It was painless. Kevin felt himself slipping away and he knew right away, his time has come. The feeling was amazing. One of a kind. One that can’t be felt in the world. No one told him death was this easy. People are constantly saying how tormenting death felt like. They were all wrong. For once, it felt like all the suffering and the agony was swept away. It's like the unpredictable ticking time bomb finally explodes. Like an expiry day have finally arrived. God is taking him away. Probably He knows how much more of this pain Kevin can’t take, probably He knows Kevin have had enough and probably He already knows, whatever Kevin wanted to fulfil before he leave the face of Earth was all accomplished. 

Kevin finally found the courage to let go. Eli had Kevin in his arms; his strong arms, he had pressed to his chest as he kneeled down the cold empty road. The last memory- Kevin’s last memory he was going to take with him was the sight of Eli, his warm gaze, his beautiful features and that smile that always never fails to make his day. Eli was smiling, right in to the eyes of his best friend, his ‘blood brother’, his world his almost everything, as if he knew that very sight of him was what dear Kevin wanted to see before he closed his eyes. 

Eli was happy. And so was Kevin. Kevin was contented; his heart felt the warmest he had ever felt in his entire living moment. His lips formed a smile almost instantly. Because all he ever wanted so badly was Eli’s last memory of Kevin to be a beautiful one, he wants Eli to know how much he loved him, how much happiness he had brought into his life since Kevin met Eli, he wants him to know how thankful he was to be able to spend the last days of his life with the older and he want him to know how sorry he was for all the fights and bad times they went through. Kevin wants Eli to know all that, with just a simple smile. Somehow Kevin knows, Eli understands.

With that, God, please. Take me away. Let me take one last breathe in Eli’s arms, with a smile on my face. God, please. Stay by Eli and give him strength to live on. He deserved a life filled with nothing but happiness- after all that he had done for me. Thank you, God, for everything, for keeping me breathing this long, with this man by my side and also with this man by my side as I take my last breath.

            Kevin reached out, his fingers brushing Eli’s cheeks. He wasn’t tearing, instead he had that smug he usually put on his face- his very own crooked half smile that won Kevin’s heart over. Like Eli knows, that was what Kevin wanted to see. Eli knows, he always does. He knows everything.

            “Eli,” Kevin breathed a mere whisper as Eli brought his ears closer to the boy in his arms as he knelt on the cold road.

            “Don’t forget me, Eli. Ever.”

            Kevin’s beautiful long cold fingers that were just tracing Eli’s features a moment ago slid away as they fell limp by Kevin’s side.

            Goodbye, Eli.

            They were still in the middle of the road intersection, underneath the warm orange street lamp just opposite their high school- the first place they met. It was half past midnight; it’s already Saturday as the moon shone pure white, brightly with the night sky, accompanied by the twinkle of stars with the clouds cushioning it at the bottom. In the dead of the silent night, Kevin took his last breath on Earth.

∞

If not today, the day will somehow come. The very day where will have to let go, the day his heart will tear apart as the only person who meant the world to him was taken away.

But at least, he got taken away to somewhere better. Some place where pain does not exist. Better than their private sanctuary as Kevin could finally seek his very own comforting salvation. Peace. 

Eli was nothing but holes inside. His soul was battered badly as his heart ached for Kevin too much it hurts to even breathe. His brain was doing no good too as it replayed the memories of him and Kevin over and over again like a broken tape even when Eli was in his slumber.

He felt empty, broken and lifeless, despite knowing Kevin would walk away from him and embrace death with open arms and a smile on his face. Eli’s pale tear-stained cheeks, his swollen eyes did nothing to disguise the broken man he already is as he walked through the cemetery gate down the dirt aisle in nothing but black, his suit fitted him perfectly, outlining his every curve, he had his hair spiked up neatly he almost look breathtaking. Almost. He paced his steps that were imbalanced towards the catafalque that were strongly supporting his dearest friend’s dead body. Eli took an agonizing breath as he walked up the steps to the coffin that lay at the end of it.  

Kevin was beautiful. His pale white skin matches the satin fabric that lined the coffin. Kevin was dressed in his one and only favourite crimson red and black tuxedo. He was even made up, looking as stunning as ever as he didn’t look an inch dead- like he was only sleeping and right now, he was dreaming a happy dream as he lay in a bed of red roses. When I die, lay me in a bed of red roses. Never white. As pure as it may seem, it’s easily tainted. Kevin’s voice echoed in his head, as he recalled the memory where they were star gazing at their private haven and Kevin simply said it, and Eli knew, without it being said, it was already a promise. And he fulfilled it.

Eli caress the cold skin lying peacefully, tracing Kevin’s features one last time, taking in everything, locking it in his memory, never wanting to forget how his best friend looked like. Eli then slowly lowered himself towards Kevin’s face as he pressed their foreheads together, their unique gesture before planting one final kiss on the dead boy’s forehead.

“Goodbye, Kevin,” Eli whispered as he drew away reluctantly from the boy.

Eli stepped back and dragged his feet down to join the small number of people who gathered there to bid a final farewell. They were his neighbour and some high school mates as the duo don’t really mixed around. It was a quiet funeral, people never speak to one another. Some shed a tear or two, not that Eli cared. Perhaps in the feat of their life, Kevin made an impression to their life.

As the coffin was lowered down Eli took a step forward. With every inch the coffin was lowered down Eli took a step forward, his tears are free-falling endlessly. He couldn’t take it any longer, as he watch his best buried under dirt being a man that once existed. The man who lose the battle to cancer- Leukaemia. The man who had his crashed dreams and lost hopes. The man who endured the pain too long, he finally lets go.

Eli fell to his knees, by Kevin’s tombstone. Kevin who is now just a ‘loving memory’ to many. But deep inside Eli Kevin was still alive. He’d like to keep it that way. His thoughts no longer sane. As he made himself swore to never forget Kevin. His stubborn self will never let go. He will hold on tightly to every single moment he had with Kevin- the good and the bad.

Where do he go from here? When all that matters to him all this while was Kevin.  What will he live for or who will he live for, now that he was left alone. When all that he had was the memory of Kevin. How will he survive when all that’s left was traces of that man in his life. Every turn of a road, every place he loved everything he did, all had Kevin’s scent. How can he let go? How can he move on?

Eli had his head hung low, his coat was long removed as he held it tightly in his hands. He dragged his tormenting soul out of the silent graveyard, mind’s a mess. Not a single sane thought crosses his brain. When God took away Kevin’s life, Eli lets go of his lively soul and replaced it with sorrow and grief.

“Kev, I can’t.” Eli sobbed as he fell to his knees when he found himself in front of Kevin’s empty house by the door step.

___________________________________________

A/N: EPILOGUE, anyone? D: