Seulgi sighed heavily as she looked at the two figures wearily across the table. Her mother was annoyed to say the least. She had been having sleepovers at others’ houses for three times a week.

“We didn’t raise you to be this irresponsible oldest sister, Kang Seulgi.”

“…” 

“Just because you are getting good grades at school doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want. I told you to not socialise too much! And you are hanging out with Mrs.Lee’s daughter who’s popular for her shenanigans and a girl whom I don’t even know where she’s from.”

Okay, maybe that was too much. She couldn’t defend Sunmi because her mother knew Sunmi’s personally. But it was rude to describe Joohyun that way. Her family may not be the rich folks but they were humble parents who let their daughter study in Seoul just to follow her dreams. 

She could see how much Joohyun is proud of her parents and she had heard stories of them. She was even envious. Her family was very close knitted unlike Seulgi’s. Her mother would mail Joohyun’s favourite snacks, send her knitted sweaters and playful letters from her father.  They were simple and contented unlike Seulgi’s whose family are obsessed with success.

They lived in the same house yet Seulgi couldn’t remember the last time she had tasted her mother’s cooking. Her mother didn’t even know her favourite food. Her father didn’t even know about her exams. Her mother let her younger brother continue attending art class while she had to quit to focus on her studies.

She felt like a black sheep in her family. But she loves them to death. She loves hearing her parents’ love story, their struggles, their past and their dream vacation to which Seulgi looked forward to. She loved their late night talking sessions. But they were too goal-oriented and very ambitious. 

It put a strain in their relationship especially with her mother who just wants her to be the best in everything. But she’s not what her mother wants to be. 

She couldn’t share everything with her family. She just couldn’t. Her parents would vomit blood if they knew the truth. 

“Mo-“

“And do you even know what they were saying about Lee Sunmi at our gathering??”

She gulped.

“She’s kissing girls! GIRLS!! What an atrocity!”

Seulgi winced internally. She didn’t give anything away except faking a shock face. Her father could see through everything and she couldn’t risk it. 

“I will not let you be ruined by such-such disgusting person!”

That was very extreme. Sunni shouldn’t be disrespected like this. She was there for her when her own parents weren’t.

“Mother, Sunmi-unnie is someone’s daughter! Just like I am yours! And do you even have proof that she’s kissing girls??”

Kang Sora glared at her daughter.“No, but if there are rumours like that, it means she’s not doing anything good. You only get rumours like that if you are one.”

“Mom, Mrs.Lee is really kind. You shouldn’t talk about her daughter like that. And Sunmi-unnie is also a good person. She’s very outgoing, yes, but she’s not bad like you assumed.”

“Why are you defending her that much, Kang Seulgi?” Her father finally interrupted, his stern voice resonating in the living room. “Your mother is saying this for your good. She’s someone else’s daughter, we also feel bad as parents who have a daughter. But if that rumour get attached to you because you happen to be close to her, it won’t do anything good.”

“You are the oldest. You are supposed to be an example for your brothers. And consider our image.”

That again. Her being the oldest. EVERY.SINGLE.TIME

“You should know how disgusting those homos are. How could they even think of liking ‘themselves’? You must consider every factor that can affect us just because you decided to socialise.” 

She would never ever understand why her parents would be this hateful towards the people who just happened to be a bit different. They’re not living off their money…why would they care that much. 

“And the house that you are living in, the money that you are spending…we didn’t get it from our parents. If I was out there, going out like other mothers, having spa weekends, manicure, do you think you would be living like this? You father is also out there working in blood, sweat and tears. Your behaviour, your image, your friends are your image which represents us.”

“Whatever you do, know that we are out there working like animals. While you are enjoying, we are suffering.”

“Whatever I do, ‘image’.” 

“I got 1st in Regionals’ Swimming Competition. Did you come?”

“How da-“

“You told me to be an example. I tried my best to get good grades. You have tutors for my brothers. When I asked for one, you compared me with the cousin who’s living in Canada.”

“You rude arrogant imbecile!”

“I am attending Public high school, Umma! While Hyukkie and Geonnie are attending Private costing thousands a year! Did I complain when you didn’t let me attend even when I got a scholarship for a semester?”

“Those girls from that private school become spoilt and rude. Some even lost their ity! Do you want to be one of them?!”

“Why do you always assume the worst of me?”

“Kang Seulgi!”

“I know that you all are tired. But know this, I am your daughter. Not a robot.”

“See?! She has certainly influenced you! How dare you talk back to your parents like this?!”

“…”

“Kang Seulgi, you’re grounded!!!”

________

“So, you talked back against your parents about sleepovers cause you were in your period and now you’re grounded.”

“That’s the gist of it.”

“Who at this age even get grounded anyway?”

“You’re not helping, Park Sooyoung.”

“You know Auntie and Uncle Kang are very serious in everything that they do and think unlike you. Why would you even bother changing their mind?”

“They are demeaning other parents’ daughters while they have one on their own.” I pointed at myself. “It was too much of them so I couldn’t stay silent.”

Park Sooyoung was lucky enough to be accepted into the household for a visit after I got grounded. I didn’t know what she gave my mother to think the best of her when she’s the satan infused demonic being. 

“Well, you were actually hanging out with Sunmi-unnie a lot. I would have thought you guys were dating if I don’t know you enough.”

I tried my best not to choke on my saliva. I could feel her eyes drilling a hole on my forehead as I played around with my rubik cube in my hands. My back had started to sweat.

I could still feel the burning stare on me even though I am not looking at her. That Satan can be World Great Detective if she wants to. 

“Next time, tell unnie to stop putting her hand on your leg whenever you guys sit together and you better wipe away that smirk whenever she whispers in your damn ear. You are not called Bear for nothing, you idiot.”

MOTHERF**KER!

“I am not judging you, ya know.” 

I know. But I am ashamed at myself for not telling to her while this whatever stuff has been going for a while. 

“I’m sorry.”

That’s all I could offer.

“I’m not going to deny that I am pissed at you for hiding it. Seriously, how long have this been going on?”

“Umm…six-seven months?”

“THAT LONG?! WTF?”

“Jesus, Kang. Why don’t you guys just date already?!”

“Quiet, Park Sooyoung. Just announce it via loudspeaker alright?!” I gritted my teeth and growled at her. Although I understood her surprise at my answer, it was better for me. I am hung up on a person who’s never going to like me back and she cannot commit to someone without any assurances. 

Just unspoken promises of living in the moment. 

That’s how we rolled and that’s how we connected. Brief moments of friends-lovers without official stamp on it. It’s the best for both of us in this society. 

“Why? She doesn’t want to date you officially?”

“Noo…we just never specifically talked about it.”

We never discussed the elephant in the room that is our untitled relationship. Sunmi didn’t want to get disappointed with my obvious feelings on Joohyun that hadn’t decreased and me with her plans on becoming a singer made it quite obvious that we couldn’t be like this in the long term.

“Seulgi, I don’t judge. You’re my best friend. You deserve to like someone if you want to. Heck, I can see Sunmi-unnie likes you a lot.”

I bit my lips, contemplating. Sooyoung has been my best friend for years, knowing each other since kindergarten, my best mate who covered up my for my parents. 

“The thing is Sooyoung…there’s someone I actually have fe