It’s been a week since the party and the predominant thing that has haunted me since was what did Jun want to talk about? What magical thing could he have offered me to let things go back to how they were? I couldn’t help but replay the encounter in my head over and over again, so many what ifs with no right answer… All of my useful distractions of projects and papers sadly have slowly dwindled either because I had to turn it in or I already finished it. Everything is just prep for exams which means I’m left to my mind once again. God knows how long I laid on my couch staring at my ceiling lost in my thoughts but a sudden knock on my door pulled me from my trance.

“Oh, Su-min, what brings you here?”

“I’m using my honorary best friend title to override your ban on us bothering you and came to bother you,” she half-joked.

“Of course you would,” I said with a roll of my eyes.

      I stepped aside and let her in. I really did mean it when I asked them to leave me alone but at the same it would be better to have her around then drowning in “what ifs” so who was I to argue. Although I could never win an argument when it came to Su-min. She had set down some bags I didn’t notice her holding, onto the counter as a delightful smell came from them. When I peeked into the bags I saw chicken and beer and gave her a devious smile that she returned with an eye roll. We moved about to grab things to set up everything on the coffee table and once I cracked open my can of beer it started.

“You know I don’t beat around the bush so don’t get upset. What happened at the party? Don’t tell me you were sick, I can catch bull when I hear it. Especially from you.”

“Couldn’t you have at least waited for me to drink some of my beer before you started your questioning?”

      Sometimes it having a best friend that knew you like the back of their hand, like right now. The last thing I want to talk about is the party because that opens to having to talk about Jun. There was no point in lying because she knew when I did, ugh I feel like a cornered animal. I took my can and chugged half of it before speaking.

“It was nothing. I just ran into Jun and its still kinda hard to be around him plus the alcohol so my best bet was to run, so I did.”

“There’s more. You wouldn’t run if it was just seeing him,” she narrowed her eyes at me.

      Exhibit B as to why it to have a best friend who knows you all too well. I bit into a piece of chicken to stall but I could only handle her burning gaze for so long before breaking under the pressure.

“He wanted to talk about how he doesn’t want us to be like this anymore and I told him that sadly that won’t be happening until I get over him.”

      The irritation growing on her face was evident and I knew I was about to be fed the pill I’ve been avoiding swallowing because that’s how Su-min is. She will tell it to you straight, no beating around the bush. I sat there in nervous anticipation, unsure of how harsh her words were going to be.

“Girl I love you, but how long are you going to pull the kicked puppy thing? You’ve locked yourself away for weeks and refuse to see other people, we practically have to physically drag you out of the house.”

“This is all new to me and I’m trying to figure things out and that is best done when I am left to myself.”

“You won’t find the answers alone and you won’t find the answers from being reckless either. Pain narrows your view on the bigger picture.”

      Okay that one hurt a bit. In retrospect, yeah, confessing was probably one of my worst and most reckless ideas but I would like to not be reminded of it. She’s right though, I’m just tired. Having to wear a mask in front of people is draining and having to explain it to others is even more exhausting. I just don’t know how much more breaking my heart can handle having to talk about it.

“I know you’re right, I just want to have my initial thoughts and feelings in order so I have a clearer mind…”

“And you won’t always get that time. Hyemi, you had a chance to get some type of closure or whatever if you had just went and talked to him like he wanted to, and that is a lot more than what most people get. If you keep waiting until you’re ready it might already be too late.”

“Then what am I supposed to do?” I asked weakly, “Every time I try to face it and fix things, I end up making things worse between us.”

“Well you can give him a chance to talk with you for one. You may not be ready to hear what he has to say but it doesn’t mean you don’t need to.”

“You’re right,” I sighed as I fell onto her shoulder, “Why do you always know what to do?”

“Experience. You’ve seen a few of the not-so-good guys I’ve fallen for before,” she laughed.

      I scrunch my nose as I remember the few horror stories Su-min has brought up before. I am just thankful her latest crush is Mingyu who, although is a low key brat at times, is a good person overall. After all that emotional turmoil, we moved to a more light hearted conversation with our meal. We didn’t know how long we ended up talking until Su-min got a text from her dad asking where she was. She grabbed her things and I walked her to the street, watching to make sure she made it to her apartment across the way before heading back into mine. As I got ready for bed I made a deal with myself to speak with Jun but I’ll give myself till after finals to try and prepare my heart for any outcome once I do. I know preparing will do nothing when the moment arises but if it’s something that will end badly, I don’t want to have it affect either of out mindset during exams. As I lay in bed looking over old messages and photos, a habit I have newly developed and will need to get rid of soon, I received a text from my mother. 

To: Hyemi

When are your finals over? We should have dinner after your last exam.

To: Mom

My last exam is at the end of next week. We can if that works for you.

To:Hyemi

Okay, we’ll pick you up and head to dinner after. I’ll text you the details later.

      Okay so that was officially weird. Was there some kind of special occasion that I missed? Soomi would usually give me a heads up if mom wanted to do some type of “family” thing but this is out of the blue… and late. Very uncharacteristic of my mom… but I have morning classes tomorrow, let’s not dwell on it before I end up sleeping in by accident. And with that I went to bed. I never did get a chance to dwell on that thought either as my mind was preoccupied with finals and studying for finals that the days just kind of blurred together. After walking out of my last final for the semester, it felt as though a weight was lifted off my shoulders… a small one at least as my mind wandered back to my mom and Jun. I went to work my mid-shift at the bookstore before heading home for a shower and getting changed into one of my floral summer dresses. I had just finished fixing my hair when Soomi texted me that they were waiting out front. I slipped on my black wedges and grabbed my things before heading out to the waiting car. 

      The car ride to the restaurant was filled with Soomi’s excited chatter about events that happened at school which she had yet to tell me but that also meant that once we reach the restaurant dinner might take a turn south. Soomi is usually the one talking so if she used all of her stories now dinner may be a bit more quiet than any of us would like. Once we arrived at the restaurant, the only bearable silence of dinner occurred as we scanned the menu and ordered. We then jumped into the usual small talk as I asked Kyungsoo and mom how work was and how everything was doing on their side which took up the time until the food arrived. We were silent for a bit as we ate our meals but I dreaded the moment mom would talk because now that everyone else had discussed their lives, it was going to be my turn which meant lying through my teeth that everything was fine. It was roughly halfway through the meal, after everyone asked how the food was and if it was to their liking, when mother finally decided to talk about me. She asked the routine questions about school and work but things turned for the weird when she asked what I’ve taken up in my freetime. A nerve was struck. Did she think I didn’t keep my word and still went to the midnight class? Am I really not that trustworthy in her eyes? With all the emotional turmoil and tension built up this past month, I couldn’t hold back my bite when I replied.

“If you are implying if I still continued to attend the dance classes, I don’t. I’ve kept my word. I just study in my freetime or get ahead on my school work and occasionally hang out with my friends.”

      Mother closed her eyes and guilt flooded her expression. The air became thick with tension as everyone started to pick at their plates. As I picked at mine, I tried to simmer down before I make this anymore awkward and unbearable than I just did. The words that suddenly came from my mother’s mouth though were shocking enough to make me drop my fork.

“Hyemi… I’m sorry.”

      All I could do was look at her in shock. Mother was… apologizing? When she sensed that I was not going to reply she continued.

“I’ve realized that I was wrong. I couldn’t let go of the you from your rebel days and I made you suffer unnecessarily. You are grown enough to take care of yourself and you have done nothing but show that since you attended college. You keep up your grades while working and doing extracurriculars,” Mother said getting teary-eyed. Kyungsoo grabbed her hand as if to encourage her to continue, “I’m sorry I saw your father’s free spirit in you and saw it as a negative thing, I thought I was doing you a favor to push you hard on your studies but I saw that I was wrong. If you would like… you can go back to the dance classes. I will no longer meddle in your affairs.”

      So many questions were swimming in my head. After so many years of trying again and again, all that I wished from her was said. There was a relief that washed over me that I didn’t realize I needed until I felt the tears pricking at the back of my eyes. I took a moment to collect myself before asking the predominant question on my mind.

“Wait, I don’t understand. Nothing I’ve said has ever changed your mind, so what did?”

“Actually… I’ve always had a guilty feeling in the back of my mind that this wasn’t right and it was proven again and again as our relationship never got better. I thought it was okay being the bad guy as long as it was for the better of your future but it wasn’t. If you’re asking what finally opened my eyes though it was that boy from your dance class. The one I caught you with the night I picked you up.”

“Jun-sunbae? When did this all happen?”

“Two weeks ago. He had sent a rather heartfelt message to my work email with attachments of your practices and performance. I saw the fire in your eyes that I hadn’t seen in years, and at that moment I knew I was wrong.”

      That meant he sent it around the time of the party… long after I ruined everything. What was the meaning of this? Is this some kind of apology gift for my broken heart? Was this what he wanted to talk about? No. Thoughts about him can happen after dinner. My mom has finally seen me and not the past me. This was all I wanted from her and finally having it all feels so surreal.

“Thank you mom for everything, this really means a lot,” I smiled.

      It was my first non-rigid smile I’ve given her in years and I could tell it meant a lot to her as I could see the glow on her face. We moved out of the heartfelt sappy moment with the lovely Soomi calling me out on my crush on Jun, which earned her a much needed glare. Both Kyungsoo and mom laughed as mom teasingly gave her blessings to Jun. Family dinner this time round was actually pleasant and filled with more natural conversation and I could tell everyone was grateful for that. As they drove me back to my apartment, mom brought up that I should visit them on the next holiday. It wasn’t much but I could already feel our relationship getting better although we are far from "normal."

      Once I was in my apartment, stripping off my heels, I went through my nightly routine wondering if I should text Jun tonight or tomorrow. By the time I had finished and sat on my bed, ready to just push it off until tomorrow, I knew I had to do it today because who knows when my resolve will burn out. Staring at my phone with my fingers poised to send the message had my head spinning. How do I even send him a message when I’ve just been so ty to him lately? Taking a deep breathe, I quickly typed a message and hit send before quickly placing my phone down on my nightstand. Now staring at the back of my phone just sitting there, taunting me, I turned to go lay in bed when my phone buzzed. It was like time froze for a moment as my breath caught in my throat. Gingerly, I picked it back up and read his response.

To: Prince <3

Hey… are you free tomorrow? Can we talk?

To: Partner ^^

Okay where?

      After sending him the time and location, I allowed myself to fall back onto my bed with a sigh. I shut my eyes and willed myself to sleep. I know it won't be the happy ending I wanted but Su-min is right. I can't keep hiding from him just because things keep messing up, especially when he literally fixed things between mom and I. I owe him so much for going along with my dumb so the least I can do is talk like he wanted, two birds with one stone. Lets just hope things happen for the best, now go to sleep stupid brain. With much tossing and turning, panicking for at least an hour before even leaving the apartment, and panicking even more on the way there, I finally stood at the stop light across the street from the cafe I would meet Jun in. It was placed between our apartments and had become our spot, to either discuss dances or just hang when we couldn't think of any plans.

      I swallowed down the dread that was bubbled in my stomach as I entered the cafe. After a quick scan of the cafe it was clear that I came first but I didn’t know if it was a blessing or a curse. That meant either more time to mentally prepare or more time to mentally antagonize myself. With a sigh I approached the counter and ordered myself a mocha and a slice of strawberry cake before getting Jun’s usual, we always did buy the other’s drink if we got here first anyways… I grabbed the tray and chose to sit at the tables against the walls so I could see when he comes in. My eyes scanned the cafe just as the bell chimed at the door and immediately they caught sight of Jun. It took him a moment but our eyes connected and I waved him over. No matter how much space I had tried to put between us his approaching figure still made my heart pick up speed as I gave him what I hoped to be a friendly smile.

“Hey, I hope you didn’t mind I got you a drink since I got here earlier. Hope you still drink your usual.”

      The butterflies in my stomach were in a frenzy and I pray that I’m not coming off weird and I sound as casual as I hope I do. A small smile adorned his lips but his eyes still seemed unsure. Luckily he gratefully took the drink as he sat down. I didn’t want to start off interrogating him but I was never quite good at small talk. He wasn’t sure how to start any conversation either since he continually sipped his drinking, eyes darting back and forth between me and the table. Not being able to take the awkward silence any longer I spilled the first words that popped in my head.

“So, uhm… how were finals? Do good?” Stupid.

“They were as good as finals could be,” he chuckled softly, “How have you been?”

"Things have been okay, better after yesterday with my family. My mom has warmed up to a lot of things so there's that. "

      I let the smile pull across my face as the joy of yesterday knocked away some of the awkward tension in my bones. I dropped the hint and pulled my eyes from playing with my cake to watch his reaction. His eyes lit up but he kept his expression in control, hiding any sign that he played a major role in my mother’s change of heart.

“Really? That’s good to hear. I know that that was always a concern for you.”

      A light smile graced his face, making the corners of my lips to do the same. I was never good at beating around the bush so I let it slip from my lips as the sadness and confusion laced into my words.

“Thank you for doing that Jun-sunbae... Why did you do it though? You’ve had more than enough reasons not to, after everything…”

“... because I’m not blame free in this…”

      This time he let the sadness slip past his composed demeanor. I finally looked at his face properly and saw the vast emotions pooled into his eyes. There are things he needed to say and it’s finally time I face the music.

“What did you want to say… at the party last time, you wanted to talk. What was it?”

“Hyemi, we don’t have to-”

“Jun, I’m okay. It’s the least I can do after what you’ve done for me, I need to thank you somehow. Plus I think I’m finally ready for some closure. I’m done running away from things.”

“Then… can you not say anything until I’m finished? It might be a lot.”

      There was hesitation in his voice and his eyes broke contact with mine. This reaction made me nervous. Shouldn’t I be the one acting like that since I was the one who changed everything? This talk has yet to give me any answers and if anything it has just proven to confuse me more but alas I have to see it till the end. I gave him an encouraging nod and he continued.

“I miss you… I know I have no right to say that when I pushed you away first but I really do. I… I really care about you. Especially because you happen to get yourself into quite the predicaments,” he gave a hollow chuckle, “ like that time with your mom or when you got drunk… I never got to check on you that time either because you left before I could. Seungkwan just told me you were fine but I was still worried until I saw with my own two eyes. When I was working with Nayoung I found out that her and Minho were dating but it didn’t bother me… instead you were on my mind. You’ve been on my mind long before everything that’s happened recently.”

      For a moment it was like I had forgotten how to breathe. No no. Hyemi don’t get ahead of yourself. Getting lost in the feeling of “what if” is what got you here in the first place. Don’t do anything until he says it with his own lips. I kept my expression in check and continued to listen.

“I’ve realized some things a bit late it seems. Why I was acting weird during practice, why I got so mad when you offered my help to Nayoung, why I was distant when we hung out with the others… it wasn’t until you were no longer a part of my life that all of the pieces connected. It doesn't matter cause now you have Hao but I at least wanted to say everything and hopefully we can start over.”

      Huh? Hao? What does Minghao have to do with this? Things were starting to make sense but the lines weren’t connecting anymore. Was there something I’m missing? I was about to ask but then he continued on.

“At the party I wanted to tell you… but I didn't realize all my moves to clear my mind hurt you more. So I thought to try to clear the air with your mom, you really cared about what she had to say and since words never worked I thought to show her."

      It seemed as though he was done with what he needed to say plus I couldn't keep my mouth shut anymore so I spoke up.

"Okay, I don't mean to interrupt but two questions with all of this. What is it exactly that you want to tell me? You've been beating around the bush and it's all going over my head. Two, what do you mean I have Minghao? The way you're saying it is like we're dating or something."

“Well… aren’t you?”

“Huh? Why would you think that? I mean yeah we got close working together but we were mostly talking about-” I paused for a moment. Let’s not tell him that he was the main topic of many of our conversations, “... stuff but there were no feelings. I can assure you.”

      The tension visibly falls from his shoulders as he rubbed his face with a sigh. He mumbled something in Chinese, the only thing I could understand was Minghao’s name, but it is safe to assume he was cursing his best friend. When he looked back at me there was a fire in his eyes, a stark contrast from the defeat they held earlier.

“What I wanted to tell you at the party was… that I like you.”

      It felt like my heart stopped beating. I was frozen, staring at the guy in front of me as if he was an alien. When my body finally reacted I found his hand resting on mine. When my senses came back a few moments after I realized that I went into fight or flight and was mid standing up. He gave me a knowing smile and I awkwardly eased back into my seat.

“I expected this much, more so when I thought you and Hao were together. I didn’t expect you to answer then and I don’t expect it now. I’ve hurt you a lot unintentionally for a long time so I don’t think the answer will be a good one anyways,” he gave me a weak half smile before adding, “friends?”

      Why does he have to be so… him?! I’ve screwed up more than I would like to admit and I’ve tried so hard to try to forget him this past month, although I didn’t really make much progress anyways. Now here he is, sitting in front of me, saying what I’ve wanted to hear since I confessed a month and a half ago. If only he knew how whipped I was for his dumb … but he is so remorseful about everything, so I’ll play along, just for a bit.

“I can’t...”

      I let it rest in the air for a minute and break my own heart as his face start to fall. After a few more moments I caved, I never was one who could hold a grudge, and continued.

“I can’t be friends when the guy I was, and still am, hung up over just told me that he likes me back,” I smiled.

“Wha- even after I-”

“Look, we both really messed up our relationship so it’s no more your fault than it is mine. Plus why did you think I let my words trail off for a bit? You served your punishment so everything is good now. Right?”

      He smiled back at me, that bright smile that started it all, as his hand moved from resting on top of my hand to intertwining our fingers.

“Are you busy later?” He asked.

“No why?”

“Everyone’s meeting up but the girls said you had “things to do” and you wouldn’t be able to make it.”

“Hehe, well my schedule suddenly cleared and I have all the time in the world,” 

      He chuckled at my blatant lie with a shake of his head. We got up and headed out of the cafe to meet with the others at the boys’ dorm rooftop, our hands staying intertwined the whole way. When we got there everyone pounced on my surprise appearance as they whined that they haven’t seen me enough. The calmer members (Jisoo, Jeonghan, Jihoon, Wonwoo, Minghao, Hansol, and the girls) smirked at the two of us as they caught our intertwined hands. It wasn’t until Seungkwan, very loudly, gasped as he started cheering loudly that the rest of them noticed too. Cue the complete chaos that ensued afterwards. Once everyone was “calmed down,” meaning their attention was turned to the food that Mingyu had brought out, I settled with the girls to catch up on what I missed while I was out of the loop for a month. Before any of them can say anything, the biggest piece of news came over and sat next to Su-min, placing a sweet kiss on her cheek that had my jaw dropping to the ground.

“UHM EXCUSE ME??? I don’t care how out of it I was, how come I was not INFORMED of this development?!”

“And that’s my cue to leave. My bad, I thought you told her,” Mingyu pouted as he got up.

“I was about to, just come back in a bit. Now go,” Su-min shooed him away before turning to me, “You were heart broken and I didn’t want to spring on you that I was happy when you where down so I kinda hid it…”

“How long and how’d it happen?”

“It’s only been two weeks, I was walking behind them on my way to check on you one day and was gonna call out to them but then I overheard Wonwoo and him talking about him liking me… Yeah that made for an awkward conversation once they noticed me but it ended well, as you can see,” she spilled, offering me an apologetic smile.

“Fine you’re forgiven. What about you two? I understand I wasn’t a great friend while I was in my slump but speak now or forever hold your peace. If I find out later that either of you kept something I’ll come after you,” I warned.

“Don’t look at me. I’ve just eyed a couple cute guys but no one worth a second thought,” Seohee countered.

“Settle down dramaqueen. Seungkwan is rubbing off a little too much on you since you’ve holed yourself in your apartment,” Minah rolled her eyes.

“Fine fine. But seriously, did I miss something? I feel like such a bad friend sulking on my own, especially if you guys were going through something.”

“... You should probably brace yourself for a wave of guilt then,” Seohee meekly said.

“Don’t freak her out. It’s not a big deal. After finals, I confessed to Taesun-sunbae and he turned me down-”

“Oh no hun! Taesun is blind if he doesn’t see how good you are and-”

“Let me finish, jeez Hyemi. He turned me down cause he is studying abroad next year. He ALSO said that he won’t ask me to wait but if I’m still single when he gets back, and I still want to give things a go… we could try then,” Minah blushed.

      The forever bad girl Minah is left blushing! I squealed happily as I threw my arms around her and congratulate her and Su-min while also apologizing profusely for being a bad friend. We chatted happily for a bit longer before Mingyu shyly edged his way over to us, seeing if it was safe for him to come back around. I laughed as I waved him over giving him the okay. A few of the other boys who rarely saw me since the last time drifted over and it was a blast. When things finally started to settle, meaning the guys got sleepy from the alcohol, I was talking with Minghao and Seungkwan who were teasing me of finally getting Jun when I felt a pair of arms snake around my waist. The boys mockingly cooed at us as I waved them away in which they happily obliged.

“What’s up Jun?” I asked, craning my neck to see him.

“Say it again,” He hummed as he rested his head on top of mine.

“Huh? What’s up?”

“Not that part,” he laughs and I can feel his chest rumble, “say my name again.”

“Everyone calls you Jun you dork.”

“But you aren’t everyone. I like the way you say it.”

“God maybe I should take back the whole dating thing,” I teased as I turned to face him.

“Too late, you’re stuck with me. No take backs,” he smiled cheekily.

“Same for you mister. I’m a mess if you haven’t already noticed.”

“I have and I’m pretty sure I can deal.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: I'm SORRY! I've fallen off the face of the earth once again BUT I'm back! With the final chapter no less. This one is extra long 1) to cover any loose ends and 2) to make it up to those who were dying to get the last chapter ^^; I swear I was supposed to post this before the new year but I didn't becuase I literally wrote a majority of it today. Enjoy my now completed story :)