“What are you doing here at this hour?”, I said coldly as I try my best to stop myself from hugging the girl that  I dearly love in front of me.

I was already preparing myself to sleep when I heard someone knocking endlessly at my door. I was greeted by Sejeong looking stressed as if she hasn't been having much sleep for days. And seeing her in that state makes me want to hug her and tell her how much I love her but I chose to do the opposite.

“It’s late now, just go home”, I added not looking at her, afraid of seeing her get hurt more because of me. I know it’s foolish of me to push away and hurt the person who only did is to love, protect and be with me but I have no choice but to do this if i want the best for her.

“Tell me. Were my feelings really mean nothing to you?”, Sejeong asked looking at me with so much pain in her eyes.

“Am I really nothing to you?”, she added, this time her voice was more silent.

‘Don't say that, you don't know how much you mean to me’, I wanted to say but held it in.

“Just go home Sejeong”, I said again firmly.

“I won’t till you directly tell me you don’t love me. I know you feel the same way as I do. I know, I felt it that night”, she said.

Something happened with Sejeong and I before. Naong and Hana unnie held a party to celebrate their 1 year of being a couple. We did drink that night but decided to go home early before the party goes too wild. I asked her to stay for the night not wanting to be alone and so that I could spend more time with her. She was hesitant at first but did stay in the end due to my persistence. I don't know how and when it started, I just found myself under Sejeong's touch and kisses. All I know was we were just staring at each other a while ago before we got intimate.

The next morning was pretty awkward of course and no one talk about what happened. We became sweeter and more intimate with each other but never put a label in our relationship. Sejeong wanted to but I didn't and told her I needed more time to think about it but rejected her in the end.

And now it’s time to completely end it.

“You’re wrong. I don’t feel the same way as you. What happened that night was a mistake. We were just too overwhelmed and reckless”, I said not looking at her eyes, afraid of seeing her get hurt more because of me.

“We were just too overwhelmed and reckless”, she repeated making me regret saying those words to her as I felt how hurtful it is.

“I don’t love you as anything more than just friend. Just forget about your feelings to me and find a woman who deserves your love and you”, I said despite hating the idea of seeing her with another woman. This is also painful for me but I believe that it’s better this way than allowing our feelings to grow far more deeper and hurt each other in the end. The pain will surely be easier to heal through time as long as we don't go deeper.

“Is that what you really want? I guess you really don’t feel the same way as I thought you do. I can find another woman but I can never love and give my heart anymore”, she said as I stay silent not knowing what to say.

“It would be better for me to just be gone than be with somebody else”, she whispered more to herself but still enough for me to hear.

“I’m sorry for bothering you and for forcing myself on you. I promise I’ll be gone and won’t bother you anymore. I'm also sorry for ruining our friendship because of these feelings”, she said as I felt fear at her words but tried to dismiss it knowing Sejeong will never really attempt leaving everyone especially taking her life.

“And thank you for everything”, she added hugging me.

I've always love the feeling of Sejeong's arms embracing me as it never fail to give me warmth and comfort. But this time, it felt rather cold and empty.

“S-sejeongah”, was all I could say as she smiled at me.  

"I'm sorry, It wasn’t your fault", I whispered as soon the door in front of me closed and felt tears drop from my eyes.

“Chungha unnie, you should go home and rest. I’ll take care of Sejeong unnie ”, Doyeon said softly caressing my shoulders looking at Sejeong.

“Thank you for worrying about me Doyeonie but I have to stay here”, I said not taking my eyes of Sejeong.

It has been hours since we almost lost Sejeong and since then I never left her side. I felt scared that if I left my eyes off her for just a second, I’ll lose her for good. The doctor said that she’s safe for now but didn’t guaranty about her waking up soon or if she’ll be really waking up. Instead she told us to prepare ourselves at the possibility of losing her as she explained us how Sejeong’s body is starting to refuse the medicines and vitamins with her health rapidly dropping.

 “Okay, I won’t force you to go home but please atleast eat something. Cause if you won’t I’ll d