Between practices and schedules they had made time for each other. Taeyeon was the type to invite her for surprise little adventures that bordered in dates and Wendy had no problem with that. In fact it had been fun, it was almost like a dream. 

     From just stargazing together, blanketed under the indigo sky to dressing up and going to dinners. Their relationship-whatever it was- was grossly stereotypical. Seungwan never had a girlfriend, and really there were very few friends that she had that were gay in the first place. The only references she had were overly cliche lesbian flicks on Netflix and other cheesy romantic comedies. And as pleasant as their dates were, it had all felt so unreal. She kept questioning why she didn’t feel the same, if not better, then when she had been with Irene. What she had with Irene didn’t even exist but here she was with a real woman who theoretically was all that she had wanted. That feeling of detachment frustrated her. 

     She barely even saw Irene anymore. Most of her time was spent with Taeyeon after all. Even in absence Irene managed to haunt her. It was hard to not think of her when with Taeyeon and she knew that was unfair to the older woman.

     There were nights that she’d spent silently weeping, when she was as the dorm. Her bed had become the only place where she felt like she could be herself. Each day, each environment had developed a new mask that she donned. There was one for the dorm, the one that her group members recognized as the ‘old’ her. Another for the cameras. One for Taeyeon when they were together. Even one that looked back at her in the mirror. She could see the cracks spreading in all of them, she could feel it in her bones. It was funny, really, because all of these people that she had placed pieces with had failed to notice that she was splitting at the seams. She knew she wasn’t the best actress and yet all of these blatant slips had went by unnoticed by the people closest to her.

     A comeback came and went, promotions adding to the mountain on her shoulders. An after party, some drinks, the same old routine. Heels and alcohol had seriously impeded on her ability to walk. If it weren’t for the steady hands caging in her shoulders, she would’ve fallen. Her eyes focused and finally revealed the very familiar face of her savior.

“Rose?”

     The girl, chuckled,” it looks like you’re having a little trouble there.” 

     Wendy smiled in good humor, “yeah, thanks for that. How’ve you been?” 

     The taller woman guided her to a seat carefully and answered, mentioning advertisements and photo shoots, idol life. It was probably odd to talk to a one night stand but the other idol had been pleasantly surprising company. They carried on for hours bouncing from topic to topic, drinks forgeten. They had briefly touched on their shared night and laughed, they were adults and Rose understood the need for a distraction. Both found that they were quite similar and Wendy could feel the excitement bubble up at the prospect of a new friend. Exchanging numbers, both left to their respective groups. No one really questioned why the two were chatting for literal hours and Wendy appreciated that. It was well in to the morning hours that she received a text from Blackpink’s member. 

     It was refreshing to have a new friend. Wendy allowed herself to be Seungwan for the first time in a very long while. They began to hangout often. Rose was far enough removed from everyone else that Seungwan found herself confiding in her text buddy. They established an agreement that they wouldn’t hold anything back from the other. Seungwan found herself looking forward more to her bed and conversations with rose than she did spending time with Taeyeon and the Red Velvet members. 

      That was something that did go noticed by Taeyeon, however. Time that used to be spent going out was now divided even further among the hectic schedule of their jobs. The older girl had been badgering her to spend more and more time with her. She knew that Taeyeon disliked rose and she knew that it was because she was suspicious. But Wendy had expressed that things with the YG member were completely platonic. Taeyeon’s calls continued to increase and yet they never really talked anymore. ‘How was your day?’ progressed into ‘why are you always hanging out with that girl?’ and ‘I just want you to spend time with me.’ 

     She thought that she had done away with pleasing people at her own expense. It was infuriating. Why couldn’t she have friends outside of their mutual circle? Shouldn’t Taeyeon trust her? If they just talked things out she’d realize that she has nothing to fear. Where was it written that she had to drop everything at Taeyeon’s every call? 

      Rose agreed that Taeyeon was being a little too controlling. They had already discussed that Wendy was in a state of purgatory with her relationship, neither bad nor good. It was after a particularly bad argument that Wendy ranted to the only pair of ears that would listen. In complete sympathy and understanding Rose asked,” why are you with her if you’re unhappy? Why stay?”

      Wendy recoiled, visibly shocked at the inquiry. It was something she hadn’t thought about. She wanted to say that Taeyeon was her chance at happiness. She wanted it to be true. But really she was still there because she felt like she had to be there. In this faux idea of happiness she had figured that she didn’t need to feel too much as long as it wasn’t bad. In those cliche movies leaving was never really an option and she’d figured that was the model she was set to follow.

     The day after she called Taeyeon, needing to go through with her decision before she could second guess herself. On the second ring, she heard the other woman. Straight away Seungwan began, “we need to talk. Can I meet you somewhere?” 

     Taeyeon audibly growled, “if you’re going to break up with me just do it.”

     Wendy took a second, “ I’m sorry but I want to end this.”

” You’re not sorry, who is it you’re ing now? Irene of Rose?” 

     Wendy tried to remain kind, “Taeyeon, I’m not with anyone. I would never do that to you or anyone else. I’m just not happy and you’re not either. Thank you so much for helping me, for taking care of me. And you deserve so much more and that’s why we need to stop.”

”What do you mean I’m not happy? It’s this a joke?” The intensity in Taeyeon’s voice kept rising.

”we both know that I’m not giving you everything you want. You deserve someone that can give you their world and I’m sorry that I can’t be the one to do that for you.”

     Taeyeon scoffed, “ I ing loved you, you know that? And I’ve been in love with you for years now, Seungwan. Not just the side that you show everyone but all of you.” A sniffle sounded in the receiver, “but you’re right this hasn’t been what I wished it would be. I’m sorry too that we didn’t work out.” 

“Will we ever get to be friends again?”

      Wendy could hear the tears in the older woman’s voice, “yeah, but I’ll need time.”

     She wishes that she hadn’t hurt Taeyeon. She wished that it had been someone else. “I’ll always be here for you no matter what. I’m sorry, Taeyeon.” 

“I know”

”I hope you’re able to find someone that can truely make you happy.”

”me too.”

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Hey guys is been a super long time!! To make up for it this chapter is a little longer than usual. Things have been wild over here as usual, and I’m graduating this Saturday from high school. Lol between exams, my job, and a new girlfriend it’s been hectic. But I’ll probably update more in the summer. Anyway, show ChaseTheSun Some love and politely ask them to update lol. Hope everyone is doing well!