Ewon

Ewon was standing quietly at the kitchen island drinking his coffee while Wooyoung played with his ponies on the living room rug. It had been a bizarre and heartbreaking morning for Ewon, which actually started last night when Wooyoung called his husband "Daddy Khun".

He hadn't meant to respond the way he had with jealousy igniting a fire in his body. Ewon should have been thrilled for Nichkhun, but instead he'd been envious. He'd never wanted anything so bad as hearing Wooyoung call him "Daddy".

Nichkhun had barely spoken a word to him this morning. Ewon couldn't help but think it had something to do with bringing Wooyoung into bed with them last night. Hell, for all Ewon knew, Nichkhun could have been upset that he'd spent the night in Nichkhun's bed, rather than his own.

Compounding the issue was what had happened between the two of them last night. It had been heavenly to fall asleep in Nichkhun's arms after they'd made love for the first time, but the peace of that had been shattered by Wooyoung's nightmare.

Regardless of whether or not Nichkhun was mad at him, they needed to come together and work out a way to make Wooyoung understand that he was never going back to live with Aunt Rania again.

"Oh good, here you are." Ewon greeted when Nichkhun came back into the kitchen. His dark hair was still damp from his shower and starting to curl.

Nichkhun strode right past him without saying a word "There's Youngie!" 

"Do you want to play ponies with me, Daddy Khun?" Wooyoung held up a sparkly purple pony.

"I sure do! Do I get to be the sparkly one?" Nichkhun was all smiles with Wooyoung.

"Her name is Belle. Like the princess."

"I think that's a perfect name for her."

Ewon plastered a smile on his face in case Nichkhun turned to look up at him. Nichkhun didn't, but Ewon kept the smile on his face until his cheeks hurt. Nichkhun not speaking to him was a real problem and one that couldn't be solved with Wooyoung in the room. They hadn't made any plans to go out today, so that meant Ewon might not get a moment alone with Nichkhun until Wooyoung went down for a nap, but that didn't always happen either, meaning they might not have time alone to speak with each other until Wooyoung went to bed tonight.

What the hell was he going to do between now and then if Nichkhun was upset with him? What if Nichkhun was regretting last night? Or already wanted a divorce? It was all too much for Ewon to even think about. He felt tears pricking at his eyes and hurried into the bathroom to get himself back under control.

When Ewon was about to leave the bathroom, the doorbell rang. Without bothering to announce he'd get it, Ewon went to the door and opened it. 

"There's my favorite boy!" Hwang Narsha pulled Ewon in for a long hug.

"Thanks, Narsha. You have no idea how badly I needed that hug." Ewon was reluctant to let her go "Come on in. Khun and Wooyoungie are in the living room."

Ewon followed behind as Narsha headed toward where Nichkhun and Wooyounng were playing. He was glad to have her here for the distraction. Maybe she could play with Wooyoung for a bit so he could have a chat with Nichkhun.

"Grams!" Wooyoung shouted, abandoning his ponies.

"Hello, honey-bunny." Narsha hugged him tight "Nichkhun." Narsha said tightly.

Ewon could see his husband raise an eyebrow in question to her chilly reception.

"What would you think of spending the day with me? That is if your Daddies say yes?" Narsha raised an eyebrow of her own at Nichkhun before turning a smile to Ewon.

"I think that sounds like a lot of fun." Ewon had pasted that fake smile back on his face. Nichkhun looked like he was super pissed about something. Maybe they should have conferred alone about letting Wooyoung go off with Narsha? How the was he supposed to do that when Nichkhun wouldn't say a word to him? 

"Can I go with Grams, Daddy Won-Won?" Wooyoung ran to him and hugged his legs.

Ewon felt like he was on top of the world. His little boy just called him Daddy. He wanted to burst into happy tears and shout it from the rooftop at the same time. Ewon knelt down in front of the little boy and pulled him in for a hug. His heart sang when Wooyoung wrapped his arms around him "My answer is yes, but you have to ask Daddy Khun too, okay?"

"Okay." Wooyoung nodded and ran over to Nichkhun, tackling him so hard that Nichkhun fell over.

Ewon couldn't help laughing at Nichkhun's theatrics.

"Can I go, huh? Please, Daddy Khun?"

"Of course you can go, but you have to be a good boy for Grams, okay? If she tells you to do something, you need to do it."

Wooyoung nodded and scrambled over to Narsha "I'm ready to go Grams." he smiled up at her.

Ewon reached for his wallet.

"Don't you dare, Jung Ewon Horvejkul. You put that thing away."

Ewon startled at the use of Nichkhun's last name. They hadn't talked at all about how they were going to work the names. He would like it if he and Wooyoung took Nichkhun's name, but who knew what Nichkhun was thinking "Okay, Narsha! Have fun and not too much sugar, okay?"

"Mind your own business, Ewon." Narsha gave him a hug "Life is too short to be mad at your husband, Doctor Khunnie!" with that, Narsha ushered Wooyoung out the door.

Ewon felt himself sag. He dropped the fake smile and looked at his husband who was still sitting on the floor with all of Wooyoung's ponies surrounding him "She knew we were fighting."

"I didn't say a word. I swear." Ewon had been hoping Nichkhun would end his radio silence, but this wasn't the way he hoped it would end, with Nichkhun leveling an accusation at him.

"You didn't need to, Ewon. It's written all over those doe eyes."

"Doe eyes? What the hell are you talking about?" was it written all over his face?

Nichkhun stood up and stalked toward the kitchen island "Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves. You wear yours in your eyes. God damn it, Ewon!" Nichkhun bellowed.

Ewon was stunned at Nichkhun's show of temper. He had no idea what had gotten his husband so pissed "I seemed to have missed something here. Last night ended with us having and soothing our son after a nightmare. You've been pissed at me since the moment we got up. What the hell could I have done in my sleep?"

"Are you really that stupid?" Nichkhun fisted his hands on his hips.

Okay, that hurt. Ewon tried to school his features so the pain wouldn't show in his "doe eyes" "I guess I ing must be. Why are you mad at me?"

"You want a ing list? We could be here a while."

Ewon nodded, too angry and confused to say it.

"Fine, when Wooyoung woke up last night you were going to run to him ..."

Ewon opened his mouth to defend himself but was stopped by Nichkhun holding up a hand. 

"I'm not even close to being done." Nichkhun raised an eyebrow in challenge.

At this point, Ewon wasn't going to say a word even if he was on fire.

"Then when you saw how upset Wooyoung was, you froze. You stood there in the doorway like a deer in headlights while our son screamed in terror. Then you offered to bring him into our bed. It's my bed, not yours. When Wooyoung called me 'Daddy', you had this look on your face like you had a mouthful of ." Nichkhun stopped to in a deep breath.

Jesus ing Christ, Ewon hoped to hell that was it. He didn't think he could take any more. Tears pricked his eyes and he didn't have the will to hold them back.

How could their relationship have gone from red-hot and falling asleep together to this? Nichkhun was screaming at him like Ewon was a child and Nichkhun the long-suffering parent.

"Are you going to ing say something or just stand there and cry, again?"

That did it. Nichkhun had no ing right speaking to him like this "All I cared about was getting to our screaming son. I couldn't have cared less if I were or wearing a ing ball gown. I froze in Wooyoung's door because I flashed back to a similar moment I had as a little boy and..." Ewon faltered, not willing to share that story with this version of his husband "And that's all I'm saying about that. Bringing a screaming child into bed is what you do to make them feel safe. I would think Doctor Perfect would know that. I was thrilled that Wooyoung called you Daddy..."

"But jealous that he didn't say it to you." it wasn't a question.

"Right, I'm human, Nichkhun. I have ing feelings and don't think I didn't notice that you shot me a sour look when Wooyoung called me Daddy too." it was ridiculous that they were fighting over Wooyoung calling them "Daddy". It should have been a special moment for both of them, but it seemed like all they'd done was ruin those precious moments for each other.

"Payback's a , isn't it?" Nichkhun snarled.

That felt like a punch to the gut "Is this about the ? If having is too intimate for you, then we don't have to do it again, but you don't have to act like this either."

"You can count on last night being the only night. You're a ing five year old in an adult body, Ewon. There's more at stake here than you and your fragile feelings. If Wooyoung says anything about you being in a room with him, we could lose him. Don't you see that?" Nichkhun in quick breath and seemed to be studying Ewon "No, of course you don't. You need to man the up here and be Wooyoung's father instead of having the emotional maturity of a preschooler. Parenting is hard work and Wooyoung deserves a father who isn't breaking down in tears every five minutes." 

Ewon was stunned by the words coming out of Nichkhun's mouth. All he could do was stand silently and listen.

"Are you the kind of man who runs to the bathroom to cry every time things aren't going your way? Or are you the kind of guy who says 'Is that all you've got?'. If you don't have the balls to man up and be Wooyoung's father then you need to tell me now. We can get divorced and amend the foster care petition to include just me."

"You're not taking my son away from me, Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul." Ewon said coldly.

"You need to stop acting like this is all about you and start acting like a parent. Wooyoung's going to be the one to pay the price if you don't."

"Are you finished?"

Nichkhun's eyes grew even more glacial, but he nodded.

Ewon grabbed his keys from the counter and headed toward the door.

"See? There you ing go, running away when things get tough."

Ewon stopped in his tracks to face Nichkhun. He could feel the rage boiling through his veins "I'm walking away so that I don't say anything that would hurt your feelings, Nichkhun. I might be a sensitive man who cries at the drop of a hat, but I'm not an either. You went over the line this morning." his hands balled into fists at his side "Don't you ever threaten to take my son away from me again!" With that, Ewon turned and walked out of the house.

Nichkhun

Hours later, Nichkhun was still shocked by what had happened between him and Ewon. The last time he'd lost his temper like that had been the night he'd told his father he was going the pediatrics route, rather than specializing in cardiology.

His father had practically shouted the house down that night, just like Nichkhun had done with Ewon. He'd decided then and there that was the last straw with his father and that no matter how he apologized or begged and pleaded, their relationship as father and son was over.

Would Ewon want to end their marriage over this fight? Nichkhun wouldn't blame him if he did. He'd been an absolute douche bag.

Not that his words were any less true, but he could have phrased things differently. Ewon needed to pull himself together and start acting in Wooyoung's best interests.

Nichkhun's phone chimed with an incoming text message. It was another picture from Narsha. She'd been sending pics all day of the time she and Wooyoung were having. In every picture she sent, Wooyoung was grinning from ear to ear. He'd looked the happiest in the Lotte Store. Nichkhun shuddered to think how much money Narsha had dropped in there. 

He and Ewon should have done that themselves. Life had been so busy with adjusting to life as a family that he hadn't even thought of taking Wooyoung out on a shopping spree.

It was just another in the long list of mistakes Nichkhun had made lately.

He'd picked up his phone a hundred times since Ewon had left this morning. Every message he'd composed to his husband hadn't sounded right. Written words were so flat. What he needed to say to Ewon had to be done in person so that there were no misunderstandings.

Nichkhun still had no idea why he'd gone off like that on Ewon. If he were being one hundred percent honest with himself, he'd say that was a lie. He knew exactly what had set him off.

While they'd been making love last night, Nichkhun had felt something shift inside of him. He'd always seen his marriage to Ewon as a means to an end with Woyoung. He knew damn well they'd be better parents together than either of them could be alone. Looking down into Ewon's Light brown eyes last night, he'd seen a glimpse of his future. They may not have started out on the best of terms, but Ewon was his future.

Thinking about his life and Ewon in those terms scared the out of him. He should have just told Ewon the truth, but he'd been afraid Ewon didn't see his future when he looked into Nichkhun's eyes.

Now, thanks to his mouth and his temper, he may have lost the only shot he had at a future with Ewon. 

Picking his phone back up, he pulled up the text stream between him and Ewon. He was going to ask his husband to come home. As he started typing the message, he heard the key in the lock and the door alarm beep.

"Ewon?" Nichkhun scrambled up from the couch and ran to the front door. Ewon was halfway up the stairs and not stopping when he reached the door "Wait!"

Ewon stopped climbing the stairs, but didn't turn around to face Nichkhun. He was carrying shopping bags in his left hand from a local bookstore "Why? Got more things you want to yell about?"

Nichkhun deserved that "No, I thought we could talk.”

"I tried to talk to you several times this morning and you ignored me completely. Then, when you did talk, all you did was spit venom at me. I'm not interested in being anyone's target, Nichkhun." Ewon continued climbing the stairs.

Nichkhun heard his room door shut quietly. That had not gone well.

Nichkhun knew if they had any hope of saving their relationship Ewon needed to hear his apology. He dashed up the stairs and knocked on Ewon's bedroom door. It was quiet inside. Maybe his husband hadn't heard the knock. Or maybe he had and was ignoring it. Nichkhun knocked again, louder this time. 

"What, Nichkhun?"

Nichkhun opened the door to see Ewon sitting on his made bed with books piled up around him. From where he was standing, it looked like the books were of the self-help variety. Had Ewon spent the morning in a bookstore looking for a way to fix himself?

"I wanted to apologize to you. To your face. So that you'd know I meant it. I'm sorry, Ewon."

Ewon didn't look up from the book in his lap "Accepted. Can you shut the door on your way out?"

Nichkhun stepped up to Ewon's bed. He'd been right. All of the books he could see had to do with managing anxiety and parenting. Nichkhun's heart squeezed in his chest. This was all his fault. Ewon thought he was less than good enough for him and Wooyoung because Nichkhun had lost his temper. He sat on the edge of the bed "We really need to talk. Especially since Wooyoung isn't here."

"Are you gonna threaten me some more with losing my son?" Ewon finally looked up, making eye contact with Nichkhun.

Nichkhun's face flooded with guilt "I never should have said that about amending the adoption petition. I didn't mean it."

Ewon's light brown eyes grew colder "I might struggle with anxiety and my past from time to time, but I would never do or say anything that would deliberately hurt you."

"You're a much better man than I am." Nichkhun could see how much pain Ewon was in. His body was pulled in tight, making himself as small a target as he could. It made Nichkhun wonder if Ewon had been physically abused in his foster homes.

"I'm not looking to be a better anything. I'm just trying to do my best here. I've never been a husband or a father before and now I've got you making lists for me about how badly I at both jobs."

"You don't , Ewon. I was just angry at myself and lashed out at you. I said some terrible things."

"Yes, you did." Ewon took a deep breath and sat up a bit straighter. There was no forgiveness in Ewon's voice.

Nichkhun's shoulders slumped in defeat "Do you think we can get past this?"

"I don't know, Nichkhun. All that matters right now is Wooyoung. I'll keep in mind what you said about putting clothes on before I run to him in the middle of the night, but seeing as though we're not going to be sleeping together again, I don't see that as being a problem." Ewon went back to reading his book.

Talk about the cut direct. Nichkhun deserved it though. He stood up and headed to the door. Only yesterday they were working toward a better future and now everything they'd started to build was lying at Nichkhun's feet in ruins.