The sands of time stopped for no one. Sometimes it seemed as though the universe ebbed and flowed around that single instance of life. Yet with all of the movement, things could seem so stagnant. Seungwan could feel the passage of time, it took it’s toll, and at the same time she could feel an eerie stillness. Sure, days passed in their usual flurry of idol activities but the monotonous rinse and repeat of her job hadn’t helped quell her frustration. She was a successful musician, a dream of hers come to life, so why did she feel as though she wasn’t doing anything with her life? Why did it feel like she was running in place? Why did she feel so empty?

     Things with Irene had been going surprisingly well, they could even hold conversations without the other members needing to come to the rescue. And it should have given her comfort. But love doesn’t disappear. It was almost as if feelings were real, tangible matter; even after it had been destroyed it was still there. Every look and word exchanged only reminded her of how much she had missed the older girl. 

     Oddly enough, she hadn’t heard from Taeyeon. The older girl had work in some other country or something of that nature, all Seungwan had gotten was a curt text saying that she wouldn’t be in Korea. Usually they kept each other updated no matter what country or time zone divided then but there was nothing. Seungwan didn’t want to reach out first. Something about the last night they had spent together had seemed off. Taeyeon moved with a sense of urgency, a certain desperation that was hard to miss.

“Your eyebrows are going to fuse together if you keep frowning like that.” The slightly older brunette flopped onto the couch, sitting a little too close for comfort.

”Thank you for that lovely comment, Seul.” The resident Pringles fanatic nodded enthusiastically, fringe tousled, before dramatically falling into her lap. That small interaction and the hum of the television being the only sound in the room. It had been just herself and Irene, seated at least five feet away from each other, because they weren’t gay. She didn’t know what was worse; thinking in grossly poetic lines or in memes. For as quiet as things were, they weren’t necessarily awkward. And that was a good thing... Right?

     The youngest members joined in shortly after for a night of “family bonding” as Sooyoung had put it. The kids had definitely livened the atmosphere, even if that did mean a war of popcorn and grubby hands reaching for the remote every few minutes. In these instances, life had seemed simple again. They were so oddly domestic. She and Irene played the parts of the loving parents, sometimes scolding the younger members for being too rowdy. She supposed that was one of the things that had made her fall for Irene, the way the leader handled everyone like it was perfectly natural for her. It was in the way that they were able to work together. Such dynamics were hard to find.

      At the third movie- a rather American flick- a knock sounded at the door. The chatter had died down almost instantly. Only a select few people knew where their dorm was located, so it must be relatively important. Wendy was of course the first to get up, and four sets of eyes trailed after her. Had her hands been shaking all night? She exhaled, unsteady fingers gripping the handle. The door swung open to reveal a disheveled version of Taeyeon, panting and all.

      To say she was stunned would be an understatement. Never had Taeyeon shown up to their dorm, especially at this time of night. Wasn’t the senior supposed to be away right now? A small book bag hung loosely off of one shoulder and her clothes had noticeable creases marring them. Messy buns were probably not meant to be that messy. She had only managed to choke out a few incoherent syllables. So she stood there looking like a babbling idiot in her own doorway.

     Then it all happened. Like any potentially life ending event, time seemed to slow. Taeyeon’s boot crossed the threshold. Blink. Her hand reached for the hem of her mask. Inhale. She leaned forward, stepping in close, eyes clearly locked on target. Eyes closed. And then sensation. The collective gasps of her group mates only feet away seemed to fade. Small hands weaved through her hair. Her back landed with a dull thud against the wall. Taeyeon was kissing her. She was kissing her like her life depended on it. 

      When they finally parted Wendy resisted the urge to look over at Irene. This didn’t involve her. Wendy waited for a response, visually confused. Taeyeon knew that she had a choice to make; confess or lie. The intention was to come here, kiss Seungwan, confess, and send a message to the others that Seungwan was hers. But the bravado that had fueled her was running too low. She knew that she was a coward, she knew it all already. Why did she thing this would work? She knew Seungwan still loved Irene. So why the did she try? Why had she been stupid enough to act on an impulse like this? Now it was make or break, and she was already falling apart. She held back the tears, Seungwan couldn’t know. It was hard to lie to the woman she loved. So she settled for a smaller truth, not the whole truth but not a lie. “I need you right now.”  She hoped that she had put enough lust into her voice to hide the pain behind her words.  They tasted bitter, or maybe it was the look Irene was giving her.

    The words traveled in the silence of the room. Everyone could hear the conversation even from the living room. Everyone could see. Irene would have been surprised that the grinding of her jaw wasn’t audible if not for the rage that made thinking difficult. She looked to Wendy, her side profile had always been breathtaking. But right now all she wished to do was breathe. She had never been particularly religious but she prayed that Wendy could feel her. She hoped against hope that Wendy would stay here with her, where she belonged. Maybe she should step in? She could sit in science and watch Wendy leave, like she had been doing for the past few years. Or she could go and do something, stop Wendy from choosing someone else. Either way things would not be the same. It was her one last chance to act. 

—————————

 lol kinda a cliffhanger for you guys. You have all been really patient with me and I really appreciate it as well as all of your comments. Hopefully the next update doesn’t take a whole month.