She was waiting for him in his apartment and stood looking out the window. From this vantage point, she could hardly see the streets facing the front of the building where he would be walking past; yet she stared, as if by looking and searching she could wish him into making an appearance soon. She turned, sparing a quick glance around the room. She had let herself in and found the room tidied up before she arrived that there was hardly anything else for her to do. She set the food she brought on the table, picked up a few odds and ends he missed, and then she was done.

Hard to believe the time for his showcase is fast approaching, she thought, remembering when they first met, it was still half a year away. And now, the time is soon upon them. 

Ha Jun had left just a few minutes earlier to meet with the curator of the gallery in anticipation of his upcoming exhibit. His meeting was supposed to have taken place in the morning, but got pushed back, thus intruding on their time together. Ha Jun wanted her to go with him, but she refused, telling him she will wait for him instead, rather than be a distraction while he completes his business meeting.

Seon Mi actually had a purpose for staying behind. She had gone and met with Dr. Kim a week ago, after being introduced by Ha Jun. Dr. Kim had expressed interest in meeting her and when Ha Jun mentioned it, and she was quick to agree.

"You don't mind, do you?" she asked him. They were walking in the park, taking the path to reach the older area of the riverfront. He was carrying a small basket with their food, while she held the picnic blanket in her hand.

Ha Jun insisted on taking her out for a picnic, claiming he's been cooped up indoors painting the past few days and is missing her company.

Since the weather has been nice, they decided to have their late lunch at the park. It has started to cool lately, hinting at the change of seasons lurking around the corner, and the leaves themselves were starting to blush with the autumn colors.

"I don't mind at all. She has been curious for a while; and she's been wanting to meet you for helping her treat me," he chuckled.

He held her hand tightly, worrying at the rocky path they've been walking on, after she tripped on a few loose stones.

"Let me go down the slope first, Seon Mi, then I can help you down."

"I've been through this path and climbing these slopes many times, Ha Jun." But still she smiled at his thoughtfulness, feeling pleased at the pampering she's getting.

He set the basket down and turned to catch her waist, bringing her down easily onto the ground next to him.

He kept his hands on her waist, towering over her. He was close enough she could smell his perfume, a subtle mix of musk and vetiver.

"Ha Jun..."

He cleared his throat, somewhat embarrassed to be caught staring like a lovestruck teenager. He bent to kiss the top of her head before letting go of her waist.

They enjoyed their picnic date very much.

.

Later that week she received a call from Dr. Kim. She was around the area and could pass by to meet with her if she were free. Grateful for the chance, Seon Mi accepted readily enough. She greeted the lady and brought her to the coffee shop next door.

The coffee shop has a garden in the backyard set with several small round tables and chairs. The tables are topped with colorful pastel umbrellas to shade patrons from the sun. Potted flowering plants decorated the ground along the fenced enclosure of the garden and small slim birch trees dotted the sides giving the place a lovely serene ambiance. There were a few guests with their coffees; some reading a book and enjoying their alone time. Seon Mi recognized a few familiar faces that drop by her bookstore and bowed to them in greeting.

They took their coffees and cupcakes to one of the tables set further in the back. There were jasmine vines trailing on one side of the fence next to them, and its fresh scent filled the air.

“Is this ok, Dr. Kim? It’s my favorite spot.”

Dr. Kim nooded. They sat and made small talk about the coffee, the flowers, and the garden. She looked kindly at the young lady before her; the sunlight casting a faint glow on her hair, almost like a halo effect. No wonder, she thought to herself, looking at the lovely girl sitting across. She is not at all surprised Ha Jun fell madly in love; Seon Mi is beautiful inside and out.

“It’s good to finally meet you, Seon Mi. I’ve known of you for a while it seems, both from Ms. Choi who’s been a longtime friend, and from Ha Jun for some time now.”

“Thank you, Dr. Kim. I’ve heard much about you from Ha Jun, too. I’m glad we could meet.”

“I’ve asked Ha Jun and he is agreeable for us to meet and discuss things. You are not my client, but our conversation will be confidential. And I believe there’s nothing I would disclose about Ha Jun that you wouldn’t have known already. Are you fine with this as well?”

“Yes. To be honest, I’ve wanted to meet you too and was in the process of asking Ha Jun.” She paused and took a brief sip of her coffee. “I care for him very much. I want to make sure he continues to do well.”

“He’s certainly shown progress the last few months. He’s certainly painting more. His sleeping…has improved.”

Seon Mi didn’t miss the pause in that sentence. It tells her Dr. Kim really do know him quite as well as she does.

“His sleeping is better.” She agreed, then looking down on her cup, added, “he sleeps when he’s with me.” She sighed and looked up to meet the older woman’s eyes. “He still has trouble even though we are together at night, but he is sleeping much longer. I know he doesn’t sleep when he’s home alone. That’s when he paints.”

“At least he is painting.” The lady nodded.

Those sleepless nights still occur quite frequently than Seon Mi liked. She’s woken up before, drowsy and snug in his warmth and found him awake, sometimes just staring at her, as if imprinting her face in his memory. Other times, she’s woken feeling his lips resting on her shoulders, his breathing quiet, controlled. His arms wound tight around her as she leaned back into him. She didn’t need to see, but she knew. It was in the feel of his heartbeat; the way he lay unmoving to leave her undisturbed. Those nights were heartbreaking to her, for when she turned around to meet his eyes, she had seen them filled with an unspoken anguish, one he could not even voice out loud to her. In the beginning he had whispered to her, voice thick with regret, for his weakness. And his eyes full of misted tears. She could only take him in her arms, even as her own eyes filled, to murmur words to soothe him: you are my strength; let me be yours. And those nights she would take the reins, loving him the only way she knew how, with words and actions that brook no dissent, until they lay spent and he finally drifted to an exhausted slumber.

They were quiet for awhile, both women lost in thought. Seon Mi broke the silence by asking the thought foremost on her mind.

“Dr. Kim, I wanted to know if it will be okay…if Ha Jun will be okay if I have him start sculpting again? I don’t want to trigger anything that will set him back, but…I think..” she bit her lip and looked at Dr. Kim anxiously before continuing her thoughts. “I need to push him a little.”

“By all means, trigger him. I think he can handle a slight push forward. And yes, left to his own devices, he will -foot around.” She peered at Seon Mi over her glasses, “I think you and I know why.”

Seon Mi nodded, her hands shredding the napkin in front of her, a habit when she is in deep thought. “He’s afraid to have another breakdown, to appear weak...weaker in front of me.”

Dr. Kim breathed audibly, glad that this young woman in front of her is as astute as she has been led to believe. “I think he will be all right, having you there to help him through this rough course. Those steps are sometimes difficult to take; sometimes one would find that for every few steps forward, you have to take a step back. It is a small price, to reach the destination we needed to go.”

The lady clasped Seon Mi’s hands in hers, “I can help up to a certain point; but you can help him in ways I cannot. Not because he loves you, but because you love him back.”

She has been mulling over this for sometime, her conversation with Dr Kim. And since it stayed in the forefront of her mind, she broached the subject of sculpting again to Ha Jun, presenting it in such a way that she wanted to learn.

He was agreeable enough, distracted enough when she had requested this while sitting on his lap, feeding him some new dessert she made, adding a few well timed kisses here and there. She felt quite devious about the whole thing and a bit guilty, but she shoved the thought away from her mind, and told herself she's doing this for him, for both of them. 

She's been planning for this to happen today so while Ha Jun is gone, she prepped the work table, lining the surface with old newpapers and placing all the items at the ready and waited for his return.

She was anxious. But she felt she know him well enough that she thinks he is capable and can see this through.

She sighed and turned away from the window to roam his work area, trying to find something else to occupy her mind.

Several canvases of his paintings were laying against the wall; these she supposed were the ones waiting to be hung in the art gallery. A few pieces are still propped on easels drying, their paints still glistening wetly. He must have just done these, she thought. 

He has been busy tagging the ones for his exhibit; she saw various little yellow sticky notes taped on the canvases with numbers and notes written about the pieces. Some paintings he has hanging in the room were also tagged and ready.

She touched one that hung prominently near the bedroom door, admiring the interplay of colors on the canvas. He is truly gifted, to draw out such emotions even with just the very basics of color, the barest hint of brush . It was a silhoutte of her; even she could not have mistaken it for any other. She was hidden in shadows, half turned, her face peeking over one shoulder, her hair spilling down the edges of the canvas. He rendered her in the darkest of blue, mixing the darks and lights of the spectrum; the background was a contrast of dots depicting the stars. She peered at it to look more closely and was fascinated to see that what she thought was merely her silhoutte on a night skies, was actually her features fully depicted and blended within the painting of the milky way. Her breath caught; he had tagged the painting "The Universe I See."

She heard the door latch click and rushed over to greet him.

.

"Here, let me help you button these," he said, snaking his arms around her waist while she changed into one of his old shirts, to keep her clothes unstained for their project.

"Ani, it's ok. I'm done," she rushed buttoning up, knowing him well enough that he would start out as "helping" but would end up ing things instead.

"Ha Jun-ah, you promised!" she said as he started nuzzling her neck. "Come on," taking his hand and pulling him out of the bedroom.

"All right, all right. Why are you in such a rush?"

"Because, you'll get distracted and then you'll get me distracted. Then nothing would get done." She said giggling.

"True enough," and planted a quick kiss on her cheek. "Tell me again, what are we doing?"

"Show me how to mix." She brought him to the work table, where huge bowls sat waiting for them, along with bags of flour and a pitcher of water. Several measuring cups were also present.

"I'm not a baker, Seon Mi."

"I know that, silly, but help me mix this properly so it has a clay consistency. I figured I can learn this faster since I can bake. I want to make something simple. Maybe a bowl?" She turned to him, hands all floured up and ready.

He chuckled at her, an idea of what her true intentions might be slowly taking root in his mind.

"Very well. I've not worked with flour or dough for that matter, so I don't know if we'll get the same consistency."

They both started to mix measured amounts of flour and water, adding a bit of oil to keep the mixture cohesive. She kept it lighthearted and playful, putting a dab of flour up his nose, which he returned the favor. When he stood behind her, his arms surrounding her space, she let him help her mix and knead the dough, their hands touching each other stealthily.

"We aren't planning on eating this I hope?" He teased, as the dough became more and more overworked. 

"No, it will be tasteless and dried out, getting kneaded this much. I don't think it's going to work; it won't hold a proper bowl shape."

"Let's just use the real clay then, if you really want to make a bowl," he said nonchalantly, as he began moving the various bowls and cups off the work table.

"Really, Ha Jun? Can I?" 

"Let's put this mess away and I'll grab the clay mix."

Soon the work table is free of debris; Ha Jun brought the bag and started scooping out the dry clay mix. Seon Mi can see the his measured movements as he handled the clay, the way his hand shook, the way he purposefully avoided her eyes.

When he had the mixture on the table, he showed her how to prepare the dry clay, how much water to add and started mixing it much like the dough. She took her spot in front of him much like before, both their hands mixing the moistened clay this time, and she leaned into him until she could feel the tension in his arms and hands ease slightly in the way he leaned forward to her in return. 

She asked him questions about everything, pulling his mind into a different path away from his brother, one grounded in details, in the minutiae.

"Ha Jun, tell me about the clay. Why do you prefer the dry mix than the ones already made?" she asked him as their hands continue to knead and mold the mixture to the desired consistency.

She felt his ragged intake of breath, at the gust of air as he exhaled. He stood close enough as he leaned into her that he could have rested his lips on her shoulder, which he did.

"I-I can control the consistency better, adjust the color of the pieces." She did not miss the beads of sweat lining his forehead; the pulse beating in his temple. She pressed him for more details in order to distract him further.

"I don't need huge amounts of clay so using dry mixtures is better; there is less chance of drying out my batches."

He started out speaking in slow measured tones, until he finally got immersed in this train of thought, and continued speaking learnedly of clay properties and various types of clay for specific purposes. He covered the clay loosely to let it rest. He brought her to the sink and started washing her hands under the running water, rinsing off the clay from her skin tenderly. 

Seon Mi listened with half an ear; she was more focused on his emotional responses. She was ready to stop all of this should it have gotten too onerous for him. But she saw him doggedly push on; and she knew then that it is by his sheer will alone that he continued to put an effort to meet her more than half way. She breathed a sigh and half-turned to kiss his jaw gently; her relief apparent, her heart bursting with pride at his courage even in the face of his fears. 

"The clay needs to sit for a while to rest, just like a dough...." Ha Jun had stopped talking; his voice trailing off after that gentle brush.

"You said it needed to rest; how long does it need to dry and settle in?"

"It depends on how much moisture, but on average about a week."

 "Will you sculpt me, Ha Jun? Will you render me in clay?"

She had turned to him fully then, to look up in his eyes; her expression a careful mix of hope, of relief at his courage, and she knew all done for her sake. She gently wiped the sweat cooling on his brows.

He grasps both her hands to bring them to his lips. "Thank you." His voice is but a whisper, and her heart ached to see how his eyes glistened, luminous with unshed tears. His struggles are by no means finished; but he's taken this huge move in breaching the darkness. And he knew left on his devices, he might never had taken this step, had she not initiated it. 

Her voice stayed in his mind; the same longing echoing in his heart.

He knew her, knew the shape of her very well, even as his hands move to touch the contours of her face; his fingertips dancing delicately to follow the line of her brows, the contours of her half-moon shaped eyes. He traces the soft curve of her cheeks, the planes of her jaw, until his thumb graces the outline of . He touches the small philtrum of her upper lip, it's bow shape delicately framing those soft, soft lips. Afterwards, he closes his eyes as he let each , each caress imprint her in his mind. 

"I can draw you even in my sleep," he whispered, their foreheads touching. "How can I not, when you're constantly in my mind?"

He kissed her with a tender passion that tugged at her heart, a kind of ache that is familiar to those that love fully, wholeheartedly.

"I've seen the painting; it's so beautiful, Ha Jun."

He knew which one she meant. It was a painting he did on one of those nights they didn't spend together. It tells of a longing, a yearning one felt for the other. He held her tight in his arms, even as her arms looped themselves around his shoulders to draw him closer to her.

"You've changed me, Seon Mi. Before, I couldn't see my future; my vision lost in my despair. Now, I simply can't see my future without you in it."

"I love you, Ha Jun, with all my heart."

"And you...you're my everything."

.

.

.

.

You're every word that's ever written;

Every star that graces the skies;

The whole world's existence to me...

You are the universe I see.