Ewon

Tuesday morning had been an exact repeat of Monday, with Wooyoung screaming and crying for Nichkhun long after he'd left for work.

By the time Wooyoung finally calmed down, Ewon was exhausted. Nothing made Ewon feel worse than being unable to comfort his crying son. He couldn't help wondering if Wooyoung would behave the same way if the roles were reversed.

Ewon shook his head. It didn't pay to think like that. What he needed to do now was find a way to get Wooyoung out the door so they could meet Jay and Junho at the library "Wooyoungie, let's get your shoes on so we can go to the library."

"Is Daddy Khun at the li-berry?" Wooyoung asked hopefully. 

It briefly crossed Ewon's mind to lie and say yes, but he knew Wooyoung would just throw a tantrum when they got there. The last thing he needed was to publicly show what a bad father he was "No, buddy. Daddy Khun is at work in his office."

"I don't wanna go to the li-berry. I want Daddy Khun." Wooyoung buried his face in the couch cushions.

Ewon sighed, running a hand through his hair. He knew this was going to happen. As far as he saw it, he had two choices, he could force Wooyoung to go or figure out a way to get him to agree on his own "That's too bad. I know Jay was excited to see you. I'll just call him and say we can't come." Ewon held his breath and crossed his fingers.

"Jay's gonna be there?" Wooyoung sat up, looking interested.

"Yeah, but I'll just call Junho and say we're not coming." Ewon reached into his back pocket for his phone.

"No!" Wooyoung yelled, sprinting toward the front door.

Ewon bit his bottom lip to keep from laughing. He heard the small plop of Wooyoung's bottom hitting the hard wood floor and the sound of him grunting and he put on his sneakers.

"I'm ready to go!" Wooyoung announced proudly. 

Ewon laughed for the first time all day "You've got your shoes on the wrong feet."

"But these are the only feet I have! I don't have any other feet!" Wooyoung wailed.

Ah, fatherhood... Ewon scooped Wooyoung up and hugged him tight.

Once Ewon had explained the shoe situation to Wooyoung, it had been a piece of cake to get his shoes switched and to get him out to the car. As Ewon pulled into the Seoul Public Library's parking lot, he could see Junho's SUV.

"Hi Jay!" Wooyoung shouted, pounding on his window.

Ewon parked next to their friends. He was thrilled with how excited Wooyoung was to see Jay.

"Hi guys!" Junho greeted when Ewon pulled Wooyoung out of the car.

"Jay!" Wooyoung shouted, running for the other little boy.

Jay hugged his friend "Are you okay, Woo?"

"Daddy Khun is gone!" Wooyoung wailed. 

Jay directed a death stare at Ewon "Where's Doctor Khunnie?"

"Jaebeom!" Junho angry-whispered "We don't talk like that to Ewon."

Ewon loved that Jay was sticking up for his son like that. He didn't mind the little boy's behavior one bit "Doctor Khunnie is at work, Jay. He'll be home in time for dinner."

"Ohhhh!" Jay slapped the back of his hand against his forehead dramatically "My Daddy goes to work too, Woo. He works right here in the li-berry."

"Does he come home for dinner?" Wooyoung asked.

"Yup!" Jay crowed "Come on, we gotta get a good seat for story time. The book today is Harry and the Bucketful of Dinosaurs."

"Okay." Wooyoung took Jay's hand and walked toward the front door.

"Damn, Jay made that look so easy." Ewon rolled his eyes. A five-year-old was a better parent than he was.

"Let me guess, it's not that easy when Nichkhun leaves for work?"

"It's been horrible." Ewon shook his head.

"Let's get the kids settled in for their story and then you can tell me about it, okay?" 

Ewon wanted to tell Junho what was going on more than anything, but he didn't want his friend to know that he was failing as a father "Okay."

"Daddy!" Jay shouted when then came through the front door.

Chansung looked up from the circulation desk with a huge smile on his face. He scooped up his son and gave him a hug.

Ewon could see the little boy was whispering something to Chansung who was nodding.

Chansung set Jay down and went over to Wooyoung. He went down on one knee and held his arms open for a hug.

Wooyoung didn't hesitate in going to Chansung and giving him a big hug. Ewon's heart hurt watching that scene. Jay must have told his father that Wooyoung was sad.

"It's going to be okay." Junho said from behind him.

Ewon wished he shared his friend's confidence.

Chansung led the kids upstairs to the children's library and got them settled in on the carpet with the other kids who were there to hear today's story "You look like ." Chansung whispered to Ewon, who was sitting with Junho at the back of the room. 

"Wooyoung's having a hard time getting used to Nichkhun not being home during the day." it wasn't as hard as he thought it was going to be to say it out loud.

"I had a bit of trouble like that with Jay when he started pre-school. Oh, my God, did he cry and carry on."

"How did that make you feel?" Chansung was in Nichkhun's exact position.

"Awful. There's nothing worse than hearing your child cry for you while his teacher tells you to go." Chansung shook his head, as if he could shake the memory out of his mind "I swear I could still hear him screaming when I got back in my car."

"I had some kids like that last year in my Kindergarten class." Junho added.

"How did you deal with that?"

"I had a merry ray of sunshine as my helper." Junho pointed to Jay who was animatedly talking to Wooyoung.

Ewon laughed. Jay was a pied-piper for the sad kids in his class "He's an amazing kid."

"There are days I'd like to sell him for a handful of magic beans!" Chansung laughed "But, for the most part, yeah, he's a good kid." 

Ewon looked over at Jay who now had his arm around Wooyoung and was whispering to him.

"Let me guess, you're upset that Wooyoung cries like that for Nichkhun, right?" Chansung asked quietly.

Ewon was stunned. He could feel heat rising up the column of his throat "How did you know?"

Chansung slung an arm around Junho "We had some issues like that when we all moved in together. Jay would lose his mind when Junho left the house without us."

"Did that make you feel like a rotten father?" Ewon couldn't believe he was even asking the question.

"Yes and no." Chansung grinned.

"Oh, come on!" Junho elbowed Chansung.

"Fine. I felt like an awful father." Chansung admitted "I felt even worse because when I'd leave to go to work, Jay would barely even notice I was leaving."

Ewon winced. He'd been afraid of that very thing happening "How did you fix it?" 

"With time and a lot of reassurance." Junho smiled "We'd both talk to Jay and make sure he understood that no matter what happened we'd always come home to him."

"It didn't stop overnight, but it got better as time went on. I'm sure Wooyoung will be fine once he sees the pattern of Nichkhun leaving and then coming back home."

"When he got home last night it was a love fest. Wooyoung ran to him, shouting his name and hugging him for like an hour."

Junho squeezed Ewon's shoulder "I know how hard it is to see that. Wooyoung loves you, Ewon. Don't lose sight of that."

As if Wooyoung could hear Junho, he turned around and waved to Ewon. Ewon waved back and smiled at his son. He knew everything would work itself out in the fullness of time with Wooyoung and with his own feelings of inadequacy. He just hoped it happened sooner rather than later.

Nichkhun

"Hey, man! I'm so glad you could meet me for lunch." Taecyeon stood up from the booth he was sitting in and gave Nichkhun a hug.

"Thanks for inviting me." Nichkhun had been surprised earlier in the morning when Taec had texted to ask if Nichkhun was free to meet him for lunch in the Doctor's Building cafeteria. 

"Pardon my French, but you look like ." Taec laughed at the frown on Nichkhun's face.

"Wooyoung's having some trouble settling in now that I've gone back to work." Nichkhun had a feeling this was the exact reason Taecyeon had invited him to lunch today. He had no doubt that Taec heard through the grapevine that he was struggling at home.

"After Minjun's accident earlier this year, Gain had a hard time with one or both of us leaving her and with driving in a car."

Nichkhun remembered how hard it had been for Gain, who'd been in the backseat of the car the day Jun had been hit by a man who'd run a red light and plowed into them. The little girl had been having a hard enough time as it was after losing her mother to cancer in January and the accident only five months later had set her back "How did you coax Gain out of that behavior?"

"With a lot of patience and love." Taec grinned "We didn't stop doing the things we needed to do because Gain was scared though..." Taec trailed off with a waggle of his eyebrows.

Nichkhun burst out laughing. Taecyeon knew him better than anyone "I have been thinking of taking more time off."

"I'm all for taking a vacation, but maybe right now isn't the best time. Wooyoung needs to figure out that you're going to come back after you leave." 

"Yeah." Nichkhun shook his head. He knew the best thing for Wooyoung would be to get into a routine that the little boy could depend on "Ewon said that Wooyoung melted down after I left this morning, just like he did yesterday. I could hear him screaming my name as I ran to my car."

"That's a tough thing to deal with. The father in you wants to turn around and run back to your child, but then the professional in you has to keep walking to the car."

That was it in a nutshell. He had felt torn in two this morning "I think the thing I'm struggling with the most is the guilt. Not only do I feel guilty for having to leave Wooyoung, but I feel guilty for leaving Ewon to pick up the pieces after I leave."

"Every parent on earth knows what you're feeling when you leave your child. What I'm more interested in is how you're dealing with Ewon's situation."

Nichkhun had a feeling Taecyeon was going to be more interested in what was going on with him and Ewon "We had a nice dinner with Wooyoung last night and then watched a show with him and put him to bed before we, ummm." Nichkhun shrugged.

"As happy as I am that you're finally getting some, I was more curious about how you're supporting Ewon with Wooyoung."

Nichkhun honestly had no idea what Taecyeon was talking about. His face must have said as much because Taecyeon started to laugh. 

"You just said you feel guilty leaving Ewon with a screaming child in the morning. What are you doing to help him through that? As hard as it is for you to walk away, it must be even harder for him to stay and help Wooyoung get over you leaving. Not to mention the fact that the child you share is screaming for you. I would imagine that would make him feel like an inadequate father."

Nichkhun hadn't really thought about it like that before "Christ, Taec. Not only am I a bad father, I'm a husband too." he knew how insecure Ewn could be at times and he hadn't done anything to help his husband feel better about that.

"I'm not saying Ewon needs flowers and a case of chocolate, but ask him how he's doing. Maybe reassure him that he's doing an amazing job."

"Why didn't I think of that?"

Taecyeon laughed "You know Charles Darwin and his survival of the fittest mantra? That's what parenting is all about sometimes. All you're focused on is getting through today. Hell, sometimes you're focused on just getting through the next ten minutes. Living in survival mode doesn't give you a lot of time to sit down and analyze what your husband might be feeling."

That was certainly true "Once we got Wooyoung to bed, Ewon went to take a shower and then Jongup called."

"What he'd have to say?" 

"He got us a court date for Wooyoung's adoption hearing."

"Congrats, man. If there's anything Jun and I can do to further that along, let us know."

"I can't tell you how much Ewon and I appreciate that." Nichkhun felt so blessed to be surrounded by their group of friends "After I got off the phone with him, I rushed upstairs to tell Ewon the good news."

"While he was in the shower?" Taecyeon rubbed his hands together "This should be good."

"It was good. Mind-blowing, actually." Nichkhun felt his stir in his pants at the memory of the way Ewon had him off last night "But I sure as hell wasn't thinking about Ewon's feelings then either..." Nichkhun trailed off feeling ashamed.

"Just like parenting, marriage is a series of wins and losses, Khun. Instead of jumping your husband in the shower tonight, ask him what you can to do help him deal with the way Wooyoung's morning tantrums make Ewon feel. It might be as simple as your being his shoulder to lean on. You might have to dry a tear or two, but I guarantee you'll walk away from that conversation with a different point of view and some serious points."

" points?" Nichkhun burst out laughing. 

Taecyeon waggled his eyebrows "Don't play the innocent with me, man. You know exactly what I'm talking about! Ewon will be so jazzed that you took the time to listen to his feelings that he'll feel compelled to thank you...down on his knees."

Nichkhun laughed along with his friend. Taecyeon might be a bit crass, but he had a point when it came to talking to Ewon about his feelings. It wouldn't hurt to open up to his husband about his own feelings either. After all, there was no reason they both shouldn't earn a little credit.