I wasn't planning on kissing him. It just was a instant reaction. He didn't kiss back and that was something I wasn't sure how to feel about. At first it was a bit disheartening. I wouldn't have kissed him for nothing. I wasn't like that.

To me love wasn't just a word, not just a feeling either. It was an expression, something that you lived for and died for. Love to me was something that I yearned for and would never stop looking for. 

But then after thinking about it for a while i became relieved that he hadn't kissed me back. Because that would have made things that much worse for me. He would have proved he had feelings for me. And honestly as much as I thought I wanted that honestly I wasn't really ready for something like that. 

He had felt my scars that night which made me scared as hell. It was something I never wanted anyone to find out about. I didn't need them worrying about me. They had bigger better things to be occupied with. I would just be an annoying distraction.

It was always something that I had never wanted to bother anyone with. Yes, I had a problem but I could deal with it on my own. I really didn't need anyone to find out and tell me what to do. I wasn't that kind of person. I didn't take criticism well and I hated being a burden on my other members. 

They were always certain that I was happy.

That I was fine.

They were wrong. 

There was a long story behind everything that happened to me. A lot of it was on accident.

The fir