His hands deftly worked the clay; fingers recalling the slopes and curves and planes by memory effortlessly. His hand gripped the wooden thumb tool, gently smoothing and rounding the edge of her jaw, her chin. His mind is focused on this task as the face in his mind's eye slowly replicated itself on the clay.

It was not always this way, when he started. His hand shook when he first took ahold of that ball of clay, shaping and reshaping it several times; he lost count of how many times he started over and over again when his trembling hands ruined the shape before him. He was mindful of his shallow breathing, of his heart's fast beating but he pressed on, despite feeling the vise on his chest, until the shape before him finally resembled a form of her though yet without any distinguising detail.

Sweat lined his brows. It was never this hard, sculpting. It used to be a favourite past-time, a break away from painting, this usage of a different medium to express himeslf in art.  It used to be so easy, until it wasn't. Until Ha Jae. And now, it seems like sculpting has become more of a task, a hurdle that he needs, nay, he wants to overcome. For her, he thought. It is just as much for me, but most of all for her. I need to know that I still could. These are the thoughts that churn in his mind. And so with this purpose he bent and slaved over the shape of  to render it similar to hers; the upturned way the edge curves in a smile, in the soft plumpness of those lips he's kissed so many many times.

He worked, so engrossed in his task, till thoughts of grief were superseded by thoughts of her, and soon her likeness in miniature slowly coming to life under his deft hands. 

His phone rang, its lingering echo cutting through his concentration rousing him. He looked up and saw the clock showing the whole morning had passed already; and he had missed several calls, a few from Seon Mi. 

He was about to call when the door opened. He stood, brushing the remnants of dust and clay from his hands, and walked over to greet her.

Seon Mi met him midway across the room, her eyes quick to note his work table and where the clay pieces lay. She took hold of his hands, saw the fine dust of clay residue staining his fingertips. His roughened hands griped hers firmly.

She loves his hands, the long fingers that twined with her own almost seamlessly, fitting hers so perfectly. She could feel their strength, their steadiness, but oh how they turn gentle and supple and skillful when molding something fragile like clay...when they're touching and caressing her.

She searched his face, worrying how he's coping by himself and she noted the relief upon seeing her flickering in his eyes.

She reached up to wipe the sweat from his brows, her fingers lingering on his temples in a light caress. They now moved to lose themseves in his hair as she brought him down to her.

His arms s around her waist to hold her tighter to him, turning the feathery light kiss she started into something far deeper, far more heated, more breath-stealing. She kissed him back with as much passion that made him groan, a rumble from deep within his chest even she could feel.

A breathless moment later, they broke off for want of air.

"Are you okay?" her forehead rested on his, their breaths remained shared in their proximity.

"I'm fine; better now you're here."

He ghosted another kiss on her lips, murmuring, "I want to show you something. I just started it but I want you to see."

Grasping her hand, he brought her over to his work table to show the bust of her likeness he's been working on.
She gasped seeing the details so meticuously rendered. It is only a small piece, the breadth and width hardly more than the size of his hand. But she can see her resemblance already in the figurine before her.

"Oh, this is amazing; how on earth did you do this?"

"It's hardly finished; the eyes aren't even fully shaped yet."

She bent down to peer at it more closely, her hands reaching out automatically to touch but she caught herself in time. The clay is still so malleable with even the slightest touch and she didn't want her fingers to leave a mark, marring the piece.

"I can't believe how it resembles me already." She gushed, unable to look away.

She was dimly aware he had sat back down and pulled her to sit on the bench next to him.

He started shaping her eyes, using a smaller blunt edged tool to gauge out the outline. His eyes darted back and forth to the piece in his hands to the person in front of him; his movements delicate, deliberate, skillfully tracing what he sees onto the clay.

His stare is intense, penetrating. But kept his gaze she did, even as a slight flush stole over her cheeks at the way he studied her.  

His breath shuddered as he labored on, her presence as much a balm to him as a distraction. He was initially focused on her eyes, as his hands worked and shaped the clay in front of him. But she is the only one that can easily faze him, just in the sheer nearness of her. His eyes could not help but roam her face, lingering on her lips caught at this moment between her teeth.

Her hand reached out to touch his arm gently; she mistook his efforts to concentrate into something else entirely when she suggested he take a break from his work. But he let himself be guided to wash the residue from his hands, and took her in his lap when they sat down in the couch. She snuggled in his arms, welcoming his warmth, the solid feel of him against her. 

"Will you visit Ha Jae with me, Seon Mi?" He asked, after a moment just silence between them. His eyes were closed; his cheek rested comfortably on her head.

"Of course!" She murmured, face hidden in the crook of his neck, muffling her voice. "Of course Ha Jun. We can go on your birthday, if you like; it will only be a few months away. Is it back home?"

"No, he's not in any columbarium. He was a very carefree guy, my brother." And he told her how once when the topic came about how they both wanted their ashes scattered. 

"Ha Jae and I are not sentimental in this matter. I respected his wishes and scattered his ashes in the place he loved the most. I want to bring you there with me."

She sat up to look at him and ran her fingers gently on his face. "Yes. Of course," then added softly, "I wish I could have met him." 

Ha Jun smiled. He knew his brother would approve, had he met Seon Mi. "He might have fallen madly in love with you too." 

"Even though you two are twins, you are unique in my eyes. You're the only one for me." And she kissed him, driving further thoughts of Ha Jae away from his mind.

.

.

“I heard about the exhibit going well, Ha Jun. Congratulations.” Dr. Kim greeted him warmly as she seated herself.

“Thank you. I appreciated you dropping by the gallery.”

“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world. To be honest, I wanted to come but waited for your invitation. I didn’t want to presume my presence was a given.”

Ha Jun sat in the chair. Their seating arrangement is unvarying, similar to every single meeting they have taken: she in her high backed leather chair while he sat facing her from the couch. Only his posture has changed from the tensed, fatigued demeanor he initially presented to this recent one; this self that is more relaxed, a little less care worn, a little less burdened; this self he worked so hard to reclaim.

Dr. Kim noted all these improvements slowly becoming more visible to her clinical eye.

"Tell me how did it go." She prompted.

"Surprisingly well. I was short a piece or two of new paintings but fortunately for me the sponsor was a fan of a few old pieces I've done. She gladly put those up in the showing. I ended selling those too." He added, "I received a few more commissioned work." 

"I'm very glad to hear that, Ha Jun. Do you feel relieved? Satisfied?.."

"I am. This commitment was looming over my head for the longest time. Now that it is done, I feel somewhat free. Free at least to take things a bit more leisurely."

"The support group meetings have ended a few weeks ago too, based on my count. How was that?"

"I am going to miss it in a way. The people have become very familiar. Ms. Choi encouraged us to keep in touch, even to attend further sessions if we wish. Seon Mi and Mun Yee talked about a weekly book club gathering in place of the support group meeting. It will mostly be talking about books and having dinner together."

"That sounds very positive. How was the feedback on it?"

"Very well. Although I suspect the men are mostly in it because of the food." He grinned. "I have a feeling there would be some book discussions, but it will be mostly eating and comparing recipes. The men will hang around if they want to eat and to keep the women happy. Ms. Choi was even interested in joining."

"When will this meeting start? Will it be hosted in the Center again?"

"The ladies are still discussing. There's room enough in the back of the bookstore, if the night they decided conflicts with the Center's schedule. Mr. Do is willing to help me fix it up to free the space for the gathering."

"That is good. That everyone is holding onto the friendship that was forged. You can help each other move on forward much better having a support system in place. So you will have a much needed break right now, from work and meetings. You are still planning on the trip for your birthday?"

"Yes. I'm taking Seon Mi with me." 

Dr. Kim waited him out, letting him gather his thoughts. She sensed he had other things in mind.

After a while he continued.

"I want to travel again; I want to take her with me, show her some of the places Ha Jae and I fell in love with and then see all the other sights we didn't get to see. Her dream is to see the world too. I want to do this for her, with her." 

"It sounds like you both share this same interest. And have you asked her?"

He heaved a sigh. "Not yet. I'm afraid she might say no." He gave a small sad chuckle. "She's put down roots here; her bookstore, her cat. I'm worried she'll say no."

"Ha Jun. You won't know without asking. Talk it between the two of you and work around your responsibilities. You are not talking about being a nomad, a wanderer, are you? You are planning to take a vacation. Take it in measures. I know you wanted to spend your lifetime together as soon as possible. That much is quite obvious to me."

"If she will have me, yes. I've learned life can be too short; I don't want to waste a single moment being away when I can be with her." 

"Then be rest assured. I've met Seon Mi and I think you worry needlessly. I think after you talk with her, your course of action will be much clearer. "

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.

She stood waiting for him, peering through the windows of the store. The bookstore is quiet; she had cleaned up and fixed everything while she waited, until there was hardly anything left for her to do. She is excited, this night being her birthday. Her heart fluttered, thinking of last night, when he slipped a ring on her hand, a token of his eternal love for her as an early present. He had taken her to dinner yesterday instead of tonight, begging her leave for some task he needed to do, but promised to be home to spend the evening together. She absentmindedly Romie cat lounging on the alcove.

Her stomach full of butterflies as she looked at her hand, the simple plain band wrought in platinum. He made his declaration, speaking of his love unwavering; telling her he is hers, body and soul; and pledging himself eternally to her. She cried happy tears, accepting his love and vowing hers in return. 

She brought her hand tenderly to her lips, the feel of the metal cool on her lips. Her heart is filled to overflowing. She saw Ha Jun get out of the car parked in front of the store and rushed to open the door for him. She greeted him with a kiss and was about to ask where he had been when she noticed the small box he was carrying.

"Ha Jun?" she looked up at him with questioning eyes.

"I'm sorry I was caught in traffic. I didn't expect to be this late. I was getting your present."

"But you gave me the ring last night already, Ha Jun, what more--"

The box he held squirmed and shifted, taking her aback. She looked at him again, but only a smile played on his lips as he held the box to her. 

She gently pried the box open, and a small furry grey head peeked out with a faint miaow.

"Oh, is this...? It is the little grey kitten from the shelter, isn't it?" Her eyes wide and happy; her delight palpable. 

"Happy birthday, my Seon Mi. We can start with this family for now, until we have our very own."

And she tiptoed up to reward him with a kiss, the loud purring of the kitten a beautiful music to their ears.

.

Epilogue:

They stood hand in hand atop one of the cliffs that overlook the beautiful atlantic ocean. From this vantage point, the beach is spread out beautifully before them, with the rock formations adding to the gorgeous backdrop.

It was a long trip to Praia da Marinha, but the travel is well worth the effort. He knew this place, having visited with Ha Jae many times in the past, and the scenery itself had been well captured in many of his works. He held her hand as he guided them down the well worn path, taking the stone steps that descend down to the beach. She sighed, seeing the beautiful ochre sands and the water sparkling so crystal clear it seemed almost transparent.

"This is so lovely, Ha Jun." She breathed out. The rock formations stood high above them, flanked on the side by soaring cliffs. She recognized these from countless postcards and travel magazines she and Nam Sun poured over, dreaming of their own travels. 

She shielded her eyes from the glare of the sun, it's bright rays glinting off her hair. She is glowing. Ethereal. Her happiness evident in the awestruck expression on her face.

"It was here I took a boat and scattered Ha Jae's ashes in the middle of the ocean. I want to think he is at peace, happy being out here, free just like the way he's always lived his life."

She hugged him tight, "He is, Ha Jun, he is at peace. And he would want you to be too."

" I am. I finally am. I wouldn't have gotten where I am now without you."

"Are you ready?" she asked after a moment. 

He nodded, taking a small long neck bottle from his pocket. Inside was a copy of Ha Jae's last composition; the last song he was working on. It was one he could not read, not yet during the early days of his grief; the one thing he could not bear to let go.  But Ha Jun has come to realize that he is not losing him; not at all. When he and Seon Mi read the beginnings of the song, tears coursed down his face, as if his brother had the foresight to know how heavy his loss would be for Ha Jun.

Ha Jun corked it and held it tightly in his hand as he looks out into the water. His lips moved silently as if in prayer, eyes fixed on the horizon. 

With a great deep breath, he heaved the small bottle as far as he could onto the water. Seon Mi reached out to grasp his hand in hers.  Together they stood watched the bottle bob in and out of the waves, slowly carried out into the ocean until hardly a glint of it can be seen anymore from the beach.

He held her tight. The sun high atop the skies is casting their shadows on the sand in sharp relief. It showed two people holding onto each other, hand in hand, leaning onto each other. Two different people with different circumstances, brought by grief, bound by love. Finding each other amidst the chaos, to find solace in one another: two people but of one mind; two hearts but of one beat; two lives but of one love.

.

.

Think of me with each breath,
When the sun is shining
Not just on rainy days;
Think of me with each passing memory
One filled with joyful laughters
Not just those flushed with tears.
Think of me fondly
With smiles so bright
Not just with a heart full of sadness.
Then I'll know I've truly lived,
That you've truly loved me--
This life of mine will have no regrets.

                         - memories by Ha Jae 

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The End

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A/N: 

Thank you all for following my story. This is fiction, but it holds some truths for me. It is not as polished as some stories out there, but Ha Jun and Seon Mi are very special to me. I hope even though the story was about grief, I was able to share with you a sweet love story.

My friends, V and C, you mean the world to me 🖤 I can honestly say I wouldn't have written if it weren't for you.

As always my stories are dedicated to you two.🖤🖤🖤

My loves Romie Cat 1994-2011, Tumbie girl 2004-2014