She woke up next to him, finding herself again tightly ensconced in the warmth of his arms. She stared at his sleeping face, at how vulnerable he looked; his lids still reddened from the tears he shed yesterday. Last night after affirming that she will never let him go, he cried all the more, the tears he kept unshed came pouring out, as he finally confronted the loss of his brother. She had brought him to lie down on the cot in the room, wanting to give him back the strength he gave her that evening when she was the one grieving. It was her turn to give comfort, until his tears slowed and he fell asleep in her arms. His breakdown was so long in coming, this grief that finally reached its limits, finally breaking down barriers he's kept around him. He had kept it hidden for so long, buried deep in his consciousness while it waited to be acknowledged, to be addressed so that he can finally move on in his life. 

Her heart felt choked with emotions for this man who still suffers so deeply and greatly, yet continued to fight to get his life back in order. Finding him still asleep, she tried moving, shifting his arms carefully while she made an attempt to sit up. But he stirred and brought her back down to him.

"Please don't leave me yet," he murmured, his voice still thickened from sleep, from last night's emotions.

She looked at him, seeing his eyes remained closed. "I was hoping not to wake you."

He just held her tighter to him, his voice hushed low in her ears, "I've been awake; I just didn't want to let you go...Thank you for staying with me last night."

She lifted a hand to touch his face, resting her hand on his cheek. His eyes now open and have not wavered away from hers. She can see the vulnerability peeking from his eyes; she felt a fullness in her heart that this man trusted her enough not to hide his feelings from her. His eyes tell her everything he is feeling; she can see the hurt, the fear, the trust... and the love reflected in those eyes.

"I will stay here for as long as you need me," and saw the tears pool at her words.

He could not speak, still feeling overwhelmed from all the residual emotions. The warm feel of her hand on his cheek, the way she gently touched him, her eyes looking at him full of acceptance were emotions he never felt with anyone before. He bent to kiss her forehead gently, glancing at her briefly before dropping a kiss on her waiting lips. He kissed her softly, tentatively as if gauging her response. When he felt her hand tightened its hold, he shifted to fully capture for a kiss, one that lingered and drew from their shared breaths. His hands reached to grasp her hair, fingers losing themselves in their silky strands to anchor her in place. 

Their kiss is unlike anything he's ever had or have ever given; her lips so tender, so sweet, so warm. He felt her parting for him, responding to him, as if the kiss that made her breathless and gasp also drove her need to breathe him in. His tongue swiped her lower lip gently, feeling its fullness before delving in to taste her completely. He kissed her with a thirst he could not even begin to fathom he even had --until he drank her in. She tasted like honey, of such sweetness he could not describe; like wine he would wish to get drunk from again and again. And oh how he needed some sweetness in his life right now; to be drunk of her, in the feel and taste of her. Their kiss was one filled with hope, with love; one filled with a relief in finally finding each other. He deepened the kiss further, and she moved along with him to fit herself fully in his embrace. When they parted, their faces were both flushed, lips swollen from their attention, and their pulses both clamoring a beat out of their chests. He rested his forehead on hers while they gazed in each other's eyes.

Seon Mi finally found her voice, trembly and soft, and almost lost from the loud beating of their hearts.

"Please don't disappear again from me. No matter what you're going through, I'm here."

"I wish I were strong enough --"

She cut him off, murmuring,  "You told me I don't need to be alone anymore, to rely on you. Won't you rely on me too?"

She reached up unable to resist touching his face, his lips. "We can be strong together...for each other. You don't have to do this alone. You have us, me to help you."

"I only need you." His voice husky. "I love you, Seon Mi."

This time it was she who drew him down for a searing kiss. "And I love you."

.

.

Ha Jun had sent her home with much reassurances that he will be all right. He knew she needed to be at the store today and had several chores she had to do. He told her he called Dr. Kim and was meeting the therapist in the afternoon. Only then did she feel persuaded to leave him. She stood by the doorway, still hesitating.

"Will you come over after you're done?" she asked, her worries still etched on her face. "I don't want you to be alone."

"I will if you want. I don't want to be a burden to you, Seon Mi."

"You're not. I want to be the one to take care of you. Will you let me, please?" 

"Yes." His reply was short, his hand caressing her cheek, her lips before he bent to kiss her again and again. This time it was he who had trouble letting go.

.

Seon Mi stood lost in thought, standing in front of the shelves. In her hand she held a book, one of several she was suppose to sort in place. Instead she has been reminiscing about everything else that occurred between them, and her attempts to work has been without success. His deep voice kept echoing in her ears; his "I love you's" he whispered over and over, as he kept kissing her that morning. She is so lost in love, she could not even begin to find her way back even if she wanted to.

She touched her lips still tender and bruised from his kisses, and her cheeks warmed at the memory of them, at the memory of his mouth on hers, his tongue as it seeked and tangled with hers, at the way she eagerly responded to him. 

She has never been kissed before, and certainly not as thoroughly as she had been recently. And this knowledge was something new, an unfamiliar experience she feels unequipped to describe. It was anxiety, excitement, passion, shyness all rolled into a mass of nerves sitting in the pit of her stomach. Even in her anxiety she knew he held himself in check for her benefit, for not once did she feel him demand more than her kisses, her embrace. And she was at a loss at how much she yearned and longed for him in return. She blushed thinking of him in such a manner, yet couldn't help but wonder if he is feeling the same way too. He's a man, of course he does, she chided herself, embarrassed at herself for feeling the way she does already. It won't do thinking about it, it's just too soon; what must he think of me? Her thoughts were a jumbled mess. She shook herself to try and clear her mind while she continued on sorting her books, holding onto and shelving the same ones over and over again. Finally she decided to give up and just close shop. She decided to go upstairs and bake, her stress reliever, to keep her hands occupied and her thoughts busy while she waited for him to appear.

.

Ha Jun meanwhile just completed his session with Dr. Kim. She, too, believed his episode was a positive incident rather than a setback as he perceived. He had tamped down those emotions for far too long, and when his heart became vulnerable after falling in love, all those unwanted emotions came resurfacing in full force. Dr. Kim favored the idea of taking these steps forward slowly, to start letting himself experience these emotional outbursts as a sort of purging and allow himself this opportunity to face the guilt that continued to besiege him.

He admitted it was a breakdown he still wished never happened; he realized he was just as upset appearing weak to Seon Mi when all he wanted was to be the stronger one she can rely on. But she persisted, telling him they can be each other's strength. And seeing how she loves him was enough to make him want to push forward, to be better, so they can start their future together.

Before Seon Mi, he hardly thought there could be anyone who could turn his life upside down. He was arrogant enough having not fallen in love before to think he would have the upper hand in his emotions, in his life. He knew his vulnerability played a part in allowing him to open his heart faster than he thought possible. He hardly believed in destiny or fate for that matter, refusing to give anything or anyone that much power over himself, over the course and events of his life.  But he cannot deny that certain circumstances have occurred to make their paths cross inevitably. Coincidences? Maybe, he thought. Whatever powers that be that caused these to happen, I don't know. They don't really matter anymore. These events happened and I cannot unwish them. But they brought her to me. I found her and I'll be damned if I let her go.

.

.

Dr. Kim finished writing her notes after Ha Jun's visit. Clinically his presentation is typical of one who suffered from guilt, depression, denial, even post-traumatic stress syndrome. Yet the fact that he was able to invest himself on another person, one who seems able to penetrate the thick fog he has found himself mired in, gives the therapist much hope in his rehabilitation. When he called her to request an impromptu session, she had heaved a sigh of relief, for this breakdown was something she has been anticipating; one she had been waiting for to happen knowing that he will never be able to move forward without coming face to face with his loss. She had encouraged him beforehand to sculpt again, feeling he needed this as a catalyst but he was adamantly against it. He felt unmotivated, and she believes, perhaps fearful as well. It took the power of love to make him want to move forward and for this he has Seon Mi to thank for. 

When Ha Jun spoke to her about his breakdown and what precipitated it, she heard how the relationship between the two has progressed romantically. Ha Jun was fearful of being someone Seon Mi could not depend on if he continues to be a broken man. 

"I need to be better for me, for her. I'm egotistical enough to want to be the stronger one, the one who will take care of her."

"How did Seon Mi feel about what happened?" Dr. Kim prompted.

"She stayed with me, kept me company until I was able to clear my head somewhat. I couldn't have done it without her." He was quiet for a moment, thinking of her just before she left him that morning. He was trying to hold back, already feeling so needy for her. When she said she wanted to be the one to take care of him, all he could do was kiss her until in her breathless state, she needed to pull herself apart. And then she looked at him with those eyes....He had to send her home otherwise he would have carried her back in bed right then and there.

Dr. Kim noted his preoccupation with a slight smile. Ha Jun may not realize it yet but he is gaining progression. In her profession, she has learned that her advice can only go so far, ultimately the person must be willing to initiate and accept changes as they occur in order to make any sort of progress. In Ha Jun's case, even though he came to see her initially for the express reason of wanting to help himself, his path towards recovery was slow. Now that he has someone else in mind, someone he cares about, it has become such a motivating factor. 

He expressed some fears to Dr. Kim about his feelings of inadequacy. "What if I cannot shake this trauma off? I don't want to saddle her with the burden of me."

"Tell me what this trauma you think is doing. Talk it out with me; it will help you clear your head."

"I'm afraid I won't be able to draw or sculpt again; that I would lose my creativity and thus lose me in the process."

"But you did draw; you have done sketches of her without sculpting." She mentioned in a gentle reminder. "You have to allow yourself this moment of healing. It is not a make or break, is it? If you don't sculpt right now, what would you be missing, Ha Jun?"

"Yes, I have drawn, but those are sketches..." He paused, thinking, "I suppose I'm really not missing anything concrete. I enjoyed sculpting for the tactile pleasure of it. I felt I can draw better having had the image come alive under my hands in clay first. It is this that I miss sometimes." 

"And do you feel that this diminishes you as an artist, not being able to sculpt at this time? Do you recall why you decided to see me?"

"Yes, I remember. It was never because of that; it was because I felt like I was losing my perspective, my vision. I was worn out from lack of sleep. I realized I was headed to disaster when I started reaching for a drink just to feel sleepy, to get just a few minutes more of sleep."

"Do not force things on yourself. I understand your motivation. Seon Mi means alot to you. But you need to let some things run its own course; you know the time will come when it will. And sculpting again may very well happen when you least expected it."

Dr. Kim said, "This past few weeks you have painted more than what you were able to accomplish the last 6 months. I find that a positive progression, Ha Jun. Don't push her away just because you feel like you're a burden."

"I won't. I can't. I'm hers if she'll have me. I've no intention of letting her out of my life."

.

.

Ha Jun was across the street waiting to cross when he saw Seon Mi come out of the coffee shop and stood talking for a while with the shop owner. From his vantage point he can see her very clearly: her small petite frame so graceful, so very lovely; the wisps of hair floating gently in the breeze surrounded her like a halo. He wondered anew if their paths would have crossed had it not for Dr. Kim's insistence for him to join Ms. Choi's therapy sessions. And to think I almost passed on it, he mused. She made a turn after bowing to the lady shop owner and happened to glance up, meeting his eyes across the street. She stood still, a small smile hovering on her lips, and raised a hand to wave at him. They stood both of them at the curb waiting for the light to change. Cars driving past the streets even failed to break their eye contact; their gazes never did waver once from each other. They stood each thinking of the circumstances surrounding their meeting, how the painful events that shaped their lives still managed to bring about something good, something beautiful, something precious such as love. And as they stared at each other from across the divide, the bustling streets notwithstanding, even then their thoughts ran in sync with each other:

I wasn't searching for love, yet I found you.

And out of the wreckage and chaos surrounding my life, I have found you.

And never have I been so thankful you are here with me.

And that though you weren't searching, you found me too.

.

.