Sensory overload. Everything was too hot and at the same time too cold. She had caught Irene's eyes a few times throughout her escapade like the barrel of a gun trained at her head. Guilt colored her fingertips, crawling up her arms. Tendrils of dread wrapped around . She knew she had to go. "Rose, do you want to get out of here?" The red head nodded, lips still pressed to the column of her neck.

     They pushed their way through the sweaty, faceless, crowd. She sent a quick text to Joy, knowing that Seulgi would probably be too drunk by the end of the night to remember. Yeri would probably forget. Irene, of course, was out of the question.

[Won't be back tonight, don't wait up.]

     The text itself was uncharacteristically short and so very unlike her, but there were more pressing matters demanding her attention. Tonight wouldn't be about them. It would be about her and the beautiful woman leading her to salvation.

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     Sneaking back into the dorm later that afternoon had been perilous. Rose's face had seemed so familiar because Seungwan had seen her before. A tryst with another idol had solved as many problems as it had garnered. On the one hand, both knew the unspoken agreement of confidentiality. Just imagining the aftermath of a hetero idol relationship could bring down the strongest of them; no one wanted to find out what awaited the outbreak of a homoual hookup. She had no doubts that this would be kept far from the media, it was still risky.

      Despite all of the problems, Seungwan had finally found reprieve from her day to day torture. Irene hadn't crossed her mind the entire night. It was freeing. She had never slept well in other's beds but it had been the most peaceful rest she had in months.

     As she stepped through the threshold of the dorm, all of the noise had bombarded her. The loudest of all were her thoughts. A soft click sounded off behind her. Stifling silence filled the room. She felt like a circus act, all of the members staring at the monkey in the cage. Unnerving. "What?"

     Joy grinned, all teeth. "Did you have fun? Who was she? I want details." 

     Seungwan felt a headache rear its head. "Yes it was fun. She is an idol and no details."

     The taller girl was undeterred by the lack of information, "judging by those love bites and the fact that it's 4 p.m. you had more than just fun." 

     Seulgi piped up, "Wan, I didn't even know you swung that way and you're already picking up girls? I am so proud. When do we get to meet the future Mrs. Son?"

     The chuckle that followed was mirthless, "not anytime soon. That was just casual." With that she retearted to the kitchen away from everyone else. Grabbing a drink from the fridge, she hopped back onto the counter top. The slight elevation felt like breaking water after almost drowning. Everything was clearer up here. But no one was ever alone for long in the house.

     Irene entered, silent fury churning beneath the surface of alabaster skin. Her final stop directly in front of Seungwan. Feet planted firmly, shoulders squared, ready for a fight. "Just what in the world did you think you were doing last night? Did you not think of the example you set for Yeri? What about the consequences of being caught?" She wanted to say 'what about me?' but figured it was best if she didn't. Her voice quiet, rising in intensity.

     Part of her wanted to just get up and leave. Yet another part was screaming to fight back. Irritation slammed into her like a wave. She had almost forgot what she had left behind last night. Now it was all coming back, refusing to be ignored. Who was Irene to demand things of her? The darkness lasciviously whispered into her ear, she wanted to fight. She wanted to hurt.

"No one saw me leaving her place and Yeri isn't a toddler, she is old enough to make sense of right and wrong on her own." There was a pregnant pause, a deep breath though it felt like all of the oxygen in the room had been used to feed the fire.

     She slithered off of the counter, descending along with her heart. They were close now. It was closer than they had been in months. Eye to eye, Seungwan grew bold. She leaned in, the same darkness in her reflected by wide eyes. Irene's gaze flickered to her lips, nervous and anticipating. Bypassing the leader's lips, words flowed effortlessly to expectant ears, "and last night was me moving on." With that parting statement she slid past the stunned girl.

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     Had Seungwan been able to feel anything, she would have felt exceptionally guilty for purposely being hurtful but at this point everything was too numb. There was some sort of sick satisfaction derived from hurting those who had hurt you. Normally she wouldn't have been so vindictive but there were days that had melted into weeks of Irene's avoidance. Fire returned with fire.

    But once again, she felt cold and empty again. Except this time she knew what to do. Everyone had their vice, their own escape and maybe she had found her own from Irene. All she needed was a few days. All she wanted was to forget. If she could go back in time to never fall for Irene she would. 

    Names scrolled past. Tapping on the increasingly familiar contact, she waited for the ringing to stop. One the third ring a voice created her.

"Hello?"

"Hey Unnie, it's Wendy, I just wanted to ask if you would like to go to the club tonight?" 

"Are the rest of RedVel going?"

"Nope," she drew out the 'o' feeling the anger from earlier drain away, "it will be just the two of us."

"I'll be there at ten."

"Awesome! Thanks Unnie, you're the best."

"Yeah yeah, save the flattery for later. See you soon, Seungwan."

"See you soon Taeyeon-Unnie."

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Very unedited, it's 1 am. What am I doing with my life?