Request: omg love your blog! not sure if you're open for stories, but I'll have a shot anyway! ;) Angsty scenario: Wei and Y/N have known each other since they were in kindergarten, and always liked each other. Wei used to bully her (like you do to your crush), but he stopped talking to her in middle school bc his friends made fun of him. He's always watched over her from afar, but was a coward. When he finally grows up and wants to confess to her (high school), she rejects him because... (up to you!)

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 2,696

 - Admin Ania

When I was a kid I had a crush on one of the sweetest girls I’d ever met in my life. I remember her well, maybe too well, like time is standing still and all I can see is her and I in the same place. The day I hurt her so badly, I didn’t realize I wouldn’t get her back because of my mistake. It started in elementary school, our teachers had let us go outside to play before we went back to class.

She stayed by herself next to the cherry blossom tree, pink petals lay at her feet. Her facial expression was hard to read; I couldn’t tell if she was sad or just lonely so I went up to talk to her. I found out that she wasn’t actually sad or lonely, not really anyway, when she saw the petals on the ground it made her think deeply. From that day on I knew that I liked something about her but I didn’t know what it was exactly that I liked. She was beyond kind, whenever I was around her I just wanted it to be the two of us forever.

Though…when we got to third grade…things took a bit of a turn and I would not say for the better. I became friends with nine other guys in our class, we all got along well, or so I thought. One day I brought Y/N over to eat lunch with us and that turned out to be a mistake that I could never make up for. That was my first strike. The guys started to make fun of us and how we talked to each other, like it was bad for me to have a friend who is a girl. I later found out that they thought she was just another stupid girl, they didn’t see anything special to her. That hurt so much but…I couldn’t just let her go like that.

When we got to fifth grade Y/N was miserable and I…I didn’t do anything to change that. I was the source of her misery, yet I just continued to make her everyday life worse. The more I talked to her the more I got teased by the guys, so I tried a different approach when talking to her. I became harsh around her, snapping at her when she asked a simple question, and worst of all calling her names that weren’t true. I knew they weren’t but I didn’t stop myself. Every time a new name came out of my mouth, the more I could see her heart cracking inside her chest. 

Luckily, we got past that and went on to middle school. The first day of middle school I saw a girl sitting on the steps, reading a book, wearing beautiful wine-red glasses. I knew it was her; Y/N, the girl I had broken so long ago that it still hurt whenever I thought about it. The child in me wanted to go say hi, to say sorry for what I had done in the past…My mind wouldn’t let me though and my body didn’t move. I was stuck standing there, watching her, before a hand gently slapped my shoulder.

There; Jinhoo, Kuhn, Kogyeol, Bitto, Wooshin, Sunyoul, Gyujin, Hwanhee, and Xiao, all stood with big smiles on their faces. We hadn’t seen each other for three months, our families had all gone traveling or were too busy to get us together. I knew I had to let her be, I couldn’t face her after three months of not talking. Deep down I knew I had to apologize, my heart beat faster than ever when she was around. I tried talking to her a couple of times during classes we shared, but as per usual Kogyeol, Kuhn, and Sunyoul would make fun of me. They would tell me she’s just as ugly as in elementary school. I hated them for that but I couldn’t go up against them.

Though, I did my best to make sure she ate well, made friends, and smiled at least three times a day. If she was able to do all these things each day, it made me feel better about her being in the same school as me; it meant that I wasn’t preventing her from being happy. She made friends of her own, a lot of them weren’t like most people would think. They were the “weird” bunch, but I loved all of them for being outside of the box and not conforming to what society wants. 

Everything was going well, that is, until one particular day where my friends and I were sitting next to the table Y/N and her friends were at. I saw Wooshin and Hwanhee snickering about something, I didn’t bother to ask because I didn’t want to know. Though I should’ve asked sooner, maybe then I wouldn’t have screwed everything up so badly.

“Hey, Wei. Truth or Dare?”

“Oh god, no. Wooshin I don’t want to play this stupid game.”

“Come on. If it’s a stupid game then why not just play? It’s for the s and giggles.”

“Shut up Hwanhee.”

Wooshin rolled his eyes at us then propped himself on his elbows and stared hard at me.

“Truth. Or. Dare.”

“Dare?”

“I have a good one,” I saw the gleam in his eyes as he narrowed down on Y/N. 

“Wei I’d like you to take this egg and break it on Y/Ns’ head.”

He held out a raw egg for me to take but I didn’t want to do it. How could I do that to her? She’d done nothing wrong to me and I’ve done so much wrong to her…Though they weren’t letting it rest, they wanted me to hurt her even more than I had before. 

“I’m not doing it.”

“Oh yes you are. It’s a dare, you have to. Don’t make me call you.”

“You’re going too far.”

“Am I Wei? Am I really, Lee Sungj—“

“Shut up and give me the damn egg you asshat.”

Wooshin smiled like the Devil at me as I walked up behind Y/N, the egg resting in my hand. I took a deep breath when I reached her, I didn’t want to do it. She’s the girl I love and I was about to break her heart further than I ever had. Without knowing it, Kogyeol bumped into me and bam. That was my second strike. The egg fell from my hand and smack onto Y/Ns’ head with a quiet crack. The yolk slowly slid down her head and onto her face, the girls glared up at me while some of them tried to clean her off.

The last thing I remember from that day was the hatred Y/N had in her eyes for me. To this day I can never forget the pain and anger she had, after lunch she practically threw a brick at my head. I couldn’t blame her though. I knew it was over; I just lost the one person I cared for most in this world because of some stupid dare. Once middle school was over and done with, I thought I wouldn’t have to face her anymore. At graduation, she didn’t so much as look in my direction, which the guys were happy about but I was not. I wanted her back so badly that I left after five minutes of being at the reception hall. I cried myself to sleep that night: pain demands to be felt so I couldn’t ignore the call.

No one said high school was any better, or I guess they did but that was complete ing bull. Once again I was in the same school as the other nine, which didn’t surprise me because we’d been going to the same school for years now. What I didn’t expect was for a certain girl with pitch black rimmed glasses to be there. She’d changed since middle school; her clothing was more street style, her hair had been dyed with streaks of blue and purple, but her eyes…They were cold.

I saw no love, no light in them like before. The first day of high school, she was wearing ripped jeans, black converse, a deep blue form fitting shirt with a black leather jacket. At first, I saw her with glasses on, the fine black rimmed glasses made her look adorable to me. Though a few minutes later I saw her without them on, I guess she’d switched to contacts. I wanted to talk to her, I want to apologize for the last 8 years of her life that I made Hell. Though my brain told me not to go because I knew she would punch me the second I was within view of her.

For two years I stayed away from her, and only in Senior year did I talk to her for the first time in a long time. I caught her sitting in one of the stairwells, reading a book, wearing her black rimmed glasses, like nothing had changed. My heart got caught in my throat as I approached her, she didn’t bother to look up; she knew it was me.

“Wei. Hm, I didn’t think you’d ever talk to me again.”

Her eyes were still fixed on her book but she was fully aware of what was about to happen.

“Y/N…hi. It’s really good to see you.”

“I wish I could say the same thing.”

That hurt me more than she could know. For years I’d loved her but I couldn’t say anything because I was too afraid of what people would say.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Huh, for what?”

It came out in almost a laugh of sorts, it was like she didn’t think I was being serious. Then again, why would she think I was? All I’ve ever given her is reasons to dislike me and this wouldn’t be the last time either.

“For being such a jerk to you. You were my best friend.”

“And you mine,” she paused for a moment in her reading, closed her book, and sighed. “but it seems that we just weren’t meant to be.”

She stood up, grabbing her bag to head off to who knows where. I took her hand in mine gently, silently begging her to not leave me standing there. Her eyes met mine but not with the softness I used to see; her stare was icy, there was no evident emotion behind those black pupils. The Y/N I knew and loved was gone from sight, I could never get her back.

“Please. Let me make it up to you…I want to get to know you again.”

“Get to know me again? I’m not the person I was when we were kids. I was stupid and naïve, so were you.”

“I know, but please Y/N…please I’m begging you. Give me another chance.”

“If you’re begging, and you’re serious, then fine. I’ll give you another shot.”

From that day on we started to become inseparable, and everyone in our grade noticed. Even the other guys but I didn’t let them get to me as much as they used to. I wanted her in my life and there was nothing they could to do take her away from me. Not this time; I was going to be honest and come clean with her. I was going to tell her how I’d felt for my whole life about her. 

On the last day of our third year in high school I brought her to an old pine tree by our campus. It was our favorite place to spend time at because we could people watch, relax, nap, do homework together; anything. She and I even got close a few times while there but she’d always move away at the very last second. Part of me figured that she liked me back and I thought that would be enough for her.

“Y/N I have something to tell you.”

“I’m excited.”

“I know you and I have been through a lot in the last…I don’t know how many years but I’m glad you gave me another chance. When I first me you I knew you’d be a great friend, but I let you down so many times. I was stupid for trying to fit in with the other guys. In return I lost you along the way.”

“Lee…what’s going on here?”

“Please, just…hear me out?”

“O-okay…”

“What I’m saying is that I love you. Dear God Y/N I love you with every fiber of my being. From day one I knew I loved you and every day spent without you in my life killed me. It still kills me. I know I’m the one who caused you to lose that spark in your eyes, I know I’m the one who made you put your heart under lock and key covered by cement blocks. I know I’ve wrong you so many times that I can’t count anymore…Please let me make it up to you by letting me love you.”

She didn’t say anything at first, I thought she was just processing what I had to say. That assumption was very wrong. Y/N stood up slowly and backed away a bit before talking.

“I can’t. I’m sorry but I can’t let you love me. It’s been made very clear to me that I’m not loveable and that I’m not normal. Wei you’ve hurt me so many times over the years I wish you would have come to me sooner. The truth is that I love you too but I can’t be with someone who’s done the things you have to me. I will still be your best friend, but I can’t be yours.”

That was the last day I saw her. That was the last day I breathed. That was the last day I saw anything that wasn’t coated in blood. I didn’t return to school the next year, many people wondered if my attitude had caught up to me. In a way, I guess that was true. Though only ten people knew why I wasn’t there.

As the last year of high school went by, no one saw me or heard any news about me. That is, until my birthday. My mother called the school and the school told my grade what happened. Needless to say, everyone was shocked since they all thought I was just ditching school. The ten people who knew why I wasn’t there tried not to cry. Jinhoo kept a straight face while Xiao was silently crying into Hwanhee’s shoulder. Y/N sat there with tears welling in her eyes, again, I saw the pain and heartache. Even though I had said sorry, I needed to leave. That was the only thing I could think of that could make one step to really saying sorry.

My mother dropped a note off to her, it was the one thing I wanted her to do for me. Of course, Y/N read it but I wasn’t expecting her to cry so much. Maybe…maybe she really did love me but I wasn’t willing to stick around long enough to find out. It was time that I settled things my own way.

Dearest Y/N, my love, my heart,

I’m so sorry for what I’ve done over the years. I’m sorry about the egg incident, I’m sorry for calling you names. I’m sorry for not talking to you sooner. I know I can’t ever make up for that and I’ve come to accept it. That is why I’m writing this letter. When you read it, you’ll be able to move on with your life.

Remember to smile at least three times a day, eat well, and be with friends. Find someone who makes you as happy as you made me in my last few days. Please take care of yourself since I couldn’t do that. 

This is the only thing I could think of to really say sorry. I know you’ll move on just fine. I was just a friend after all; you’ll live without me.

Love,
Lee Sungjoon (the boy who hurt you but you still gave another chance to)