A voice crackled on the other side of the line, “what the do you think you’re were doing?”

Wendy tried to stop the nervous giggles that bubbled up, “Now Rosie...” 

 “Do not ‘Rosie’ me, Seungwan! You ed the ‘not-so-straight’ straight girl that broke your heart and I just want to know where  you ed up so bad. I feel like that’s not asking a lot.” As harsh as she was being, she knew it was what Wendy needed to hear.

 “I don’t know? It was more heat of the moment.” Wendy sighed, “look, I don’t know what I’m doing. But isn’t that okay? I’ll keep myself safe. I promise.”

 “Okay.” Rose paused, trying to hold back further words of discouragement. “Just take care of yourself for once.” The call ended soon after.

——————

     The plain truth was that Wendy was scared. They hadn’t slept together again after the dressing room incident. Even so, Wendy found herself at the center of Irene’s attention constantly. She couldn’t bring herself to fall back into her old habits though. She’d grown used to the affectionate touches, at least enough to not flinch every time. 

     Irene’s smiles shouldn’t be directed at her. The side of her leader that had once infatuated her only sereved as a cause for confusion.

     She didn’t want the perfect picture of a committed couple. She didn’t want the hand holding and soft embraces. Those actions shouldn’t be for her anymore; they were way past that. What she wanted was the intense, lust filled nights. Lust was universal, easy to understand. 

——————

     Irene couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so happy, so inhibited. God, it felt like she could take on everything the cold world could throw at her. Seeing Wendy in the dawning light of the early morning, apron securely tied on her waist, in the kitchen brought on a warmth unparalleled to anything else. Arms carefully wrapped around Wendy’s hips, Irene couldn’t imagine why she gave this up. 

     Fear was a funny thing. A fickle animal, scurrying to and fro at the presence of the radiant vocalist. She’d known following Wendy’s invitation had been the right choice. And that moment, had been so passionate, so blissful, it was completely worth the isolation and the pain. If this is what love felt like; Irene realized she’d give up anything for it. 

     She tried to reign in her excitement, Wendy was last to shower meaning she had all the time in the world to execute her plan. She gently pushed the door open, quickly closing it behind her. Her towel dropped as she brushed past the shower curtain. “Wannie, can I come join you?” 

     Wendy jumped in place, almost slipping, “you scared me!”

  “I just wanted to keep you company.” She stepped closer, until her form molded against Wendy’s. At the girl’s near inaudible ‘oh’ she leaned forward to plant a kiss on pink lips.

     They were in the shower for almost an hour before winding up in Irene’s room. She had an inkling that she’d be incredibly sore at their rehearsal the next day. Every time she’d reach out to let the other girl feel even the slightest bit of what she felt, her hands were pinned over her head. She was honestly, kind of, into it. By the time she remembered that she wanted to return the favor, she could barely move out of exhaustion.

    They’d started to have little trysts more often. Every time would end up with a very clothed Wendy and rumpled sheets. She was concerned as to why she’d never gotten the privilege to leave the same possessive marks on Wendy. She craved to please the younger, but the tables would always turn and the more she sought after it, the more often she found herself in the same place.

——————

      The younger members had managed to drag them all out for a group karaoke night, an unusual occurrence for sure. With the usual patrons, no one even batted an eye at one of Korea’s biggest girl groups. They’d all settled into the booth, happy to all be together.

     Irene had slid in, right next to Wendy, linking their hands underneath the table. Most of the members knew what was happening, most of them had heard it much to their displeasure. They couldn’t help but support Irene, it seemed like things had gone back to normal in the dorm. Well not normal, but amicable. It was still strange to see Irene full on kissing Wendy in the most random places, but if that was the price to pay to have the usual atmosphere back then what could they do?

     The waitress, a somewhat cute, twenty-something had taken a particular liking towards Wendy that night. It should have signaled that all of hell was about to be unleashed. Emphasis on ‘should.’ 

     Wendy of course smiled politely at all of the advances thrown her way. But Irene couldn’t say the same for herself; how dare this girl hit on her Wendy. Right in front of her too! And Wendy did nothing to stop the advancements! It was insulting. She tried to drop subtle hints that Wendy was hers, showcasing their linked hands over the polished table top, and all but clinging to the vocalist. Each time Wendy would distance herself, and Irene was left with only one thought; Wendy must’ve been interested in this . She desperately didn’t want to believe it. They were definitely going to have a conversation about this in the car! 

—————

      She could feel the resistance dragging her down as she lead them to the company van. At the final ‘Irene! Stop!’ She huffed, whipping around on her heel. “What is it?”

 “What do you mean? You can’t just drag me out here whenever you please!” The indignant tone only served to flare Irene’s anger.

 “You’re one to talk about doing whatever you please! I was sitting right next to you and you were flirting with that- that !” She said it as if in disbelief. How could Wendy do something like that to her? Didn’t Wendy love her like she’d said all those months ago?

 “I wasn’t even flirting with her! I don’t know that girl! And you don’t either.” 

 “Oh so you’re defending her now? And what about me, Wendy?” She couldn’t remember the last time she’d raised her voice like this. Their ‘talk’ was quickly dissolving into a shouting match. She willed herself to blink back the stinging in her eyes. She would not be weak.

 “What about you?” Wendy let out a scoff in disbelief. “Last time I checked you weren’t my damn keeper, Joohyun. We’re not dating, you’d made your adversity to that idea apparent a long time ago, so stop acting like you actually give a !”

 “What do you mean? I thought we’d had something special?” Her voice was raw, vulnerability peeking through.

 “I don’t know what you mean.” Both of their tones had dropped considerably. “This,” Wendy gestured vaguely, “this wasn’t a relationship; it was just .”

     Her tears had dropped with a sudden sense of finality. “I thought this was us. I thought you were doing this because you wanted to be together again.”

 “Listen to yourself! It’s always ‘again’ with you.” Wendy’s mask started to slip, revealing a broken Seungwan. “Do you have any idea how long I waited? How long I’d loved you?” Tears threatened to spill over. “And when I finally told you, ‘cause I thought you might say the same, you rejected me. Do you even have the slightest inkling of how much that hurt?” Irene couldn’t even say anything. She’d never witnessed the pillar of the group break down. It was as disturbing as it was beautiful. “Did you really think I’d wait for you again after that?” It wasn’t a rhetorical question.

 “But what about all of those late nights we’d spent together?” Irene tried to speak over the unbearable pain in her chest.

 “I don’t know. What were they to you?”

      She wanted to reach out to Wendy. To hug her and tell her she loved her too. To tell her that they’d just never gotten the timing right, but this time things would be different cause they both loved each other. She tried to, only for Wendy to step back, like she was a wild animal. Fear consumed her. Did Wendy still love her? She could either bare her soul and hope for a chance or she could withdraw again, and she knew that would forever break whatever possibilities they could share. She needed to be brave, but it’d never been so hard. 

 “Wendy, I,” this was the the moment, “I love you.”

     The silence was torture. She could see the other girl falling apart. Wendy had always looked so youthful, but now she just looked exhausted.

 “I’m sorry, I’m going to need some time to think.” And with that Wendy left. She honestly couldn’t tell if things were going to be okay. Of course the unknown scare her, but if Wendy needed time, she’d wait. She knew it was her turn to wait.

—————

 lmao sorry guys last night at like four I started writing this and then I realized I had to get up for work and In my sleepiness I forgot to mark it as a hidden chapter when I saved. So for everyone who commented I apologize. This is the full chapter out and I dunno if this is going to give you guys a notification or something but the last parts of this chapters were major so like whoops.