"I passed by your store today but it was closed." Ha Jun said. He stood facing the window looking out. It's late at night, and he was feeling restless and listless yet again. He was quite relieved Seon Mi had texted him even just to say hi. 

"You did? Why didn't you tell me? I didn't go anywhere." She was up in her rooftop hideaway, lying on the cushions and looking up at the skies. She would normally come up here to read when the weather is nice and to spend the evening until its time for bed. When Ha Jun called, her book lay forgotten on top of the crate.

"The store was closed and I thought you might have stepped out. It was around lunch time after all."

"Oh, no, I just went upstairs for a quick bite. I don't usually leave. If I'm feeling too cooped up, I'd go and sit by the riverfront. Did you come by today? You should have called me." 

They had been chatting every now and then, often just a quick text hello; sometimes Ha Jun would call which would suit both of them, freeing their hands without interrupting their tasks. 

"Where in the riverfront? There's not really a place to sit, only that long stretch of walkway that I see people frequently jog or ride their bikes on."

"There's a grassy place if you go past the overpass. There are benches there too; its a good spot to sit and read. It's the older part of the riverfront so it's not as popular anymore, I guess. But the overpass curves further away so it's not as noisy. The crowd are mostly along the newer walkways because the view is better there and the gravelled path for walking and biking is smoother."

"I didn't know there's an older spot. I've usually just stood by one of the stone posts and sketched there and yes, the traffic noise gets too much sometimes. I'll have to find this spot you mentioned."

"If you do go, let me know. I'll show you where it's not too busy and you can draw in peace."

"Thanks, I will. Maybe we can go one afternoon when you aren't busy and can leave the store."

Seon Mi smiled at the phone and was glad he could not see her feeling shy.

"What are you doing right now, Ha Jun? Are you painting?"

Ha Jun turned from his window to stare back at the room behind him and at the mess of brushes and paint on his palette. On the easel, his canvas lay forlorn, a half done ocean scene. He started out with a calm sea but the colors ran away from him yet again. He stopped when he couldn't sustain the mood on the painting: from his brush  the skies started appearing overcast and the waves a roiling foamy mess. Talk about the Freudian subconscious manifesting itself, he thought ruefully.

"I was painting earlier. I couldn't finish it." Ha Jun said as he walked up to the barely done painting. "What else is new," as he touched the now dried surface.

"Do you paint mostly from memory, or do you just randomly paint whatever comes to mind?" 

"From both. Mostly driven by memory; there are some that are true scenescapes but they are still somewhat my version of the scene I recalled."

"That makes them unique then, since they're driven by how you remember the scene and your interpretation of them."

"Yes. There is one I'm particularly fond of; the one I did when I was in Peru. The Paracas Sea Cliffs are these gorgeous cliffs with naturally red sandy beaches. The beach got the color from the volcanic residue when the waves hit the mountain ranges and tear off fragment pieces carrying these to shore. It's beautiful, Seon Mi; the cliffs are these shades of burnt ochre surrounded by red sandy beaches. And when the sunset comes, it is simply breathtaking."

"I would love to see that painting. Do you still have it?"

I have a print of it, but the painting was sold. I did another version, but I personally think nothing would compare to the first one I did."

"You've travelled a lot, haven't you? I wish I did. Nam Sun and I planned to do so, saving whatever earnings we would get from the bookstore. We were going to start by visiting all of Korea first and then the world eventually. I'm still working on that dream. I haven't even seen much of the country at all."

"What happened to Nam Sun, Seon Mi? Do you mind talking about it? I'll certainly understand if it's still a difficult subject." 

"I think I can talk a bit about her; it's certainly easier now. I couldn't even mention her name without crying before." She paused, gathering her thoughts. "She got sick. She thought it was just all the exertion and stress why she was fatigued all the time, and bumping clumsily all over the place all the time... She even jokingly said her adolescent clumsiness was progressing way too far into adulthood. I certainly didn't think much of it. We were working so many jobs, trying to get enough saved up to get this bookstore."

Seon Mi recalled how soon afterwards Nam Sun collapsed and had to be taken to the hospital. There they found out what caused the exhaustion, the fatigue, the bruising and pain, and the malaise she never told anyone, not even Seon Mi. Acute Myeloid Leukemia, they said. Such big scary words indeed. Seon Mi still remembers all too clearly how the doctors came over to her bedside to break the news, their faces all grim and tight. She was the one shell-shocked, unable to process the information as the doctor started speaking to them about various treatment options, the chemotherapy, and the transfusions. Nam Sun was calm and collected; aside from the inital tremor in her voice, she proceeded to grill the doctors for every little detail.

Everyone was so polite and helpful and so apologetic with each new information that got shared with them. That was the worse, Seon Mi remembered. They were so apologetic, each and every one of them; they were all just so very damned sorry every single time.

The disease was lethal in Nam Sun's case. It had progressed unchecked. By the time they found out, her bone marrow was already filled with these leukemic cells. She barely completed a round of chemotherapy, succumbing much to its adverse effects. The treatment that was supposed to be helpful caused her more pain and suffering. Seon Mi recalled those evenings she spent in the hospital with Nam Sun, the way she was twisted up in pain, barely able to speak nor move. The vibrant Nam Sun she once knew was fading away right before her very eyes.

"I lost her within 5 months," her voice trailing in a whisper. 

"Seon Mi..."

And somehow that simple way he called her name was enough to open the floodgates to her tears.

Ha Jun waited her out, not saying anything, keeping her in companionable silence. He knew how to be at the recipient end all too well. She may have cried silently, but the emotions behind the tears were loud enough that he could hear them across the distance separating them. And his heart aches for her; so much that he suddenly wished he was close enough to give her some comfort.

"Please excuse me, Ha Jun," she said after a few minutes. She wrapped herself in the blanket, much for her comfort than from feeling chilled.

"You never have to apologize for your tears, not to me ever, Seon Mi." He paused but for a moment. "I wish I were there to comfort you." Ha Jun could not help himself; this sudden overwhelming feeling took him by surprise, this comfort he so desperately wanted to give her.

"Thank you." Her sniffles has slowed and she took a shuddering breath to regain her composure.

"Believe it or not, I've gotten less emotional with time," she said. "But every now and then I'm hit by the rawness of it all and it would feel like no time had passed whatsoever; like it all just happened yesterday."

"I know the feeling." His voice is low and comfortingly familiar in her ears. "I still catch myself thinking Ha Jae is around when I read a funny story or hear a song I knew he'd like. Then my heart breaks all over again because reality is quick to remind me otherwise."

Ha Jun took a deep breath as he looked around his empty room. "We don't ever plan to be in this situation. At least I never did; such is the immortality of youth, I suppose. I thought he  and I will live until our old age, have a house next to each other, raise our family together...his kids growing up next to mine..."

He stopped to clear his throat, hearing the faint sob coming from Seon Mi once more. Even in the fog of his grief, he realized how tender-hearted she is to share his pain when she is already burdened by her own. 

"These problems I'm experiencing now didn't happen overnight; if I had faced all of it head long, maybe I might have avoided all this. But we are all wiser in hindsight, aren't we?" Ha Jun knew very well that his sense of guilt and avoidance were largely to blame for this breakdown he's suffering now. And the fact that he continues to have trouble accepting it made everything all the more difficult. The rational mind is no match against an irrational heart. He thought himself well fortified; but the sleeplessness and restlessness came in waves and before he knew it, he was scrambling far from the edge, trying to find his footing, trying to keep from being submerged and engulfed in the deep ocean of his grief. And though he is still far, far from the shore and still constantly threading water to keep himself afloat, he knew he will need to find a way to save himself even when this part of him is no longer whole.

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Seon Mi stood on a short ladder, shelving books on the top shelf higher than what she could reach. Today was one of those lazy days, barely any people dropping by the store, giving her much needed opportunity to get some things organized. Armed with a cloth rag on her hand, she tackled the dust on the books, wiping the covers gently, running loving hands on the old bindings as if greeting an old friend. She remembered each of her books, where she had purchased them, and kept a diligent record of the same.

Her thoughts veered to the time before Nam Sun got sick and they had scoured for vintage books all over town. They haven't even found this store yet, nor earned enough to start their business even. But they both loved old books, especially the cloth bound and the soft leathered ones. Nam Sun particularly preferred to hoard these books for her own collection, decrying even the thought of parting with the old classic ones. She had loved the poetry books the most, and would search for these in particular. Seon Mi used to about buying these not for their intended sale but for her own library instead. 

Holding onto these old books only served to remind her continuously of Nam Sun. Never had two people been so different; maybe that's why we got along so well,  she thought. She missed her friend tremendously, during times like this especially, when it is quiet and she is left to her own devices. Seon Mi has learned to cope by keeping herself busy, her mind engaged in reading or other tasks to keep the melancholy away.  This is why she kept on with the support group; she felt she hasn't fully recovered from her own grief. And being alone as she is, it is so easy to fall into a depressive state. And she knew herself well enough to realize she needed other people to keep this at bay.

Caught as she had been in her reverie, she barely registered the sound of the door of the store opening.

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Ha Jun is getting used to taking the bus rather than driving. Somehow there is pleasure to be had now in sitting amongst others, even being jostled around by the moving mass of people, even in this non-interactive interaction with others. He wasn't people watching by all means, but he he feels less lost among the crowd of people. Perhaps it is because he and Ha Jae never took the bus at all, but biked all over the place instead. Perhaps this is why this new thing does not trigger any restlessness or anxiety in him. He looked around the bus, at the throng of people each engrossed in their own thoughts, their own preoccupations. And he felt a kinship that each of them have their own problems, their own sadness, and their own joys. We are all writing our stories in the pages of our own books; painting our own pictures in this canvas called life. Life is its own metaphor indeed, he mused.

He walked the few blocks to Seon Mi's bookstore after stepping off the bus. From across the street, he can get a glimpse of this tiny nondescript store in the corner. Flanked on its left by a small coffee shop and on its right another small general store, it looked very cosy in a nonfrilly way. Her bookstore has a wide window where she has different books on display, and on frequent occasion a large tabby can be seen lounging cozily on the center. Her cat certainly have drawn some customers in, as it has been extremely friendly as it blinked sleepily at the passerbys. He's seen the cat that one time he dropped by, and it had just looked at him and proceeded to wash its face insolently typical of his species. But it brought a smile to Ha Jun's face when the cat looked back at him and miaowed soundlessly. He hardly heard a sound from behind the glass partition, but he remembered Seon Mi saying the cat is mute, though friendly enough.

Ha Jun is still some distance away, his steps faltering slightly when he saw Seon Mi step out followed by another man. She handed a bulky package over while their conversations continued on. Her face has been somber in its expression. Ha Jun could not see the man's face, whose back was towards him. He saw him reach over to clasp Seon Mi's shoulder briefly before he turned to walk to his car and drive off. Seon Mi stood watching the car leave, lost in thought. 

"Seon Mi."

She turned with start, jostled from her reverie to see Ha Jun just a few steps away. 

"Ha Jun, annyeong. I didn't hear you."

"Are you all right? You were just standing here." 

"Oh, yes. I just got lost in my thoughts. Please come in. I'm glad you came by."

"I was a block away and saw you were talking with someone. I hope I'm not interrupting you?"

They went inside the store together, and Ha Jun noticed her somewhat distracted air. 

"No, not at all. That was Nam Sun's brother Ji Woon. He drops by every now and then to check on me I suppose. Nam Sun's jesa (death anniversary) is this weekend and he would always come and ask me to drop by the house."

"I see." Something in her tone prompted him to ask further. "Do you not go, Seon Mi?" 

"Not because I didn't want to. Her parents preferred I don't. I want to think it's because seeing me brings back painful memories of  Nam Sun. So I just send over her favorite sweets with Ji Woon." She gave him a wan smile. 

"That's not quite fair to you either, Seon Mi," he said. 

"It doesn't matter. It's just easier that way." She shrugs. "I celebrate her memory my own way." She turned to him finally. "I'm glad you came by. Welcome to my Quiet Room."

Ha Jun smiled, "Thank you. It's very cozy and comfortable. I was going to ask you if you'd like to join me for some coffee or something, if you aren't busy."

"Oh, sure. I think I can be done for the day." She told him it was one of those days when hardly anybody came. "Do you mind just coming upstairs for coffee or tea? I baked a whole bunch of stuff and there's quite a bit left."

"I don't mind, so long as it's no trouble. I'm not turning down your desserts." 

"No trouble at all," she smiled as she walked to lock the front doors and turned the store sign to close. Upstairs, she gathered the tea things and sweets, handing a tray to Ha Jun. "I have a place at the rooftop; it will be nice to sit there since we still have this nice weather."

"This is certainly nice, Seon Mi. You must spend time up here a lot?" They reached the rooftop and he set down the tray and looked around, noting the various plants growing. "Oh there you are, Mr. Romie cat. Good to finally make your acquaintance." He spied the cat stretched out on the seat, his paws busy kneading the cushions. Ha Jun brought his hand closer to let Romie smell him first then gently scratched behind his ear. He smiled in pleasure hearing the rumbling purr in response.

"I see you two are getting friendly. Just don't over do the petting; if he gets too thrilled, he'll nip you."

"Does he really?" Ha Jun had moved and sat on the cushions near the cat. Seon Mi handed him a cup of tea and served them both slices of tiramisu. She took a seat on the sofa too.

"Ah, he knows who loves him best." Ha Jun said, seeing Romie was quick to abandon him to sit on her lap. Ha Jun took a bite of the dessert, exclaiming how delicious it was after a big spoonful.

"It's one of Nam Sun's favorite. She had a sweet tooth just like you," Seon Mi said. She ran her hands on Romie's silky fur as a habit. The cat had fallen asleep, even though his occasional purrs could still be heard.

"You do make the best desserts," Ha Jun said as he scraped the last piece off his plate. "I bet you cook very well too."

"Do you cook Ha Jun? I've been meaning to ask you. Cause, you know... I mean if you ever get tired of eating out all the time and want home cooked meal...I-I cook enough...you know how, for Mr. Do... I mean you can join me..." her voiced trailed off after glancing at him. Seon Mi felt shy all of the sudden when Ha Jun just sat there staring at her. She reached to take a sip of her tea.

"I would like that, Seon Mi, very much in fact." He didn't miss seeing the blush that crept up her cheeks, even in the darkening light of the day. He realized he was still staring. Clearing his throat, he stood up to put her at ease and turned to admire the many plants in her makeshift garden. "You've got a thriving nursery here and with vegetables too," he said touching a potted plant heavy with growing red chilis. "Do you grow a lot of vegetables?"

"I've got a few; there's cucumbers and peppers. I have a citrus tree over there by the corner. But my favorite plant is this. Come see." She pointed to several pots with dark green leaves on thick trailing stems. The leaves are cupped and convoluted, twisting around itself. Some plants show small flowers in thick stalks clumped together tightly. Seon Mi unravelled one twisting vine with a bunch of flowers on it and held it to him. "This is a Hoya Rope plant. Its flowers smell like cocoa." She gently brought a cluster for him to smell.

"It does smell like chocolates," his hands held hers as he looked at the flowers closely, admiring it's star shaped waxy petals, the delicate pink color of the flower becoming more pronounced towards the smaller star in the center. "This is a beautiful flower, Seon Mi. I've never seen this plant before." 

"Its a succulent actually. It's been my favorite because of the flowers." She looked at Ha Jun, who seemed to have forgotten he was still holding her hand. "I have to set the plant down, Ha Jun; I don't want to drop the pot." 

It was his turn to reddened, and he gave her an embarrassed smile. "It really is an unusual plant. I don't draw flowers generally, but that one is quite interesting."

They stood side by side looking out the city. Seon Mi's rooftop was not set as high up as Ha Jun's apartment,  but it still gave them a comfortable view of the bustling town winding down for the evening. They could hear the usual noise of cars and people; the sounds reduced to an indistinct hum, a buzzing noise that is the familiar background music of any city.

"Does Nam Sun have other brothers or sisters?" He has been wanting to ask, his curiosity about the man foremost in his mind, but was trying to be subtle about it.

"No, it's just her and Ji Woon and their parents. And then me, back in the day."

"It's good that he still checks on you."

"He's always been a good big brother. But I don't see him that often after I moved to the city." 

Ha Jun felt relieved to hear this but chided himself for begrudging Seon Mi a family member. He's not really family, he thought. He went on to change the subject, feeling slightly bothered, slightly guilty.

"What will you do this weekend for Nam Sun's jesa ?" 

"What I always do," she murmured, taking a deep breath while she thought of the day looming ahead. "I'll go to the park, the one by the riverfront. There's a path that brings me down closer to the bay and nearer the water. I'll feed the ducks, since Nam Sun and I used to do that back home. I'll tell her how things are going so far and that she should not to worry about me. I'll spend the day there with her favorite book and I'll read her some of her favorite poetry. And then I'll bring home a couple of drinks and give her a toast up here."

"I won't intrude on your time with her in the daytime, but if you'd let me, maybe I can bring the drinks in the evening and toast her memory with you?" 

She nodded and gave him a brief smile, welcoming his presence, glad for the friendship she was quick to offer him before. 

And they stood together quietly and watched the sun dip lower and lower in the horizon, as night time claim its hold.

Perhaps others may breathe a sigh of relief, for now is their time to lay down the heavy load of the day and welcome their much longed for rest. But for those like Seon Mi and Ha Jun watching the slow dipping sun bid its goodbye, it only seems like the sky is shutting its eye to the world, weeping its colors into the horizon to signal yet another day ending, of another day done. And to them who carry their weariness in their souls, their sighs held a different meaning. To them, the twilight brings no respite, for the night is long and has only just begun.

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