“Hey.” Suho's soft voice snuck into Kai's ear. He had been waiting to hear it all day.

“Hey.” Kai replied sweetly. “How was your day?”.

They had been talking over the phone every day for three weeks now. They always kept it light, and avoided all talk about Kaya, their relationship and what the future held for them. It had been working so far, but Kai was starting to feel the increasing need to know where they stood, and whether this thing they were doing was just them treading water, or if they would ever reach solid land. Still, he didn't dare rock the boat.

He snuggled up under a blanket on the sofa and listened to Suho tell him all about his slightly boring, uneventful day.

It was the highlight of Kai's day.

***

“The boss wants to promote you!”.

“Really? To what?” Taemin grinned, he had already been promoted three times. This intern thing was a piece of cake.

“Uhm.. to anything that doesn't involve using the copy machine. Even though your art gallery of your various Xeroxed body parts is original, artistic and exceptional in every way, the boss is starting to notice the excessive paper use. I don't think he has much appreciation for the arts.” Jieun, his coworker, explained apologetically.

“Ah, yeah, unfortunately there will always be such prehistoric grumps blocking the path towards true art.” Taemin sighed.

“Okay, but can I then be promoted to a desk? Oh, oh! And can that desk be next to Jinki's?” Taemin requested, he didn't want to waste any more time. Always when he thought they were finally getting somewhere, Jinki would withdraw from him, and it was square one all over again.

“Mm, yeah, sure. I don't see why not.” she said, looking around, grabbing a small coffee table and handing it to him. “You can place it wherever you want.” she gave him an encouraging wink. Probably everyone in the office knew he was after Jinki, except maybe Jinki himself.

Taemin marched the coffee table straight to Jinki's desk, kicking Jinki's trashcan out of the way so he could place his table right up against his desk. Satisfied, he clocked out since he was late for class. This was the beginning of something beautiful, he was sure of it. He danced all the way to school.

***

Four weeks, and it was officially the breaking point for Kai. He couldn't be in limbo any longer, this walking on eggshells had to stop, even if it meant... Kai couldn't bear to think about the consequences.

“So... ehm... don't you think it's time we... met?” Kai asked Suho hesitantly over the phone.

There was silence.

“Or like, maybe video chat?” Kai blurted out in a panic.

“I don't know...” Suho mumbled, dragging his feet.

“Just think about it, there's no rush.” Kai caved, his heart sinking into a murky swamp in his gut.

***

Taemin stared at Jinki not-so-secretly as Jinki pushed some papers around, supposedly working. Taemin didn't really have any work to do, so he was free to gawk at Jinki all day. This was officially the best job ever. Except for the part of not getting paid a dime.

Suddenly, out of the blue, something clicked in Jinki's office chair and it fell over, with Jinki in it. There was a loud bang when they both hit the floor.

“Heh..” Jinki awkwardly scratched the back of his neck and got up, trying to pick the chair up, accidentally pressing the seat adjustment lever, causing the seat to plummet to the lowest possible position. He then spent a good ten minutes trying to raise it back up, without success, no matter how hard he pressed the lever and pulled, the chair wouldn't budge.

In the end he let out a long sigh and gave up with the cutest little pout, sitting down on the chair that was almost level to the ground, staring at the keyboard on his desk that was now at eye level. It was a hilarious sight. Taemin's heart couldn't take much more of this. He had never met a clumsier guy in his life, and it was absolutely the sweetest, most endearing thing he had ever witnessed. It made him want to hug him all the time.

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” Taemin said, without meaning to. It just came out, as natural as breathing.

“Okay.” Jinki confirmed.

“Okay?” Taemin barely managed to prevent his jaw from dropping to the floor.

“Mhm.” Jinki nodded without any further explanation.

Huh. Maybe this whole internship thing had been an unnecessary complication. Maybe he should have just asked him to begin with, and skipped this drawn out scheme of his. Nah. It had been an interesting experience and it had allowed him to get to know Jinki better, in a way he couldn't have through just hooking up or through traditional dating.

One thing was sure. Taemin had met his kryptonite, in a good way. None of his normal techniques worked on this guy. It was so refreshing. Taemin loved a challenge.

***

“How was school today?” Suho asked him in a tired voice. Today's call was late because Suho had to work overtime. It was almost midnight. He was clearly exhausted, but still he honored their deal of talking on the phone every day. That had to mean something, right?

“Mm..” Kai paused to gather courage.

“The graduation show is next week. Now that you know the real me, I can actually invite you to see me dance.” Kai said, hopeful. Suho was always saying he wanted to see Kaya dance, and now he finally could. Kind of.

Suho sighed. It was not a good sign. Every time Kai mentioned anything related to the past, to Kaya, Suho got all evasive and depressed. And every time, it broke Kai's heart. It was getting to the point that there would be nothing left to break.

“I've already sent you a ticket. Taemin delivered it to your office the day he finished the internship.” Kai said stubbornly. “It's up to you to decide whether to use it or not.” he added a little too defensively, and hung up.

He knew it wasn't his place to throw a hissy fit, but he couldn't help himself. Suho had begged Kaya to let him see her dance, but when he, as Kai, was giving him the chance on a silver platter, it was like he wasn't interested at all. Kai was the same exact person. The only thing that was different was his gender, nothing else! Why couldn't Suho see that, and get over it already.

The sun set in Kai's heart, leaving it in darkness. If Suho hadn't found a way to come to terms with that after all this time, it was probably because he wasn't ever going to be able to. The permanent knot in Kai's stomach pulsated. No matter how Kai tried to keep his head buried in the sand, pretending everything would be fine, he knew it probably wouldn't. He just wasn't ready to let go. Not yet. Just a little bit longer, he pleaded with himself.

And so, the following evening neither of them mentioned anything about the show. Kai knew there was no way Suho would show up, but still he kept hope alive. He had to believe Suho would be there, for if he didn't show up, Kai would be forced to face reality. That Suho was never going to love him, the way he loved Kaya, and whatever was between them would never amount to anything more than the ghost of what Suho and Kaya used to share.

It wasn't over until it was over, Kai tried to convince himself. He put up the biggest puppy eyes he had ever attempted, accompanied by an adorable pout, and took a selfie. He sent it to Suho. He waited half the night, but there was no reply. The next day he sent another one, but Suho ignored it completely. Kai didn't give up, and sent him one every single day until the day of the show.

After the performance, there was a rush of people barging into the backstage room to greet their loved ones with a bouquet of flowers and shower them with congratulations. The show had been excellently executed, everything had gone according to plan, so even the director was ecstatic. Everyone was bursting with happiness, except Kai. It was not that he didn't have friends and fans throwing themselves at him, bursting with pride, drowning him in compliments. And he was even having trouble carrying the flowers, he had received so many. But he didn't care about all that. The only compliment he wanted to hear, would never be spoken, for Suho wasn't there.

As two of his juniors energetically hugged him, he glanced into the corner where Jinki was handing Taemin a single rose. Taemin seemed to like that tiny rose a thousand times more than all the impressive, professionally arranged bouquets that lay piled up on the dresser beside him. He smelled it, all giggly, looking into Jinki's eyes like he had just won the lottery. Kai had never seen him so lovestruck. Jinki looked around to make sure no one was looking, and snuck a short kiss on Taemin's cheek. Kai got a pang in his stomach. He was trying not to be jealous. He really was happy for them. Only, their blossoming crush just reminded Kai of his wilted one.

As he tore his sombre eyes away from the happy couple, they got caught on something by the door. A familiar silhouette. Suho was standing there, all tidy in a tuxedo, staring at him with uncertainty in his eyes, holding an extravagant bouquet of flowers. Kai's heart missed a beat. He came. He really came. He was about to shake off his juniors to go to Suho, when two more latched on, one even giving him a kiss on the cheek. Suho wrinkled his eyebrows, his hand losing its might, the bouquet turning upside down, dangling in Suho's hand along his side. Then he turned around and headed back down the hallway.

Oh no!

Kai shook everyone off him and pushed through the crowd that was gathered around him. He ran out into the hallway, but he couldn't see Suho anywhere. His heart was racing in desperation. He felt like if he didn't catch Suho now, he would lose him forever. He peeked into the adjacent corridors as he ran past, flying through the side door out into the street. There he was! He could see the back of his head, there was no one else who spent as much time purposefully placing each strand of hair in its place. It was him for sure.

He ran after him full speed, coming to a screeching halt as he caught up to him from behind, yanking the bouquet of flowers out of his limp hand. Suho turned around, shocked. He had been completely caught off guard.

“Thanks.” Kai acted like Suho had just given him the flowers, sticking his nose into the middle of the bouquet and breathing in deeply. They smelled like the first day of spring, a day of new beginnings.

“You are really talented.” Suho told him sincerely. It wasn't a very elaborate compliment, but it was what Kai had been longing to hear all day. His insides, who had been on edge for weeks, finally relaxed and melted into a puddle of warm goo, happily swooshing around in there. Kai beamed back at Suho. He had forgotten how handsome he was. He hadn't seen him in such a long time, yet his face felt more familiar than his own.

“You have a lot of guy fans.” Suho scrunched his nose, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

“I know.” Kai smiled. “Wait... are you jealous?” he gasped.

Suho's eyes doubled in size. He turned super awkward.

“Maybe...” he said after a while, staring down the sidewalk.

Maybe. It was the most beautiful word Kai had ever heard.

MAYBE!

Without thinking about the consequences, he threw himself into Suho's arms.