The hot summer night was clear and quiet. Stars twinkled brightly in the sky as the night crickets sang their nightly song.

In his bedroom, Jaejoong laid on his back, nervously watching Yunho above him. The latter’s hands were wandering everywhere – touching, , and caressing in the gentlest of brushes. Jaejoong shivered despite the warmth in his room.

His parents were out for their weekly date night. His sisters all had their own plans. He was home alone… with Yunho.

His boyfriend smiled at him. “You’re really beautiful, Jae.”

Jaejoong couldn’t help but smile back. “You too, Yunho.”

Yunho leaned down to kiss him, gently, and Jaejoong let out an involuntary sigh of happiness.

When the kiss broke, Yunho asked, “Are you okay with this?”

All at once, the anxiety was back and Jaejoong swallowed the lump in his throat. “Um… I’ve never done this before.”

“I’ll be gentle, I promise.”

That answer made his brows furrow and he sat up, prompting Yunho to move back. “Wait… have you… done this before?”

At that, Yunho blushed a deep red. Jaejoong felt what little confidence he had earlier just plummet.

“So, you have done this before?”

“I… when I dated Sunmi-noona… she was older, remember? Um… we did it once before we broke up.”

This time, Jaejoong scooted back in shock. “You were 14, Yunho! And she was 16! What were you thinking?!”

“I don’t know! Honestly, I didn’t want to do it. But, she was really insistent. And I was curious. I… don’t even know if I did it right… Actually, I think she was disappointed… probably why she dumped me soon after.”

Jaejoong’s mouth dropped in disbelief before he closed it and looked away. “How… How was it?”

“Um… Okay, I guess…”

Jaejoog hummed. “It will be different with a guy, you know…”

“I know… Um… I did a little research…”

“Still… Actually… The truth is…”

Jaejoong’s inner turmoil must have shown as Yunho sighed and scooted over to take him in his arms.

“It’s okay, we don’t have to do it tonight.”

Jaejoong’s head flew up to look at his boyfriend’s face. There were no hard feelings there. Maybe a little disappointment, but there was more understanding than anything else.

Yunho chuckled as he ran a hand through Jaejoong’s hair. “Besides, do we really want our first time to be in your tiny little bed with your parents and sisters possibly coming home any minute?”

Jaejoong shook his head, his embarrassment returning tenfold. “I… I want to do it with you. I really do, Yunho! It’s just…”

Yunho pressed a kiss to his hair. “You’re not ready, I know. It’s okay. I don’t mind. I’ll wait.”

Jaejoong looked up at him. “Really? You’re okay if we don’t do it?”

“I’m just thankful you considered it, Jaejoongie. You’re more important to me than , okay?”

Jaejoong nodded and smiled in gratitude. Yunho was so understanding.

“So, what should we do instead? Do you wanna play some video games?”

Jaejoong pressed himself closer against Yunho’s chest, wrapping his slim arms around the other’s waist. “Can we just… stay like this for a while?”

Yunho nodded. “Of course. Anything for you, baby.”

 

Two months flew by.

Although things seemed normal and ordinary, Jaejoong could always feel how different things were now.

First, the fact that he was now single. He had been with Yunho since he was 15. He couldn’t remember a time when he had been single and didn’t refer to himself as “Yunho’s boyfriend”. It took some time, but he eventually got used to the lack of feeling a ring on his finger and telling people that no, he wasn’t dating anyone at the moment.

Second, he was no longer a volunteer teacher but a teaching assistant at a private elementary school. One of his fellow volunteer teachers had recommended him to the principal and he was hired immediately.

So, overall, despite the changes, he was fairly content. Although there was still one thing that hadn’t changed.

Jaejoong stared at the caller ID flashing on his phone, debating if he should answer it or just let it go to voicemail again. Eventually, he sighed and answered it. He was feeling generous.

“What?” he said in a monotone.

“Hi Jae!” greeted the familiar cheery voice.

“What do you want now, Yunho?”

He could practically hear the grin accompanying the other man’s answer. “Did you get the flowers? Do you like them?”

Jaejoong rolled his eyes. “Yes, they were very nice.” He listened as Yunho let out a soft cheer before continuing, “My students are excited to bring them home to their mothers.”

“Oh.” The man’s voice deflated and Jaejoong almost felt bad for him, until he said, “That’s just fine with me! If your students are happy, then that means you’re happy, so that makes me happy too.”

His voice alone was exuding brightness that Jaejoong almost faltered in his resolve to be as nonchalant and uninterested in his ex-fiancé’s enthusiasm.

He coughed. “H-How did you know where to send them anyway? Did Yoochun tell you where I work?”

“No.” A pause. “Jihye did. She sent the flowers for me, but I picked them.”

Sadly, no matter what the bastard did to him, Jaejoong was very fond of the guy’s younger sister and knew that she was only trying to help. She had become her own version of Cupid trying to match up her brother and his ex-fiance, often personally delivering gifts from Yunho and not taking it personally when he returned them or gave them to someone else. Even the guy’s parents remained as kind as ever to him (well, his mother, anyway… Yunho’s father always been distant with him).

“Yah, stop using your sister to get back in my good graces,” he scolded. “She’s in her last year, she needs to focus all her attention in school. What kind of brother are you?”

Without missing a beat, Yunho answered, “One who’s still very much in love with you… and hopes that you forgive him for being a bastard.”

Jaejoong had no answer for that and for a moment, there was only silence.

Yunho spoke again, “I’m coming home for Chuseok. Do you think… I could see you?”

Jaejoong swallowed. “I didn’t come to meet you the last time you came home. What makes you think I’d come meet you this time?”

“High hopes and a lot of prayers?”

He could feel a little headache coming on though it was more from conflicted feelings than irritation.

The last time Yunho came home for the weekend was a month ago, exactly two weeks after he left when Jaejoong broke things off with him. He had called Jaejoong, asking to meet at their favorite spot in the park.

The entire day, the latter was faced with the dilemma of “go” or “don’t go”. He had dressed up and gotten as far as the front door when he froze up and everything came rushing back. He ended up not going at all and stayed locked in his room all day and well into the night. He heard from Junsu that Yunho stayed at the park all day until Jihye dragged him back home at around 9:30 that night. He tried very hard not to feel guilty afterwards.

Yunho didn’t seem to hold it against him as the guy continued to call him and leave messages when Jaejoong didn’t answer or just texting him. The messages were simply of him talking about his day, ending each one with an “I miss you”. He never begged Jaejoong for a reply. In a way, he simply took what little attention Jaejoong would spare him.

“Jae…”

“I have to go, Yunho. My lunch break is almost over.”

“Oh, okay. Jae-.”

“Bye, Yunho.”

He hung up before the other guy could answer and sighed.

Sometimes, he felt cruel. But, a part of him also knew that his behavior was justified. Yunho had hurt him. And no matter how much time has passed, he could still feel the pain of that betrayal, even if that searing pain had dulled into an annoying ache in his chest.

And the knowledge that Yunho still lived in that same apartment building with Jisoo only a few doors away did not make it easy for Jaejoong to try and forgive Yunho.

He did ask Jihye, on one of her many visits to the restaurant, why he was still staying there and she said that Yunho’s lease was for a year so he had to stay there or risk paying a large fee, which he really couldn’t afford with a meager intern’s salary.

“But he promises he would move out as soon as the lease is done, oppa!” Jihye had said to him. “Maybe you can move in with him?”

Jaejoong had simply chuckled, ruffled her hair, and gave her free dessert.

If things had gone the way they had planned, Jaejoong would have moved to Seoul with him by now. If Yunho had never strayed, Jaejoong would have been busying himself with preparing for their wedding. If they had still been engaged, Jaejoong would be drowning in invitation samples, guest lists, and flower arrangements, not worksheets, test papers, and ink under his fingernails.

But, there was no use in dwelling in the “what could have been”. What was done was done. All they could do was move forward.

“You seem deep in thought.”

The familiar voice stood out from the chatter of the various students and teachers in the lunchroom.

Jaejoong looked up and smiled at his mentor. “Sunbae.”

Lee Hyori was the school’s only music teacher and had been Jaejoong’s guidance from the very beginning. She was attentive, approachable, and often allowed Jaejoong to take the reins in some classes. He felt like his skill levels as a teacher had multiplied tenfold while working alongside her.

Being around her often made him miss his older sisters, but at the same time, it comforted him.

Hyori settled herself on the chair in front of him with her tray of food. “I saw you deep in conversation earlier. Chatting with the girlfriend?”

Jaejoong chuckled, blushing lightly. Like his sisters, she loved to too.

“Sunbae, you know I don’t have a girlfriend.”

Hyori pretended to sigh, deeply. “And it still surprises me that a handsome guy like you is still single. If only I were a few years younger and not married.”

Jaejoong knew she was joking, so he didn’t feel disturbed by the sentiment. He only laughed in response and shrugged.

“I guess handsomeness isn’t all that.”

The rest of his day was uneventful. Just the usual classes, chatting with some students who needed extra help, and mingling with the other teachers and hearing their woes.

After Hyori had sent out the last of her homeroom class out the door, Jaejoong busied himself by tidying up a little so the students on duty the next morning wouldn’t have a hard time.

“Jaejoong, great job today!”

He smiled at her. “You too, sunbae!”

“And thank you for the flowers. I’m sure the kids are excited to bring them home. And thank you for mine, as well.” She twirled the single peach-colored rose around her fingers. “Ahhh, I wish my husband would buy me flowers too!”

“Well, maybe you could hint it today when you get home.”

“Hmmm… very true! Anyway, why don’t you take the leftovers home? Give them to your umma.”

Jaejoong looked over to the teacher’s desk where five of the roses still laid on a bed of clear plastic with red heart patterns. Yunho had sent over thirty roses. They only had twenty-four students in the class plus Hyori.

He really didn’t want to take them home, but Hyori was smiling so kindly and expectantly at him that he simply nodded.

Finally, they parted for the day.

Since he still hadn’t passed his driving test, Jaejoong took the bus home, the roses tucked securely in his arms.

When he arrived home, he immediately hunted for an empty vase. Finding one in the kitchen cupboard, he set it on the table, filled it with water, and placed the roses in it. For a few moments, he stared at them.

They were a really beautiful, light peach color, and the petals were soft to the touch. Jaejoong felt a little mesmerized by the blooms, subconsciously leaning over to smell them. The scent was heavenly and fresh, light and not too sweet. He felt himself smile as he continued to look at them.

Yunho used to get him flowers randomly when they were in high school. And by “get”, it was more like he pulled them from their school’s garden or at the park. Jaejoong used to be so annoyed by it, feeling like the other was treating him like a girl. Over time, he got used to the gesture, found it sweet even.

Yunho stopped when they got to college, when papers, projects, tests, and an uncertain future took over their lives.

It was the first time since high school that Yunho had given him flowers.

Jaejoong felt his heart stir when he realized where his thoughts were taking him. Shaking his head, he pulled his eyes away from the flowers and walked out of the room.

He didn’t want to be put under their spell in the same way Yunho seemed to do to him.

He couldn’t let himself be swayed so easily. Not by flowers. And certainly not by Jung Yunho.

He was still healing. And while he was still putting himself back together, he couldn’t allow Yunho to come right back in and take his heart again.

And he couldn’t allow himself to give it back to him. Not yet.

 

---

 

The day after Yunho returned to Seoul, he immediately went to meet with his landlord to discuss his lease. Unfortunately, his lease stated that he must stay in that apartment for a year or pay a hefty fee that he could not afford. He thought about borrowing money from his parents, but a part of him felt ashamed to ask them to bail him out when he got himself into this mess in the first place.

So, he had simply decided to endure and worked on evading Jisoo as much as he could.

He knew that she knew his working hours and what time he normally came home. So, he would spend after work wandering around the city and coming home at random times throughout the week, never the same hour twice in a week. If he was unlucky to encounter her in the hallways, he would pretend to be rushing somewhere so he wouldn’t have to talk to her. He avoided the elevator and used the stairs instead.

He had made a habit of checking his peephole every time someone knocked on the door or rang the doorbell. He put the T.V. on the lowest volume and used his headphones when he used his computer. He dimmed the lights at night so it seemed like no one was home.

And he stocked up on food during the week so he didn’t have to leave during the weekends. If he absolutely had to go somewhere, he made sure to check the hallway first before moving with incredible speed to the stairway like a serial killer was chasing him.

Jisoo still attempted to visit him a bunch of times, sometimes with food, other times with a bag of soju or some other alcoholic drink. She continued calling him, which he would leave to go to voicemail before deleting them without listening to the messages.

It seemed so over-the-top and even borderline paranoid, but Yunho was not taking any more chances.

He promised Jaejoong that he would stay away from her… far, far away and he was sticking to it.

Unfortunately, today was an unlucky day for him.

He had been in a good mood all day because he was going back home to Gwangju for Chuseok. He was excited to his family and Jaejoong. He had a full five days off and he intended to make the most of it.

The latter didn’t meet him last time and although it had saddened him, he didn’t let it shake his determination. He had to show Jaejoong how much he meant to him.

So, he happily bid his co-workers goodbye and left work early to head back to his apartment and finish packing.

Just as he was shutting and locking the door, Jisoo emerged from her apartment.

“Yunho!” she exclaimed, beaming excitedly as she approached him. “Are you free tonight? I have some extra soju. Maybe we could drink it together and… are you going somewhere?”

She eyed his suitcase beside him.

“Um, yeah, I’m heading home for Chuseok. Aren’t you?”

She shook her head. “Ahh, no. My parents are going on a holiday trip and my sister is spending it with her boyfriend.” She sighed. “It’s a lonely Chuseok for me this year.”

If Yunho was the same man he was just a few months ago, he would have kindly invited her to spend the holiday with his family. But, things were different with them now. He couldn’t even treat her like a friend.

So, instead, he just nodded. “I see. Well, I hope you find someone to spend it with. I’ll be going now.”

He turned to walk away.

“Wait, Yunho!”

He pretended not to hear as he picked up his pace.

“Yunho, please! Talk to me! I miss you!”

“Jisoo-shii, please. I don’t want to cause any more misunderstandings between us.”

He felt a tug on his suitcase and turned to see that she had taken hold of the strap. He gently tugged it away from her hand.

Her eyes were wet with tears and he turned his head away so his heart wouldn’t be moved. He had been working on hardening his heart when it came to her. So far, it had been working.

“Yunho, I’m sorry if I come off as desperate. Trust me, I know. But, I just love you so much-.”

“What exactly is it that you love about me?” he asked, genuinely curious.

She seemed surprised yet pleased at his question. “Because you’re perfect! You’re handsome and sweet. You pay attention to me and you’re always so kind. You make me feel important.”

“I’m kind because that’s the way I was raised, Jisoo-shii.”

“Please don’t be so formal with me, Yunho-ah. If you give me a chance, I want to get closer to you.”

She stepped forward, but Yunho took several steps back.

“I have a sister. I was taught early on how to treat women like they are treasures. It’s old-fashioned but that was how I was raised. But, the person I really treasure the most? It’s Jaejoong. And I hurt him. I didn’t treasure him the way I should have. But, that stops now, Jisoo-shii.”

Her tears stopped and instead, a flash of anger blazed in her eyes. “So, this is still about him? He left you, Yunho!”

“Because I hurt him! He had every right to leave me. But that doesn’t mean I love him any less.”

“Why can’t you love me too?!” she screamed, distressed.

Yunho shook his head. “Because I don’t feel anything for you, Jisoo-shii. I’m sorry.”

Jisoo leaped forward and grabbed his arm. “You can learn love! You can learn to love me! Yunho, please!”

She tried to lean forward to kiss him but Yunho was faster and grabbed her arm, pushing her away from him. She stumbled a little and Yunho felt a little twinge of guilt for treating a woman so roughly. But he had to relay the message to her somehow.

He grabbed his suitcase and started to walk away again when she called out to him.

“Yunho, I’m pregnant!”

That stopped him in his tracks, heart beating fast. His head swirled and he felt like almost fainting. He thought of Jaejoong… his precious Jaejoong… how he couldn’t wait to see that smile… the smile that he had destroyed when he betrayed him.

Yunho turned to look Jisoo in the eye. “No, you’re not,” he stated, in a voice devoid of emotion.

She seemed startled at his response and her arm flew to her stomach. “Yes, I am! I am!”

“Really?” He raised an eyebrow as his gaze moved to the forgotten bag of soju next to her. “If you were pregnant, why would you be drinking soju?”

She looked away. “I… I…”

“Are you really pregnant, Jisoo? No lies, please. Do not lie to me about this. Not this.”

“Yunho… I…”

“If you lie to me, Jisoo… I won’t forgive you.”

She lifted her eyes to meet his, tears falling again. “I’m sorry.”

He walked over to her, his own eyes blazing. She wouldn’t dare trick him. It was such a low move on her part… but, if it wasn’t a trick, what was he going to do?

“Are you telling the truth? Because if you truly are, Jisoo, I’ll take responsibility for the child. But, if you’re lying to me, I’ll know it eventually because I have no intention of sleeping with you ever again.”

If she was pregnant, there was no hope of Jaejoong ever forgiving him.

Jisoo swallowed and sighed. “No, I’m not pregnant. I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me. I just… I want you to pick me.” She grabbed his arm, her nails digging into his skin. “I want you to stay with me, Yunho. I don’t care if I’ll be your mistress. You don’t even have to introduce me to your family. I just… I want you.” She leaned her head against his arm, tears streaming down her face and hitting his skin. “Please… please don’t pick him. Pick me…”

But, Yunho extracted his arm from her hold, not caring to be gentle for once. He was angry and pissed off at what she just tried to pull on him.

The woman he had admired months ago was gone. In her place was someone he didn’t recognize. And it occurred to him that perhaps he never really knew her, just as she didn’t know him.

“I’m sorry, Jisoo,” he said.

He grabbed his suitcase and walked away as fast as he could. He didn’t wait for the elevator and took the stairs, his luggage hitting the metal steps with loud thuds.

It wasn’t until he was in his car and driving away from the apartment that Yunho was finally able to breathe.

 

---

 

It was the day before Chuseok, so school was off for the long weekend. Jaejoong spent this time helping out at the restaurant. They were busy from last-minute take-out orders before they closed for the holidays.

He ran around, jotting down orders, delivering them to tables or the waiting takeout patrons, and helping his mother out in the kitchen when she needed an extra pair of hands.

He heard the bell ring and one of the hostesses greeting the newcomers but paid them no mind as he delivered a tray of food to a family of five.

“Jaejoong, table fifteen,” said the hostess to him as he passed her.

“Got it. Thanks.”

He dropped his tray off in the kitchen before heading towards the table. But, halfway there, he paused in his tracks, finally seeing who the new guests were.

Sitting on table fifteen with Jihye chattering along next to him was Yunho.

So, he really did come home for Chuseok. But, why was he here?! Did they not have food at their house?! Why here of all places?!

Of course, Jaejoong knew why, but he wasn’t going to acknowledge it.

Yunho looked up and caught his gaze. He smiled a heartstopping smile and Jaejoong knew he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t go over there and act normal, even if Jihye was there. He just couldn’t.

So, he his heels and hurried back to the kitchen. One of the waiters was free so he sent him over in his place and told his mother he wanted to help in the kitchen for the rest of his shift.

 

---

 

Yunho sighed in disappointment as Jaejoong disappeared from view. His sister flashed him a sympathetic look.

“It’s okay, oppa,” she comforted. “You’re here for another three days! I’m sure you’ll get to talk to Jaejoong-oppa at some point.”

Her optimism made him smile and somewhat feel better.

He had arrived last night and although he wanted to see Jaejoong immediately, Jihye had talked him out of it. Instead, she proposed that they spend a brother/sister day and have lunch at the Kims’ restaurant and if Jaejoong was up for it, they could spend a day at the mall together. It would be just like old times.

Obviously, the mall outing with Jaejoong was no longer feasible. Nonetheless, even it was for just a moment, he got to see Jaejoong.

The latter looked a whole lot better than when he left him almost two months ago. His eyes no longer had dark circles, his hair was glossier, and he had gained a little weight. Just seeing him well and healthy made Yunho happy enough.

When they had finished their lunch, Yunho called over the waiter who waited on their table.

“Can you pass a message to Jaejoong for me?” he asked.

The waiter seemed taken aback and he looked towards the kitchen and back to Yunho, unsure.

“Don’t worry, if you get in trouble, I’ll vouch for you. Please?”

In the end, the waiter gave him his pad and a pen and Yunho scribbled a quick note, folded it up, and gave it to him with a “thank you”.

Together, he and Jihye left the restaurant, arms locked together as Jihye was feeling a little clingy. She must have really missed him while he was gone.

He thanked the higher power up above that even if everyone was against him, at least he still had his sweet and loving sister.

“Oppa, buy me clothes! You have money, right? Let’s go!”

Even if she was a bit of a spoiled brat, sometimes.

 

---

 

I’ll be waiting at the park, day after tomorrow. 7pm. I hope you come.

Love,

Yunho

Jaejoong read and re-read the message many times and he couldn’t help the bubble of… something… in his chest. Part of him was mad that Yunho was still trying to gain his forgiveness. Another part felt relief that somehow, maybe, the other did still love him despite his mistakes.

“Are you going to go?”

The young teacher almost jumped ten feet in the air at his mother’s voice.

“Umma! Don’t scare me like that!”

Mrs. Kim chuckled, fondly. “You seemed deep in thought that you didn’t even notice me reading over your shoulder?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Umma, you don’t even reach my shoulder.”

She waved a hand in dismissal. “You know what I mean.” She looked pointedly at him. “You haven’t answered my question. Are you going to go meet him?”

Jaejoong sighed and leaned back against the kitchen counter. They were still at the restaurant, cleaning up before closing and it was right then that he finally got the chance to read Yunho’s message.

“I don’t know… should I?”

His mother leaned back on the counter beside him. “Why are you asking me? I’m too old to be Yunho’s lover.”

“Umma!”

She laughed and said nothing.

“I… Could I? After everything he did to me? Could I really meet him like he didn’t break my heart?”

His mother pursed her lips for a few moments.

Outside, the other employees and his father busied themselves with seeing some customers out and cleaning up. But, no one entered the kitchen, to Jaejoong’s relief.

“Tell me, son. What hurt you more? The fact that Yunho slept with a woman or the fear that he may have fallen in love with her?”

Jaejoong’s eyes widened. “What? Is there even a difference? The point is that he was with another person! And a woman at that!”

“Believe me or not, I don’t approve of what Yunho did. In fact, if it were up to me, I’d rather you leave him. But, I also know you love him. So… what hurt more?”

Jaejoong looked back to two months ago. When Yunho opened that door and saw him, he only saw pure joy in his ex-fiance’s face. He didn’t suspect a thing, only jumped into his arms, happy to finally be with him again.

That feeling turned to dread and pain when he saw an unknown woman emerge from his ex-fiance's kitchen, looking like she belonged there… like they were a married couple ready to start their day.

When Yunho confessed his infidelity, his world came crashing down.

Did he do something? Was he no longer enough? Was being with him just a phase? Maybe he realized he didn’t like men at all? Did Yunho want kids after all? This woman could give him the one thing Jaejoong couldn’t.

“It hurt… believing that he may have wanted something that I could never give him,” Jaejoong finally said. “With her, he can have a family… a normal life. With me, I… I have nothing to offer… Nothing but myself.”

He felt a tear slide down a cheek and he hurriedly brushed it away before it was followed by any more.

“You know that you’ve always been enough for Yunho,” his mother said, wrapping an arm around him. “He said so when he asked me and your Appa if he could marry you.”

“What if he changed his mind?” Jaejoong asked, his voice shaking. “What if he realized he wanted what many men wanted too? Jisoo… she could give that to him.”

Mrs. Kim soothingly rubbed his shoulder.

“Umma… what do I do?”

“What do you want to do, Jaejoongie?”

“I…” He wiped another stray tear away. “Can’t you just… tell me what to do?”

“If I tell you what to do, it wouldn’t really be your decision now, wouldn’t it? You’re an adult now, son. You need to face this, head on. If you want to give Yunho a chance, give him a chance. If you don’t, then end it, officially. Not this push and pull. Not telling him that you are over yet welcoming his advances, even if you don’t realize it. You’re giving him hope. And making it go on any longer will only hurt you both. So, you need to decide, Jaejoong. What do you want to do?”

His mother’s words washed over him, like a bucket of cold water.

Jaejoong looked at the note in his hand again, the wheels in his head turning. His mother was right. He had to decide now.

 

---

 

It was a chilly night and Yunho was glad that he listened to his mother when she told him to wear a jacket.

His family still wasn't thrilled with what he did, but at least now his mother could look at him with that warm, motherly expression.

After hearing from Jihye what occurred the day Jisoo came to their home, Mrs. Jung had tsk’ed in disapproval and even Mr. Jung didn’t look happy with the drama that occurred in front of his home.

So, when he told them that he was working on patching things up with Jaejoong, they couldn’t exactly dissuade him from it. In fact, Mrs. Jung had encouraged him, demanding that he brought her future son-in-law back into the family. His father didn’t say a word, but he did wish Yunho luck that night.

Because Jaejoong had agreed to see him!

Sure, it was a simple, “I’ll be there” text that morning, but it made him feel like he was on cloud nine for the rest of the day.

So, there he was, waiting by their favorite bench at the park, bouquet of flowers in his hand, and a whole speech planned. There was no one else around the area, everyone celebrating the holidays indoors. He felt like he was a teenage boy courting a girl for the first time. Except, he was an adult man who was trying to win back the heart of his male lover.

Things were looking up for him.

“Yunho.”

He turned to see Jaejoong, looking as handsome as ever in a black pea coat jacket with his hair styled messily. He had both hands in the pocket of his coat.

For once, he didn’t harbor that bored-looking expression he had come to wear in Yunho’s presence. The hope in his heart multiplied tenfold.

“Hi,” he greeted, feeling shy all of a sudden. “Um, you look good.”

Jaejoong smiled, slightly. “Thanks. You too.”

Yunho raised the bouquet towards him. “Happy Chuseok.”

To his delight, Jaejoong took it. “Thanks. Um… I didn’t get you anything. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine!” Yunho was grinning now. “You being here… that’s the best gift I can ask for.”

Jaejoong coughed. “My parents and sisters send their greetings as well. I think Umma called yours yesterday.”

“Umma told me she did.”

“That’s... good. Um… did you see Yoochun and the others yet?”

“Yoochun came by this morning and Junsu texted me. I didn’t hear from Changmin, though, but I texted him.”

“Ahh, he must be busy. He’s in his last year, you know.”

“I guess so.”

Of course, they both knew Changmin was still angry at Yunho. Truth be told, the older missed that kid. The way Changmin looked up to him, like he was some kind of hero, had always warmed his heart. He saw him as a younger brother of sorts and was always happy to act as an older brother. He hoped that someday, Changmin could forgive him, or at least tolerate him enough to talk to him again like Yoochun and Junsu.

Yunho drank in the image of Jaejoong in front of him. No matter how long it had been, he still couldn’t get enough of looking… wondering how he had been so lucky… and hating himself for messing up what they had.

“How are you, Jae?” he asked.

Jaejoong focused his beautiful doe eyes on him, sadness in them. Yunho wanted to get rid of it and see them sparkle at him once more.

“I’m… fine,” he said. “I’m doing well. My new job is great, my mentor is amazing, and the kids are fantastic. I’m… I’m happy.” He cleared his throat. “What about you?”

“I’m good too. My internship is as busy as usual. I’m underpaid, but what can you do, you know? But, the experience is good. One of the lawyers sort of took me under his wing. He’s not one of the partners, but I’ve been learning a lot from him.”

He smiled at Jaejoong. “When I’m done with my internship, I’ll move back here, so I can be closer to the family… and you.”

The other’s eyes widened in shock. “Wait, why? You said you wanted to work in Seoul.”

“Yes, but if it means being away from you, I’d rather stay in this town forever. Jae…” He bravely stepped closer to the other. Jaejoong froze. “I… I’d like to start over… with you… if you’ll let me… Jae, I’ll do anything.”

Just like that, his prepared speech was thrown out the window. He swore that he wasn’t going to reduce himself into a begging and desperate man. But, that was what he was. He was desperate for Jaejoong to forgive him, to give him another chance, to bring back what they had that Yunho destroyed with his mistakes.

Jaejoong was only looking at him, with a slight scrunch in his forehead, as if he couldn’t understand what it was that Yunho was asking. He placed the flowers on the bench before making eye contact with the other.

“Can you tell me something?” he asked.

Immediately, Yunho nodded. “Yes. Anything you want to know.”

“Why did you cheat on me?”

Yunho flinched.

“And don’t give me that loneliness crap or that you were angry at me or you felt sorry for her. I’ve heard it many times. I want the real and honest truth, Yunho.”

“I…” Yunho couldn’t find the words. He had explained everything to Jaejoong in the best way he could but he really didn’t know why he strayed.

“Look back on those times,” Jaejoong continued, his tone calm but his eyes were blazing. “There’s a reason why you didn’t stop at the first time. Why? Tell me.”

“I…” Yunho wracked his brains for the answer. He really didn’t know.

“Was it because you were curious?”

Aside from Jaejoong and that one girlfriend in high school, he had never been with anyone else. He had never wanted anyone else but Jaejoong.

“Did you realize you were actually straight?”

Straight, gay, bi, Yunho had never really properly labeled himself. He always believed that his attraction to Jaejoong was all he needed to know about himself and his uality.

“Did you suddenly want kids?”

Sure, kids were nice to have and he liked kids. He even thought about having a family of his own when he was younger, but kids weren’t a priority in Yunho’s life. He just wanted to be with Jaejoong and marry him.

“Yunho!”

“I… Jae… I…”

“Why did you cheat on me over and over again?”

Yunho’s head was spinning, his breath coming in pants as the memories of his mistakes came back to him piece-by-piece… and he hated the man in each one of them.

He hated how the man gave in to his loneliness. He hated the seed of curiosity that sprouted during that first mistake. He hated how weak the man was when he couldn’t control his emotions. He hated how easily anger managed to wrap the man around its finger. He hated how much power other people still held over him.

“Are you in love with Jisoo?”

“No! I love you!”

“Then tell me why, Yunho!”

"I... I..."

"Yunho, if that's your answer, then I don't see why I should stay when you could cheat on me again and use those same bull excuses!"

"I won't! Jaejoong, I won't!"

"Then tell me why!"

“I needed control!”

An overbearing silence hung between them. Yunho fought to regain control of his breathing, but the blood pounding in his ears and the painful beating of his heart overpowered any attempt.

Meanwhile, Jaejoong’s eyes were wide in shock at his sudden outburst. “W-What?”

His own realization was still dawning on Yunho as he tried to get his words together.

“I… I needed control.” He ran a hand through his hair. “A-All my life, I felt like I never really had… c-control over my own life. A- Appa… he... he made believe since I was a kid that I was going to be a lawyer... I had to be a lawyer... I knew nothing else... I couldn’t dream of anything else. And then…. Then there was you…”

Jaejoong’s eyes flashed in anger. “What… what about me? Yunho, I never tried to control you!”

“No… that’s… that’s not what I meant…”

“Then what did you mean?!”

And just like that, the words poured out of Yunho like a waterfall.

“I… when I first realized that I liked you, I was, what? Fourteen? It… it scared me… I knew it wasn’t normal, not in society’s eyes anyway. I was scared of disappointing Appa. And then, all these girls all of a sudden would ask me out and I just figured, that was what I was supposed to do, right? So, I went out with them. But, no matter what they did or what I did, I couldn’t control my feelings for you. So, I confessed and we started dating and all of a sudden, I didn’t want anything else anymore. A wife, kids, and family? I didn’t want that anymore if it wasn’t with you…. I was happy, but it scared me. I felt like I was losing control over my own feelings…”

“Don’t you dare blame your mistakes on me, Jung Yunho.”

“I’m not! Jaejoong, I’m not!”

“Then what do your feelings for me have to do with you cheating?!”

“You don’t! It’s all on me! I’m the problem! I couldn’t control anything! Not how my Appa sees me, not my career choice, not where I went to school, not even… not even my feelings for you! And suddenly, I'm in Seoul... There, I was free to do anything I wanted... Free to make my own choices... And then Jisoo… with Jisoo…"

Here, he recalled that first time meeting her and making friends. How he sometimes invited her over for a friendly chat. How she would hang on to his every word. And how he felt like her hero when he allowed her to invite him for a drink to spill her woes... only to end up in bed with no memory of his first mistake.

"The first time was a drunken accident, I couldn't control my actions…. But, the second time… I did and... it made me curious… not of her, but of just... how it felt to make a decision that's not ruled by someone else... the third time, I got carried away by my anger and frustration over our fight... But by the fourth time, I had control again, but I regretted it… I regret all of it! I made poor choices all because I thought I could finally think for myself and not have someone tell me what to do.”

He looked at Jaejoong with tear-filled eyes. “But, I was wrong… I realized by the fifth time, when I was thinking about you that morning because believe me or not, Jaejoong, you were always on my mind... I realized... that I didn’t have control... I never did... I actually lost control of my sudden freedom and I made the weakest and poorest and the stupidest of choices… And I hurt you… I’m sorry, Jaejoong… I know it doesn’t mean anything… but I’m sorry…” His legs buckled underneath him and he fell to his knees on the cold, hard pavement. “I’m sorry.”

Tears were streaming down Jaejoong’s cheeks and Yunho wanted to wipe them away. But, he lost that right. That very first night when he allowed himself to get drunk and sleep with someone else, he had lost all right to Jaejoong.

But, he couldn’t let him go.

“J-Jaejoong… p-please…” He clutched at the front of the other’s coat, tightly, never wanting to let go as tears spilled from his eyes. “Please… d-don’t leave me… p-please.”

Tossing his pride and shame into the air, Yunho wrapped his arms around Jaejoong’s waist, burying his face into the other’s stomach. He continued to beg and plead, for he knew that between them, Jaejoong had the control.

Jaejoong controlled the outcome of this whole ordeal.

Yunho had been searching for control, but along the way, he lost it, instead. And now he was at Jaejoong’s mercy. And he didn’t want the other to let him go.

“I l-love you… I l-love you so much… o-only you… don’t leave me… Jaejoong, don’t leave me, p-please…”

He didn’t deserve Jaejoong. Not a beautiful and amazing being like Jaejoong. He didn’t deserve the bright smiles, the warm hugs, and the sweet kisses.

But, Yunho was greedy. He was selfish. He didn’t want to let it all go.

And like a god sent gift from heaven, he felt the other’s slender fingers run through his hair, soothingly… and lovingly.

It reminded Yunho of days when he would lie his head on Jaejoong’s lap and the other would play with his hair. Or the times when Jaejoong would grab his hair in throes of passion to bring his head down for a kiss.

How he had missed his touch! The gentle tugs were a welcomed warmth after two months of bitter frost between them.

The hands left his hair and moved to his shoulders as Jaejoong slid down to kneel on the ground in front of him.

He was crying, but a slight smile tugged at his lips as a hand gently Yunho’s cheek, wiping the tears away. The latter leaned into it, wanting more of the warm touch.

“Okay…” Jaejoong whispered.

Yunho’s eyes widened, his heart beating faster against his chest. “W-What?” he stuttered in disbelief.

Jaejoong smiled. He smiled at him!

“I won’t leave you,” he said.

“J-Jaejoong…”

Without a word, Jaejoong pulled him into his arms… their first hug in two months.

And Yunho cried. Tears of joy spilled from his eyes this time and he didn’t bother to stop them.

Jaejoong was in his arms. Jaejoong said he wouldn’t leave him. Jaejoong still loved him.

“I love you,” Yunho cried out, hugging the slimmer man tighter against him. “I love you so much, baby. I love you, Jaejoong. I love you.”

“I know… I know…”

Jaejoong continued to hug him and Yunho never wanted to leave his arms ever again.

Above them, the stars twinkled brightly against the dark sky.

 

---

A/N: That pregnancy thing was just a little teasing for some of you guys. A lot of you had asked me and were worried that Jisoo was pregnant. So, I couldn't resist and put it in! I still stand by my case that no one is pregnant here. I swear! Don't kill me, it was just a little teasing! Promise!

Okay, I'll be honest now but this was the hardest chapter to write! I wrote Yunho's speech about a week ago and had constantly been editing and revising it. Because, like Yunho, I couldn't seem to find the proper words to explain his mistakes that show how he really just had a young adult's version of a midlife crisis. 

I'll try my best to explain his reasoning. But, as I was slowly peeling back the layers of Yunho's character, I found that he was someone who had always done what his parents, or to be more specific, what his father wanted. Be the best student and become a lawyer. Marry a woman, have kids, and pass on the Jung name. The only thing that he had really fought for in his life was his love for Jaejoong

Jaejoong was his anchor throughout his life. They had been together since they were 15. Whereas Jaejoong's whole family accepted him as he was, Yunho's father's support was reluctant. 

Okay, to be clear, I'm not blaming Yunho's father for his actions, that's all still on Yunho. But, it is an instigator on why all of a sudden, when he was set free in Seoul with no father to dictate his actions and no Jaejoong to anchor him (and to remind the boyfriend-stealing women around him that he was taken), he somewhat lost control. Jisoo became a curiosity and she fed him, what he believed to be, control in his actions. 

Could he have not taken the bait? Yes, he had the choice not to do it a second time or a third, a fourth, and a fifth. But, he did. He chose to do them and paid the price. (And also because if he didn't, then we wouldn't have a story, wouldn't we?)

They say that there are 2 types of infidelity: physical and emotional. Neither is any better than the other. The only difference is that for many, emotional infidelity hurts far more because it means that there is a discrepancy in feelings and a loss of emotional connection between the couple that caused the cheating. This is often the hardest to fix and most likely to result in the end of a relationship. Whereas a physical one is simply that... physical with no emotion. with no strings attached. Couples are more likely to fix their relationship from this because if there is love and emotional connection, they are more willing to put in the effort to seal the cracks.

Which one do you think Yunho and Jisoo engaged in?

(Fun fact: I work for a love and relationships website. I literally make a living out of reading and editing articles about all aspects of love, which includes infidelity, so you can say I've done my share of research. It's fascinating stuff, really.)

And, yes, it is true! Jaejoong is giving Yunho another chance to redeem himself! Don't look at me like that, some of you, this was planned from the beginning! 

But, the story is far from over. You think I'm gonna leave it just like that? Yunho hasn't suffered enough yet! 

'Til the next one!