been the most boring night in the history of all mankind. Kai threw the empty bowl of popcorn on the sofa table, disgusted at himself for having gobbled the whole thing up like a big, fat pig. He was trying to fill the uncomfortable void inside him with food, but it didn't work. Even though his stomach was bursting he was so full, the void was emptier than ever. He missed Suho. Which in itself was kind of ridiculous, they hadn't known each other that long. But Suho had somehow managed to sneak his tentacles into all facets of his life, leaving his print on everything, and they were impossible to get off, like an octopus holding on to its prey. Kai hadn't stood a chance.

There was a knock on the door. Had Taemin lost his keys again? It was odd though, he had said he was going to be out partying until dawn. He had asked him to come along, but he was way too tormented with his Suho dilemma to have fun and he didn't want to ruin Taemin's rare night off.

"Who is it?” he asked through the door, peeking through the peephole. Oh no! He froze in his tracks. Suho!

"It's me. I brought chicken soup.” Suho said on the other side of the door, looking oh so fine and proper, all dressed up.

Kai looked down at the worn out jogging suit he was wearing, realizing it was the least of his problems. . Crap. Fuh...

"Uh oh... uhm... hang on a minute...” he yelled, flustered and distracted. What should he do? He ran around the house, trying to figure out how to salvage the situation. He tried not to panic, but his body had other ideas, his heart running in circles in his chest, not helping at all and his brain was no better, having logged off the moment he saw Suho standing there, right in front of his door. He needed to think of a solution, but there was only static noise in his head.

Bathrobe! Okay! He threw that on as he ran to the bathroom cabinet. Towel! If he put a towel around his head, it was as good as an expensive, designer wig, right? Heh...it took him three tries to tie the towel securely around his head, his hands were shaking so much. He caught a glimpse of himself in the bathroom mirror. He was so busted!

There was no time for makeup. Okay, maybe a tiny bit of mascara. That had to do. Maybe it was for the best, he thought, his heart becoming instantly blue. On his way back, he crumpled up a few tissues he had grabbed with him and scattered them all over the living room table. It had to look like he had been sick all day. Oh! And a scarf around his neck to hide his Adam's apple. He snatched it off the shelf by the door and tied it haphazardly. He was officially in full blown panic mode.

He opened the door as slowly as he could, holding his breath. He didn't know what to expect, but there would probably be shouting. And maybe crying. Probably a lot of crying. Most of the tears belonging to himself. He didn't rule out violence either, a briefcase knockout punch or a ninja karate kick right in the parts that weren't supposed to be there. Ouch, that was going to hurt. But probably not as much as watching Suho's heart being broken.

Suho stood right in front of the door, dressed in a tight fitting tuxedo, all fancy and shiny with a bow tie and everything, like he was about to walk down the red carpet. His hair was even more carefully arranged than usual. Kai kind of wanted to stick his hand out and mess it up a little bit. He was both curious what Suho's reaction would be, and it would probably look really hot. He looked a little too perfect. He needed a bit of chaos.

"Are you out of your mind!!” Suho's face changed from stoic to appalled. Oh no. It had begun. It was the beginning of the end. He already sounded angry. Whatever he threw at him, Kai decided to take it, in the hopes of trying to convince him that it wasn't really a bad thing that he happened to be a guy. He was still the same person, and he was pretty fit, so he had good pecs, those could easily replace s, not all girls had big ones anyway. And the extra package he came with was just a bonus! He hoped Suho could see it that way.

"You shouldn't be up and about in your condition! Do you have a fever?” Suho barged in, putting his hand on his forehead to feel if it was hot. Oops. He definitely did not have a fever, since he wasn't sick in the first place. He did have an elevated heart rate, though, and was pretty sweaty from all the running around.

"Maybe it would be prudent for me to have a spare key for emergencies like these, then you wouldn‘t have had to come to the door, you poor thing." He gently pushed him backwards until they reached the sofa. "But I‘m here now, I‘ll take care of you. You just think about getting better.".

Kai let himself fall onto the sofa, staring at Suho with disbelief as Suho filled the table with chicken soup and medicine. He wasn‘t sure what he was supposed to be more shocked over, that Suho hadn‘t commented at all on his appearance or that he had all but moved in with him already, with one foot in the door, asking for his own key. What was next, a picked fence and a dog? Oh, he really wanted a dog. But how did Suho not notice anything out of the ordinary? What did he think he had, the man flu? Where, instead of being a made up disease that only drama kings could catch, it actually gave you man-like symptoms.

"I told you not to come." Kai scolded him and pouted.

"I couldn‘t not come. My cutie pie is sick." He looked at him and frowned, putting his hand up to his cheek and it ever so softly with his thumb. Kai‘s stomach twisted. He was so ready to stop fighting this intense feeling that was constantly threatening to take over his body, urging him to throw himself into Suho‘s arms. But he couldn‘t. It turned out he really cared about him, so he didn‘t want to hurt him any further.

"What about the party?" Kai asked, turning his face away. He didn‘t want him to look at him too closely, he didn‘t want him to discover his secret.

"I left. It was too boring without you. I did the rounds as quick as I could, doing all the necessary greetings, and then I came straight here. ...as you can see." Suho snorted, glancing down at his overly fancy tuxedo. Kai started feeling even more self conscious, sitting there in his old bathrobe. The comparison was way too unfavorable.

"But I don‘t want you to see me like this..." he bit his lower lip, playing with a loose thread on one of the robe‘s sleeves.

Suho adjusted himself in the sofa so he was facing him and took both his hands in his.

"Look at me." He asked him. Kai didn‘t want to.

Suho released one of his hands and nudged his chin with his finger, trying to get him to look him in the eyes. Once he finally gave in, Suho took a moment to examine every square inch of his bare face, like he was committing it to memory. Kai held his breath the entire time, feeling more vulnerable than he had ever felt before.

"You are so, so, so astonishingly beautiful. And for some reason you don‘t seem to realize it. But I will continue to tell you how beautiful you are, until the day you believe me. And then I‘ll tell you a thousand times more." Suho vowed. What Suho didn‘t realize was that he wasn‘t uncomfortable because of a lack of confidence in his looks, he had always been very aware of how gorgeous he was, he was just scared that Suho would find out he was a guy and leave him. He didn‘t want to loose him. He didn‘t want to get his heart broken all over again, and this time he would have no one to blame but himself.

"I‘m not just saying it, these are not just empty words. I really think you‘re the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. I wouldn‘t lie to you." Suho‘s eyes were full of earnest encouragement. Kai swooned. This time he looked exactly like himself, and not even on a good day, no make up, no gimmicks. Just him. It wasn‘t just Kaya Suho was in love with. There was hope. But he couldn‘t help but be overwhelmed with guilt. It was him who was lying to Suho right now. He wanted him so bad. He had never really wanted to be a girl, he was pretty happy with his current gender. Even when he discovered he was into guys, he still never thought 'what if', but now he would give anything for being able to turn into a girl. That way he could stay Suho‘s girlfriend and Suho would be none the wiser and they could be happy ever after, in this life and the next.

"Now eat up, and get some rest, princess." Suho ruffled his hair lovingly. "Do you mind if I stay a while?" he added. Kai could hear that he was trying to sound casual, but there was uncertainty in his voice.

Kai just shrugged, showing him what real fake-casual looked like. Suho had already X-rayed his bare face with his eyes, so there was nothing else left to discover, except for the bonus package, but that was well hidden inside the huge bathrobe.

Suho took off the tuxedo jacket and loosened the bow tie. Kai‘s eyes were glued to him the entire time, wondering what it would be like to watch him take the whole thing off. He could see his biceps through the thin shirt as he folded his jacket carefully. Kai‘s stomach did a summersault. Being a pretend girl was very frustrating. If not, he would have jumped him right then, right there.

Suho stood up to place his overpriced jacket out of harms way, but half way there he froze in his tracks. He took a detour past the living room shelf complex, bending his neck to get a better look at something. Kai wondered what he was doing, when he saw him pick up a picture frame. Kai jumped up, cold water running down his spine. He had forgotten about that. It was a picture of him and Taemin after his first day at the ballet academy, all full of hope and potential, smiling so hard you had to wear sunglasses just to look at the picture. Kai loved that picture, but right now he wished he hadn't placed it at eye level for all to see.

Suho looked at him, and then at the picture, and then at him again. His expression was one of utter perplexion.

"Uh.. .uuuuhhhh... uhm... so uhm....” Kai hurried over to him, wanting to manage the situation, but he had no idea how. What could he say to make it all better? This was not the way he wanted him to find out.

“Oh-Oppaaahh...” he said, trying to sound cute enough to distract him. It sounded so creepy that he puked a little in his mouth. Ah! It gave him an idea.

"It's my twin brother!!!” he heard himself exclaiming. “Oppa, meet my real oppa. He's two minutes older than me.”. What? Agh, what a stupid lie. Only identical twins looked exactly alike, and they were only ever of the same . This explained nothing. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

"Wow! This is what you would look like if you were a guy?!” Suho gasped. "Not bad...” he added. "It's funny how he is quite feminine, and you're a bit tomboyish, so you look almost exactly alike. Amazing.”. He kept staring at the photo. It made Kai uncomfortable, it was only a matter of time until he would put two and two together.

"Oh..!” he fake stumbled to create a distraction.

"Uh oh! Are you alright?” Suho caught him, and put the photo back onto the shelf, looking at him concerned. "You need to rest. Come on, let's watch a movie.”.

"You know... if you had let me, I would've played hooky today at the party.” Suho randomly said as he the back of his hand, not paying that much attention to the movie. "I've never liked someone so much that I would be willing to shun work responsibilities.” he added, focusing all of his attention to the invisible circle he was drawing on his skin. "That's a big deal, you know...”.

Kai got hit by a wave of guilt. It was so strong it almost brought him to tears. He could feel his lips quivering.

"What's wrong?” Suho asked, worried.

"I have a secret...” Kai whispered. Was this finally it? Would he be able to come clean. He really didn't want this to end, but he couldn't avoid it any longer.

"Yeah?” Suho raised his eyebrows.

"It might make you hate me.” he warned him. He was pretty sure he was going to get angry. Really, really angry.

"Never!” Suho exclaimed with conviction.

"The thing is... that if I tell you... we might have to break up...” Kai confessed. "...would you still like to know?”.

Suho was quiet for a long time.

"Are you dying?” he finally asked.

"No!” Kai waved his hand to emphasize that it was nothing like that.

"Are you in danger?” Suho wrinkled his forehead, anxious to hear the answer.

"No.” Kai made sure to give him clear, concise but short answers. His heart was about to pound a hole through his chest.

"Are you...” Suho hesitated. "Are you in love with me?”

"...yes...” he gave him an almost inaudible answer. What a direct question. And it was way, way too soon to be asking about love or anything remotely resembling it. But strangely, he didn't even have to think about the answer. He already knew it.

"Then that's all I need to know.” Suho said, determined.

"Are you sure?” Kai couldn't believe it. He was off the hook! If Suho said he didn't want to know, then when he finally found out, he couldn't be mad at him for not telling him.

"Yeah.” Suho smiled at him. It was the warmest smile he had ever felt. Kai knew he couldn't keep this up forever, but he had bought them some time together, that was all that mattered. He felt oddly happy. And a thousand pounds lighter. All that had been weighing on his shoulders this entire time just floated away.

He laid his head on Suho's shoulder and closed his eyes. He could feel sleep knock at the door.

"Oh, by the way...” Suho mumbled in a low voice.

"I'm in love with you too.”.

“I know.” Kai cockily said, while his pet butterflies just kept multiplying, making all his insides flutter.