The soft patter of feet drew nearer and nearer. Seungwan was sitting on the counter, feet dangling, cookie in hand. At all other times she was Wendy; but in this moment, she was Seungwan. Wendy was the performer, professional and guarded. In this single instant, she wasn't anyone else but herself. Her thoughts were of her, this cookie, and not of cameras or the public.

     Out of the haze of thoughts, Irene emerged. Or maybe it was out of the doorway, Seungwan always had the tendency of being grossly poetic. She could've spent hours thinking about over complicated metaphors, but there were now two and the stillness had been expelled.

"Wendy, you know that we shouldn't be eating sweets so close to promotions!" A hand swiped the cookie from her grasp. Ah yes, she knew a lot of things. The diet they had to be on was just one of many things that she had chosen to ignore for just one moment. All of this red tape, all of the careful tip toeing around, it all grew so tiring.

"Yes, I know. But we've been working so hard; can't we just have a little break? No one is here." Seungwan might have thought in metaphors but Wendy was well versed in speaking in them.

"No exceptions. You know we can't."

     She didn't know if that made her want to laugh or cry at the hilarity of it all. Perhaps Irene was also speaking in metaphors. But in her core, she knew that wasn't the case. She could only be so lucky.

     With a sigh, short legs slid off of the linoleum counter tops. It was made to look like real marbling, hiding the cheap wood underneath. Odd how such small things can resonate with a person. The first sign of madness should probably be comparing yourself to inanimate objects.

"Now wait, if it really is that good... Here; half for you half for me. Our little secret." Irene topped it off with an impish smile.

"Yeah, okay. Thank you."

     She took the half and slid by Irene. Somewhere, half heartedly, she remembered reading that the act of sharing food in a story represented communion; a bond, a form of camaraderie, and something more intimate. That significance seemed too large, it was a sad reminder of what they weren't. Then again, most things were.

     She had been this fortunate in life, asking for more was probably a bad choice. The hurt look stinging her back was just another thing she ignored. She didn't want the cookie after all.

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     She hoped to whoever or whatever was out there, that this wasn't love. That this was some sort of school girl crush or at the very least lust. At least she could ignore those.

     Seungwan had always lived with a plan, nothing had ever been unplanned or decided on a whim. Love was not something that was within her guidelines, especially love with another member. It would never be the time or the place.

     Run. That was all she could do. Time had either brought delusion or resolution. She was an adult now, thing weren't as black and white as they had been back when they were trainees. Things now where a swirl of grays and all of the other colors had become muddled. As cliché as it is, things were simpler then. Years ago, it was a battle to become an idol, an uphill fight with teeth bared. The only thing that had changed was the battle.

     She had been naive. Mature in most ways but completely oblivious in others. Irene had been the first to ask her how she was, had been the first to care. It was natural that she had become infatuated with the beautiful girl. By fate -and more likely performance evaluations- they had been put together. After debut they had only grown closer, blurring the line to try and redraw it. They had only left dark smudges in their wake.

     Of course naivety had always brought on bravery. Maybe it was after Russian Roulette promotions or another time, she couldn't remember. It all seemed so irrelevant now. That stupid, ignorant, bravery had been the proverbial devil on her shoulder; it had made her feel like she could conquer the world. As an after thought, maybe it was love. What it was didn't matter, what mattered is what she did. 

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     Quiet surrounded the small bubble they had build for themselves. The couch had become their own home; a place where they could belong together. The light of the TV, their stars; it's quiet hum, the crashing waves against their private beach. And Irene, she was the brilliant, radiating, moon. Her warmth was intoxicating. They were burning like the sun; the two of them together, attracted like magnets.

     Neither spoke, too afraid to break the illusion. Funnily enough this would be their down fall. Irene turned her head to comment on the show and time had stopped. All Wendy could smell was apples. The urge to lean in was too much for her to bare. Lips to lips, she could see a supernova explode behind her eyes. She could feel the universe at her fingertips, electricity pulsing through her veins. More. She pushed forward, wanting to feel more of her. Irene sighed, lips parted, passion flared. A dainty hand slid into her hair tugging her closer. Wendy could taste the moans slipping out into their little world. But she should've known that their bubble had a time limit. That it would pop.

     Wendy could still taste apple and mint when she saw the look of apathy and confusion settle on Irene's beautiful features. "Oh Wendy, I'm sorry but I can't. I- I'm not a l-lesbian or whatever. Please understand." 

     The sound of her heart shattering had broken all illusion of bravery. She could feel her eyes tearing up, she couldn't look at Irene, it hurt too much. But for Irene's sake- because everything she did was for Irene- she smiled through it, looked at the wall behind them and spoke, "Unnie, don't worry that's okay. We can go back to normal." 

     That day she learned what it felt like to touch a black hole. An all encompassing expanse of nothing. She couldn't run from it, she couldn't escape. Part of her was lost in that black hole, or maybe she had become one. All stars collapsed at some point, especially those that burned too bright.

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Okay, so this was going to be a oneshot, but I kind of like where this is going?? Sorry to anyone that has been waiting for me to finish the seuldy story, I have lost all inspiration for it. Hoping I can finish at some point though. Anyhow, enjoy this and whatever this is?? I am super bad at updating too.