Genre: Angst (fluffy ending?)

Word Count: 1,416

A/N: Warning I did write this when I wast still under some heavy medication after surgery so my brain was being a bit weird to say the least. Also there is not real plot to this. I think my kind of drugged up state of mind really had a thing for angst. This was not requested but I wanted to do something

 - Admin Ania

“I can’t tell you.”

“Yes you can, we’re best friends!”

“Wei, that’s exactly the problem! We’re best friends…”

I couldn’t look at him, not now, not ever again. Over the last couple of weeks I’d been embarrassing myself in front of him: the boy who made my heart beat faster than the speed of damn light. Lee Sungjoon. Someone I adore with my whole being but I can’t say it.

“Y/N…how is that a problem? Just tell me. You know I care about you.”

“No Wei that’s also the problem, you care and I can’t…”

“Can’t what? Dear God, Y/N please tell me what’s going on with us.”

That was when I made a run for it, or at least I tried to before Wei hooked an arm around my waist. He drew me closer to his body, slender arms encasing my body in a spider like cocoon. My heart pounded in my ears, chest tightening, and mind spinning the longer he held me. I wanted him to let me go, no, I needed him to let me go.

“Don’t run away…”

“Let me go Wei.”

“You’re not running anymore. You’re safe with me, so tell me what’s going on.”

“I…I— if I say it then it’s true, then it’s real, then I have to face it.”

“What do you have to face? No one is going to hurt you.”

His heart was in the right place but his mind was pulling farther from reality. I didn’t want him to know because he’s the problem and if he knew, then it would crush him. The worst part of it is: he may not even be who I think. He’s an idol, he’s famous, and there’s so much at stake when you have someone like me and someone like him. The thing I want to say, I know he can’t give me because it would do more damage than good. 

“Only one person can hurt me and that person is you. So, let me go, you deserve to be happy.”

He didn’t say anything then; I guess he was in too much shock from my words, even if they were true. Maybe he figured out what I really meant when I said he could hurt me, or maybe he wasn’t wanting to know what I meant. We stayed in silence, the others were either asleep or out for the night. Being in the living room like this, him holding me tight but for all the wrong reasons, was strange.

Wei’s breathing was steady, though I could feel his heart beating out of his chest through his shirt. My blood boiled, my eyes grew dark, I couldn’t let him break because of me: the childhood friend who wanted more and was selfish. No, no way would I allow myself that little bit of happiness that would make him suffer. He’s been through so much over the last five years, including training and becoming famous. Tell me: how am I supposed to live if I’m someone who can make all that come crashing down in less than a second?

The answer is simple: I don’t.

“Why would you say that? What are you getting at?”

He turned me around to face him, I knew the expression in his eyes all too well. The heartache and pain he felt travels through his mind and into his face, it’s a path that I know and can trace if I was blind.

“You really don’t get it do you Sungjoon?”

“No I get it. It’s clear as crystal to me. Why do you say I can’t love you when you don’t know if it’s true or not?!”

I flinched a little, his voice raised more than what I was expecting and considering that we weren’t really alone in the dorm…well that was even more of a shock. Wrapping his arms around my waist he pulled me into his chest, a small sigh escaped his lips and I could feel the weight of his world crushing him.

“You’re an idiot sometimes Y/N. I do love you. I love you so much that sometimes I can’t breath. I love you so much that I scares me…so don’t push me away.”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you are willing to be with me even if it means you are no longer an idol.”

I expected nothing less from him: he couldn’t say anything as he kept his eyes focused on mine. That was all I needed, no words were exchanged but I knew he’d never be happy if he wasn’t an idol. Even if he had me, there would always be some resentment and I can’t live with that knowledge.

“Exactly. You can’t be happy if you don’t have this. You can’t be happy if you don’t have them. This is why I can’t say it and why I’m leaving tonight.”

“Stay tonight. Just one more night please…”

Taking a glance at him, I knew he wanted both me and fame but he couldn’t have that. He knew it too, very deep down inside him, but I think he knew.

“One night is too much. You don’t have to make a choice because I’m not here.”

“Damn it to Hell Y/N just stop. If you love me then say it because I’m saying this: I love you.”

His eyes were shaking inside his skull, that little vein on his neck that no one really sees was popping out. When that happens, you know he’s serious and won’t back down until he gets what he wants.

“Love me. I know you do but you won’t say it because I’m an idol? I’m not that kind of person.”

“And how do I know that?!”

“We’re best friends, you’ve seen me grow and I’ve seen you grow. Don’t think so little of me.”

A small creek bounced off the walls and down to us, one of the guys was awake and probably wondered what was going on with us. We stayed silent for a moment, waiting to see if anyone would come around the corner. Sure enough, Kuhn’s dark black head of hair popped out from behind the wall raising an eye brow at us.

“You guys need to stop fighting, figure this out. We need to sleep.”

He disappeared as quickly as he showed up, his footsteps padding down the hall and into the shared bedroom he had with Kogyeol. I’m sure those two were hearing our whole conversation but neither made a move to in.

“I’ll go now.”

“No, you will not.”

I grabbed my bag, making a break for the front door when I pushed against a wall and staring Wei dead in the eyes. His face was an inch away from mine while his hands were on either side of my body so I couldn’t move. 

“Say it.”

“Why should I?”

“Do it.”

“No.”

“Just. Say. It.”

Neither of us were backing down from our stances, he wanted things that couldn’t go together and I wanted things that would burn down a life time of work. His eyes were sharper than I remember them being, maybe it was because of the close proximity. The selfish side of me wanted so badly to kiss him while the rational side of me wanted to push him away.

“It’s three words. Please tell me with your heart.”

“I love you.”

“Then it’s settled.”

“What?”

“Shut up.”

His tone was sweet, cute almost, as he grinned at me. Slowly he tilted his head and leaned in, letting his supple lips press against mine. While he had his eyes closed I was still trying to figure out what was going through his mind. Though that train of thought did not last the longer Wei kept his lips moving against mine. He wasn’t harsh about the kiss, it was gentle and kind but I could feel the need behind it all.

Wei moved his hands to my hips and being careful not to make any sudden movements. My hand went to his chest, gently pushing him away so I could take a look at his face. In his eyes there lay the soul of someone who’d been keeping a secret locked away for too long. I saw a wall come crashing down that night. A soft hand came up to my cheek, guiding my lips to his once more. He stopped short though as he whispered one thing to me.

“If you really love me, then stay with me tonight. Let me know this isn’t a dream.”