Chapter 11

The prickling behind his eyes, he knows it comes from pent-up tears. The lovely view in front of him, he knows it won't last as long as he would like. He tries to enjoy it all, taking every second in, engraving every moment on his breaking heart. It's hard, even drawing a single breath feels too painful at the moment. The tick of the clock feel like a punishment now he knows that it brings him closer to that painful separation.

In the center of the room, amongst the many gift boxes is Jinwoo. His happy boy. Bright light from the chandelier shines upon his son like a halo, accentuates the little boy's smile even more. Sitting by Jinwoo's side is Taeyeon. The same source of glow illuminates her jet black hair, creating ethereal image. The giddiness from the pevious birthday party lingers in the room like warm sunshine in a cold morning.

Everything feels so perfect yet so heartbreaking.

“Mommy, what's is this?” Jinwoo's laugh sounds so joyful Jiyong wishes to hear it forever.

“A sweater.” Taeyeon, clearly teasing, helps Jinwoo spread the red and green fabric.

“You give me sweater for my eleventh birthday?”

Jiyong smiles at the incredulous look on Jinwoo'ss face.

“Yep. Isn't it cool?”

Jinwoo stares at the ugly piece of cloth, then look up at his mother. “Don't prank me, mommy.”

“What? Can't a son appreciate a thoughtful gift from a mother these days?”

Jinwoo grins. “Where's my real gift?”

“Aren't all these gifts real enough for you?”

“I meant the one gift from you. One special gift you give me for every birthday.”

“The sweater is my gift for this year. Happy birthday.”

“Uncle Mark?”

Mark laughs, continue cleaning the lense of his camera.

“Daddy?”

Jiyong rises his brows, leaning deeper into the couch.

“Fine. I'll find it myself.” Jinwoo gets up from the floor, heading to his bedroom. “You guys already gave me an X-box one and PS4 so I figure mommy's gift will be Nintendo switch or something equally cool. Do I get a ski-set of my own? Do the trip to Alps come true?”

“Nice analysis there, Professor J.” Mark grins, aiming his camera at Jinwoo then take a snap. Jinwoo poses in front of his bedroom door for another snap and the both of them laugh.

Jiyong sighs, it's still not easy for him to have Mark around in special moment like this.

“It's not under my bed! Not in the shower too!” A few seconds later, a shout comes out of Jinwoo's bedroom followed with a giggle. “Oh I see it! Clever, mom. very clever.”

“I hope Professor J is smart enough to retrieve it from behind the cupboard.” Taeyeon laughs, brushing her hair back with her fingers, completely unaware that her simplest move attracts a huge portion of Jiyong's attention.

“Oh this is simple physic, mom. Easy! Got it! Let me-”

Jinwoo's sentence hangs in the air for a few seconds. The three adults in the living area turn their heads simultanousely.

“Jinwoo?” Taeyeon calls out. Jiyong is already on his feet.

THUD!

“Jinwoo!”

The resounding pain in Taeyeon's outcry reaches Jiyong's ear as he reaches their son. The boy is on the floor, eyes rolling back as his tiny body jerks violently.

“Jinwoo! Jinwoo!” Jiyong tries to grab his son but got kicked on the shin. “Ouch. Mark, grab him!”

“Jinwoo. Baby. Oh God, what's happening?” Taeyeon kneels by Jiyong's side, trembling hands trying to reach for Jinwoo's head. “Ji, do something.”

“Taeyeon, step aside please” Mark order calmly “Move sharp and hard object away. We don't want Jinwoo to hit dangerous· stuff.”

“But Jinwoo?”

“He's having a seizure. Go and call for help once you done here! Jiyong stop trying to hold him down! It 's not helping.”

“Okay. Okay.” Jiyong squats helplessly near his convulsing boy. The pricking behind his eyes feel so unbearable. He never feels so scared for Jinwoo before. “What should we do?”

“Keep him on his side. Like this. Right.”

Trembling, Jiyong hold Jinwoo's back so the boy can stay on his side. His eyes catch Taeyeon, crying while calling for ambulance. When he turns his head to see his son again, the seizure doesn't even show any sign of stopping. “Please, Mark. We need to do something, give him something.”

“There's nothing we can do but wait. It takes minutes sometimes. Seizure is more common than we think. It will be okay.”

“No.” Jiyong looks at his dsitressed ex-wife again. Tears streaming from her eyes. Shaking his head, Jiyong tries to rest his hand on Jinwoo's forehead. “It's not okay.”

“I'm sorry you have to leave Jinwoo so soon, Ji. Rules are different in international race. The final practice season is mandatory.” Tabi pats Jiyong's back after helping Jiyong zip up the racing overalls.

“It's fine. I can't race without testing anyway. This is my first time on this circuit.” Slowly wearing his gloves, Jiyong couldn't help but thinking about his son. Jinwoo is in the hospital bed now, miles and miles away.

“Run me my number again, please.” He needs distraction from everything. He needs something to focus to other than the fact that his son just had a seizure just last week and he's here about to race again.

“Well, you're still five points behind Cunningham and Izumikawa for the top ten standing.”

Jiyong sighs.

“Don't sweat it. It's only the third circuit this season and we all know you have a lot on your plate right now.”

Jiyong shakes his head. “My target is to get into top three by the end of the championship, Tabi.”

“Which is very unrealistic for a first-timer.” Tabi looks at the track ahead. “But once again, don't worry, you can always catch up.”

“No. Not if I keep finishing behind.”

“Don't be too hard on yourself. Top 15 after three rounds is actually magnificent for someone who just debuted in international circuit.”

“I need to be hard on myself. I have to push through, because otherwise this whole sacrificing will be useless. I need to grab one of those trophies this year.”

“Man, I'm sorry... but that's almost impossible.”

“I'll make it possible.” Jiyong looks up to the blue sky, seeing his son's sweet face amongst the clouds. “I have to, for Jinwoo.”

“I'm really sorry, Ji.”

Shaking his head once more, Jiyong takes his helmet from Tabi's hands. “Come on. Let's get this round over so I can be with my son soon.”

Three rounds of practice leave Jiyong exhausted and upset. He keeps on scoring lower than his target, failed to focus on the slippery track. From the dirty bike, Jiyong wipes mud from the visor of his helmet before opening it. “One more time.”

“Our session ends in ten minutes, Ji. Come on.” Tabi looks up from the chart he has been observing. “Let's just watch the recording and see where you did wrong.”

“No! One more time!” Closing the visor, Jiyong starts the engine again.

“It's not you. It's the rain last night. Come on!”

“No! It's me. I have to do something!” He knows he sounds like a petulant kid. He even knows he has been acting like one throughout the whole practice session. He doesn't have time to think about it though. All he knows is he can do better. He has to.

Revving the engine, Jiyong cuts into the track like a thunder, not listening to whatever swear words Tabi has to say.

There's no time for slacking. The cancer has methastasized further. Doctors have found three masses in Jinwoo's brain. The big one they can remove via surgery. The small ones will have to wait until they see them up close. Taeyeon is still deciding for Jinwoo at the moment but from the look of it, Jiyong knows she will give up again. She won't let the doctors cut open Jinwoo's head. She will insist on relishing the remaining time no matter how much shorter that time is.

Jiyong has to hurry. He has to start winning races so he can present Jinwoo an international trophy by the end of this year.

He has to.

He can't think of anything else but winning right now.

His eyes recognize the sharp corner ahead. Maybe if he takes a little risk and maneuver to the right he can actually gain extra points from speed.

Maybe.

There's no room for maybe. Jinwoo is dying. As a father he can't do nothing but giving his son the best he can. This is the best of Kwon Jiyong, racing and winning.

The corners of his eyes catch a shadow.

A kid.

Is that really a kid running to the track?

Jiyong brakes like mad, avoiding the collision by inches as he steers his bike