“This is it! You can do this Maru” I said convincing myself

Today is valentine’s day meaning girls are the one who offers chocolates and flowers to the men they like. This was the custom tradition that was practiced in some of the Asian countries and South Korea is not an exemption to that. 

I don’t look like most girls but on the inside, I’m no different from the other girls. 

I’ve been crushing on my sunbae ever since I entered the School of Performing Arts. Before going to class, I usually drop by his classroom to just look at him. And when I reached my second year in high school, He started to come to school less frequently. There were some rumors that Jihoon sunbae became a trainee for an entertainment company. It was even said that he will be debuting this year but I don't think that it will be possible since he had an accident. They said that the accident was the reason why he wasn’t able to debut.  

To be completely honest, I don’t even know if he’s going to be here today. There have been rumors going around that Jihoon sunbae has never accepted valentines’ day gifts ever since he went to SOPA. I’m not sure if he’s going to be here and if he’s going to accept what I prepared but I still wanted to try so that I will have no regrets at all. 

 

When I reached the school, his locker was already crowded by girls who wanted to give him his gift. Unfortunately. he wasn’t there yet. I felt small looking at the gifts they have in their hands. Various expensive things and expensive foods while I only have a home made chocolate. 

 

“Jihoon sunbae is with Raiko sunbae!!!” We heard someone shout. They all turned around and ran to the direction where the voice came from. I was about to turn and go back to my classroom when the girls knocked me down. No one noticed I fell because they were all rushing somewhere else. I looked down and gathered my stuff which was now scattered on the floor.  

 

“Mianhae” Someone said sadly with his hand extended. I looked up and saw Jihoon sunbae. 

“it’s okay sunbae, it wasn’t your fault.” He helped me slowly stand and also pick up the gift I prepared for him. 

He looked at me before reading the note. 

“Thank you maru for the gift.” He said smiling at me. He didn’t say anything after that and just limped his way to his classroom. 

 

When we were already in class I heard from some of my friends that a lot of people manage to find him and give flowers and chocolates to him. Rumour has it that they saw him giving away the gifts he received today to the ahjummas in the streets.

 

I felt slightly disappointed with the thought of him just giving away the gift I gave him because I slept very late just to make him those chocolates but in the end he didn't get the chance to eat it. 

 

Things still continued the same way as before. I still drop by his classroom before going to mine. He has been going to school now since he was still recovering from the injury he sustained. This past month we also saw huge improvement from him. He became bubbly and more alive. 

 

White Day, March 14.

 

Today was just the same day for me. I arrived inside the classroom and was surprised to see that there was a box in my desk with chocolates beside it. 

“Enjoy the day -JH” 

Butterflies suddenly build up in my stomach. The only JH I knew was Jihoon sunbaenim but It’s really impossible that he will be giving me a white day gift. 

I looked around and secretly looked at the tables of my other classmates who also gave jihoon sunbae white day gifts. There was none on top of their table. 

 

The day flew by quickly and before we knew it it’s already time to go home. I was walking in front of our school fountain when I saw someone holding a bouquet of red roses. I couldn’t see his face. 

“What’s this?”

He urged me to take the note first and read it. 

 

“Thank you for always secretly looking after me and for also cheering for me. i’ll be gone for awhile, no school, no communications at all, will you be okay with that?”

 

I looked at him confused. He gave me another note but still not showing me his face. 

“I’ve been selected to join a training program and I wouldn’t be able to attend school until graduation. Will you be okay with that?” 

 

Wow this guy is prepared. I suddenly felt bad knowing that I didn’t give whoever this guy was a valentine’s gift but here he is giving me a white day gift. 

 

“Why are you asking me if I’m okay with that?” I asked him confused

 

“I like you and I wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend but I can’t be here for you if we ever start to date” He said. I can’t recall who owns that voice since it’s a bit husky. I think he has a sore throat that’s why his voice sounds like that. 

 

“Tell me who you are first, how can i date you if I don't know who you are? Are you the one who put the gifts on my table?” He nodded shyly. 

 

JH? Jinhwan? Jiho? Junho? Jihoon? 

No, it seriously can’t be jihoon sunbae. I laughed at my own thoughts. 

 

He slowly nodded at me agreeing to what I just said. He lowered the bouquet and I was shocked seeing his face. 

 

“Jihoon sunbae?” I asked shocked. 

I didn’t know what happened as I started to feel dizzy and just out. 

 

The next thing I remembered was waking up in the infirmary. 

 

“What happened to her?” The school nurse asked

“We were just talking when she fainted.”

“You should head back to your class now Jihoon, I'll take care of Maru for you.” 

“Aniyo. I’ll wait for her, I don't have to go back to class now, today is my last day”

“Are you going somewhere?” The nurse asked confused

“The school allowed me to take a leave provided that I will be attending examinations in order to graduate. I’m joining a survival program on tv.”

“What show is that?” 

“Produce 101”

“Ah, the show which Jeon Somi won?”

“Yes.”

“Okay then good luck on your career. We will be cheering for you”

 

I immediately closed my eyes and pretended I was sleeping when I heard their footsteps getting nearer. 

 

“What’s wrong with her?” he asked the nurse

“I think she just had palpitations, it’s nothing serious so you shouldn’t be nervous. I’ll leave you two here. Her class pass is already on the table beside the bed. You can both go home after she wakes up” 

 

“Hey” he said smiling when I opened my eyes

“Sunbae? What happened? How did I get here?”

“We were talking earlier when you fainted so I carried you here”

My eyes went wide.

“I’m heavy sunbae… your ankle is-”

“My ankle is totally healed. You didn't answer my question earlier”

“Were you serious about it? Please stop playing with my feelings sunbae.” 

“I’m not playing around. I like you”

“How can you like me? You barely knew me. You even gave away my gift and used the scarf Rae Won gave you”

“First, I didn't throw away your gift. In fact I ate the chocolates, it was very delicious. The scarf you gave me was so beautiful that I can’t use it everyday because I don’t want to damage it. It is true that I gave away gifts I received, but yours wasn’t one of them.”

“How about Rae Won’s scarf?” 

“This is not Rae Won’s. My sister gave me this so I wanted to use it” I mentally slapped myself when I heard Jihoon sunbae’s explanation. 

“Why did you say you like me? We never talked until valentine’s day last month”

“We talked way before that you just didn't know”

“What do you mean?”

“I liked you because you cared for me more than the others did. You gave me energy drinks during examinations. You gave me notes of encouragement every morning  and even if I wasn’t here, you never missed. About how we talked before, does the name jeojjang ring a bell to you?” 

 

I kept quiet for a while thinking where I heard the name when it suddenly clicked to me. 

“You’re that jeojjang boy I kept talking to?” I asked, shocked which he replied with a nod. 

I then felt the embarrassment hit me. I was in my first year when I started talking with jeojjang. He knew most of my secrets since I shared it with him a lot of times. 

I got his number from the hope line. I was suicidal before because of depression and trauma that I suffered when I was young.  I was given his mobile number to talk to him whenever I felt depressed or sad. Talking to him pulled me out of the dark place I was in. Even after I got over my depression, We still kept in touch. I called him jeojjang because it was his favorite line to use when he’s talking to me, ‘i’ll save you in my heart’. I never asked for his name because I was content by his anonymity. I just never expected it was him. But the question here is how did he know it was me? 

I’m sure I never told him my name. 

“How did you know it was me?” 

“I didn't know immediately that it was you. I heard you talking about the guy you called jeojjang with one of your friends. I assumed that it was you and I was happy that I was right.”

“This is embarrassing. I told you a lot of things and even mentioned that I have a crush on you” 

“Don't be embarrassed, it was actually cute. So what do you say about my confession?”

“How long are you going to do the show?” 

“Shooting for the show starts next week and it will be aired by beginning of the next month” 

“Your unfair you know”

“Why?”

“I finally got to date my dream guy but our entire relationship will be long distanced even if we're just in the same country.”

“So that means you’ll date me?” 

“Duh. You knew I liked you from the very beginning, why the heck will I say no?” I asked him

“Don't worry after produce 101 we can date like normal couples do” 

“Sunbae, we can never date normally. You’ll end up winning that show so by the end of the year, I’m going to be dating a celebrity”

“How can you be so sure I’ll debut?”

“Because you are Jihoon oppa, the guy I liked and has always idolized” 

“You can’t take it back now, You’re my girlfriend now”

“Jihoon oppa” I called, making him look at me. “Nae maeum seoge jeojang” I added making hand signals in front of him. 

“You’re adorable, you know that?” he said smiling. 

“I tried.” 

 

After our talk, we went home. He introduced me to his family first before bringing me home to introduce himself to my family. 

The following day at school, some of my classmates were crowding at my table. I found out that they knew and saw jihoon oppa placing the gifts on my table. They even saw him carrying me to the infirmary. I was hesitant in confirming whether we are in a relationship or not since he’s going to be a celebrity soon. Our classmates promised that they will keep our relationship a secret so that he won't suffer when he enters the competition.

 

Fr: Jeojjang

I miss you :( I want to call you but they might see my phone :(

 

To: Jeojjang

I miss you too. I'm keeping you safe in my heart <3

 

Fr: Jeojjang

I love you Maru, watch the live shows for me okay? I'm expecting to see you always

 

To: Jeojjang

I will watch you. Do well oppa. I love you too. 

 

As I predicted, he was always part of the top 11. He never got lower than the 3rd rank. His fans grew as his stay was longer. i was shocked when he even used jeojang on live tv. It suddenly became his catchphrase. 

 

To: Jeojjang

Everybody’s using jeojang now :(

 

Fr: Jeojjang

Yeah, I didn't know it would be that big. Don't you want it?

 

To: Jeojjang

Aniyo :( That was ours, now it's no longer special.

 

Fr: Jeojjang

It's okay. Just think of it this way, every time you hear jeojang you’ll remember that you are always saved inside my heart. 

 

To: Jeojjang

I miss you oppa, I love you :(

 

Fr: Jeojjang

I miss you too, and I love you more. Just hold on for a little while okay? We’ll be done soon. 

 

Our entire relationship wasn’t that easy but Jihoon oppa made his effort. 

The years passed by quickly. We graduated  from SOPA and focused on our own things. I studied in the university while he debuted as a member of Wanna One. He became one of the most famous idols in Korea. 

After Wanna One’s graduation, Jihoon debuted as a solo artist.  

Being with him was hard but he never made me feel that I was less of his priority. 

I accepted this situation the very moment I accepted his confession. It wasn’t easy but our love is strong enough for us to withstand any problem that arose.