Danica

I don’t remember exactly how I arrived home yesterday, but I do remember that I was with Gikwang. He offered to walk me home and I let him. I’m even surprised that I accepted his offer of walking me to and from school. I guess we’re officially friends now.

Friends. A pang of disappointment hit my chest at the thought and I don’t know why. Is it because I finally realize the fact that Hyuna’s friendship is long gone…or because Gikwang and I are just friends—nothing more or less? I don’t know. Really.

Right now I’m hugging my knees as I’m waiting for Gikwang to arrive. I sit on the pavement shivering. It’s cold today and not even my sweater can stop the cold breeze from biting my back, shoulders and fingers.

Gikwang arrived a few minutes later and his eyes immediately landed on me. A surprised expression passed his face just before he came running my way. “Danica!”

I let out a small smile. “Hey, what took you so long?”

“You’re cold,” he said—ignoring my question. He immediately took off his blazer and placed it over my shoulder. The looks in his eyes are full of worry, concern, and maybe a bit of guilt. “You should’ve waited inside…” He murmured as he wrapped his blazer around me.

I let out a sheepish smile. Only now did I realize how lame my reason was for waiting for him in the front porch. “I thought you’d forget which house I live in…”

He paused to look at me. I didn’t know if he was offended—given that what I said may slightly imply that I think he’s forgetful, maybe even an idiot—or just finding the excuse absurd.

Despite my awkward thoughts, he gave me a sweet smile instead. “Babo,” he said, “I’m not as stupid as you think.”

I bit my lip. I felt guilty. Of course, what was I thinking? “Sorry,” I managed to let out.

“It’s fine,” he said as I felt his palm press lightly against my forehead. I watched him check my temperature and for a moment…time stopped.

I found myself lost in his eyes and suddenly, it wasn’t so cold anymore. In fact, it was too hot.

**

We finally arrived at the entrance of Cube High. It wasn’t so bad—the walk, I mean. It wasn’t too awkward or anything. In fact, I was beginning to feel much more comfortable around Gikwang—dependent, even.

I returned to him his blazer and muttered a shy thank you. He took it back—and I thought I saw him blush—and clumsily wore it back on.

“Don’t do that next time.”

I looked at him. “Do what? Wait outside?”

He nodded. “You might catch a cold…”

My heart fluttered. Or so I think it did.

Damn it, I think. Gikwang isn’t supposed to act genuinely concerned—this concerned rather. He’d make a good actor if all of this were fake.

The way his eyebrows creased, the way his eyes locked on me, and the way his voice sounded…all of it sounded genuinely concerned, thoughtful, and worried. But, this isn’t my point. No, I’m not worried about that…I’m worried about how I am reacting to that.

And, I’d rather not say.

“I won’t,” I replied a bit too late.

“Won’t what? Wait outside again?” He said as we were walking side by side. He turned to look at me and I felt the heat in my cheeks rise up. The image of him checking my temperature from earlier is still imprinted on my mind. I look away before he suspects.

I shake my head. “No…I mean, I won’t catch a cold.”

“That’s good,” he smiled, playfully this time. “Otherwise if you do, I might catch it too.” He began laughing.

Is that why he acted so concerned? I felt myself rage. I turned furious. Is that why he went on checking my temperature? Is that why he put his blazer around me? Because of the fear of me catching a cold and contaminating him?

“So everything was about you after all, huh?” I snapped. I couldn’t help myself. Just when I thought he actually cared. “Everything you did, it was for your benefit.” I scowled at him and pushed my way past him.

He looked puzzled. Surprised. Confused. I suddenly felt stupid. No, what I did and said was stupid. For a reason, I think that we aren’t on the same page. This argument—my argument—isn’t on the same page as his.

I don’t care, I think. Let him think I’m odd. I’ll continue walking away anyways. I’m better off without him after all…

My thoughts were interrupted by Dongwoon. He whimpered a silent ‘ouch’ when I had come to step on his foot. I didn’t see that coming, but Yoseob did. He was chuckling after all.

“Sorry,” I forced the words out as if it was some big humiliating secret. “I didn’t mean to.”

Boy, was I embarrassed.

“It’s alright,” Dongwoon looked up to me and paused. He began smiling--too brightly in fact. “You didn’t mean to anyways.” He stuttered a bit--only a bit—as I noticed how his ears turned a shade of red.

I nodded sheepishly and left.

 After I turn away from him and Yoseob, a hand was placed over my shoulder.

“What was that about?” Gikwang asked, oblivious of Yoseob and Dongwoon behind us. “Why did you suddenly throw a fit?”

I’ve almost forgotten about him. Seeing him again made the fury rise back. “I didn’t throw a fit!” I snapped.

“Yes you did!” He quarreled back.

“Whatever!” I slapped his hand off my shoulder. “At least I’m not one who pretends to care when actually all he wants is to not catch a cold!”

Gikwang paused. He looked relieved for a while. Then he blurted: “Is that what this is about? What I’ve said?”

I didn’t reply. I didn’t have to.

He placed both his hands on my shoulders and sighed. “Look Danica, I care. I cared. None of that was fake or pretend. I was worried that you might catch a cold. I felt guilty to have you wait outside. I was worried about you.”

Seeing that I made no comment, he continued: “When I said that I might catch a cold from you, I was kidding. Yes, I was worried about that too, but that isn’t the point. My point is what I’ve done, and what I’ve felt…it wasn’t pretend nor for my own benefit. Everything was real…I care about you.”

His cheeks flushed at his last remark and seeing me pause at what he said…he quickly added: “I mean we’re …friends, right?”

And yes, we were friends.

That was all and that was it.

After all, friends do care for each other.