This had been drafted since 27th. Imagine my surprise when I saw SunSeul on Secret Unnie. Talk about co-incidences HAHA I nealy combusted at CONFIDENT SEULGI in the show...

PANIC SEULGI - I can handle, CONFIDENT SEULGI - I could die

Anyway, I hope Seulgi would be less panic with Irene T^T

Guurrrlll, you panicked when Joy proposed for that scene to be shot with you and it wasn't even a kiss on cheek!

You panicked when Goddess of Peace fixed your bangs. 

And I would like to express my thanks who voted and commented my story. It's been a long time since I write again and you guys who voted and commented gave me strenght to continue this!

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“I want to be a singer, Seulgi.”

It was weird to hear the contemplative tone on Sunmi’s voice. I looked up at her as she continued to read her notebook. But I knew her mind was on something else instead of the assignment in front of her. 

“I’m sure you will do great, Unnie. So, that’s your dream after graduation?”

“Yeah”, she answered, finally looking up at me. I would always envy Sunmi in some ways. She always had the clear picture of what she wanted and she would let no one dictate her future, her parents included. 

“I’m happy for you.” I told her genuinely. 

“Really?” she asked, “You’re not gonna say it’s a stupid thing to do?”

I frowned at her absurd question. Why would that be a stupid thing? Sure, the entertainment world is a harsh, judgemental and cruel world to enter. But if she’s set on entering it, I was sure she would emerge victorious.

“Why would that be a stupid thing? Sure, it’s not the usual path that we would have it as our first career choice, Unnie but isn’t boring if everyone is the same?”

She finally smiled, eyes brightening up. 

“And you’re not like anyone from the start. I will be your No.1 fan, Unnie.” 

She squealed and immediately stood up, jumping on me. She squashed me with her hug so tightly I started to suffocate. I patted her back, gently pushing her off me so that I could breathe in a bit. 

“Thank you for saying that, Seul-ah. You don’t how much you made me happy just by saying that.” She uttered.

I knew it was difficult. Sunmi also came from a well-to-do family, her parents were known for their distribution business. Although her parents were more open-minded compared to hers, I knew they would have wanted her to reconsider her dream and not to mention the unnecessary inputs of outsiders.

“Unnie, I’m even jealous you’re going to chase after your own dream. It’s not that easy.”

“I know.” she smiled sadly, playing around with my hair, “So you’re just going to study for meds just like your mother prefers?”

I just nodded meekly. I have voiced out my wishes to study Arts and Music instead of Meds but she scoffed at me instead, saying I was daydreaming in the harsh reality. She also didn’t like it when I entered art competitions at school. 

At least she didn’t put that much pressure on me when it comes to their business. Because they would have to give me away to my future husband when I grew up and I’d not be able to contribute much to their business unlike my brothers. 

But it was very important for them to have a ‘perfect image’ of me which I was currently doing badly so far. 

“You could just risk it, you know?” Sunmi spoke, interrupting my thoughts, “Parents cannot stop their children and nor they can control them.”

“I think it’s different with mine, Unnie.”

“Maybe it’s because you’re letting them, Seul.”

Was I? I had vocally explained to them about my wishes and my aspirations, multiple times. I was considered a black sheep in my family because I couldn’t understand their intense obsession with money and success. 

Although I knew this was due to their  experience with poverty before I was born. My father’s family cut him off after he told them he wanted to marry my mother. His mother was the only one who was on board but sadly, she passed away earlier. 

He got cut off after they got married, shunned from his social circle. It was their hard work and determination to get where they were right now. Hence, my mother never failed to play a guilt card on me to remind I owe them to the life I’m living in right now. 

So, I knew I could never oppose their decision for my future. 

“I will send you my first autograph when I debut.” Sunmi teased, poking my nose. I smiled at her in appreciation for distracting my depressing thoughts. 

At least, I could have her in my life in the future. 

“I’m very happy I got to know you, Unnie.”

It was honesty. She would never be the Joohyun in my life but she was important to me in her own way. She made me realise who I was, my identity and my feelings for a certain beauty. 

She looked so happy. I could see she’s trying herself not to sob in front of me. I chuckled and squished her cheeks to which she whined and slapped my shoulder.

She then put her arms around my neck and pulled me closer for a kiss. 

“I’m happy I got to know you, too, Seulgi-ah. You have no idea.”

“Unnie…”

I closed my eyes in reflex as Sunmi kissed my neck, dragging her tongue from my jaw to my collarbone leaving a wet trail along as she did. It was strange. 

Strangely intense. 

“Hmmm” She moaned as she crashed her lips to mine again. Our homeworks and takeouts long forgotten. 

She leaned back only when our lungs couldn’t work anymore. “Y-you’re really getting better at this, Bear.” she huffed, I smirked back. 

“I have a pretty good teacher.” 

We had kissed plenty by this time and I could guess how much she gave away when she opened to get a taste of me. Sunmi was a free soul, never the one to take things too seriously; kissing me included. 

She was just having fun, she liked being wild and reckless. She liked breaking rules. 

And she got the girl who would follow along, addicted to those particular taste of freedom she gave her in those few hours she was with her. 

We were just using each other.

But this wasn’t anything like those kind of fun. She was giving it away. I could feel it. She was giving herself away as she kissed me slowly and sensually, taking her own sweet little time. 

“U-unnie…” I closed my eyes, could no longer control the heat coming from my body with those talented touches of her as she put her hand inside my shirt, feeling up my stomach. 

“Ah…Hggnnhh!!” 

She bit me again, on the collarbone, I’m pretty sure there would be a mark by now. She’s now sitting on my lap, grinding her hips on me so intensely. This was the furthest we would go and usually stopped. I got the feeling this was not the case at this moment.

“You’re so pretty, Seulgi-ah” she whispered again, staring at the mark she just claimed so proudly. Her eyes trailed across my neck, my jaw, her finger dancing along as her eyes moved. Finally she looked at me directly.

"But my favourite thing about you are your lips and those pretty little eyes of yours." She said leaning in. I didn’t know what to do. Should I just I stay still so that maybe she would get the message that this was getting too intense ? Should I just push her off me? But it would be a very bad mistake.

I can feel her lips on mine as I closed my eyes. I don't know why I did it, but I responded. I moved along with her. Took breaths along with her and continued when she did. I decided to reciprocate. Just like she’s giving part of her, I decided to give a part of mine away. She at least deserved it. 

 Then it happened. 

I saw you. I closed my eyes as I kissed Sunmi but I felt you. I felt like it was with you. I was tasting your lips, not hers. I was smelling lavenders instead of roses. I could have kissed her deeper because it was you. But that had never happened to me before. 

Never have I ever saw you even once during the past year we have shared those intimate moments.

Then this happened.

Just because I let her in and I was seeing you instead of her. 

I stopped and stayed still. 

It was a reflex of my horror.

Sunmi also stopped when she realised I had become frozen. I could see it in her eyes. I knew that she knew by the way she looked at me. I felt so guilty. She didn’t deserve this. 

“Unnie, I-" 

"You don't have to say anything."

Her eyes…the eyes that were always full of colors with life…now they were dim and cloudy as they looked at me. I caused those. I did those to her. 

I opened my mouth to voice out my sincerest apology but she put her finger on my lips. Cradling my face ever so gently, she leaned in and kissed me. 

Despite what just occurred. 

This time I only