Four hours of peaceful sleep was all he could afford; around two in the morning, the Chinese boy bolted out of his bed to go throw up the flowers in his lungs. Only this time, it wasn’t flowers any longer; what Renjun ejected out of his body was half a rose bush. The thorns dug their paths into the soft flesh of his throat and as they came out he could taste that subtle sweetness of iron. A few tears ran down his cheeks as he caught his breath while starring down at the mess in the toilet. He thanked the doctors silently for scheduling the surgery at nine that morning.

Unfortunately, Renjun didn’t make it back to his bed, nor did the surgery happen at the scheduled time. Another wave hit him, and he knew he had to get the doctor once the first rose with the stem and thorns intact spilled out of his drained body onto the floor. He just barely managed to hit the blue button on the wall in the bathroom before he lost all sense of himself. The next thing Renjun woke up to was the doctors running around the operating room and a few details about himself being shared to the anesthesiologist before everything went pitch black.

He woke up for a third time and found himself in the same room he was previously in, but something was different. After blinking a few times and observing the surroundings, Renjun slowly tried sitting up. Sharp pain shot through his core, causing him to let out a low grunt as he held the source of his discomfort. There, wrapped around his chest, were about five rolls of gauze and then it hit him: the surgery.

“Ah, Renjun, you’re awake. How are you feeling? You gave us quite a scare last night but, the surgery was a success.”

“H-hello.”

The nurse smiled at him as she checked his vitals, all of which were in good condition and nothing had spiked up or down since he got out of the operating room three hours ago. As she made her rounds on the boy, he placed a hand on his chest; feeling the swollen tissue that was cut open then stitched back together like he was a rag doll. The two stayed silent for the most part, only exchanging a few words when the nurse had a question or had to inform him of some side effects.

When she left Renjun decided to take the time to contemplate what had happened and if the others would really visit him. ‘I still like Jeno, just not… that way. At least, that’s what’s supposed to happen, and I should be back to feeling just like normal with him. Things should be normal and brotherly with us again.’ As he lost himself in thought, there was a soft knock that came from the door and immediately Renjun snapped out of his thoughts.

“Our Renjun is awake?”

A few extra faces came to check up on the boy, Doyoung smiled at him and was followed by the others from yesterday. Renjun was quite glad to see them all after the whole ordeal he just experienced. Before he could get a word out, a few of his lifelong friends came running into the room and sat themselves on his bed.

“Renjun, you worried me sick you buffoon!”

Chenle; Renjun’s friend from when they were three and slowly it became like they were cousins to each other. The boy let out a small laugh while the other lifelong friend of his began to bombard him with the same kind of statements.

“You really scared me, I know you like to be all stoic and , but we could have lost you.”

“Awe, Jisung. I’m fine now so don’t worry.”

“You really scared a lot of people here, including others at school.”

“You’re quite popular among the first years Junnie.”

Ten and Sicheng winked at the boy who reacted by sticking out his tongue and tried his best to look irritated but ended up looking like a five-month-old puppy. They all made a fuss over the young Chinese boy and before long another knock was heard from the door. This time no one was surprised to see the late comer, rather, Chenle and Jisung shot daggers at him with their eyes. Doyoung and Kun stayed level headed but became stiff once they saw who it was. Ten and Mark had disapproval etched into their faces as they watched the boy step closer to the group.

“You’re better.”

“I am.”

“No thanks to you Jeno.”

“Jisung.”

Doyoung shot him a knowing look that exuded nothing less than warning and disapproval if he let it slip out.

“Yeah, you’re the one to blame Jeno.”

“Zhong Chenle.”
 

Kun never raises his voice, but at this moment in time it needed to happen, and it shook everyone to the core. Sicheng grabbed the young Chinese boy by the ear promptly dragging him out of the room to give a long speech about how many lines he just crossed. No one else moved after that; Jeno starred back at Renjun while the others pulled Jisung away so that he wouldn’t get hurt in whatever could transpire in the next few minutes.

“Answer my question from yesterday.”

“You were my unrequited love. You were everything to me.”

“Why? Why did you not say anything?”

“It doesn’t matter now. The surgery is over, and I don’t remember what it’s like to love you.”

Jeno stared hard at the older boy for what seemed like hours as he let the silence consume his body. The others quietly shuffled out of the room so the two could have some space to clear up the now horribly heavy air. Between the two boys, Jeno felt the most awkward and so sorry that he hadn’t noticed the signs from his best friend. Then again, Renjun had never been extremely obvious about his feelings towards the younger male. Kun was the first to notice the subtle change in behavior only because he found the Chinese boy spacing out while looking out at the view from a classroom window on the second flood.

“It does matter. I ignored your feelings.”

Renjun sighed at those words, silently wishing that Jeno would let it go and let the friendship return to its normal state. He missed joking around and feeling free with the other; the disease had made it almost impossible for the Chinese male to be around him. Every time he would see Jeno his chest would tighten and if he got close then he’d start coughing, trying to hold the petals in until he could get to a bathroom.

“Please don’t go through what I did with you. Loving someone is painful, and the disease will kill you.”

“I only wish I had done something sooner. Maybe then you and I could have been together.”

A frown formed on his lips the second those words slipped out of the others mouth. The last thing either of them needed was for another case of the disease. Besides, what good would Jeno reciprocating those feelings of love toward Renjun do now?

“Jeno… don’t love me that way because you feel guilty. You’re my best friend and I’m not letting you die on my watch.”

“I let you almost die on mine.”

Neither boy could deny that small piece of information; in a way Jeno had completely let Renjun suffer the pain on his own. There were no questions asked between the two during the days where one would ask to hangout, but one would have to cancel for something else had come up. It had been them running circles around each other with no solid end goal. For Jeno, it was clear that his friend was suffering from some health issue in the past and yet he never asked what was wrong. For Renjun, he just wanted to be loved by someone who wasn’t his family or Chenle.

“Don’t blame yourself, I know that finding love is hard. If you let yourself dwell on my error, then that’s going to bring you more pain. What matters is that I’m better and that you are still my best friend.”

The younger sighed heavily before taking a seat on the bed near Renjun’s feet. He couldn’t make eye contact for a few moments; during that time the older scanned his face trying to find some kind of emotion other than sorrow. It was etched into Jeno’s face though, he couldn’t shake the feeling of being so blind in the past.

“You loving me wasn’t an error Renjun, but if you wish for us to return to our old friendship, then I will try to move forward with you.”

He stuck out his hand to the older with a small smile on his lips, though deep down he still felt the guilt eating him alive. Renjun returned the smile with warmth as he grasped the other by the forearm, with Jeno copying the motion. They stayed that way until the door to his room creaked open once more to reveal Sicheng and Chenle.

“It’s time for third period, we’ll come back to check on you after school Junnie.”

“Have fun you guys! Oh, and Jeno.”

At the mention of his name, said male spun around so quickly that Chenle had to physically stop him himself. The boy on the bed let out a small chuckled, shaking his head at how poor his best friend’s reaction time was.

“Make sure you don’t fall asleep in Bio, I actually need your notes to not fail the class.”