“Minho,” Jonghyun started, “What are you?”

“A low self-confidence loser?” Minho asked.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

 “Ok, so I guess we’re done here!” Jjong concluded.

“Kay, bye Mr.Jjong.”

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous, Minho! I told you, call me Mr. y.”

“UMMMMM…..kay.”

“WAITTTTT A SECOND….” Taemin interjected. “I know I’ve never been to one of these things before, but I’m pretty sure that they go on longer than this doing stuff like talking about our feelings and sharing stories and eating Chinese food and doing each other’s nails and baking chicken soufflés…”

“HUUUUUUHHHH???? HOW COULD YOU!!!!” Onew shrieked at Taemin’s last remark.

“ONEWWWWW!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE AGAIN???!?” Mr. y screamed, annoyed.

“I just wanted your opinion on something,” Onew said, offended.

“What is it, dear?” Jjong asked.

“Does this dress make Mr. Cluckles look fat?”

“Yes. Key, let's go get coffee. Now.” Jonghyun said, ignoring his husband and turning towards Key.

“Kay,” Key replied while staring at himself in a compact mirror kept in his purse at all times.

“You guys can leave now,” Jonghyun said, pointing at Taemin and Minho.

“What about me?” Onew asked.

“Go bake your lasagna. I’ll bring you back a low-fat, no-carb, zero-calorie, gluten free chocolate muffin.”

“Nahhh, too fattening! Mr. Cluckles has been getting a little chubby lately.”

“Bye!” Key squeaked as Jjong dragged him out the door.

“Fine!” Onew said, hurt. “Let’s go Mr. Cluckles!” Onew sung as he disappeared from thin air.

“Taemin, do you want to visit the cemetery with me?" Minho aked Taemin. "We can visit the place where all sadness lies…”

“How 'bout we go to the movies? I really wanna see Tangled…” Taemin urged.

“I only see movies that involve DEATH, SADNESS, and kittens.”

“Oh, then we can see Depressed Kitty Koala Killer!”

“I actually want to eat raw coffee beans right now.”

“Ok, then let’s go to the coffee shop and drink coffee and stuff…”

“Fine. But this is…not a date.”

“Not until I put on my dating scarf it’s not!”

Later at the coffee shoppe…

“Welcome to the Coffee Shoppe Shop. Home of coffee…and muffins…and me. May I have the pleasure of talking to your y boyfriend…I mean may I take your order?” the coffee man asked.

“Sorry…he’s the new intern. Tell me if he stalks you or tries to steal locks of your hair or anything…” the manager said nasally.

“Hi, my name’s Jonghyn, and that less y y is Key. Key, what do you want?”

“I’ll have an espresso.” Key said.

“One ape man swingin' on a vine!” Gary called.

“And I’ll have a de-caf, sugar free, lactose free, non-whipped, low carb, soy bland blanders bland latte.” Jonghyun ordered.

“Can I get one homeless cowboy wearing a thong on the streets of Brooklyn, please? Oh, and whatever he just said, too.”

“Here’s my card,” Jjong said while handing over his business card, paying for his drinks.

“But don’t bother to call; you're not y enough.”

“Gee, thanks! That’s really nice of you to say.”

“MR.JJONG!!! MR. JJONG!!!! MR. JJONG!!! OVER HERE!!!!” Jonghyun heard a voice call.

“Who said that?”

“Its me! RyeRye!!!!!!” Ryeowook called from the corner.

“Oh, you again? UMMMM…who’s that?” Jjong asked while pointing to an OBESE man.

“This is my b-friend, Siwon. Ya, he’s my baby daddy. We met at a curb.”

“Oh my gosh. He’s so…so…fat!” Key shrieked.

“Who you calling fat, fatty?” Siwon asked while shoving a donut down his gullet.

“WHAT!? I’M NOT FAT!!! AM I? AM I???” Key said while crying his little eyes out.

“No, I was talking to the fatty behind you.”

As they all turned around they saw a familiar face and beak approaching from behind.

“Hey girls!” Onew said while eating lasagna out of his fanny pack.           

“FAT WAR. RIGHT HERE. RIGHT NOW!” Siwon called out.

“Bring. It. On.”

The two walked to the center of the dance floor when Taio Cruz’s hit single off the album “Hey I’m Not Fat” came on (written after he got obese).

“I came to dance, dance, dance, dance.

So fat, I can hardly fit into my pants, pants, pants, pants.

My fat rolls got you in a trance, trance, trance, trance.

Gonna eat more food with my hands, hands, hands, hands.

Yeah, Yeah.

Cause weight comes on and on and on.

And weight comes on and on and on.

I throw my fork up in the air sometimes.

Singin’ AYO need a tomato!

I wanna celebrate and eat my rice,

Singin’ AYO, pass the potatoes!

Cause we gonna eat this club (sandwich).

We gonna eat all night.

We gonna light up the grill,

Like it’s dynamite!

Cause I told you once;

Now I told you twice,

Leave me all alone while I eat

My McDonalds fries.”

THIS CHAPTER IS NOT MADE TO INSULT AND/OR MAKE FUN OF OBESE PEOPLE.

PLEASE DON'T BE OFFENED BY THIS STORY. AND PLEASE GIVE IT A CHANCE.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

P.s.- Siwon and Onew are actually really muscley people in the story (and in real life) but everyone calls them fat.

And the link to Taio Cruz's original song, Dynamite is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUjdiDeJ0xg&ob=av2el