Sunday, February 19th 2017.

Jisoo waved to her fans from inside the van. She was getting used to this mini car 'fan-meeting' in front of SBS building right after she finished filming Inkigayo. She couldn't go out from the car, though, her manager only allowed her to open the car window and interact with her fans like that. The fans couldn't even get really close to the car, otherwise Jisoo's manager would just drive off. Despite the uncomfortable situation, Jisoo was grateful that her fans still appreciated her effort. 

Today, she received so many letters and presents, and there were even more fans coming to see her off. She smiled and waved, not forgetting to tell her fans to take care of themselves, to be careful, and to eat healthily. For the entire day, her smile never left her face.

"Someone is really happy, today, huh?" Lee Sang-won asked Jisoo when the idol had finished with her mini fan-meeting. Jisoo, who was reading one letter from a fan, turned her head and smiled at her manager.

"Unnie, you won't believe me what happened today." She leaned into her seat, smiling widely. Just a few days ago, Jisoo confessed to her manager-unnie that she liked Jinyoung and she couldn't believe her ears when manager-unnie cooly responded with a simple I know. She was anticipating some sort of scoldings or warnings but instead, her manager was giving her a blessing. She was elated that her manager was there to support her, and now she couldn't stop talking about Jinyoung when there were only the two of them.

"Ah, ara. Is it about Jinyoung?"

"Unnie, even today Jinyoung-ssi is really cool. After our conversation a few days ago, I felt that he became much more comfortable with me. He even taught me and Doyoung about some funny catchphrases that GOT7 made. Poi Poi Poi! Ba-bam!" If anyone stared right at Jisoo's eyes right now, they could tell that her eyes were shining brightly as she talked about Jinyoung. She didn't let Sang-won to reply as she kept talking about Jinyoung. "And then, Jennie also came to see me before her photoshoot, I was so touched. But I don't know why she left really early. The stage performance was also successful. Today has been fun!"

"Yah, Jisoo-yah, remember to breathe when you talk." Lee Sang-won . But she, too, was smiling at her ridiculous idol beside her. Jisoo might not know it, but people who work with idols were already used to this kind of situation: idols falling in love with each other. Jisoo and Jinyoung's stylists were the most excited out of all the staffs, they always styled the couple with the best matching outfit (they didn't leave out Doyoung's stylist, though, but even Doyoung's stylist shipped the couple). Not only that, the writers of Inkigayo were bold enough to give them romantic lines and scenario, taking advantage of the budding romance. Their chemistry was inevitable, especially when Jisoo kept throwing dreamy glances towards Jinyoung on and off camera.

"And I think you really should control yourself a bit more. You keep glancing at Jinyoung, even when he's not talking. At this rate, the fans would notice that you like him. Wait, too late, people are already shipping both of you."

"I talked about this with Jinyoung-ssi before. We both are the type to maintain eye contact when we talk with someone so it's hard for me not to look at him, unnie." Jisoo gave her excuses.

"Ara, ara, but you still stare at him even though he's not the one talking. You should pay more attention to Doyoung, or else he will feel awkward." This time, Sang-won's voice was a bit firmer, seriously advising Jisoo to avoid potential problem.

"I see, algesumnida." The girl nodded. Sensing the sour atmosphere, Sang-won brought up Jinyoung in the conversation again.

"So, you talk with Jinyoung often?"

Jisoo immediately smiled. "We only chat in KakaoTalk. Only short messages, though, because we both are really busy. But sometimes we talk at night until I accidentally fall asleep."

"Who calls first?"

"Sometimes I call him, but yesterday it was Jinyoung. He told me he was reading the book that I recommended and he said it was good. And don't worry, I never talk about Jinyoung in the living room with the girls! And I whisper quietly when we are in a phone call." (Being a YG artist meant you'd be under constant surveillance 24/7).

Sang-won laughed. "Well, I'm not the one who's supposed to be worried. Be careful. You're already in big trouble. Falling in love is a trouble in idol life."

Jisoo made a face. Though Sang-won said it as a joke, in reality, it was the truth. Jisoo went back to read her fans' letters.

"You know I was not this nice when Lee Hi was in a relationship with another idol." Sang-won opened a conversation after a few minutes. Jisoo paused what she was doing to look at her manager before she carefully put away the letters she was reading. "I didn't let her meet her boyfriend, we got into a fight. Maybe that's why I'm your manager now."

"Lee Hi-unnie? Why?"

"The boy she used to date was a bit careless and I correctly guessed that it was only a fling. But when I look at you and Jinyoung, I don't know, there was this aura. Like you two were fated to be together or something."

Jisoo's face lightened up as she listened to her manager. She felt her heart beat faster, filled with excitement.

"Jinjjayo? Unnie.. I'll be really happy if that happens."

"He is a good guy. That Jinyoung." Sang-won said before she continued, "he is jinjja, jinjja polite. And he takes care of you really well, I saw it."

"He is, unnie." Jisoo said, smiling sweetly. She remembered their secret conversation in YG practice room, and how they kept sending short messages, reminding each other to eat and rest well. Should I text him today, too? We did a great job in our performance.

"But listen," the car stopped at a red light. Sang-won abruptly pushed the brake as if she was ready to make an emphasis. The girl beside her was paying attention.

"Sajangnim wouldn't support it. Not right now."

Ah, happiness doesn't last long.

Upon hearing it, Jisoo smiled sadly, slightly looking down. Of course, why would her boss support something that would cause any scandal. She was still a rookie, but she was a rising star. Stealing a glance to her side, Sang-won continued, "so that's why I told you not to be super obvious. Even if you don't date for real, the greatest observers of all, your fans, will notice. And I don't think sajangnim will appreciate it if what started as shipper's imagination turns into a scandal."

"Furthermore, even if you date, you won't have time for each other. As time goes by, you two will drift apart. Naturally. Until it feels easy for you to break up because you don't see the future of your relationship. It always happens like this in idol world. So, even though I'm not against your feeling towards Jinyoung, but still, I will encourage you to just...I don't know, let it go. To save you from...disappointment."

Such a strong word, disappointment.

"I don't know how to stop it, unnie. It just..happens."

"Time passes. So will your feeling." Sang-won lowered her voice. Sad that she had to open all the pandora box of reality in idol's life.

"What if I still can't?"

"Then, you will have to keep it only to yourself." She continued. Child, as time goes, the pain will make you forget.

Jisoo, still smiling sadly and looking down, stayed silence for a while. But she replied her manager.

"Algesumnida." What else could she say?

~

P. Jinyoung (3:33PM):
My members showed me today's broadcast. I can't believe we really danced like that ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

Jisoo (3:33PM):
Yah! It looks cute! The staffs did tell us that it was not supposed to be a serious stage, you know!

P. Jinyoung (3:33PM):
I know ㅋㅋㅋ I'm just kidding! Why are you so angry?

Jisoo (3:34PM):
Hmph!! *sent an angry sticker*

P. Jinyoung (3:34PM):
ㅋㅋㅋ What are you doing now?

Jisoo (3:34PM):
I'm practicing for Gaon stage. I bet you're also practicing for that, too!

P. Jinyoung (3:34PM):
Nope, you lose! ㅋㅋㅋ I'm practicing for my comeback. Gaon practice is tomorrow.
I have to go. Take care.

Jisoo (3:34PM):
Nyeongan!

"So, is there any development in your relationship?" Jennie snuck behind Jisoo. The poor girl was so shocked that she dropped her phone.

"Aish, Jennie-yah, stop it. And we're not in relationship." Jisoo replied as she checked whether her phone had cracked.

"Yet." Jennie added while the older girl only scowled. Both of them were the first ones to arrive in practice room. The 6th Gaon Chart Kpop Awards was near and they had to practice their newest song remix. While the choreographer hadn't arrived, they took the time to stretch.

"Too bad I couldn't meet him today. I had to rush to that magazine photoshoot." Jennie added.

"You left too early. I felt bad that I couldn't stay with you for long." Jisoo apologized. This morning, Jennie gave a surprise visit to Jisoo by coming to Inkigayo studio. However, after they took a photo together, Jennie left for another schedule.

"Unnie." Jennie called Jisoo.

"Hm? What?"

"I still can't believe that you tell manager-unnie about Jin-" Jennie stopped as Jisoo glared at her. They agreed to avoid the word 'Jinyoung' when they weren't in the dorm, thanks to high-tech CCTV that YG put literally everywhere. "about...Jay Whai (JY)."

"Well, Sangwon-unnie was almost Blackpink's 5th member. Wherever we go, she will be there. At first it was because I want to ask for advices. If this feeling has no future, why should I keep going?" Jisoo said, but her voice was low.

"And the fact that she is actually fine with it surprised me as well." Jennie continued.

Jisoo shrugged. "Well, she is not against it, but she doesn't necessarily support it, either. She told me that I have to watch out for sajangnim." Jisoo whispered, quoting the conversation she had with her manager this afternoon. "But anyway, it's not like I will pursue any relationship right now. Blackpink is more important. This is just a temporary crush."

Jennie laughed as she continued to stretch. "It's not a crime to be in a relationship, unnie. Even if you're an idol."

"No, no, no. Aniya. I have to maintain my focus." It's a crime, Jennie-yah. Especially if this feeling keeps growing.

Just then, their two youngest members came in with a loud scream, calling their unnies' names. At the same time, their choreographer arrived.

"You all know Gaon Chart Kpop Awards is a big deal. This time, you cannot make any mistake." He told the girls, but his eyes stayed on Jisoo longer. The girl understood his meaning, as she was the weakest dancer in the team.

The new remix song was not that different. They just stopped in the middle of "Whistle" and changed into "Playing With Fire". They practiced while singing so that they were used to singing and dancing at the same time, trying to improve their breathing control and stamina.

"Jisoo, your PWF hand movement is too weak. Do it seriously like you are on stage."

Jisoo could only nod. The comment wasn't nice, but it was something she was used to. Jisoo was constantly reminded that she was not that good at dancing. Her moves sometimes looked too awkward or too stiff, and her facial expression was unnatural since she was scared to make mistakes.

She was aware that every time she was scolded, her members would turn their heads, gazing at her with worried eyes, and each time Jisoo would always give them a reassuring smile. The instructor told them to do it all over again and this time Jisoo danced harder. However, the instructor stopped the music again.

"Jisoo, Jennie, your leg movements are always a bit weird. Lisa, come here, show them how you do it." Lisa complied as she danced the chorus part of "Playing With Fire". 

"Lisa's right ankle doesn't bend when she dances this part. Jisoo, if you keep doing it, you'll sprain your ankle." The instructor pointed at his ankle, showing the correct way to do the dance. At this point, Jisoo raised her hand. "I think it's because I sprained my ankle in the past. And I have flat feet so.."

"More reasons for you not to do it wrongly. Come on, 2 more days before the event. You have to work harder."

They practiced for another 2 and a half more hours until the instructor called it a day. During the practice Jisoo was sure that she was called for at least 10 times. An improvement, actually, she used to be called for more than twenty times just because she kept making the same mistakes, or if she couldn't memorize the choreography faster. Haha, it's a bit sad.

"Honestly, I think he's in a really bad mood. Everything that comes from his mouth is critics." Lisa whined as she pressed her arms, sore from the long hours of dancing.

"Ugh, I just want to go home and sleep." Jisoo yawned. In truth, she was so upset that their dance teacher kept criticizing her, she just wanted to take a long shower and be left alone inside her room.

"Baegopa. Rose is soooo hungry."

"Lisa, too."

"Do you guys want to eat here or outside? I suddenly want to eat sushi." Jennie suggested. The maknaes lightened up instantly, standing up to get ready.

"I'm not going, guys. I'm so tired, I haven't taken a rest after Inkigayo today." Jisoo said, as she fake another yawn.

"Unnie, aren't you hungry?" Rose asked but Jisoo quickly shook her head. "I ate with Sangwon-unnie after Inkigayo so I'm not that hungry, yet."

"Arasso." Jennie responded.

The other three members left first to find their male manager while Jisoo stayed behind and texted her manager. After a few minutes, Sang-won showed up, ready to bring Jisoo home. She noticed Jisoo's long face but she decided to ask when they were alone in the car.

"Tough practice?" Sang-won asked as soon as they were inside the car. She knew full well that Jisoo had been having a hard time with dance practice since last year. Sang-won knew full well that Jisoo had been working hard to satisfy YG-sajangnim dance standard, which she found really weird since YG wasn't that famous for dancing. As far as I remember, Bigbang and 2NE1 are not that good in dancing and it was totally fine. I guess sajangnim is aiming for a new standard.

" As it's always been, unnie." Jisoo said, looking outside the window. The sky was getting darker, and it didn't help that the weather in Seoul wasn't getting any warmer. Jisoo tightened her coat, looking at the busy street. Well, it's Sunday night for you. Though the weather was cold, everyone was still doing their activities like usual. A group of girls cheerfully walked together while they entered from one shop to another, or couples, wearing matching shoes or coat, walked hand in hand. Not only youngsters, she saw families eating inside a restaurant, or employees having a get-together dinner.

They look happy.

Jisoo recalled the days before she debuted. No one recognized her; she could go anywhere with Jennie without anyone noticed. The girls would occasionally go to a pool lounge or a movie theatre every weekend when they got a day off from practice. When she debuted, everything changed. She never though it would get easier, but it was overwhelming. Practices were even harder, especially when there were people commenting and criticizing everything she did on stage. Some people left a nice compliment, but many people had written nasty comments about her. Her dancing, her singing, or even her face. It didn't finish up until there, her dance instructor and YG-sajangnim knew where she was lacking and pushing her to do ten times better. Improvement was not an achievement any longer, it was a requirement. As it had always been.

Without realizing it, Jisoo felt a drop of tears falling and she quickly brushed it off. Sang-won noticed it but she didn't say it right away. Sang-won knew Jisoo, so much more than the girl realized. Her manager was with her almost 24 hours a day, and she observed her everyday. It was inevitable that Sang-won would understand Jisoo's personality.

"Go home and take a rest. Don't forget to drink warm lemon water and honey, alright? Good work today." Sang-won squeezed Jisoo's hand, encouraging her.

"Ne." She answered with a shaky voice.

~

"Hey." Jinyoung greeted the person on the other side of the phone as he tightened his coat. It was already 9 o'clock in the evening, he could feel the wind blew stronger than yesterday night while he took a stroll down the road. After finishing his practice, he thought about going to a coffee shop to grab a hot chocolate before he went back to the dorm. Suddenly, he got a phone call and he quickly answer.

"Hi." The caller greeted with a timid whisper.

"Are you done with your practice?" Jinyoung sensed the atmosphere. He softened his voice.

"Ne, mine's finished hours ago. How about you?"

"Yup, I'm on my way to Starbucks. The cold weather is tempting me to get a hot chocolate. And I've had three hot chocolate today. I've completely transformed into Yugyeom." The other person just chuckled at his remark.

"That's nice. Maybe I should have one too." This time, Jinyoung chuckled. There was a short silence because neither knew what to say.

"You sound so tired." Jinyoung started, still keeping his voice as gentle as possible while carefully choosing his words. He knew that this phone call would be different. Something had definitely happened.

"I am always tired," the person laughed. But then it turned into a soft whisper again. "You must be tired, too."

"Not really, we actually finished faster than usual. In this cold weather..and our tired muscle, I think sleeping would be so nice. You should sleep earlier." Jinyoung said. He realized that the street was too crowded so he chose a quiet, small coffee shop in an alley instead of Starbucks and went inside. He quickly ordered a hot chocolate and sat down at the corner's sofa. The person he was calling didn't say anything until Jinyoung said hello.

"That's true, sleep sounds nice. Maybe in a few more minutes." Jinyoung heard a sigh coming from the other line.

"Rough day?"

There was a pause, before Jinyoung heard a forced laugh. "Yeah, I guess today has been a bit rough."

"Wanna share?"

"Hm..not today.." Now it was more of a murmur than a whisper. The voice was so soft that Jinyoung had to increase the volume of his phone. "Maybe I'm just too tired."

"Alright, gwenchana. You can tell me anytime."

"Ne.."

"Okay."

Silence.

"I have worked hard." Sniff. The caller sniffed.

"Let's work hard together." Jinyoung softly assured.

They didn't talk for a minute, but Jinyoung could hear a soft, steady breathing. At the same time, his hot chocolate came. He sipped his drink slowly to avoid burning his tongue. Hm, the chocolate tastes nice, maybe I should tell Yugyeom, he thought. Leaning to the sofa, he looked around the cafe. It was a simple cafe with all-white interior. The owner decorated the place with green plants here and there, and a little touch of wood. And the most important thing, it was a quiet place. Not many people came, and the people there didn't care if a famous idol just came in.

"I think I'll sleep...now." He heard the person shifted on the bed. Jinyoung had to try hard to listen to what the person was saying.

"Oh, alright. Good night."

"Don't hang up.."

"Hm?"

"Don't hang up...yet. Will you wait until...I fall asleep?"

Jinyoung chuckled softly. "Ye, algesumnida."

Neither of them talked. After a few minutes, there was a 'drop' sound, and Jinyoung guessed that his caller's phone had dropped. The phone call became so quiet, he was basically no longer calling anyone.

Jinyoung hummed his favorite lullaby, titled "I Love You" by Position, gently sent the caller to sleep. When he finally heard a soft snore, Jinyoung smiled.

"Good night, Jisoo."

He didn't hang up until forty minutes later.

~

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2017

Jackson looked at his reflection in the mirror, while he carefully fix his ridiculous ribbon. He kept thinking if he should just put it away but his stylist told him that it was the most fashionable item this year, and this is Saint Laurent, Jackson-ah. It's fashion, his stylist argued. Uncertain, he approached Jinyoung, who also sported a black, slim Gucci bow.

"Jinyoung-ah, what do you think about this polkadot bow?" Jackson whispered, careful not to let his stylist heard.

"I honestly think it's alright. But I don't like it." Jinyoung whispered back. He, then, asked the same thing about his Gucci ribbon.

"You look fine! I should be worried, not you." Jackson argued, "I prefer Youngjae's Saint Laurent bow."

Few hours before the event, GOT7 was already busy putting on makeup and red-carpet attire. After asking Jinyoung, Jackson decided to forget about his bow and proceed to put on his shoes. 

"Bambam, why do you put insoles? You're already tall!"

"Whae, I need to be taller. Even Jaebum-hyung uses insoles too!"

"Jaebum-ah, be careful not to spill drinks on your suit." The head stylist warned Jaebum, before she headed out to check on Twice members.

"Ah, ye, ye."

Everyone was busy doing their own things until they heard a loud knock. The person opened the door, revealing himself to be the CEO of JYP. Like an automatic machine, everyone stopped whatever they were doing and bowed at their boss.

"I come here to tell you good luck. Give all your best in your performance." Park Jin-Young said with a charismatic smile of a CEO.

"Kamsahamnida, hyung." GOT7 kids shouted loudly, happy that his CEO came to support them. Though they knew that he wouldn't be this formal to Twice.

"Ah, and also,"

Everyone felt like they stopped breathing for a second.

"May I have a word with Jinyoung?"

~

Excerpt.

Sunday, February 19th, 2017

Eomma told me that if I have a bad day, instead of writing a diary of all the bad things that have happened, I should write about the things that made me happy for that day. It's been a long time since I write like this, usually I'm just being lazy. So, let's talk about happy things.

Today, when Minah-unnie was doing my makeup, suddenly Jennie came in. It was a surprise visit! I immediately stood up even though I was in the middle of my eye makeup! Fortunately, Minah-unnie was not mad. Jennie brought me my favorite sugar-free green tea. But when I had to continue my makeup, Jennie left. Still, I felt grateful.

Out of all things that made me happy today, meeting Jinyoung and Doyoung would be the main reason. As usual, Doyoung was there early and he was ready with all the jokes he had in his head. I laughed out loud because his stylist decided to dress him up in a hot pink matching jacket and jeans. Jinyoung was handsome as always, and I couldn't believe my eyes how good he looked in soft pink! He was still manly!

We practiced our script and I couldn't stop smiling. Jinyoung looks like someone who's really serious and no-fun, but in every practice, he is always the one who knows funny catchphrases and ad-libs. Like Poi Poi Poi! No matter how many times I heard it, I will still laugh. And the way he said it, sooo cute! AH! We also had a performance today. We danced like children in a kindergarten but it was cute! No one should be complaining.

But have I told you about Jinyoung's voice? It was soooo nice, and sometimes I hear him sing in the waiting room. Doyoung's voice is nice, too. Both of them really like to sing. I prefer to listen to them.

Today, too, Jinyoung was being so nice to me. It makes me happy that he is now more comfortable being around me. We talk a lot, all kinds of things. Is it bad if I say that this is the happiest I've been since I debuted? I know how it feels like to fall in love, and I heard from a lot of sunbaes that when I debut, the possibility for me to fall in love is high. I just couldn't believe that I got to meet someone this early.

I guess, the feeling itself makes me happy. Being able to see him makes me happy, my energy was 100% charged just by talking to him. This is the beauty of falling in love, right?

When Sangwon-unnie told me about those things...

Ah, no. I shouldn't write about bad things.

Though I feel sad that I have to keep this feeling to myself, it is even sadder to think we will be separated if we date. To think that we will drift apart...

I can't even imagine it.

Jinyoung-ah, let me have this feeling for myself. At least, even if we can't be together..

We don't need to say goodbye.

 

Kim Jisoo.

----------

I tried to follow the exact timeline of their meetings. Their third Inkigayo was on 19/2/2017. 6th Gaon Chart Kpop Awards was on 22/2/2017. And Jennie really did come to support Jisoo on Inkigayo!

Fun facts:

1. Lee Sang-won is really Blackpink's manager-unnie real name. And it's true that she was Lee Hi's manager before. And of course, Lee Hi's rumoured ex-bf is fiction.

2. Jisoo really has a weird movement whenever she dances PWF chorus, the one with the 'bending ankle' thing. If you pay attention to every live performance, you will see that. Sometimes, I feel scared that she might really sprain her ankle. 

3. I made my research, Jackson and Youngjae's bows for the 6th Gaon Chart Kpop Awards are really Saint Laurent. Jinyoung's is Gucci. I like to pay attention to details like this, hoho.

More to come! Thank you for reading!