With all the thought of Eunha lying in a hospital bed running through her head.

‘How could I even forgive myself after this?’

Sinb decided to go back to her apartment that night. Throwing her body on her bed and started to sob slowly, resting the back of her left hand on top of her left eye. She didn’t know how much she cried for the past few days, she didn’t count, but this one left a different feeling than before. It made her feel a thousand times more awful as Eunha’s girlfriend. At this rate, she started to think to give up to get Eunha back. Yuna was right, she didn’t deserve her.

Even when she was already lying on her bed, and her body was fatigued, if it wasn’t because of the tears that made her eyes heavy, she probably wouldn’t sleep that night. She had too much on her mind and mostly because she wanted to punish herself after what she has done to Eunha by not letting herself sleep. But even though she ended up sleeping, it didn’t last long. She woke up around 3 in the morning, without any reason. It was usually a nightmare that wakes her up around that time. But this time was different. Her sleep was dreamless. It was just like someone suddenly pushes her ‘power on’ button. She was completely wide awake. She didn’t intend to go back to sleep. She just stared blankly without moving for a while. Didn’t have anything to do.

Almost a week that Sinb locked herself in her apartment. She barely came out. When she needed food, she just ordered it. Yes, exactly, she only ordered it to keep her alive, which probably only once a day. Her life was practically doomed. Her fans filled her social media with comments, asking where she is and why she hasn’t uploaded any video. Some of them even accuse Sinb for not being professional. Sinb only saw her sns once, around two days after she locked herself inside. Usually, she got hurt by that bad comments even though she would try to forget it and focus on the positive comments people left for her, but this time, it gave no effect at all to her. Someone said when you’re hurt in two places and one of it is more painful then you will forget the other one. Maybe that was what she felt at the moment. The pain from someone else’s bad words on the internet was nothing compared to the pain she felt from her relationship with Eunha. At the end, those people didn’t know what happen in her real life, what she has to deal with, and even if they did know, no one would really help her or even truly care about her. But then she decided to put a notice that she will take a break for a while so that people stop asking about her.

She picked a photo from her gallery the one she never posted anywhere and looked happy and posted it with the caption:

‘Hi guys,

This is Sinb and I’m sorry to make you worry and wait for my update. Don’t worry, I’m fine. This is so sudden but I decided to take a vacation for a while after the competition. So, I won’t be able to update. I hope you understand and don’t miss me too much 😉, I will go back soon as I come back from holiday! Have a great day everyone!’

She lied. Indeed. It’s easier for her to pretend to be happy on the social media cause no one would know the truth, besides, if people think she was on vacation and happy there’s no reason for them to ask any further. She hated the fact that she had to lie, but it has to be done. There’s no more energy left in her to respond to any question that might come to her.

By locking herself in her apartment it meant that she didn’t get a chance to see Eunha, and the more she thought that she has to stay away from her, the more she missed her. Selfish.

She kept looking at her phone and were tempted to call Eunha once in a while but she tried so hard to put it back. While she was at it, there were also some messaged from Changmin. He asked about her whereabouts and the possibility that she still can be one of the faces of Nexon if she showed up at the office now. Sinb ignored it. As much as she knew that it was a great chance for her and probably one of the things she wanted to achieve as a gamer, but she also knew she was unstable and she can’t show up with her condition. So, she gave it up.

***

“Hey, why do you look like that still?” asked Yuna to Eunha. They were both sitting face to face in the cafeteria with a plate of pork cutlet in front of Eunha and a bowl of kimchi stew for Yuna. Eunha didn’t say anything. Instead, she kept stabbing the pork cutlet and only eat little by little. “It’s dead already you don’t need to stab it anymore.”

Eunha stopped and looked at Yuna.

“Is it Sinb?” Yuna added. “She’s not coming again. You don’t have to worry.”

“Yeah, but…” Eunha finally let out her voice. She paused for a while trying to find the right words. “Nothing.” She finished.

 “You really don’t want to open up with me lately.” Said Yuna remembering the past few weeks where Eunha kept being silent and always avoided any question regarding Sinb.

Eunha only looked down. She didn’t want but also couldn’t give any respond to Yuna. She opened her phone and just like an automatic machine, she opened Sinb’s sns. She found the notice her ex-girlfriend left for her viewers. The picture Sinb used was taken by her. The weather was so nice that day. One of the best days she had with Sinb. It was when they rent a car and have a road trip. They passed through a road near the sea and they stop at a spot where they can see a cliff at the background together with the sea. Sinb was wearing a black turtle neck shirt and grey jacket.

“Hey, babe. Let’s stop over there and take a picture.” Said Sinb while pointing at the spot a few meters ahead of them. Eunha was the one driving at that time cause Sinb still hasn’t got her license.

Eunha pulled up soon as she reached the spot Sinb was talking about. Sinb rushed out and take some pictures of nature. There were some speed boats carrying tourists passing around on the part of the sea near th