One month.

30 days left for the senior final exams where they will venture on a new journey called University where they will study for the careers to carry on the walks of life, separate paths...where fun and being free of any responsibility became a relic.

I mentally called it a D-Day. That's where I will actually have to say goodbye for you will leave and fly far away with your wings. You're the type of person who's always sure what you're going to, where you will be going and all that. While I am just an indecisive brat who doesn't dare to take responsibility. So, I just let my fate decides my path and here I am, certain to be stuck here for a good long years.

So, before you go, I will be content with any interaction you will give me as your special dongsaeng whom you will always adore. I am also not blind to the growing distaste that Sunmi has whenever I brought you up in our conversations. 

I have started to keep everything inside, sleep became my best friend, where dreams exist of you being mine, us going on study dates, switching silly little presents, secret moments in the library. 

It began to feel like I have never even talked about you. Studying also kept Sunmi busy, and with her final decision of becoming a singer is now confirmed, she's also busy with auditioning and planning. We could only kiss, make out or have brief catch ups during the brief rendezvous we have.

But it's easier now that Sooyoung's now privy to my feelings, I gained a confidante whom I could talk about my musings of you. She's an open-minded person and a good best friend. I should be glad.
 

"You should just confess.”
 

But I am not.

"Seriously, what's the worst thing that could happen? Say no?"
 

Because she's an adamant Satan-infused being who likes to flaunt her height and cannot stop being a stupid pushover who's CONSTANTLY ASKING ME TO CONFESS.

“It’s just like any normal confession, doofus. It’s not science. Just stop being a about your feelings and go after the you like instead.”

“WTF-”

The audacity of this girl..just announce it on a loudspeaker, will ya

"I mean I don't get it. Why Irene Bae Joohyun of all people? You’re also friends with a lot of girls. No one caught your eyes?”

Sooyoung can be a curious cat when she’s intrigued and there’s no stopping her until she gets her satisfaction. And that put me into a tight spot because I’m currently her only friend who’s admitted I like girls more than boys.

“Have you ever had a crush on me before?”

“When did you start liking girls?”

“Ever thought about flirting with other girls than Sunmi? How about me?”

Those stupid questions that she tends to ask, if she was the only person left in the world I won’t even bat an eyelid

“I like who I like, Sooyoung. I cannot explain or make sense of it. No one has ever made me this helpless except her.”
 
Your dopey smile that makes my heart go crazy, your doe eyes that can say a thousand words, your assertiveness that makes me proud of you, every single thing…

I will never have an answer why it has to be you, you were just standing there in the middle of the cafeteria and all I could see were you among a thousand souls. It’s like I just found my soulmate. 

But it’s just my musings now. 

“I do think you have a chance, Seulgi. Her gazes on you are not just friendly gazes.”

I shook my head in rejection. You’re pretty famous for your soul-piercing gazes, me being a constant regular victim. In the beginning, I thought I was special but it was just normal for you, especially with your boyfriends. 

“It’s just that her eyes are special. She looks at everybody like that.”

“No one looks at a friend’s lips for five straight seconds. She certainly doesn’t look at mine.”

Why is everyone so keen on getting my hopes up? I am trying to get myself content after a reality check and they're now assuming something that will never happen. Sunmi thought I’m dumb and blind and Sooyoung thought I have a chance. 

“Stop it,Sooyoung-ah. There’s a limit to what I can take. I don’t think I can handle it if it’s a rejection.”

Being your close friend that you cherish was more than enough, it's much better than you not talking to me. I had made a decision after much contemplation.

Sooyoung knew better not to continue this useless conversation. We just get our head back to study and review for our finals.

“Just know that you deserve the best, Seulgi.”

I just smiled in gratitude. At least I got to find an honest and true friend amidst all of this. 

 

____

"I will be going straight for the training after the exams."

"How long?"

Sunmi just shrugged at my question. "Till I can be successful to debut."

"You should come to the party."

I shook my head in response. "It's for seniors, Unnie. I don't think I should."

"Come on...this will be the last night we could hang out each other freely."

"It's the night for you guys to let loose, Unnie. I think a junior joining the party could spoil the fun."

"Exactly as you said, Kang. It's MY night to let it all out. I need you to let it all out."

"W-what?"

"I will become a trainee after this and I will not be able to go out and have fun anymore. So I want it to be memorable."

She leaned in closer to me just a breath between us. "And I need YOU to be memorable."

I really didn't want to go to the party. It would be at Suho's house. It's his house, his territory. They would never separate from each other and I would see the things I absolutely loathed to see. 

I didn't even want to think about it. And Sunmi knew. Yet, she still asked, always finding ways to remind me of things I would never get. 

I just smiled at her bitterly. I knew what she was playing. But I owed her a lot, she was also right about our limited time together. 

I sighed heavily and nodded. She immediately held my chin and kissed me deeply. I reciprocated just as much, her humming evident of her satisfaction.

She then responded her answer at their group chat. 

'RSVP: plus one'

Great.




____


 

Are you dead set on ruining me, Ms. Bae?

You became clingier, always making sure we sat together during our lunch break, at least our pinky fingers would be linked together whenever we hang out.And your boyfriend would always accompany you, making me lose my appetite.

You would ask me for sleepovers, watching our favorite movies after studies and I would wake up with you cuddling me despite the bolster existed between us from the night before.

It was a painful pleasure. 

And I let it happen. 

Because you were leaving. You would be on your way to becoming an adult, standing on your own and chasing after your dreams, leaving your safe haven, leaving your friends…leaving me.

So I let those fires consume me.

I let those lines blurred between us.

Finally it was your exams.



You passed with flying colors. 

Everybody thought you would go for the meds school. But you chose to go overseas to study Fashion Design. It would be a hard competition ahead and you were very determined and willed to succeed. 

Your supportive parents rallied along the way, making sure you could forge your future ahead with no concern on financial matters. But you would apply for scholarship anyway. 


We decided to have our last sleepover before I start my tuitions that my parents arranged for me and you with the applications for the universities you have targeted. 

Tteobokkis, Sujebis and a few drinks accompanied our movie of the night as we sat close to one another under the same blanket. 

'Before Sunrise'

"Save the best for the last" you told me as you opened the movie. Those little off-comments of yours never fails to make my heart beat so fast.

"Are you a er for those kind of movies?" you snickered as you heard my squeaks to withhold my spazzing as the actors both gazed at each other, their strong attractions to each other so evident.

"Says someone who's obsessed over the Notebook."

"This movie's also very good. I hope you have the type of love whatever you're seeking. Seulgi-ah."

"I hope so, Unnie."

"What's your ideal type, Seulgi-ah?"

"More than an ideal type...I just want someone whom I can talk about our favorite paintings,visit the museums, talk nothings at a cafe' and walking together by the Han River at the end of our dates."

I just wanted to look at your eyes all days as we chat, held your hands close as I listened to your daily musings and we could have study dates at the cafes like all the couples do.

I want you to be mine. 

I felt your hand cover mine as you squeezed it gently, breaking me out of my reverie. Your gentle doe eyes looking at me in absolute focus. 

"You're so romantic, Seulgi-ah. Have you found the one?"

My throat felt dry. I could only shake my head.

"You will find it, Seulgi. I hope you find the one who's going to do everything with you."

What if I have found the one? What if the one has someone else already,Bae Joohyun? Any advice you could give me?

I just squeezed back in return as I turned back to the television. Jesse was holding himself back from trying to hug Celine as they rode along the transport.

Nth time watching and always sending me fantasy overdrive.

The movie finished with an open ending... it could be a happy ever after or just once in a blue moon romance fantasy. 

We just smiled at each other as we cleaned up the table and prepared the bed. Laying down besides each other, we turned around to face. I could count your eyelashes throughout the night and I wouldn't fall asleep.

We talked for a while about some trivial and less trivial things, then said our good-nights and fell asleep. This might be the last night I got to have sleepovers with you like this. 

It's been a blessing in a disguise for me. I wouldn't know and didn't want to know how far you have gone with your boyfriend. But I got to sleep with you in your room where he had never been before. At least I outdid him in this part. I felt your body close to me as I slowly gave away to deep slumber.

It's been a good night. 




____

"Are you really making me wear this?"

I looked down at my skimpy outfit, standing in front of Sunmi's mirror. Luckily, Sooyoung covered my for the night, telling my mother, she wanted to have bestfriends' movie marathon at her house. 

How she always got away with her mischiefs, I'd never know. 

Sunmi decided to lend me her clothes for the party tonight and I had to agree to go along with her styling. She gave me this crop top that exposed my stomach with torn black tight pants.

She even did the make up for me, my eyes being the main point for the whole makeover. Someone I didn't recognize looking back at me as I gaped at my transformation. 

Smoky eye liners and red lips, with my hair in a messy style.She put her leather jacket on my shoulder afterwards.

I felt a peck on my cheek as she smirked at me through the mirror. She was wearing a tight fitting dress with a bit of her cleavage open, the dress ending just above the knee. Her signature red rosy lips was definitely going to get the attention of every guy in the party.

"NOW, we're ready to rock the world."

I just grimaced at her words.



 

"WOAH, Kang Seulgi!!! I couldn't even recognize you!"

Your boyfriend greeted me in a bear hug just right after he opened the door. I couldn't find anything to hate him except that he's your longest boyfriend.
  
He would have been a great senior to me otherwise. 

I bowed my head in response, also hiding my red cheeks. I'm still a er for the compliments.

"Congratulations, S-sunbae-nim."

"Seulgi?" 

Your voice boomed through the loud music speakers like it was the only sound I could hear. I felt Sunmi immediately grabbing my hand tightly as your footsteps getting near. 

You just completely take my breath away. 

I took in the glittery rainbow dress that just stopped above the knees, your fair porcelain skin in a full display. And those prominent collarbones, your plump lips in a shiny lip gloss, your make-up...everything was so perfect.

You're the GODDESS.

.

I'M SCREWED.

You're so beautiful, y and gorgeous. I didn't know any more words to explain. It was that intense feeling, an ethereal painting that couldn't be touched; I could only worship it from a far. 

That kind of feeling.

"U-unnie..." I could only utter the mumbling words.

"What are you doing here?!"

That voice wasn't so welcoming, your beautiful face contorted into a frown, your eyes narrowed as you looked at me and Sunmi back and forth. 

Sunmi hugged me by the waist as she tapped my chin, her rosy perfume scent distinctive to my senses as she leaned close. You looked darker than ever, your scowl that appeared whenever you'r irritated was slowly forming.

"She's my p