Chapter 8

His hands were full, literally. He has to kick the door of his car shut because he has two huge gift boxes on the right and a trophy on the left.

Yes, a trophy. A trophy gleaming in his hand despite the dim light of the basement. A few hours ago, he had made it onto the podium of Monster National Motocross League, claiming the third spot. He could still smell the dirt from the track in the air, he could still taste the sweetness of victory on his palate. He definitely couldn't wait to share these glorious feelings with his wife and son.

His first national trophy. He kissed the gold plate that has his name on it, grinning like a fool at the security guard standing by the elevator.

“Congratulations, Mr. Kwon. Here, let me help with the presents.” The man offered his hands.

“Thank you, Dave. I got this.” He lifted both hands up, parading the loads to the smiling warden while entering the elevator. “Perfect presents for my boy's birthday, right?”

“Ah yes, Sir. I heard the party was a blast.”

“Was a blast?”

“Definitely, sir. Kids coming downstairs with balloons and gifts, laughing and giggling. Parents looking all glad and entertained. Your wife definitely knows how to throw a birthday party.”

Jiyong frowned.

There were streamers on the floor, tassels everywhere, deflated balloons and pieces of gift wrappers too. Two tiers birthday cake, or rather what's left of it, was in the middle of the coffee table. Toys, bags, books and other gifts in assorted shapes and colors scattered all across the living room. The dining tables are filled with stacks of paper plates, paper cups, and more utensils Jiyong could care about. A giant teddy bear lying on the couch, its beady eyes stared at Jiyong like a hollow welcome.

Their apartment is a mess. A total mess. In the middle of the chaos was his wife, humming while vacuuming.

He cleared his throat.

“You made it!” She smiled, turning the vacuum off then scooped up wrapping papers from the floor and moved to the kitchen. “I thought you wouldn't.”

He mumbled something about catching a flight, still staring at disbelief at all the mess.

“Jinwoo must be so happy to see you when he wakes up.” She said from the kitchen.

“He's asleep?” Jiyong pushed the Teddy aside so he can sit, feeling disappointment flooding his heart.

“Yep. After all the sugar rush. This mess was 75% Jinwoo's, you know? I've never seen him so excited before. We should throw a party every year!”

“Great.”

“You should see his face when he finds a pop-up book of dinosaurs amongst the gifts. Priceless.”

Frowning, Jiyong unceremoniously dropping the gifts he brought to the floor before setting his trophy by the mangled cake.

“Oh, you win! Congratulations!” Taeyeon came with a small plate and a silver fork. She sat by his side, kissing his cheek then moved about to slice the cake. “Here, I made this myself. Blackforest with strawberry cream under chocolate ganache. Everyone said it tastes good.”

Jiyong couldn't even touch the plate.

“Oh, come on.” Taeyeon forked a chunk and brought it to his mouth. “Don't brood. It's your son sixth birthday party. Our Jinwoo is officially a big kid now. Be jolly!”

“The birthday party that I missed.”

“It's fine, Jinwoo didn't even mad.”

“But I am.”

Taeyeon sighed, dropping the fork back to the plate. “You know it's really unrealistic to ask a bunch of excited kids to wait until 10, right? Not to mention the exhausted parents who barely made it past 8. The birthday party was supposed to take place in the morning, Ji. I'm sorry that we couldn't wait for you.”

“Couldn't or wouldn't?”

“Okay, you gotta stop acting like a little kid here, Ji.”

He looked away.

“I've been planning this party for so long. Every time I set a date, you asked to move it according to your schedule. I resent the invitations three times, mind you. Three times. Do you know hard it was to takes messages from upset parents who have to reschedule their plans three different times?”

She took a breath, touching his arm. “Yesterday, you called that you definitely won't make it. Then this morning, you called again, telling me to push the party back by eight hours. I did. I did everything you asked me to. It's not my fault that you still couldn't make it.”

'We should have celebrated it on the circuit instead.”

“With whom? Your friends. Jinwoo has his own friends now, Ji.”

“All others racers, they have friends and family around when they race. I won a trophy but no family to share it with.”

“Unbelievable.” She sighed, standing up to scoop up more wrappers from the floor and walked away to the kitchen again.

“And when they come home, I bet they have happy faces waiting for them.”

The bin in the kitchen clanging loudly when she closed it with force. One hand on her hip, Taeyeon stared at him in disbelief. “You gotta stop right there, Ji. I welcomed you happily just a few minutes ago. I was cleaning up this mess happily despite my tired body a few minutes ago. It's you, it's you who turns the whole mood upside down in a single second with your frowny face and your ugly trophy.”

“This trophy is what has been feeding this family, mind you. This frowny face comes from a person who provides you and Jinwoo resources to hold such a huge party, to have a happy life.”

“Is that your definition of a happy life? Trophy? Money? Party?”

“My definition of happiness is some appreciation coming from my wife and my kid. You guys never watch me racing anymore. You guys never there when I need you the most.”

“Never there when you need us the most, you said?” She came to the living area again. “You should really learn how to look into the mirror, Ji.”

'You-”

“No. I refuse to hear more bull coming out of your stressed mind right now. Talk to me again when you're sane.” She walked away again. “Goodnight.”

Clouds of disappointment hung low in Jiyong's heart as he watched Taeyeon disappeared into Jinwoo's room. He glanced at the slice of cake Taeyeon set on a plate for him. His stomach grumbled but he chose to ignore the food and walked for the cabinet under the sink instead. There, where he kept his automotive tools, he grabbed a small bottle of whiskey from behind the briefcase of 118 pieces sockets. Glass he needed not. Chugging the content of the bottle while sitting on the kitchen floor, Kwon Jiyong started pondering on his life. On his choices.

He woke up on the kitchen floor, the bottle no longer by his side and the kitchen was spotlessly clean. When he stood up in a headache, he also noticed that every corner of the house had been tidied.

The clock told him it was already ten a.m. Sunrays filtered through the panel window, warming the place he called home. Breakfast was ready on the kitchen table, forcing him to realize how great of a wife Taeyeon is. They never hired helper. She did everything herself.

Still, he wanted changes. As his career rose, his relationship with Taeyeon and Jinwoo sank little by little. He knew he shouldn't let it fade away just like that. This was his family. They were the most important people in his life.

Still, he had no idea how to do it without letting go of his career.

He walked to the bathroom in the master bedroom, smelling the remnant of sweet scent he recognized as the heady combination of Taeyeon's soap and lotion. He missed her. He craved for their intimacy. When was the last time there were only the two of them spending time together?

Shaking his head, he decided to do something about this.

The apartment outdoor pool was alive with the many children taking a dip or playing around it. Parents were there too, basking in the mid-morning sun. Jiyong spotted his wife talking to two elderly by the corner, a glass of juice in her hand.

She looked lively, crop top with short shorts suited her well. The smile on her face, the sunglasses on top of her head, the way her hair was tied up into a messy bun, all summed up into perfection. A perfection belonged to him.

He approached with extreme caution, knowing well that Taeyeon had found him passed out by an empty whiskey bottle a few hours ago.

“Holly mother of the fourth cylinder, isn't this Kwon Jiyong himself? The great GD!” A hand grabbed Jiyong by the shoulder, forcing him to spin his body around and came face to face with a red fluffy face of a middle-aged man. “People said that we're neighbors but we never see each other so I don't believe them.”

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