“Ah, we had fun.”

“Yeah! It’s a great birthday party, Seul!”

“Well, I’m jealous she got kissed by two most beautiful girls from SM High.”

“Joohyun-unnie didn’t kiss her, Ten. She bit her ear! HAHA!!”

“Ooooohhhh,~Still, I would want to be kissed by someone just like that~”

“Pfft, who would be that unlucky to kiss your cheek?”

“Yah!”

My head was still buzzing. 

Yeah, you did used your tongue on my ear. 

I did felt that quick swirling you did when you bit my ear just to take a memorable selfie.  

It wasn’t an imagination. Because that particular spot was still wet and I didn’t know whether to wipe it or keep it as it was. 

But it was tingling. 

And I was having goosebumps along my skin. 

I wanted to know what was going through your mind when you decided to do this stunt of yours. Your boyfriend was literally sitting across the table. 

Yeah, you did make me feel excited, over the moon. 

But why were you acting like this?

You had the power to electrify me, making me short-fused by little actions that you did and making me experience heaven and hell at the same time. 

But Joohyun, it’s either Hell or Heaven. 

To which way were you trying me to send?

“Seul? Yo, KangSeul!”

“W-what?”

I turned my head at Sooyoung after recovering from my wandering thoughts. She had a concern expression on her face. I must have blanked out for some time. 

Then I noticed. 

You, Sunmi and Suho were not at the table. 

“Hey, where did they go?”

Sooyoung had scrutinised her eyebrows, indicating she didn’t like my question. What did I do wrong?

“Seulgi, they had gone to the restroom for sometime. Didn’t you notice?”

I shook my head. 

She still observed me silently with thoughtful expression on her face. It was rare to see Sooyoung this serious. 

“What is it?”I decided to ask. 

“You and I need to talk, Bear.”

“For what?”

“Yo-"

“Shall we leave?” Suho’s voice interrupted whatever the satan was going to say. She huffed and returned to her seat. 

You and Sunmi had also appeared after Suho, both having somewhat tense expression. Sunmi smiled at me as she skipped along to stand besides me. And you went back to your boyfriend, holding his arm. 

It was your rightful place. 

“It was a great party, Seul. Happy Birthday!” Your boyfriend spoke as he patted my shoulder. 

Seriously, if he weren’t your boyfriend, he would have been my favourite senior. 

I smiled widely and bowed in thanks. 

Sunmi had somehow intertwined our fingers and I didn’t feel it until later. My ear was still tingling from that you did earlier and my heart was aching from the scene in front of me. 

I had no awareness to the surrounding at the moment. 

“Are you going back home, Seul?”, you asked. 

“I-“

“We will be heading to Paris Baguette before we go home together. She’s craving for bread.” Sunmi answered in my stead. Since when was I craving for bread? I had two large plates of Sushi and three slices of Cheese cake in my stomach. 

“I see.”

Your resting face was no joke. 

“Well, hurry up before it rains, Seul! You guys can catch a cold!” Taeyong reminded us gently before leaving with Mark and Ten. 

“Are you also coming, Sooyoung?” I asked my best friend since primary school .

“Nah, I have to go somewhere and buy some stuff.” She answered, faking a smile. I knew that smile anywhere and it was definitely not genuine. I rose my eyebrows at her and she just shrugged. 

She bowed at the seniors and turned to leave not before waving at me. 

“I can drive you guys along the way”, your boyfriend was being a gentleman again.

Please just stop making feel guiltier, Mr. Kim Jun Myeon. 

“Nah, it’s okay.” I shook my head. Me and Sunmi looked at each other before I answered, “We can catch a bus. It’s just five minutes from here.”

“I see.” Suho nodded and smiled. You still hadn’t spoke a word. 

“Well then, see you guys later. Thank you for coming to my birthday, Joohyun-Unnie and Suho-oppa.”

Your boyfriend held your hand as he waved. 

I decided to turn around quickly and left. 

“Make sure you catch the bus, guys! Not feelings~”

What the hell was THAT

I immediately turned back to look at you, stunned. You had that innocent expression on your face as if you didn’t just say what I thought you just said. 

Sunmi leaned in a bit and whispered, “Did she just-“

You must have noticed our frozen state as you chuckled and waved. 

“Just kidding, guys! See ya!”

You dragged your boyfriend and left. 

“You know, Seulgi…” Sunmi spoke a while after you left. 

We both were in the same position, unmoving. 

“Yeah?”

“…'Just Kidding’ is exactly what people would say when they actually meant every word they said.”

I didn’t respond.

_____

RING RING 

“Hello?”

“Seulgi?”

“Joohyun-unnie??”

“Hey, Seul! Are you free this evening?”

“I-I don’t have any classes.”

“But you have your usual hangout with Sunmi, yes?”

I turned to look at Sunmi, who looked back at me knowingly. 

“Y-yeah, Unnie.”

“Cool! Well, can you hang out with me this time instead? Finals are very near and we won't be able to hang out as much as we want.”

So you noticed. 

“Busy with studies, Unnie. I also have my exams.You also have schedules so it happens.”

Schedules with your boyfriend

“That’s why hang out with me today. And I am not taking ‘No’ for an answer.”

“Bu-“

“You had been more with Sunmi than with me, Seulbear. And I was the one who introduced you two!”

I sighed heavily. Why of all times

“I will take that as a yes. I will wait for you at the gate after an hour. By the way, tell Sunmi purple is boring on her.”

=CLICK=

I immediately glanced over the glass pane next to me. I would always recognise that back and that long raven hair wherever. 

You skipped along without looking back. 

Why now?

It’s been days since I had contacted you after that weird remark you thrown at us. I knew I would be asking you what it meant, unable to control my need for clarification. 

You didn’t also initiate anything. No texts, no calls, no messages. 

I wasn’t supposed to be pissed. I was the one who stopped first after all. But seriously though, didn’t you notice anything?

That you had stopped receiving Good Mornings and Lunch messages from me and those emojis you hate? Did you even care?

Why did I even do those in the first place? For a beautiful girl who wouldn’t even spare a glance at me? Why was I that stupid to hungry for attention when you had a boyfriend?

I was really shameless. My guilt had finally reminded me constantly not to disturb you any longer. 

It might be the sign for me from the above.

That this was the lost case for me. Maybe it was for the better you didn’t contact. It would be hard, difficult bumpy ride to move on from this but at least I could move on. 

Painful first loves are not rare. I just happened to be one of the victims. Be this my lesson not to fall for pretty little straight girls. Unrequited loves are only good for songs, not for my sanity. 

I thought it was for the best.

I cried and mourned my loss for a few days, my parents thinking I was on period. They even thought I was having a secret boyfriend whom I had broken up with.

At least it would be better. I don’t think any person would ever come close to you, Joohyun. The way you had me, even though you had no interest in taking the reins, I had already offered you the key. 

I drew you. 

All those images of you I had in my head, I let them go on the white sheets. I just couldn’t store them any more. Not when they were starting to feel like constant migraines hitting my head in full force.

Seven pencils and three sketch books later, I let out a first breath that didn’t contain the thought of you in a long time.

I thought I was free. 

Ten days later, just my name from your lips that I never got to kiss and I wrecked all over again.

_______

“What do you want to watch?”

We were now at a DVD store after you dragged me along as soon as I reached you at the gates. I couldn’t even wave goodbye to Sunmi. It’s just us here. An old woman sat snoring by the counter, not giving a damn of us. 

“Still searching for it?”

You scrunched your eyebrows as you looked carefully at the covers, your hand mindlessly tucking your hair behind your right ear. I gulped. 

I just saw another memorable sight of yours in my head. 

I couldn’t risk this again. My fingers got blisters just to move on from you!

I asked you why were you adamant on watching a Blu-Ray when we could just watch it online from the laptop.

“Best movie should be watched in the best way, with the best people of course.” You turned to look at me with that cheeky smirk of yours. I could feel my face heating up but I didn’t look away. 

“And I just think watching it online brings down the value of the story somehow. I don’t know. This way is the best for me. Call me old-fashioned but I don’t care.Romance movies should be able to hit you right in the feels and I don't think streaming it will do the job for me.”

Reasons of my sufferings immediately rushed into my head. My own hell that I built and willingly entered it blissfully. 

Those