Everyone should watch the sun rise every once in a while, see the first rays of light hit the surface of land or water, chasing the darkness away, slowly coloring the sky in soft yet warm palettes of pink and peach. Every sunrise brings with it hope and possibilities. Strength and courage to face life's daily battles ahead.

And I have a battle to face today, for which I need all the courage that I could muster.

Time flows like water. It has been more than a year since I left Korea. I have slowly picked up the pieces from my implosion with the support and encouragement of my family and closest friends. The change in environment has indeed helped in reframing my views about life and work. More than balance, I now seek life-work integration. Coherence. I'm going slow yet steady, and I'm happy. Well, most of the times, which is good enough for me.

That's why I said yes, albeit hesitantly, when my friend Ryan Bang, the CEO of the travel agency that has arranged Sechskies' trip to the Philippines, asked me to be a guide/translator for the group (Though Jiwon and Sunghoon speak English and can possibly get around easily.). It's a special request, he said. Am I ready to see Jiwon again? Can I do this? I kept asking myself.

It's not like Jiwon and I had a bad breakup; we were not even together technically in the first place. Yes, I feel guilty for leaving like I did and for not replying to his messages, which eventually stopped coming, understandably so. But I would like to believe that we were friends back then. Friends who had to grow apart. The possibility of us being friends again is very much welcome but if not, then I am still, and forever will be, his fan.

Due to a prior engagement, I couldn't meet the guests upon their arrival so Ryan welcomed them himself. My flight got delayed so I arrived in the area at an ungodly hour but rather than rest, I choose to watch the sunrise first, thinking that I have time for a nap as the appointed meeting time was 10 in the morning.

Halsu isseo. I can do this. I am ready. I tell myself repeatedly, almost like a mantra.

But seeing Jiwon standing there by the beach at sunrise, I am not ready at all.

As he walks toward me, I shamelessly take in everything I could with my eyes. Jiwon looks like he lost some weight, making his cheeks and jawline more defined. Still (always!) handsome, but I kind of miss his chubby cheeks. His eyes, though looking at me ever so softly, seemed to be withholding something. How I wish he would smile because the way he is looking at me is making me extremely nervous.

“Hi.” My heart is beating so loud I could barely hear my own voice. I hope my smile and my hands did not show my nerves.

“It's been a while.” He said softly, not breaking eye contact. I lost and gazed at the water. Everything seems to be bright and clear in early morning sunlight in contrast to my thoughts and emotions at the moment.

“Yes. It's been a while,” I echoed. “How have you been?” I asked, looking back at him.

“Good. Everything's good. And you?” Jiwon shook his head, and gave a li