- Jisoo -

26 Feb 2017

It has been a few weeks since I've become an MC for Inkigayo and I won't lie, I really do like this job. I get to be friend with new people like Got7's Jinyoung and NCT's Doyoung. They seem to be really nice.

However, deep in my heart, I can't seem to throw away the feeling that he did this just to keep me busy, or should I say to keep me away from him.

Being the daughter of SBS' CEO may sound like a dream for some people. Who won't like life fulls of luxury and wealth, right? Well, the answer is probably me.

What's the point of all the money and wealth when you can't even get the love of your one an only parent.

I look again at the message that I've sent before the broadcast starts.

To Dad:

Appa, It's been several weeks since I've become an MC.

I think I'm getting better at this so don't worry.

I won't dissapoint you.

Seen

To Dad:

It's been a while since the last time I went back home.

After my schedule today, I'll go back.

From Dad:

Don't bother. I'm busy. I won't be at home.

I have never imagined how those three mere sentences can be so powerful that they can slice my fragile heart into pieces. Without me knowing, teardrops start to roll down on my cheeks. I miss him so much yet he doesn't seem to feel the same way.

I look at my reflection in the restroom's mirror. I look miserable. I can't possibly show this side of me to others. I wipe off the remaining tears in my eyes and try my best to smile.

Then, I dash out of the restroom and because I didn't look in front of me properly, I end up bumping into someone and fall with a thud.

I can feel the pain is starting to tingle at my hips and since my heart is also in pain at the moment, the urge to cry is even stronger. Tears start to flood in my eyes and I try not to let them fall.

I keep my head low so that the person who bumps into me won't see my tears. I blinks my eyes several times in hope of the tears to subside.

"Are you alright?" A deep, husky voice greets my ears. The voice sounded worried. I want to tell him that I'm fine but the tears haven't fully vanish from my eyes yet, so I decided to just keep on looking at the ground.

Then, I can sense him getting closer to me and I can see a glimpse of him crouching in front of me. "Are you alright? Does it hurt so bad?" He asks me again.

Feeling that I can facade my feelings now, I lift my head and stand up abruptly which cause the guy to fall from the shock. I look at him and I realise that he is V from BTS.

I offer him my hand and apologise. "I'm sorry to startle you, V-shi."

He grabs my hand and stand up. "It's okay. How about you? Are you okay or does it hurt?" I sense that he is feeling worried.

I shake my head and try my best to smile. "I'm fine. It doesn't hurt." I try to convince him.

He looks at me intently and that somehow makes me feel nervous. He stares at me as if he can read my mind. Was I not convincing enough? Ughh his stare is making me having cold sweats.

The silence was interrupted when his manager calls for him. It seems like he needs to get prepared for his stage.

"You should go. I also need to go now. Goodbye V-shi." I end the conversation and walk back to my waiting room.

----

24 Sept 2017

I just received a call from Mr. Lee, dad's secretary. I prefer to call him ahjussi since he's like a part of our family. As expected, his call was nothing good. He just told me that my father won't have the time to come to the concert later. I should have known. My father never has the time for anything that is not related to his work. His work will always be his priority.

Yet, I can't help but feeling down. Although I know that it is almost impossible for him to come, I still keep my hope high. I want him to be there when I do the job. Moreover, this will be my first big event as an MC and I want him to be proud of me.

My hands start to shiver. The beating of my heart is starting to increase rapidly. Tears begin to form in my eyes. I can't seem to calm myself down. The thought of my dad's not being there is making me uncontrollably nervous. It makes me lose my confidence to be on the stage in front of those thousands of people.

I flee out of my waiting room. I need time to calm myself down. I don't really know where I am heading to, but what I know is that I don't want anyone to see this si