Eli replayed the conversations he had with Kevin over and over again as he grazed his fingers over the newly inscribed name plate. He had begun his life on a fresh page with new found strength from his dark times.  It has been three years since Kevin left, but his dream was kept alive. But it wasn’t easy.

            Eli remembered the sleepless nights as he curled up in Kevin’s bed, inhaling his best friend’s scent that grew fainter as week flew pass. The tears that never stopped betraying his eyes, as they stung every single time he blinked. He heart ache that left him breathless as he writhed in pain to memories of Kevin. It took him months, to get over the fact that they no longer walk the same Earth nor do they breathe the same air. Eli realised how it was a waste of his life living in pain, agony and despair and Kevin would be disappointed watching him from above- or wherever he is. He just knew, Kevin would be watching over him.

            That one night when Eli’s tears dried up, and his heart grew numb to the torment he brought upon himself he silently prayed for strength. He closed his eyes, as he still lay on Kevin’s bed brought his hands together and pray for the pain to end, he prayed for salvation and he prayed for that little bit of courage to leave the past behind and live for the present. That very night, he had a deep, peaceful and dreamless sleep he never had for months. No more sleepless nights and no more nightmares to jerk him awake. For once, he felt at ease and nothing else but peace. The morning Eli woke up, he felt as if a new soul was blown into his lifeless body- a confident, strong and optimistic soul. A soul just like Kevin.

∞

            “What are you doing?” Eli asked Kevin who was busy throwing away heaps of paper and books.

            “Stashing out unnecessary stuffs,” Kevin groaned as he threw the last huge bag of old school brochures and booklets into the trash. The trash bag gave way to the unbelievable weight of the contents inside. Eli’s eyes grew wide.

            “Those are new right?” Eli pointed at them and knelt down to pick up the thrown books.

            “Um.” Kevin shook him off as he his heels and head back into the house.

            “Kevin, these are for your medical school. You threw them by mistake,” Eli called over waving the administration file as well as some new textbooks for Kevin’s acceptance to his dream medical school.

            “It isn’t a mistake.” Kevin shouted back.

            “And someone was mad at me when I looked down on your dreams. Well done, Kevin,” his word spiked with sarcasm.

            “I’m throwing it away. It’s not like I can even attend school in my condition. To hell with dreams,” Kevin whispered the last sentenced.

            Eli was suddenly right behind him, which means he actually did heard Kevin cussing.

            “What bull it this, Kevin? What joke are you trying to pull? All those trouble to enrol and all those nights you burnt midnight oil for the perfect ace in our exams. What was that all about?” Eli was on the brink of shaking Kevin vigorously to wake him up, to knock some sense into him, but he was holding back, as much as he can.

            “I don’t care anymore. I’m going to die anyway,” Kevin mumbled as he made his way to his bedroom, shutting and locking the door. That marks the end of the conversation. They never brought it up anymore. Not even once until Kevin drew his last breathe.

            I’ll live your dreams for you, Kevin. I’m going to make you proud. You are in fact a part of me.

∞

            Medical school wasn’t at all easy for someone who isn’t born academically smart like Eli. It was on hell of a ride. There were time where he wished he never started in the first place; times where he just wanted to give up, finding it silly to carry on a dead person’s dream. But times like that, the image of Kevin laughing, smiling proudly at him, those beautiful fingers that always traced Eli’s features, those warm eyes, Kevin’s painful tears that traced his cheeks came to his mind as he picked himself up from where he fell and moved on stronger.

            Sometime in between the years he spent burying his nose in difficult medical terms, the forever complicated build of the human biology, the F grade he got at times he grew to love what he was doing. He grew the determination to finish it once and for all. The thought of saving lives, making people happy, cliché as it seems but those sight were a joy to him. He knew deaths are inevitable and the breaking bad news to loved ones will be the toughest moments, but he for once he was so sure, this was the path he wanted to walk down.

            Eli slowly opened up his heart to accept new people in his life, unlike the old Eli who is socially awkward; he became the most social able kid around. He found back his smiles and laughter that were buried deep within him for the months he succumbed to sorrow and depression.

∞

            “Well, it feels like Déjà vu, ey?” a familiar figure made his way into Eli’s brand new office.

            Eli was leaning against his work table hands still caressing his name plate as he reminiscence through the times that brought him this far. It was a hell of a journey, but it was worth it. The sound of the door clicking close snapped him out of his reverie as he looked up to the man standing by the door.

            “Dr. Lee,” Eli addressed the man, bowing down a full 90 degrees in respect.

            “You still remember,” the old man chuckled as he made his way across the room and sat on the sofa in the middle of the room.

             “Of course. You were the doctor that tried his very best until Kevin drew his last breath.” Eli could never deny that clenched feeling on his chest as he mentions Kevin’s name.

            “I did? But I’m sincerely sorry for your loss.”

            Eli simply shook his head, “It’s been years, doc. It’s all in the past.”

            “And your new life starts today, Dr. Eli Kim Kyung Jae.”

            Eli let a smile crept on his face, now glowing with happiness.

            “Indeed,” Eli nodded his head. “Please take good care of me,” Eli bowed again as he reached his hand out towards his mentor, Dr. Lee.

            The old man returned the gesture with a slight nod. Checking his watch before reminding Eli of what needed to be done during his rounds- as if he hasn’t been reminded enough before leaving Eli to his work.

            “Kev, are you watching me buddy? Did I make you proud?” Eli whispered to the photo of him and Kevin smiling widely on his desk as he Kevin’s picture. He missed his best friend, every now and then he allowed himself to bring back past memories of the times they had together, the fights, the jokes, just to keep him close, just to keep Kevin alive in his heart and memory. Because one thing is for sure, Kevin is irreplaceable.

            I am, Eli. I really am proud of you. Thank you, for going through so much just for me. I’m happy where I am and I will always be watching you. I will always be missing you and forever loving you. And nothing will change, except the fact, I will never be able to touch you, feel your warmth, look into your eyes, laced our fingers together, be next to you like we used to any longer. It’s different now. But I will still love you same. –Kevin.

_________________________________________________

A/N: THIS TOOK FOREVER. im sorryyyyy. D: so finallyyyyyy. it's more of a conclusion, i guess? i wrote this as i listen to DALMATIAN's E.R. oh th songggg~ HAHA. im sorryyy for the cliffhanger previously. it sums out everything i hope. :D thank you guys for all your comments and for reading and tolerating my lazyness to write. i swear inspirations are so hard to come by into this head of mine. D: BOO. SUBSCRIBE! i might just have another fanficion coming upppp~ YAY ME. love you alllll~